• Published 24th Jan 2019
  • 3,199 Views, 148 Comments

Reformation... It's a Pony Thing - Lets Do This



Tempest finds the path of reformation is not easy... it just doesn't *feel* right. Then she learns of a disquieting trade in the Southlands, and then a close friend is ponynapped... and she discovers the kind of pony she is meant to be...

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The Return of Tempest Shadow

The next few days were a bit of a whirlwind. Tempest's fleet made several quick stops in the Badlands and Appleloosa, returning the ponies who had been taken. Or that is, they would have been quick stops, save that it seemed like every pony had friends and a large extended family, all of whom insisted on celebrating both their safe return and the ponies responsible for it. And word did get around, somehow... by the time Tempest's ships were approaching the southern border of the Everfree, at their final stops the townsfolk were already gathered in advance, ready to welcome their arrival.

And then Tempest's flagship finally touched down in Ponyville, in the meadowlands beyond Twilight's castle. As the ship lowered its landing ramp, silence fell over the crowd of ponies waiting nearby. And when Tempest, clad in her armor with the mark repainted berry-red, and Grubber, wearing a new Rarity-designed tunic with Tempest's berry-red mark on it, nervously stepped down the ramp together, the silence was broken... by a rousing cheer and a thundering of hooves, and the waving of a large banner, reading "WELCOME HOME, TEMPEST!"

"Yeah..." Twilight admitted later, "I did ask Spike to send a message on ahead, to let Celestia know we were on our way back. I felt I owed her some kind of advance warning, in return for her being so understanding!"

The heroes' welcome quickly became an impromptu parade up through town. Twilight, Tempest, and Grubber were in the lead, followed by Rarity and Spike, then the rest of the Element bearers. Behind them marched a small honor guard of Tempest's soldiers, with Strife at their head.

Mayor Mare gave a grand welcoming speech on the platform in front of Town Hall in Ponyville Square, followed by Twilight giving a heartfelt speech of thanks to Commander Tempest, not only for her role in Rarity's safe return, but in the rescue of all the other ponies and seaponies as well.

And then Tempest herself took the stage... and everyone could see how differently she held herself: calmly, easily, knowing she was among friends. "As I said, I'm not a good speaker, so I'll keep this short. Thank you, everypony... for supporting me and believing in me, even though you had little reason to. And rest assured, my work's not done yet. I'm going to continue to make the best use I can of the generous chance you've given me... to be the very best pony that I can be. Thank you!"

After that, obviously, there was a party, which Pinkie Pie had organized in record time, even for her.

And then, in the midst of the celebrations, the Royal Golden Chariot swept down out of the sky and touched down in the landing area near the river. The Chariot platform was empty, save for a single Royal Guard. He stepped down from it, marched up to Twilight, and bowed formally. His voice rang out across the silent Square.

"Her Majesty Princess Celestia, Her Majesty Princess Luna, and Her Majesty Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, request the favor of an audience from the Princess Twilight Sparkle... together with her bodyguard, Commander Tempest Shadow."

"Wow... um.. thanks!" Twilight gritted her teeth worriedly. She looked at Tempest.

"I don't think we can get away with going by ourselves... and I doubt everyone's going to fit on the Chariot!"

Tempest nodded understandingly. "Would you like a lift, Princess?"

Once again, the black airships approached Canterlot. However this time, only the flagship descended toward the royal palace, to lower its ramp onto the upper landing platform. Twilight, Tempest, Grubber, Spike, and the other Element ponies all trooped down the ramp and into the palace, passing along the main corridor and then left into the throne room...

Where all three Princesses stood waiting for them, on the dais.

"Twilight!" Celestia called. "It's wonderful to see you all back here, safe and sound!"

"Thank you, Princess," Twilight replied, nodding. "Um... sorry for running off. It just seemed urgent that we get after Rarity, and I just couldn't stay here and do nothing! I hope you're not too upset with me?"

Celestia looked amused. "Twilight, as I've told you before, no one tells a Princess of Equestria her business! You acted as you thought best, without hesitation. No one here could ever hold that against you."

"Thank you, Your Highness!"

Celestia smiled in return. And then her head lofted, and her tone turned sternly formal.

