• Published 31st Jul 2019
  • 2,540 Views, 55 Comments

Such Sweet Lunacy - FanOfMostEverything



Sugarcoat never thought she'd find romance. Now romance has found her. She's not sure what to do next.

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Cadence still felt more at home in the dean's office than the principal's, in no small part because most of her things were still in there. The interim dean of students had done nothing to make the office feel more like hers because she knew as well as anyone that she was, quite emphatically, the interim dean of students.

And as Cadence paced in front of what part of her still thought of as her desk, she acknowledged that the adjective was well-earned. "I can't say I'm happy right now, Yellow."

Yellow Diamond gave a sharp glare in response. Everything about her was sharp and angular, all the more so since the great change had made her name a little more literal. "Cadence, I was hired as a gym teacher."

"You were still the most qualified faculty member to act as interim dean of students."

That got a roll of Yellow's eyes. "Only because I took a few undergrad psych classes with Blue and I sparkle like a poorly written vampire." She held up a hand and turned her wrist, letting the scintillation speak for itself.

"You being a crystal aspect was not a factor." Cadence stopped her passing to press her hands on the desk and lean towards Yellow, scowling. "If I had known you'd use emotionally resonant crystals so carelessly, it would've counted against you."

Yellow met her gaze head-on. "Fine. Then replace me and let me get back to the job I should be doing."

Cadence was tempted to do so. But she had to straighten back up, shake her head, and say "The sad thing is you're still one of the most empathetic members of the staff. If I put anyone else in this position, I might as well just throw students to the wolves."

"Abacus did have a habit of hiring functional sociopaths. With varying degrees of functionality." Yellow glared in the general direction of the teacher's lounge, then gave a sympathetic look no Crystal Prep athletic team would ever believe she could offer. "Still looking?"

"Still looking. I do have one promising prospect, but Radiant Hope won't be available until next month." Cadence ran a hand through her hair. "We are incredibly fortunate that those girls agreed to let this rest without getting lawyers involved, so long as it doesn't happen again."

"Your aunt going on about how 'the Bacon Horse forgives' likely helped there."

"First cousin once removed," Cadence said automatically. "Just... don't hand out magical antidepressants like they're candy while we wait for Radiant?"

Yellow shrugged. "I'm not sure what else you expect me to do. Electroshock therapy?" She clenched a fist. Electricity crackled along it. "Because I'm not trained for that either."

"Yellow."

Another roll of the eyes. "Fine, fine, I'll see how much time Blue has to spare. She got the empathy for both of us. At the very least, she can give me some pointers."

"I'd appreciate that." Cadence let herself relax enough to smile. "Thank you."

Yellow shook her head. "Don't thank me for being a stopgap until the real dean gets here. Save it for when I'm whipping the field hockey team into shape."


Four figures watched the meeting, hunched over a bowl that glowed like captured moonlight. "Do you think they suspect anything?" said one.

Lemon Zest looked up at Sunny Flare and shrugged. "Probably not. Cady's married to an O&O player, so she should know scrying is a thing, but not specifically a thing her students can do."

"For now," said Sunny.

"Yeah, so we should make the most of..." Lemon trailed off as she noticed the glow fade in her peripheral vision. "We missed the end of the meeting, didn't we?"

Sunny nodded. "Completely."

"You didn't miss much," Sugarcoat said as she sat on Lemon's bed. The dorm room was surprisingly tidy, largely because it was early in the year, and rooming with Sour Sweet meant one had very strong incentives to be a good roommate. "Mostly pleasantries and moving on to something that isn't our business."

"They're still talking, but I ended the spell once they started on someone other than me." Moondancer hesitated for just a moment before sitting next to Sugarcoat. They shared an uneasy smile.

"You two doin' okay?" said Lemon.

"We're here if you need us," added Sunny, "for whatever that's worth."

Sugarcoat quirked an eyebrow. "Frank self-awareness to the point of self-denigration is my thing."

"This is Cadence-era Crystal Prep, Sugarcoat," Sunny countered. "We're all looking at ourselves and being disgusted by what we see."

