The "Rescue"
Sunset Shimmer and Applejack watched as the car careened towards them on the narrow forest trail, yellow lights blinding.
“Uh,” Sunset said, taking a step back.
It wasn’t slowing down.
“Er,” Applejack said, a definite edge of worry in her voice, and took Sunset’s arm, pulling slightly.
The car definitely wasn’t stopping.
“Get down!” Sunset Shimmer shoved Applejack off the road, full body tackling her to where they fell hard on the edge of the trees, landing in a leggy, wet heap.
It wasn’t necessary—apparently—as the car squealed and skidded to a stop a dead body’s length away from where they’d been standing. Sunset sat up, blinking hard against the bright light, her heart pounding beneath her jacket. A back door burst open and Pinkie Pie sprang out before the car had settled to a full stop.
“Sunset Shimmer!”
“Wha-ah! Pinkie!” She gasped, wincing as Pinkie rushed forward and pulled her into an embrace. “Too tight!”
“Eeee, we found you!” Pinkie squeezed harder before letting her go, letting her stagger and catch her breath while Applejack slowly pulled herself to her feet.
“We came as fast as we could!” Rainbow Dash shouted, leaping out of the driver’s seat. She left the high beams on, far too bright against the prior darkness.
“Y’all nearly hit us!” Applejack said, dusting dirty snow from her jacket.
“I said we came as fast as we could,” Rainbow Dash said, crossing her arms.
Before Sunset could even register what was happening, or ask what the hell was going on, another car door opened.
“That is an understatement,” Rarity said, staggering into the snow while Fluttershy slumped out behind her, looking sick. “That was simply reckless!”
“Would you rather Pinkie behind the wheel?” Rainbow Dash said.
“No,” Fluttershy meeped, hanging onto the car door.
“Yeah!” Pinkie called out in the same moment. “Maybe I can drive back—“
“But what are you all doing here?” Sunset asked, before it could devolve any further.
“Uh, we’re here to rescue you,” Rainbow Dash said, one eyebrow raised. “Duh.”
“What?” Sunset’s eye twitched. The beautiful calm from earlier had vanished. “I’m not going back."
“Ugh!” Rainbow Dash let out a full bodied groan, her head rolling back. “Seriously? Come on! Even if you are Anon-A-Miss, this is crazy! We’re trying to make sure you don’t die out here like the Donna Party.”
“Well that’s your problem,” Sunset replied flatly.
“What?”
“I think you mean Donner Party, dear,” Rarity added quietly.
“And that’s the wrong kind of party!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing at her side. “Because that’s cannibalism!”
“Yeah, well, we’re not doing that either,” Rainbow Dash said, her shoulders sinking as she watched Pinkie bob up and down on her heels.
“We might be getting closer to that if my car battery dies in this cold,” Applejack said, looking pointedly down the road where the old family truck waited.
“Speaking of, can someone else drive back?” Rarity said, raising a finger, and apparently ignoring the real problem.
Sunset didn’t know what to say, frankly; they weren’t supposed to be there. Maybe a rational person would have been relieved. Or happy. Her friends—her former friends—had come all the way out there to help her, even when they believed she had betrayed them. Instead of berating her, or abandoning her, they were just… acting normal.
“—I can totally drive us back—“
“You nearly spun out twice!”
It was like they were pretending everything was fine. As if they hadn’t abandoned her over something she didn’t even do. As if they hadn’t betrayed her…
Do us all a favor and just disappear!
“Everyone stop!” Sunset yelled, her hands slicing through the cold air and cutting through their pointless chatter, leaving a sudden, shocked silence as she stood there, fuming.
She was suddenly, alarmingly, bizarrely angry.
“I don’t know how you all got here—“
“I texted ‘em.”
Sunset glared at Applejack. “I don’t care what you’re all doing here. All of you just turn around, go back to your happy little lives, and leave me the hell alone!”
The dark forest fell to silence, or something like it, with the wind whipping through the black trees. She thought she had gotten over all of this. It was done, finished. It was friendships destroyed, bridges burned, smell of smoke and watering eyes, never looking back sort of over. She really thought she had come to terms with losing them as friends. Now here they all were, five on one, acting like nothing had happened, racing out to find her, and she hated it.
“Ahhh… what’s going on?” Rainbow Dash said finally, glancing around.
“Sunset, are you okay?” Fluttershy said, walking closer, a first aid kit held tight in her arms.