"Tempest Shadow! Will you please step forward!"

Tempest advanced nervously, and knelt in respect. "Your Highness?"

"Based upon the advice of the Princess of Friendship, and in recognition of your loyalty, diligence and service in the recovery of Equestria's citizens, as well as those of the Hippogriff nation, it is the unanimous decision of the Princesses of Equestria, that you be given custody of the remaining ships of the former Storm King's fleet, together with their projective crystal relics, so that you may continue to fulfill your destiny as Commander of Princess Twilight's 'Friendship Army'."

"Excuse me," Princess Luna asked, "but... Friendship Army?"

Twilight smiled sheepishly. "The name's still a work in progress, Princess!"

"Indeed." Luna looked briefly skeptical, then shrugged acceptingly.

"My thanks, Highness," Tempest said. "And I promise I will put the forces I command to good use... subject to the oversight of Princess Twilight, of course!"

"We would expect nothing less of you, Commander," Celestia replied, with just a hint of steel in her voice. "Did you have any initial plans along those lines?"

Tempest nodded, having thought about it on the way. "Since we have the spare projector from Celaeno's ship, I thought we might install that at the Friendship Castle, in order to provide security for the Princess when I am not physically present. And then, with Princess Twilight's permission..." Tempest glanced at Twilight. "... I thought I might see if I can assist Prince Cappadocio and Mama Orcina in their efforts to reform and rehabilitate Klugetown. And then I'd make a brief tour of the other southern lands oppressed by the Storm King, to spread word of his defeat and to offer what aid and assistance I can, in the name of Equestria and the Princess of Friendship."

"I think that's an excellent idea!" Twilight said. "Though... I do hope you'll remember to swing back here and visit, whenever you can. There'll always be a room at the castle for you, whenever you're in town!"

"Absolutely, Your Highness," Tempest replied. "After all, I am still your bodyguard... and your friend. And it's nice knowing I have a place like this to come home to."

"Then we wish you good fortune," Celestia concluded proudly. "And an interesting journey, Commander Tempest Shadow!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was Thursday in Klugetown. And as everyone knew, Thursday was payday... as in, the day Verko expected payment on debts owed. The dapperly dressed mole-rat was seated behind his desk, grinning his gilded, gap-toothed grin at the cowering land-shark sitting in the uncomfortable chair in front of him.

"It's Thursday, Sammy-boy!" Verko chuckled. "And I'm still not seein' the money you owe me! You said last week you'd pay me double... so where's the bucks, fin-face?"

"The deal I was working fell through!" Sam the Basking clasped his fins pleadingly. "A bunch of crazy ponies attacked me! I was lucky to get away with my life! Please, Verko! Just give me another week... I'll get the money I owe you!"

"Sorry, Sammy-boy!" Verko replied. "I can only extend credit so far. Don't want the other bosses thinkin' ol' Verko's getting soft, now do I? Besides, the missus has been after me for a nice shark-skin handbag! Beats the heck outta me why, but I always aim to please, don't I?"

Sam shivered, as Verko's goons closed in from either side, reaching out for him...

And then a cheery voice called from the doorway. "Mornin' y'all!"

"Capper!" Verko jumped up from his seat, and pounded his fists on the desk. "You got nerve showin' up here! Well, this time you're not skippin' town on me! This time you're gonna pay on your debt! This time... uh... erk..."

Verko's voice ran down as he saw the huge black-and-white shape that had crouched down to step through the doorway behind Capper. "And it is my very great honor and privilege," Capper said smoothly, "to introduce y'all to the Mistress of the Deeps... Her Majesty, Mama Orcina."

"M-m-mama Orcina?" Verko squeaked, in a choked voice.

"That's right, Verko! She heard so much about life up here on the land, she just had to come up here and visit!"

"V-v-visit?" Verko looked as if he was clinging to reality by his claw-tips.

Capper nodded. "Now, Verko, old man, she's been hearing some very disagreeable things about how you've been treating the land-fish here in town. And in her wise and considered opinion, that's gotta change. So, we're here to talk with you about a plan for running things a little different here in Klugetown. About making this a kinder, gentler, friendlier place, you know what I'm sayin'?"