"I'm not." Lemon ducked under a telekinetically thrown pillow. "But for cereal, you two doin' okay?"

Moondancer waggled a hand. "It's a day-to-day thing. Some days are better than others."

Sugarcoat nodded. "It's like the weather. We don't have any control over it and little ability to predict it. We just deal with the bad days and enjoy the nice ones." She held out a hand.

Moondancer took it and squeezed. "And I'm researching other conventional medications. I may not necessarily take any, but I'd like to know my options. Sour and Second are helping there."

— — —

Sour Sweet paced in front of Moondancer like a general before her troops, complete with monologue. That they were on the grounds of Crystal Prep rather than some military base with a massive Amareican flag behind her was a minor detail at best. "It's the Wild West out there for memory crystals, almost literally. The government has no idea how to regulate them, no one is quite sure what goes into them, and good luck finding any way to properly quantify the active ingredients, if any. There are refractive bastards out there selling junk they pulled right out of some New Age wellness store and claiming they instilled it with transcendent inner peace."

"And then there's Ms. Diamond," said Moondancer, who was doing all she could to keep from getting swept along the sheer degree of passion.

"Right," Sour said with a nod so sharp, her ponytail nearly whipped her in the face. "Based on what you told me and my own experiences, she went and gave you a triple dosage of confidence without meaning to." in a blink, Sour mellowed to something resembling human sympathy. "I can't say I'm surprised. This is Coach Diamond we're talking about. She expects one hundred percent from everyone, especially herself. The problem is you don't always want to give one hundred percent with pharmaceuticals."

"So, how are you feeling now?" said Second Person. "Any lingering effects?"

Moondancer looked askance at him. "It's been the better part of a week."

"And we have no idea how long it takes for a body to flush out synthetic emotions," Sour countered. She beamed, and Moondancer had no idea how much sarcasm went into the smile or her next words. "We're exploring brave new medical frontiers! Isn't it exciting!?"

— — —

"So long as you keep me in the loop, I'm happy," said Sugarcoat. "It was not knowing that bothered me more than anything. That and the sudden shift."

Sunny nodded. "Forewarning helps when dealing with a Lemon-like personality."

Lemon quirked up a corner of her mouth. "I'm sitting right next to you."

"And?"

The two traded a fistbump before Lemon marshaled herself. "In all seriousness, you two cool?"

Moondancer shrugged. "I don't think we'll ever be one hundred percent cool. But really, who is?"

"Twilight and Sunset?" said Sugarcoat.

Lemon snorted. "Please. When's the last time you've talked to those two? They get on each other's nerves almost as much as Sunny and I do. And I can't threaten to worship Sunny ironically." After a moment, she added, "I mean, I can but it doesn't have the same impact when she doesn't have an unwanted church around her already."

"Don't get any ideas there," said Sunny.

"I make zero promises."

Sugarcoat crossed her arms. "You do realize that comparing our relationship to yours only invites further teasing about your refusal to admit you're a couple."

Lemon matched the gesture. "You do realize you can bite me."

Sunny shook her head. "Such witty repartee flows in these hallowed halls."


Moondancer took a deep breath as she approached her target. The athletic fields were very much not familiar territory for her. Asking for help even less so. But there was still one viable source of data for her problem she hadn't consulted yet, even if it didn't have an index or a wiki.

She approached as said source was stretching out assorted muscle groups at the school track, using her wingbow for some literally dizzying contortions. "Hey, Indigo?"

"Yeah?" Indigo said as her bizarre weight distribution made her slowly drift upside down.

"Um, is this a bad time?"

"Not if you're here to ask me what I think you're here to ask me." Indigo straightened out in a blur of movement, settling on her feet and twisting her neck about for good measure. "It is about Sugarcoat, right?"

"Well... yes. How do you deal with such a stark disparity between you and your, uh..." Moondancer trailed off, biting her lip.

Indigo smirked. "Let's just leave it at 'your, uh, awkward pause.' My mistress generally doesn't do labels."

"I'm just going to ignore the contradiction there."

"Good, you're learning." Indigo shrugged. "And honestly, I don't even think about it."