“I’m. Fine,” Sunset bit out through gritted teeth, keeping her clenched hands tight at her side.
“Wow, you don’t sound fine, “Pinkie Pie chimed in. “Like, the total opposite of fine.”
“As if you care!” She was in absolutely no mood to deal with Pinkie’s cheerfulness, or Fluttershy’s kindness, or their pity, or sympathy, or any of it.
“Yeah, of course we care,” Rainbow Dash replied, frowning. ”We’re not going to sit by and let you run off in the middle of a blizzard.”
“We only came to help,” Fluttershy said, shrinking down behind Rarity.
“Well don’t!” Sunset shouted, stepping forward and feeling almost as much as a bully as they accused her of being. “You can’t just show up and pretend like you actually give a damn!”
“Sugarcube, calm down—“ Applejack had stepped forward, reaching out, but Sunset yanked her arm out of reach, her shoulders high and tight.
“Back off! You were the ones who told me we weren’t friends. You’re the ones who left me first!”
“Well, yeah, cause we’re angry at you!” Rainbow Dash said, exasperated. “Or we were. Or, like—I don’t even know any more! But that doesn’t matter!”
“We didn’t want you to get hurt,” Fluttershy said.
“Of course we don’t, silly!” Pinkie added.
“Don’t give me that crap! All this time you won’t talk to me. You won’t even listen to me. So don’t pretend like you actually gave a damn about me. I’m finally leaving, something I should have done a long time ago, and now you’re stopping me? You should be happy! After you all told me how much you hated me!”
“I never said that,” Fluttershy said, sounding close to tears. “I don’t hate you.”
“Don’t lie to me!” Sunset said, her voice cracking as it rose, her hands aching from how tight her fists were. “This is just what you all want! You all just want me to disappear!“
“Now you stop right there!” Rarity said in a trembling voice, clutching at the front of her jacket. She, too, looked almost in tears. “We most certainly don’t want this!”
“Yes you do!” Sunset shouted right back. “Back when you all abandoned me, I remember! I was begging for you to listen and none of you even tried. I remember, you said...”
She hesitated. What had they said?
Just disappear!
No… that hadn’t been them. She was thinking of all those notes and messages, the whispers and shouts and shoves of the other students. What was it her friends had said? That they wouldn’t believe her. They had accused her of being Anon-A-Miss, taking advantage of them and stealing their secrets, they had said…
“You said you didn’t want to be my friend anymore,” Sunset said in a much softer voice, and that pain was sharper and crueler than scratched words on a locker, or the lingering sting of a blow. The wind and snow swept around them in the surrounding darkness.
It was cold. She felt so stupid.
Suddenly she couldn’t stand to look at them. She hated how her eyes began to burn.
“Sunset…”
“Whatever. Hate me or don’t, I already made up my mind.” Sunset wrapped her arms around herself, and wished she sounded more convincing. “I don’t need your pity anymore, so just go home.”
“Oh yeah? And what about you, huh?” Rainbow Dash asked, crossing her arms. “Think you’ll be happy living in the woods?”
“I’m not going to be living in the woods,” Sunset said with an exasperated sigh. “I just want to go somewhere where people don’t know me, is that so much to ask?”
“It sounds lonely,” said Fluttershy.
“Yeah, cause that’ll be a real change for me. Miss Social right here.”
“Dear, we know you don’t want to leave, and you don’t have to,” Rarity said. “We can figure this out.”
“No, just... stop all this pretending!" Sunset said. "You don't need to keep doing this. Twilight isn’t here to make you babysit me and make sure I don’t turn into a demon again. No one is making you stay—“
“You’re right,” Applejack cut in. “No one’s forcing us, and yet we’re all still here.”
Sunset frowned, not liking what the answer might be. “I… look, if it’s just out of pity—“
“It’s cause we care about you!” Rainbow Dash said, glaring.
“But…” Sunset paused. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. They were supposed to be angry and disappointed in her. Not this. They had abandoned her first, so it damn well wasn’t fair to try and be her friends now.
“Dear, we’ve been searching for you ever since Sweetie Belle and her friends came to us at lunch in an absolute panic. They said that… that you might do something, well…” Rarity paused, staring hard at the ground. “We weren’t sure what you might do.”
Fair enough, she thought grudgingly, her lips twisting before she could come up with a rebuttal. Her response to not getting to be a princess was to create a brainwashed army to attack Equestria with tainted magic. Predictability wasn’t one of her charms.
“We were worried,” Fluttershy said. “We were afraid you might do something terrible.”