Verko's outrage momentarily outweighed his fear. "Now just a bone-gnawin' minute here! Who are you to think you can come in here and..."

He fell silent, as Mama Orcina strode up to the desk, casually swatting aside the two goons standing beside Sam's chair. She reached across the desk with her massive flippers, and plucked Verko up like a doll. The mole-rat found himself uncomfortably close to a mouthful of peg-like teeth, as Mama Orcina smiled broadly at him.

"Of course..." Verko whispered, scared out of his wits, "... everything's open to negotiation..."

Mama Orcina laughed hugely.

"Mama so pleased," she thundered, "we are seeing eye-to-eye so quickly, yes?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In Ponyville, Twilight and her friends were seated around the table at Sugarcube Corner, having a quick ice-cream and cake send-off party for Tempest and Grubber, before the pony and hedgehog headed south to join Capper and Mama Orcina in Klugetown.

"This is great ice-cream, Pinkie Pie," Tempest said. "I'm really going to miss this while I'm down south. I may have to personally introduce the locals to the concept of magic chillers!"

"Thanks, Tempest!" Pinkie replied happily. Then she suddenly looked puzzled. "Hey, Tempest, I've been wondering something... why are we still calling you Tempest, huh?"

"Well, it is my name, Pinkie."

"But... I thought you said your name was Fizzlepop Berrytwist?"

Tempest blinked, startled. Then she shook her head in amusement.

"Oh, I don't believe it... you've got to be kidding... I was trolling you, Pinkie. Couldn't you tell?"

Pinkie Pie froze, eyes wide, her mouth hanging open. The silence stretched out, unnervingly long.

Tempest leaned towards Twilight, worried. "Uh... Twilight, did I just break your friend?"

"Wait for it..." Twilight replied knowingly.

And then Pinkie Pie's face lit up with a blinding smile. And she very nearly exploded with excitement:

BEST...
TROLL...
EVERRRRRRR!

The End

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and indicia are the property of Hasbro.
No infringement is intended. This story is a work of fan fiction, written by fans for fans of the series.

Author's Note:

Before you rush to remind me, I'm aware of the comics, etc. that treat Tempest's other name as canon, and all I can say is... lemme have this one, because it's just too perfect a Pinkie closer to pass up!

In writing this story, I wanted to do two things:

1. Tell a story about a Tempest Shadow who wasn't either (a) helplessly desperate for approval or (b) a psychotic emotional basket-case... just a very tough, smart pony, who due to an unhappy past wound up in the wrong place and then had to find her way back from it

2. Tell a story where the villain wasn't a simple, cut-and-dried, power-mad lunatic like the Storm King, but was instead the unintentional outcome of the ever-present threat posed by isolationism, indifference, and simple miscommunication.

Let me know how you think I did in the comments! And thanks for reading!
:twilightsmile:

Comments ( 52 )

I don't know how this story docent have more attention but I feel like this deserves more praise. In truth, I feel this works well into whatever it can be and more. I wish for it to go on but I think the end here is wonderful great job.

9470368
Thanks very much for reading it, and for your kind feedback! I'm glad it worked well for you.

I do have an idea for a sequel, set in the Season 8 time-frame, and roping in the Young Six characters as well. Any takers?

This was pretty alright, I can't quite nail down what I didn't like so much, it might've been a bit all over the place with all the characters, but it was a solid Tempest time so thanks. Is Pinkie's dialogue supposed to be in all italics for the past several chapters? I don't remember if there was a reason for that.

9471350
Thanks for reading! The length and number of characters was intentional, as part of the overall theme of the "ivory trade" and its actual cause, so it might have seemed a bit of a whirlwind tour -- sorry about that!

As for Pinkie, somehow to me writing her dialog as straight roman text doesn't cut it... I mean, she sounds like a living sugar-rush on helium most of the time. And that's when she's being serious! So right from the start I began putting her lines in italics to indicate her manner of speech, as with A.J.'s accent. It works for some folks, others not so much, but that's okay. It's my process. :trixieshiftleft:

9471788
I mean as long as it wasn't some crazy formatting error it's fine, guess I never really noticed until the end. Although the ending conflict with the hippogriffs did lose me, it seemed pointless and nothing in particular came out of it, it was more that it felt crowded with all the main characters. Like they were fighting for space to do things.

