• Member Since 14th May, 2016
  • offline last seen Saturday

Stygian Tiger


"The river tells no lies, though standing on the shore the dishonest man still hears them."

Comments ( 16 )

Your description caught my curiosity. By the way, will you be keeping this story pure or will you be having cross-overs with other Displaced? Choose wisely, then put up a status on yes or no so people don't bother you if you're not planning.

9581124
I plan on 'keeping it pure', so to speak, but later on, the story will get to the point where crossovers are possible if I change my mind :scootangel:

9581131
Understandable. When it gets to that point and there is something your character needs help with, you can ask me. i'm always up for cross-overs and alot of my displaced are willing to help.

There's a missing italic tag late in the first chapter.
Some problems with tense switching back and forth between present and past.
Some missing punctuation.
I saw "Pegasus" was capitalized. Many programs will do this automatically as it was the proper name of a mythological being, but it's only reasonable here if "Unicorn" and "Earth Pony" are all subsequently capitalized throughout the story. Might be easier to just leave all the races lowercase.
I can see progress. This writing business gets better the more you practice, so by all means, keep writing.

HMS Seraph was a World War II British submarine.
She once carried three American generals to a secret meeting in Vichy French North Africa.
She was later sent to rescue a loyal French general from occupied France. However, he refused to deal with the British. They put a full-bird US Navy Captain onboard and HMS Seraph briefly became USS Seraph. The British crew imitated American accents.
This was also the same submarine that dropped off the dead body with fake plans for Operation Mincemeat.
Her periscope is currently on display at a US Army museum in South Carolina.

Wow nobody's paying this much attention but I'm intrigued

Can't wait for more

Been a while...

"Kept you waiting, huh"

Damn........

You forgot a translation.
Lingvo Renascitur ex cineribus...

Reborn from the ashes.

*Settles in with popcorn* "Proceed..."

10378090
Yessir! I'll get right on it :D

What's the thought process of "Hey some random creature showed up let's drug it!" If he wasn't sapient or even if he was he'd pretty pissed off if that didn't work and considering he fell from space the normal though process would suggest it's at least extremely durable. Not to mention what's the idea of dragging said creature BACK INTO THEIR SETTLEMENT!? Hey, if it's sentient let's treat it like a fucking animal, not to mention he was literally compared to an ursa! Why the hell would you bring anything remotely similar anywhere near anyone. If this kid just passively accepts what they've done to him I'm out.

Otherwise decent writing and good premise, regardless of my overly biased rant.

Login or register to comment