He was only sixteen. Too young. MUCH too young for the hand he was dealt. There was a fire. He was maimed beyond belief, they couldn't even recognise the body. Then he woke up.
Your description caught my curiosity. By the way, will you be keeping this story pure or will you be having cross-overs with other Displaced? Choose wisely, then put up a status on yes or no so people don't bother you if you're not planning.
9581131 Understandable. When it gets to that point and there is something your character needs help with, you can ask me. i'm always up for cross-overs and alot of my displaced are willing to help.
There's a missing italic tag late in the first chapter. Some problems with tense switching back and forth between present and past. Some missing punctuation. I saw "Pegasus" was capitalized. Many programs will do this automatically as it was the proper name of a mythological being, but it's only reasonable here if "Unicorn" and "Earth Pony" are all subsequently capitalized throughout the story. Might be easier to just leave all the races lowercase. I can see progress. This writing business gets better the more you practice, so by all means, keep writing.
HMS Seraph was a World War II British submarine. She once carried three American generals to a secret meeting in Vichy French North Africa. She was later sent to rescue a loyal French general from occupied France. However, he refused to deal with the British. They put a full-bird US Navy Captain onboard and HMS Seraph briefly became USS Seraph. The British crew imitated American accents. This was also the same submarine that dropped off the dead body with fake plans for Operation Mincemeat. Her periscope is currently on display at a US Army museum in South Carolina.
Your description caught my curiosity. By the way, will you be keeping this story pure or will you be having cross-overs with other Displaced? Choose wisely, then put up a status on yes or no so people don't bother you if you're not planning.
9581124
I plan on 'keeping it pure', so to speak, but later on, the story will get to the point where crossovers are possible if I change my mind
9581131
Understandable. When it gets to that point and there is something your character needs help with, you can ask me. i'm always up for cross-overs and alot of my displaced are willing to help.
There's a missing italic tag late in the first chapter.
Some problems with tense switching back and forth between present and past.
Some missing punctuation.
I saw "Pegasus" was capitalized. Many programs will do this automatically as it was the proper name of a mythological being, but it's only reasonable here if "Unicorn" and "Earth Pony" are all subsequently capitalized throughout the story. Might be easier to just leave all the races lowercase.
I can see progress. This writing business gets better the more you practice, so by all means, keep writing.