Moondancer took a moment to process that. "You don't?"

"No. I'm hers. Simple as that."

"I... honestly find that hard to believe. Even I know about your reputation as the most gung-ho athlete at Crystal Prep."

"That's part of it." Indigo interlaced her fingers and stretched her arms up. "It's honestly a relief to have a place and a person where I don't have to push myself to be the absolute peak of human performance." She scowled. "Especially since that peak rose."

"I see." Moondancer didn't, not really, but she could tell she wouldn't get any more clarity on that relationship for the time being. "So, with Sugarcoat..."

"You know, she asked me the same thing?"

Moondancer almost physically staggered as she took that in. "She... she did?"

"Like ten minutes into grilling me to make sure I wasn't brainwashed or in full Stockhorn Syndrome, but yeah. That's the thing. Sure, Sugarcoat's better than you. You're also better than her." Indigo shrugged. "Everyone's got their strengths and weaknesses."

"Even you in comparison to Winter Lights?"

"In a few ways, by certain criteria, from a certain perspective... Yeah. The point is that you guys shouldn't have to feel like you have to constantly earn each other's love. Love isn't a muscle you have to keep conditioned. You shouldn't take it for granted, but you don't have to have, like, a specific love day every week where you work your affection quads." Indigo sighed and facepalmed. "I'm spending too much time around Lemon Zest."

"I... think I understood what you meant," said Moondancer.

"Okay, not as much time around her as I thought. Good to know."

They shared a laugh at that. Moondancer waved as she turned to go. "Thanks for the insight. I'll get out of your hair."

Indigo rubbed the back of her head. "I mean, I'm not the best source for this kind of mushy crap. I basically fell into its lap. Still, happy to help."


Watching a sunset together was the sort of sappy dreck that both Moondancer and Sugarcoat would mock in others. But both acknowledged that there was a time for sap, and recovering from an emotional meltdown definitely qualified. Especially when they could do it from the security of Moondancer's dorm room. Her roommate, Alizarin Bubblegum, was low enough on the social totem pole that they had little to worry about her airing their dirty laundry.

Also, Alizarin and Moondancer got along well enough that she respected their privacy, and Moon returned the favor with Alizarin's relationship with Celery Stalk. So there was that.

After some time spent in companionable silence, Sugarcoat said, "So. How are you feeling?"

"Still kind of embarrassed. Still kind of nervous." After a deep breath, Moondancer added, "Still wondering what you see in me sometimes."

Sugarcoat nodded. "So our mutual ground state?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Moondancer leaned back until she ended up lying on her mattress. "I'm stumbling through this, but I guess everyone is."

"Dad does like to say that adulthood is just doing a better job of hiding how you have no idea what you're doing." Sugarcoat turned to Moondancer and smiled. "If I have stumble along with anyone, I'm glad it's you."

Moon straightened up and returned the grin. "I love you, Sugarcoat."

"I know." After Moondancer swatted her on the shoulder, Sugarcoat just said, "I deserved that."

"This isn't Force Wars and you aren't Lonesome Hans."

Sugarcoat slowly wrapped her arms around Moondancer and nestled into her shoulder. "Better?"

After a few moments, Sugarcoat felt a nod against the top of her head. "Better."

Author's Note:

Any relation between the Diamond twins and Pinkie's grandmother Rose Quartz is deliberately left vague.

Alizarin Bubblegum is a canon background human and the female member of the couple in "Coinky-Dink World." I doubt she and Celery got together by rockabilly antics in this world, but I can't completely rule it out.

My apologies for the prolonged gap between updates. I put together the outline for this chapter before quarantine and it's sat in Limbo as I adjusted my process. Then I had to remember or reinvent the context for the dialogue. Better late than never, I hope. Thanks for reading.

Comments ( 26 )

Cadence was tempted to do so. But she had to straighten back up, shake her head, and say "The sad thing is you're still one of the most empathetic members of the staff. If I put anyone else in this position, I might as well just throw students to the wolves."

Your still throwing to the wolves. Shes just a wolf who isn't biting people on purpose.

