• Member Since 22nd Feb, 2022
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

Lord Shadow Eclipse

I'm just an author and supervillain wanting to tell stories and spread chaos and destruction. Ultra Evil Plus Chaos!


One day, as Twilight was tinkering with the portal, she accidentally sends herself and her friends to another world. And they’re no longer ponies, but wolves. They have to learn and adapt to their new bodies and instincts until they find their way home. Along the way, they'll make new friends and face new enemies. But maybe they’ll see that being a wolf isn’t that bad.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 24 )

An interesting concept. So far, the plot seems pretty simple, but with the introduction of new characters, it could get more complex.

Wonder how they'll adjust to the thought of hunting and eating meat? Fluttershy may actually adjust quicker since she deals with predators and knows they need meat to survive, but she may also feel bad about eating prey and hunting. Funny how Lora hasn't asked about Spike. Having a crow as part of a wolf pack may be unusual, even though he could probably help with hunting and watching for other packs from the sky.

Um, you'll probably want to get a beta/proof-reader. Your story is readable, but there are alot of grammatical errors. For one, dialogue that doesn't end with a question mark or exclamation point needs to have a period inside the ending quotation marks, except if you identify the speaker afterwards, then it needs a comma. For example:

Twilight held her head high. "Well everyone, looks like we've got something to look forward to in three days"

Should be:
Twilight held her head high. "Well everyone, looks like we've got something to look forward to in three days."

Notice the period at the end.

And in this instance, where the speaker is identified after the dialogue has ended:

"Thank you so much for excepting me" Lora said.

Should be:
"Thank you so much for excepting me," Lora said.

Notice the comma at the end, just before the ending quotation mark. (Also, the word you're looking for here is "accepting", not "excepting". Excepting actually means the opposite of accepting. I know they sound the same and English is sometimes weird like that, so sorry if it's confusing.)

This is also true if the speaker isn't identified by name specifically, but is implied after the dialogue has ended:

"I don't really want to talk about it" she replied.

Should be:
"I don't really want to talk about it," she replied.

Hope that helps!

You beautiful person! This actually helps a lot. Thank you so much for the info. Also, Spike is a raven, not a crow. Ravens are bigger birds than crows and make different vocalizations.

Thanks for another great chapter keep up the great work. I have to ask when is Starlight going to appear in the story and also is Starlight going to be a foal/pup or an adultl I'll just to wait and see look forward to the next chapter

Excellent work on improving your grammar for this chapter; much easier to read! 👍

Also, excellent work on researching the proper way a wolf pack would hunt and take down their prey. A pack would rarely take down a full-grown moose, due to the threat of sustaining injuries themselves, but an injured moose like this would be easier prey, and you got the hunting techniques right.

Hmm, but hardly any mention of Spike, except that one line. No dialogue. How does he feel about the hunt? Did he participate at all, or just eat the scraps afterwards? Or did he even do that? How do the other wolves, his formerly pony friends, feel about him being in the pack, if he isn't a wolf and doesn't help in the hunts? Do they still accept him?

And though they feel "right" about hunting as wolves, that doesn't seem to raise any concerns to them about totally reverting to wolf instincts and ideology to the point where, if even given a choice to go back to being ponies, they'd refuse because it wouldn't feel right to them as wolves to do so.

There's alotta moral quandaries that could be explored and fleshed out to give your story more of a dramatic undertone, if you wished to do so.


In regards to Spike, he’s been eating what was left of the pack’s kill. I just need to edit this a bit. Also, ravens commonly follow wolf packs and scavenge their kills. Ravens will even nest near wolf dens.

I always had this idea that because they are physically wolves, they should immediately be wolves psychologically as well. I didn’t want to do that crap where they struggle to adjust to their new instincts. I want it to simply set in naturally.

Maybe Trixie and Starlight are pups because they were further away from the magical portal when the transition happened?

Sooo...was Lora right there for the explanation they gave to Trixie and Starlight? Does she now realize they weren't wolves to begin with?

I was really tired when I wrote this. I’ll fix it later.

Thansk for the update I'm glad to see that both Starlight and Trixie have arrived in this world. It will be interesting to see how pack is going to function now because if Starlight and Trixie are too long to hunt dose that mean that they are still on milk or are they in that stages of being weaned of milk. Also I wonder if Twilight will be their mom or if Rainbow dash might take Trixie as her pup as she seem to really like Trixie and Twilight will be Starlights mom. anyway keep up the great work I look for ward to next chapter.

You’re welcome. Someone in the comments suggested that I make Starlight and Trixie pups. Also, to answer your question, Starlight and Trixie are too young to join the pack on the hunt, but they’re old enough to be weaned off milk. Twilight, being the alpha, will more than likely take over the role of their mother. After all, in wolf packs, the pups seen usually belong to the alpha pair.

Hello thanks for the reply thank you for information about Starlight and Trixie and who will fill the role as the mom. Keep up the great work I look forward to the instalment.

It has been far too long I was getting really worried that there were going to be no more chapters but I am pleased to see that you aec going to continue. I really enjoyed this chapter I hope we are not going to have wait too long for the next one keep up the great work look forward to future installments.

great chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

I'd like to get it done by tomorrow. If not, then Sunday.

cool chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

Thansk again for another great chapter It's noice to see what other packs are in this land and rules that they imply in their packs. Keep up the great work looking forward to next chapter hope we don't have to wait too long for it.

Spike landed in a nearby tree panting. Twilight chuckled.

Hmm, pretty sure birds don't pant. (Also don't know if they can get drunk either, but that was pretty funny.)

Interesting progression, with some background building up. Let's see what's next.

I don't know if birds pant, either. Also, birds can get drunk. There are actual reported cases of birds getting drunk on fermented berries. It's kind of funny.

"My name is Spectra of the Snowhide Pack. Pleasure to meet you".

"Greenpaw? I'm sorry, but I've never heard of your pack before".

"Lora is more than welcome amongst us. And you're more than welcome to come to our territory".

Keep in mind that periods go inside/before the quotation marks, not outside/after. Other than that, it was a good chapter with a good character revelation.

Thank you for correcting my grammar. I’ll try to keep this in mind. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed this chapter as well.

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