9473360
Well... having brought Captain Celaeno and her crew in on this, it was only fair to give them their turn in the spotlight rather than have them waiting around upstairs at the end. And it wasn't for nothing... if Strife had gotten to the crystal, he might well have yanked the rug out from under Tempest downstairs. But true, I was trying to squeeze a big set-piece battle into a tight timeline, so things might have seemed crowded. Live and learn! :twilightblush:

That was a helluva ride! Well done, and Epic Troll lol!

9475420
Thanks so much for reading, and glad it worked so well for you.
You just made my weekend! :twilightsmile:

your Rarity is in another location...

There are not sufficient words in my lexicon to convey the sheer amount of YES contained in this story. So let me just say that this is one of the best Tempest fics I’ve ever read. Tempest is and always will be awesome. Cheers, mate.

9522870
Wow! Many thanks! It was a lot of fun (and hard work) getting all the dominoes lined up here, so I'm really glad you got so much out of it. And having written two stories with Tempest now, I've really gotten to know and like the character myself. She brings a level of dark-and-subtly-twisted to the table that's a pleasure to work with.

Thanks again! :twilightsmile:

9528814
It's more like power-cycling to resolve a Wi-fi issue -- it's important to remember what else is in range of the same router... :twilightsmile:

I DEMAND A SEQUEL!

9554212
As Spitfire might say, "I like that attitude, mister!"
:twilightsmile:

And there already is a sequel: go sign on aboard Twilight's Pirate School, which reboots Season 8's School Daze with Tempest Shadow (as it should be).

Liked the story. HATED the fact that you, along with many, see Twilight's actions as wrong. No dislike, but no like either, sorry.

9556848
Thanks for the feedback! Though you're seriously misreading me here: I don't see Twilight's actions as wrong. I totally sympathize with her when she attempts to steal the Pearl in the movie. But Twilight herself feels she's made a serious mistake, one that's damaged relations between Equestria and the Hippogriffs, and one that it's her responsibility to own up for and make right. Much the way Tempest feels about her actions under the Storm King. Remember that moment when Twilight shouts at Pinkie, and her horn crackles just like Tempest's does? There's an obvious parallel being drawn, and it's a key reason Twilight is so willing to give Tempest the benefit of the doubt shortly thereafter, even when Tempest has her locked in a cage. Twilight has seen first-hoof how pressure and desperation can drive even the best of ponies down a path that leads to anger and isolation.

In the end, this is a story about redemption, for Twilight as well as Tempest -- about getting past our mistakes and finding ways to make them right, so that we can be the people (and ponies) our friends need us to be.

9556793
You may not have noticed it, but even with her lingering suspicions and resentment, Queen Novo has literally handed Twilight a blank check here for whatever help she wants... in order to see what Twilight does with it. She's willing to provide whatever help Twilight asks for -- but this is how she needs to do it. She is the Queen, after all... :twilightsmile:

9556951
Sorry about throwing strong words, but MANY people just defend Novo, and hate Twilight, and think she is 100% in the wrong. About Novo. Well, I see were you're coming from, but I would pull a... Shield... hero... Jeez, I see it everywhere now. Twilight(Naofumi), is tasked with saving her kingdom(a realm), but her friends(other people) see her as a nervous wreck(liar/evil), and Novo(King) does NOTHING to HELP Twilight(hero).

I, personaly, would not be satisfied, until Novo groveled at my feet(hoves?), for denying me help when I needed it most. And all the people who put Twilight down do not help, at all.

... Would love now to see Twilight or somepony with a curse series/element. Granted, I saw Sunset looking like she would have gotten it if it was a thing, in another story. Can link it to you, if you're interested.

9568553
I'm aware of what Faraday Cage does. I don't agree, however, that magic behaves the same way as electicity. Not the controlled one, anyway. And here's why.
1) Way of transfering magic. In one of the episodes Tirek ate magic like it was floating watery substance. Basically, part of a soul/ghost. He also didn't deflect, but CAUGHT Shining's bolt in his hand, and then ate it. Doesn't really looke like electricity, does it? Also, Princesses compiled their magic into one ball of it, and let it sit there for several seconds. After Tirek's defeat what happened? Magic SEPARATED into "souls", and each "soul" only came to the pony it belonged.
2) Magic aura can be manipulated into an "area of effect", suspended in mid air and used for levitation or modification.