“Oh, big surprise,” Sunset said sourly, hating that they had good reason for it. “Did you think I was going to blow up the school again?”
“We thought you were going to kill yourself!” Rainbow Dash said, her voice cracking. Sunset stared, stunned into silence, as Rainbow Dash’s face twisted with anger and pain.
It was Applejack that continued. “Ever since ya left we’ve been out looking everywhere because, well…” She sighed, closing her eyes.
“We were worried,” Fluttershy said again.
“What?” Sunset said, feeling like the breath had been knocked from her. “No. Of course I… I wouldn’t…”
But that wasn’t quite true, was it? She had considered it in the past, although she had never told anyone. Nothing ever came of it, nothing except dark, spiraling thoughts. That the world would be better without her in it. That there wasn’t any reason for her to be alive. That ending it would make the pain and the humiliation, go away, the loneliness… but she had never made a true attempt. Not really.
“No,” she said again, voice a little stronger. “I promise, I’m not doing that. Not this time.”
Some of the girls reacted to that, a hint of something that didn’t need to be talked about. Not then, preferably not ever.
“Sunset—“ Fluttershy began to say, her voice wavering.
“Don’t,” Sunset said, much softer than before, holding up a hand, more so to give herself a moment to think. Things were becoming clear in her own mind, as the red fog faded. It sucked, though. Hot anger was far easier than the cold, numbing pain of losing them.
When Sunset looked at them again, she saw the shadows under their eyes, the hard, worried lines of their faces. They weren’t supposed to still care. She was supposed to vanish and they would all forget about her. Damn them, she thought, that coldness seeping into her gut.
“I know why you’re here, even though you still think I did it. Why you pretended to be my friend when I… when I really needed one.” She clutched her arm, her voice sinking.
“We weren’t pretending—“
“Enough. I get it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking pissed at you right now!” she shouted, glaring at them for a hot second before the heat fizzled into the cold air once more. She sighed. “But I also know you. You’re good people. You all gave me a chance when no one else would. And you’ll be a lot happier without me dragging you down. So just go home and forget about me.”
In a sharp moment she realized how much she would miss them. They were her friends, the first people to ever care about her. But they didn’t want her anymore. Maybe had never wanted her. It hurt.
Biting her lip, she shifted the heavy weight of her backpack, holding tight to the straps as if they might ground her, and turned to walk away hoping that this time, they wouldn't follow. She was angry. She felt betrayed. But she still loved them. What a damned fool.
“Wait,” Rarity said slowly, almost as if to herself, making Sunset pause. “Wait a minute, is that what this is about?”
“Huh?” Applejack said, apparently answering for all of them as they looked about, but didn’t get a response as Rarity held her fingers to her mouth, frowning thoughtfully. “Uh, Rarity, mind explaining?”
Finally she looked up, meeting Sunset’s eyes. “Is that what this whole... Anon-A-Miss debacle is about?” Rarity asked. “Were you testing us? To see if we were really your friends?”
“That doesn’t make any sense,“ Rainbow Dash said.
“And if so, I’m not sure if we passed,” Fluttershy remarked.
Sunset groaned, rubbing a hand over her face. It didn’t help that it did make sense, in an idiotic way. She could imagine herself doing something so stupid, selfish, and short-sighted, whether to punish them, or herself. It wouldn’t be the first time she had done something stupid, selfish, and short-sighted, like brainwash a teenage army.
“No." She shook her head, too tired to argue.
"Then...?"
They waited, and Sunset realized they were waiting for her. They were listening.
She looked up, meeting each of their eyes, and spoke the plain truth. "It wasn’t me,” she said slowly, holding each word. “I swear, I’m not Anon-A-Miss. I didn’t share your secrets, and I didn’t betray you.”
She paused, felt her eyes burn as she held her breath, hoping that this time, things might be different. “Please, believe me.”
“I believe ya,” Applejack said immediately. Sunset turned to her and met her gaze unflinchingly, as she gave a short nod.
“Me too,” Rarity added.
Pinkie chimed in, “Me three!”
“I’m sorry we thought it was you,” Fluttershy added.
“So now we just need to find the real one and clear your name,” Rainbow Dash said, grinning.
Sunset took a full breath in, and then let it out, staring at them. Just like that, they believed her. She probably should have felt relieved.
“Wonderful, I’m glad we’ve got that settled,” Rarity said, dusting fresh snow off her coat and pulling it closer. “And this is all well and good, but could we perhaps prove Sunset’s innocence from someplace a bit warmer?”