"Abacus did have a habit of hiring functional sociopaths. With varying degrees of functionality." Yellow glared in the general direction of the teacher's lounge, then gave a sympathetic look no Crystal Prep athletic team would ever believe she could offer. "Still looking?"

Yellow cares! And she knows her competencies and blindspots and stuff! So good!

----

Four figures watched the meeting, hunched over a bowl that glowed like captured moonlight. "Do you think they suspect anything?" said one.

Nice subversion, later in the scene!

Hmm... The Crystal Prep crew is connected to the dark conspiracy by way of Winter Lights and Indigo... Not sure if anything will come of that...

----

Any relation between the Diamond twins and Pinkie's grandmother Rose Quartz is deliberately left vague.

I was wondering more between the Cheekbones and the Pies, when I saw "Cadence-era Crystal Prep", especially given their history of Pink...

But that's a good point too...

Are Aspects inherited?

The deceased didn't retroactively get headgems or anything, did they??

Uhh... ... What happens to headgems when a Unicorn Aspect... Ya know... Dies? Gems don't rot... Well, they sorta do, but you know what I mean...

----

So, Equestrian Crystal Pony Magic isn't a guide to what Crystal Aspects can do? Or not enough to be really useful?

So glad to see you get back into the swing of things :) "offers you huggies" Awesome!

You know, given how much Lemon and Sunny needle each other, how often Lemon’s proven right about something, and how Lemon learned after learning about Sunny’s hands what really sets her off, I can’t stop wondering, has Lemon ever been truly, actually angry or upset by something Sunny said or took too far?

That was sweet, though.

I reread this from the start. It came out pretty well as a tale of ups and downs, I think. Still, I have a couple of questions, more about the Oversaturated World than the fic. First, who would actually marry Zesty Gourmand to produce Sugarcoat? She never struck me as being very lovable. And second, if phones and computers are semi-sentient, how do they feel about their users looking up... adult material? It must be supremely awkward for all involved, even more so than Sugardancer here.

10315623
Zesty is Lemon’s mom, not Sugarcoat’s

10314635
Yellow is more of a police dog. She's well-trained, just not for scenarios that call for, you know, empathy or people skills. Hence why she's calling in her sister, who is an emotional support dog in this metaphor.

10314786
Almost certainly. But, Lemon being Lemon, she likely didn't hesitate to tell Sunny, allowing them to hash things out. Or at least take a break from not-dating to let their tempers cool.

10315623

First, who would actually marry Zesty Gourmand to produce Sugarcoat? She never struck me as being very lovable.

Well, there was this one chef. Very talented, very quiet, had a pet rat who ate like a king. Zesty saw greatness in him, but while they worked wonders in the kitchen together, living together turned out to be a very different story. The marriage only lasted a few years.

And second, if phones and computers are semi-sentient, how do they feel about their users looking up... adult material?

No more awkward than their users feel when they look up footage of those same devices being mass produced. Different beings, different minds, very different standards for erotica.

10314663

Yellow cares! And she knows her competencies and blindspots and stuff! So good!

Indeed. Like most teachers at Crystal Prep and even Cinch herself when she wasn't hopped up on dark magic, Yellow genuinely does want to help the students to be their best. She just doesn't have the tools needed to help them be their best psychologically or emotionally. Growing up with Blue means she's fully aware she isn't the sister to turn to for that kind of thing.

Hmm... The Crystal Prep crew is connected to the dark conspiracy by way of Winter Lights and Indigo... Not sure if anything will come of that...

Hard to say, though the same could be said about anything involving the brewing conspiracy pile-up.

I was wondering more between the Cheekbones and the Pies, when I saw "Cadence-era Crystal Prep", especially given their history of Pink...

Cadence's family tree may be a complex tangle of a mangrove forest, but I'm pretty sure she isn't related to Pinkie to any significant degree.

Are Aspects inherited?

As much as pony tribes are. There's general continuity, but then you get something like the Cake twins.

So, Equestrian Crystal Pony Magic isn't a guide to what Crystal Aspects can do? Or not enough to be really useful?