Sorry, But while I believe that magic, directly applied to cage\shield will be nullified - when applied not to it directly - can funtcion properly. Oh, and another thing, is it really magic that petrifies? Magic can undo the petrification, but I'd think that it's the actual "chemical" compound of the bomb, that does the thing.

9569479
Recall when Twilight was trapped in the cage, attempting to blast her way out -- the effect of her magic was absorbed/nullified by the bars. And she didn't even bother firing her magic through the bars, like she could tell it wouldn't work (or had already discovered it wouldn't). Looks close enough to the behavior of a Faraday cage, at least for story purposes. The scene with Tempest and Strife is simply a reasonable extrapolation of that. I could see it not being a general physical principle, like perhaps this cage is specifically engineered to have this effect, but that's not really relevant. In short, the cage blocks magic from passing through its bars, and how it does this is left open for us as authors to interpret as we choose. I take it as being a general principle (one of many) of the behavior of magic in this world. Your mileage may vary, and that's perfectly okay.

9569725
Disagree. She wanted to break the CAGE itself. When you want to brake out of something, do you strike air between bars, or do you try prying the bars off? Tell me, what USE was there to firing a magic blast OUT of the cage. Break the ships hull? She would be in mortal danger, since you cannot slow the cage much when you flap your wings. You cannot fly out of it, can you? And if she tried to breake the cage midflight - she would see that it was useless, and likely die.

9570425
And later, when Tempest is standing right in front of her, she doesn't even attempt to use magic on her, to restrain her, force her to let Twilight out. And apart from violence not being her thing when persuasion will do, my read of that scene is that she's not too scared to try -- she's intelligent enough to have determined that it's simply not an option, so she doesn't bother. In the end, the cage is basically a narrative device, a means to remove Twilight's magic from the equation. I just extrapolated a bit on how it does what it does, and made use of that to allow Tempest to play mind-games on Strife.

9571348
Twilight was never confrontational. Unless she is attacked(changeligs, Tirek, vines), she does not attack. Twilight is not Rainbow or Applejack, she doesn't beat others willy nilly. So no, your argument still doesn't hold.

This was a fun one. A tale of adventure and redemption, intrigue and confusion until the truth can be revealed. The only thing I'd say is that Strife's reformation feels a little out of left field, somewhat sudden and not let up to. Apart from that, very well done!

9576445
Many thanks for the read, and for your kind thoughts! I did need to bring Strife around somewhat quickly toward the end, though in part that's because the focus is on Tempest in this one, on how she's learned to pay forward the Reformation opportunity that Twilight offered her. Plus, I couldn't keep asking Fluttershy to play Fred's translator, she has her animals to take care of... and a reformed Strife just seemed like a perfect way to fill that gap. And Tartarus is getting pretty full nowadays... :twilightsmile:

I finally caught up with and read this story, and I must say that I'm quite glad that I did!

Tempest Shadow has, in contrast to others who watched the movie, never really been a favorite of mine. I won't go into it, but I will commend you on the great job you did with her in this fic; yeah, it was great to see a story that doesn't portray her as desperate for forgiveness or as some kind of nutcase. That probably went a long way towards me enjoying this story as much as I did, haha XD

I understand that there's a story after this one, that re-tells Season Eight? I'll definitely be interested to give that one a look-see soon! ;-)

9616032
Thanks, S-C, it's great to hear you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile: And yes, Twilight's Pirate School reboots the opening of Twilight's school in Season 8, also bringing Tempest back as a regular character. I'll be interested to hear what you think of it, when you get there.

The next few days were a bit of a whirlwind. Tempest's fleet made several quick stops in the Badlands and Appleloosa, returning the ponies who had been taken. Or that is, they would have been quick stops, save that it seemed like every pony had friends and a large extended family, all of whom insisted on celebrating both their safe return and the ponies responsible for it. And word did get around, somehow... by the time Tempest's ships were approaching the southern border of the Everfree, at their final stops the townsfolk were already gathered in advance, ready to welcome their arrival.

