A weight has been lifted from my shoulders
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After spending a few years away from Ponyville, Jake returns to visit the first seven friends he had made in Equestria. When he arrives, he finds much has changed, including that Twilight now has a castle and a personal student. After bonding with said student, he also learns of a deep secret of Twilight’s he had never expected.
Thanks to ThePinkedWonder for proofreading this story
EDIT: Featured 7/4/18! Alright, first story featured!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So far I like it
You got featured! Congrats.
9714349
Thank you!
9714405
Welcome
Looking forward to the next chapter
9714462
Glad to hear!
More...
And I hope it ends in a herding situation so everyone can atleast be happy.
9714517
I can neither confirm nor deny this information. We’ll just see how it goes
9714518
Friendship may be magic, but herding is better!
9714726
Why thank you
I don't see anything wrong with this fic. Grammar is precise, Story isn't rushed or stretched, and looks like something that will be cute to read in future chapters. Keep up the good work!
9715111
To be fair, if there's grammar mistakes left, that's on me too, if I didn't catch them all when I proofread the story
9715111
It might have been Jake's pre-Equestria experiences making him expect this, or perhaps his own (lack of) self-esteem, or he's just being self-effacing. Or perhaps it's simply being at the other end of the ego spectrum from people like Dash, who would expect anyone who met her once in passing to remember her awesomeness for the rest of their lives.
9715111
Trust me when I say these ‘mysterious circumstances’ will be explained in the future
9714746
i agree with you on this.
Looks promising tracked and thumbs up
Good beginning. That last sentence seemed like a bit much in my opinion though.
A really nice start
Nice start,
Im looking forward to more.
Thumbs Up.
The Monk
“On her doorstep was Twilight Sparkle. While Derpy deeply respected the mare, like most in Ponyville, they wished she'd either switch to decaf, or start hitting the harder stuff.” -Dan_s Comments
9715111
I took it as a joke or attempt at humor. Got me to smile.
I politely disagree on the below.
And here is why
I can fill that in for you. He arrived in the Everfree forest, where he was attacked by a (Manticore/Timberwolf) which he kills with extreme ease. He makes it to town where a pony sees him and screams "Monster!" at the top of his lungs and runs away. This attracts Dash, who violently attacks him for no reason, (Knocking him out/ breaking bones and hospitalizing him). The human then spends the next 15 chapters whining and balling about his family like an overly mothered shut in. At some point he eats an Apple where he goes on and on for paragraphs about how great, fantastic, and juicy it is. How its the greatest thing he has had in his life and making the reader wonder if its an apple or a blowjob.
I personally don't like the backstory in HIE anymore and prefer when writers skip it all together. When there is a back story I fast forward through it. It is a waste of my time, because they tend to be pointless cookie cutters exactly like the above. I bet you that there are over 1000 stories on this site alone with the exact same intro as the above.
This writers smarter. By doing things this way he can meter out the back story as small, "slice of life" moments woven into the story as it progresses. A little piece of the past told during coffee in one scene. A thought or two about a personal belonging as he straps it on in another scene. Thats the better way to do it.
The Monk
“Puberty was a curse for those inflicted with it, and boundless amusement for others who survived the process.” -Scarheart
9716209
You, I like you. What you have described is something I hope to accomplish in my own stories.
In addition, I like the start of this story, a change of pace from what I normally read. I look forward to reading more.
9715880
It’s when I’m getting positive feedback from Gold Patreon Sponsors that I know I’m doing a good job
9716209
Um, I read this and had to laugh. But, even though I’m thankful for you defending me, I might actually right a prequel on how Jake arrived in Equestria, soooooooooooo...
9715111
I will agree on your critiques, but sometimes, if done right, a generic character (in my opinion) can go well in fluffy stuff. I can still see where you are coming from though.
9716209
The apple/blowjob part was what made me chuckle with understanding. It didn't help the there was a fic under 'Also Liked' that had an anon character staring blankly at his computer screen.
Shouldn't that be "coincidentally" or perhaps "Incidentally?" How is her getting her cutie mark then ironic in any fashion?
9717087
That was something I looked at, but since they were talking about something that Starlight tried hard to stop, I thought "Ironically" was okay there, because what Starlight did was bought up in the paragraph just above it, so it kinda was ironic.
Super cute
after reading what there was of the story that inspired this I've got to say that I'm looking forward to seeing how this story goes
can't wait for the next chapter
Touche on that roast in the author's notes
9720306
I'm glad someone took the time to actually read that
I bet Jake dates both twilight and starlight
A colt is a male child pony. If he's a business pony, then he would be most likely an adult and therefore a full grown stallion...
I'm also having a hard time accepting that he wouldn't have heard about Twilight being a princess after two years away. Especially living in the cities where news about anything spreads pretty fast...
9720345
Except we have seen that ponies don't know or recognize Twilight. Remember when they went to Manehatten?
9720345
Yes, please forgive me about the colt/stallion thing. I don’t know why I got that mixed up.
Also, Jake knows that Twilight is a princess; he just doesn’t know about her castle.
9720343
I said it once, I'll say it again. I can neither confirm nor deny this information.
9720524
That's basically the same as maybr
9720345
Some folks will use the words interchangeably. Such as boy to man, or girl to woman.
Heck, I've even seen a couple authors on this site that use colt, stallion, filly, and mare interchangeably, in certain instances.
But in this instance, I can understand that it might be used incorrectly.
9720456
Most those situations were either directly after her ascension or out in the middle of nowhere like the hillbilly feud friendsip quest. Her popularity soared after her coorination and she even was voted the most popular princess. (Which Rarity exploited to the fullest.) Two years is enough time for all Equestria to know her name.
9721011
True, but a good number of authors just write without knowing the first thing about the show or equines in general. Hasbro for instance avoids potato dishes in the show because potatoes are harmful to an equine's stomache and digestion. Meanwhile there are countless fics of authors completly oblivious to this detail...
9721018
Like I said, Jake knows that Twilight is a princess, he just didn’t know about the castle
9721078
I heard you, the other person seems to be arguing that he doesn't by disregarding episodes that disprove his claims.
9721100
Except we have seen recent episodes where ponies don't recognize her and even overlook that shes an Alicorn.
Which supports the idea that all ponies are dumb.
9721117
Donnnnnnn just said he knows. Stop arguing like a dumbass and go bother someone else. I'm not going to argue with someone over something the author cleared up twice.
Oh boy, how will Twilight react to this?.
9723643
We’ll see, won’t we
9723645
How many chapters will it be?.
9723649
Not quite sure yet
9723666
When will the next chapter come?.
9723757
Umm, read the author’s note