Human magic warped every aspect to one degree or another. Crystal aspects are among the more extremely altered.

The deceased were not effected by the transformation. Unicorn headgems are organic and can decay given sufficient time.

So Indigo is not going through Stockholm syndrome? Is it healthy? Because I am assuming even if it's not Stockholm syndrome she has been manipulated by Winter Lights, magically or not.

10325541
It's definitely not the healthiest relationship in the world, but it's not as bad as it could be.

Admittedly, that isn't saying much.

10325546
I get it's not as bad as it could be but I still don't understand if it's Stockholm Syndrome, magical manipulation, normal manipulation, or just obsession from Indigo
Edit: Sorry if I was rude

10325565
Attempting to apply human psychology to nonhuman individuals will often result in misunderstandings. Winter Lights is manipulative, but not abusive--she respects the people she uses, Indigo especially. She finds joy in illusion and imagination, but believes in the sanctity of the word, so she will never lie even as she layers implications. She will toy with Indigo's mind like an artist with a ball of clay; it's hers, and she wants to shape it, but at the same time she's not the one who's directing the final shape--just the one doing the shaping. The clay itself wants to be something. And in shaping the clay, the clay shapes Winter too.

Also she's technically mortal now and Indigo has a better understanding of the world than her. Winter Lights is, in certain ways, subservient to Indigo. As much as the girl is her toy, the moment she requests anything Winter will immediately do what she can to fulfill that request. It's a very strange relationship, but it is one of mutual respect and love. Winter just doesn't admit it because her previous experiences with love of any form were all in the context of her being the princess of the Winter Court and, to her, that means what she's feeling obviously isn't love because she's not calculating what to do with Indigo. But keeping Indigo happy makes Winter feel good keeps Indigo loyal and potentially useful so it's all perfectly justified, riiiiight, it's not something silly and emotional...

Winter Lights is strange.

10326630
Thank you so much for the explanation

I see that I did not comment on this earlier but I read it as each chapter came out and just didn't have anything sensible to comment chapter by chapter.

Now with the last chapter out I went back and reread it from the start to refresh, and the whole thing was good and sweet and sensitive and I liked it. Thanks for the story, I'm glad you finished it.

10333885
Glad you enjoyed it! Never think that needing something sensible to say is a requirement for a comment on my stuff. I never let that stop me. :raritywink:

Good to finally get the conclusion to this. Though, on the re-read, I find myself stumbling over Cadance and Lemon Zest being related, considering Equestrian Cadance has no known blood family. Either that's something I missed on the first read, or I've forgotten whichever story explained it.

10364286
It's... complicated. The details are buried in Group Precipitation. Cadence's mother was an teenaged inmate in an asylum when... well, I think you can piece together that much. Her maternal grandparents are Mr. Discord and Abacus Cinch. Cinch's sister is Zesty Gourmand, which is how we get Lemon's relation to Cadence. On a related note—no pun intended—Mr. Discord's sister is Celestia and Luna's mother.

This is what happens when an AU's lore is developed over time by multiple people and I have difficulty saying no to any of it. :twilightblush:

10364342

Those're some real Winningverse-esque shenanigans you got going there. Does Cadance have any secret lovechildren too?

10364653
Not to my knowledge, though she's pregnant with Flurry during the events of this story.

10364703

Secret Flurry.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

just

fuckin

Yellow Diamond :facehoof:

I really wish I could remember the context for both Moondancer's troubles and Indigo's relationship, but at least that was not a detriment to getting through this story!

10860839
When you pull in scraps of nearby universes to patch the holes in yours, sometimes you get... inappropriate material.

Stockhorn

I think stockyard syndrome would be funnier

Decided to reread because I reread Unfriendly Competition and wanted more Moonsugar.

> I basically fell into its lap. Still, happy to help."

Heh, falling in love!

----

Typo? Or is it referencing cheerleaders?

the cheer degree > the sheer degree

Yellow met her gaze head-on. "Fine. Then replace me and let me get back to the job I'm should be doing."

"I should be doing" would fit the sentence more over 'I'm should be doing.' :applejackunsure:

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