Seems like splitting the fleet based on destination, especially once the parties started slowing things down, would have been wise. Then again, without someone who speaks Equestrian in VISIBLE command that might have lead to misunderstandings about if prisoners were being FREED or TAKEN?

9576445
Yeah, but it kinda works in as much as it is not shown so much as his having a genuine change of heart, but rather being sentenced to army service rather than prison.

9670951
"Actually, we all can. Pinkie's just the only pony who's silly enough to let you see her doing it..."
:twilightsmile:

9691471

where Tempest wasn't some kind of demented, psychotic loose cannon...

This is probably the first fic I've read with Tempest in it... are you saying that's how stories on here tend to portray her? :rainbowderp: That's not how I see her at all. She's way more complex than that! :applejackunsure:

9691481
You and me both... but do a search for Tempest's story tag, and see what you think.

There are good stories out there that at least depict Tempest as a loyal soldier, eager to redeem herself (to quickly find some of them, check my Tempest bookshelf). But that loses a lot of the wonderfully dark, subversive edginess that makes Tempest distinctive as a character. Imagine if Trixie had returned as a meek, inoffensive little shopkeeper, not out to show anyone up or cause any trouble... that's not the G&PT we've come to appreciate for her mixture of arrogant ego and brittle vulnerability.

In the stories I've written, I've tried to retain some of Tempest's dark, gamesponylike nature, while still showing her as determinedly seeking a path to acceptance amongst her new friends.

That was definitely a ride, and quite possibly the longest fic I've ever read from start to end. You were great at switching things up and keeping things lively though.

Major Spoiler: You know, if before you'd have told me:
'I think the next step for Twilight is for her to get her own army.'
Then I'd I've been like:
'Wait, what?!' :applejackconfused:
But now that I've read this I'm all: 'Yeah, this makes sense.'
:eeyup:

Of course a bodyguard or a security detail for the castle made sense pretty much right off the bat. :twilightsheepish: Honestly though, I marvel at your ability to write a story so intricate and entertaining while utilizing so many dynamic characters in it. You had great action, humor, moral lessons, and a lot of lovely undertones of taking the path to redemption while also being true to one's self. And again, this was so lively, you just had so much going on all the time! Seriously, did you really write this all by yourself? :trixieshiftright: No team of writers sitting around a table having a meeting to discuss ideas or anything? No, just you? :rainbowhuh: Well, I guess you have to share less donuts at break time that way. 🍩:pinkiecrazy:

Hmm... Maybe this would work better as an MLP:FiM spin-off series than a movie. 🤔 Movies sometimes tend to cut out so much more than necessary for the sake of a time limit. ⏰ Ahh well! The point is this was really awesome. :pinkiehappy: You deserve WAY more attention on this! :pinkiegasp: Thanks so much for sharing! :raritywink:
media.giphy.com/media/RdMF704JZipck/giphy.gif

9701772
Many thanks! I really liked writing this story, and hearing you got so much out of it makes my day!
:pinkiehappy:

This is a redemption story, not just for Tempest in-world, but also for Tempest as a fan fiction character: taking Tempest seriously, and giving her a real role to play as one of Twilight's friends, without losing the crafty, devious edginess that makes the character interesting. It wound up being long, with many stops along the way, but it was to a purpose: setting up the chain of miscommunication between species that caused the problem in the first place.

And yep, this is a solo effort, though I will say at times it felt like putting together one of those large model airplane kits, where you have to figure out how to make all these pieces fit there. But I'm proud of how it turned out. It's the longest story I've written so far, and I managed to keep it together and touch on all the points I wanted to make along the way.

Thanks again for reading, and for your detailed feedback. It really helps!
:twilightsmile:

This story should definitely have more views and likes. It was great. Looking forward to reading the sequel whenever I get around to it.

9777671
Many thanks for reading it, and for your kind thoughts! This is one of my own favorites, and I do wish it had more attention. I think the length must put potential readers off, which is a shame, since I worked hard to give Tempest a redemption story that's truly reflective of her character. Thankfully my shorter works, like Not Exactly Friends, seem to be finding a much larger audience, so hopefully readers looking for more of this version of Tempest will give this story another shot.

Thanks again!
:twilightsmile:

9777829
Well, I came here from that exact story, looking for a possibility of a longer Tempest story. Personally I like longer fanfics, and this one wasn't even all that long! (Or else I just breezed through it in two evenings). Also have Friendmaker opened in another tab to read. :raritywink:

9777837
You're my kind of reader, then! Enjoy!
:twilightsmile:

9777843
You don't have to tell me twice! :rainbowwild:

I found this while checking your other stories after reading "Not Exactly Friends" and its continuation. After finishing it in one go, I must say I'm really glad I took the time to read this one too, despite the relative length compared to the young tempest one(two?)-shot. It definitely feels like something that could have happened in the series as a well-written continuation of Tempest's story.
Your portrayal of the characters is great, Tempest especially, and all of them feel very close to how they behave in their best episodes. Even the minor characters felt alive. (The Mafia shark's lines ended up in Fat Tony's voice in my head after a couple of sentences, for example.) I also really liked your background story for the Storm King's troopers.

Overall I think it's really a shame that this hasn't been more popular and I can't really make sense of why that is. I guess sometimes it all comes down to luck, and in this case it just didn't happen. It's a great read regardless.
But, that aside I hope you'll stay motivated to keep writing.

9795689
Many thanks for reading, and for your detailed feedback! It's encouraging to hear from readers who like this story, and aren't put off by its word count. I do seem to have done much better with my more recent, shorter pieces, but it takes a story of this scale to really get the most out of a subtle, subversive character like Tempest... whenever I start plotting a really interesting story involving her, it always seems to turn into a novella or more...

Thanks again for the support, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
:twilightsmile:

While far more "happy go lucky" than stories I usually read, this showed that you can have an engaging story without it being dark.
It captures the original series/movies style pretty well, which sadly doesn't lend itself too well to creating a "feeling of danger".

The writing style was fluid, and I'm surprised that this is one of the "lesser known" fictions - all the time I was hoping this would go on for a longer time.

P.S.: Unique view of the army, so going to steal that idea for my D&D group - I was so struggling with something other than "constructs or undead" as a remnant of a mage war. Solid illusions? Excellent idea!.

Anyway, it was a blast to read and I hope we'll see some more stories as a continuation!

9867971
Many thanks for reading! This is one of my personal favorites of the stories I've written around Tempest, so the feedback is definitely encouraging! While not as Tempest-centric as this tale, the story Twilight's Pirate School does continue this AU into Season 8, and has some fun scenes with Tempest serving as "truant officer" for Twilight's school. If you enjoyed this, give that story a try, and let me know what you think in the comments.

Go right ahead and use the eldritch army idea for your D&D session, that's cool -- just give it a fun, in-joke name like "the LDT Effect" or something!
:twilightsmile:

9868280
Will definitely check it out (probably in about a few minutes)!

Go right ahead and use the eldritch army idea for your D&D session, that's cool -- just give it a fun, in-joke name like "the LDT Effect" or something!
:twilightsmile:

And there you go and solve my dilemma of how to credit you and name it :) I doubt anyone will get the reference, as the only one in the group who's very familiar with MLP isn't into FanFictions, but alas!

That was good, I really enjoyed the story. It felt very thematically true to Friendship is Magic.

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Many thanks for the read, and for your thoughts! I like Tempest as a character myself, and wanted to do an "adventure"-style story, where Tempest redeems herself, without losing her distinctive edginess. I'm glad it works for you!
:twilightsmile:

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Militia
Sorta like a rural Unofficial army

A much deeper, better structured tale than certain other animated films (which shall remain nameless).

The only thing I didn’t like was how you did this to pinkie’s lines. Other than that it was great!

This was a wonderful tale!

A nice adventure with the Mane Six and Tempest along for the ride.

We get to see each character from the movies again but with the added backstories from the comics. The shark characters were interesting and it was unique that the entire situation was a rumour gone wild.

Overall an enjoyable story.

It was a great story. Sorry I didn’t gf my comments till I fished reading it. But definitely on my FAVs list

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