“Oh, yeah.”
Sunset had nearly forgotten where they stood. Rarity was right, it was cold, and only getting colder. Even in the shelter of the trees the wind was picking up, the snow no longer light soft clumps, but harder specks that stung the skin. Sunset turned away from the glow of the headlights to gaze at the path she was going down, dark and unknown.
Was this what she really wanted? To leave? To leave them?
“Come on, let’s head back before this storm gets any worse,” Rainbow Dash said, walking back to her car and wiping snow off the edges of the windshield.
“Ooh, I’ll drive!” Pinkie Pie shouted, bounding over.
“No.”
“Sunset, ya coming?” Applejack asked, frowning at her. She hadn’t moved.
It wasn’t enough. Too little, too late. She could only move forward. It was the only option.
“I’m not going back,” Sunset said.
This was met with a muted metallic thud as Rainbow Dash banged her head against the roof of her car.
“Seriously?”
“There’s nothing there for me,” Sunset said, gesturing at the way they had come. “No matter what I say or do, no one will ever trust me. Nothing’s going to change. I have to go somewhere new, somewhere people don’t know me as a demon.”
“You don't have to do that, things will change,” Applejack said. “You’ve been doing good, we’ve all seen it. And we’ll help ya get through this Anon-A-Miss nonsense and prove that yer innocent.”
Sunset shook her head, but wasn't so sure. Could that be enough?
“Dear, you don’t have to leave, and we certainly don’t want you to,” Rarity said, coming up to her other side and lightly laying a hand on her arm.
“Yeah, we can figure this out," Rainbow Dash said.
Sunset was losing what precious resolve remained. In it’s place was a growing awareness of how cold she was, and how tired. Her face and eyes burned, and her fingers and toes were numb. Earlier she had been so certain, everything had been simple, it was all figured out…
“You can at least wait ‘til after this storm blows over,” Applejack said, an annoying voice of reason.
“Just for the night…” Fluttershy said, after a moment.
“Pretty please?” added Pinkie Pie.
There was a long stretch of silence as Sunset tried not to choke against the tightness of her throat. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes.
“Fine,” Sunset muttered, to the sound of sighs of relief and squeals of joy. A distant part of her knew she should be happy.
Soon she found herself sitting in the back of Rainbow Dash’s car, up against the frosted window and hugging the backpack in her lap, the cold weight of it seeping through her jeans. They drove through the winding forest road, slower than before, careful on the possible ice, as the dark forest rushed through her reflection. The snow was coming down harder.
She no longer knew what she wanted.
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10046976
That's some good timing right there! New chapter, fresh off the press!
Nice update.
Nice to see this back again.
Nice, great chapter
Yeah, I don't think anything's been settled yet. If her friends just try to pretend like nothing happened it will be confirmation that it's time to move on.
10047654
I agree, They really hurt her and the CMC better confess,, even after that, they really need to work hard at regaining her full trust.
Welcome back
10047654
Yep, you're pretty much spot-on. Honestly was one of the problems with this chapter because it felt like it wasn't moving forward, but most of the actual confrontation, in some ways, is happening next chapter (with both the CMC and the girls).
I think its a stage, going along like things are fine, which is what they've been doing since the Fall Formal, but they eventually need to talk openly.
Please don't make her change her mind too easily. Have her work with the girls to find out the Crusaders are Anon-A-Miss and then leave anyways. I'm tired of the girls winning Sunset over so easily.
Pretty much what 10047675 said.
Now which way is the story gonna go? The one where ita gonna be a huge blow out and the girls trying to fix it makea it worse? Or the more typical, Oh you tried kill me? Come here and il french kiss you, (basicly the girl could been hostile to sunset amd just say sorry and they make up like nothing happened)
Good update, and here’s hoping for another one soon.
Please for the love of god make Sunset leave the Traitorous 5 and let her get back to the Pony World already!
I'm actually sick and tired of the Traitors winning her back as if everything is going to be okay, cos all that is just so...boring.
Great update though. Not to be rude, but why did it take ya so long to update this story?
10047671
I don't think either party is really hearing the other at this point. Sunset definitely isn't listening to what's being said (and she may have a point). Everyone else except possibly AJ aren't asking themselves how things got to this point, and thus aren't able to say anything meaningful to Sunset.
Worst of all, AJ's admission that they all secretly thought that Sunset still hated them demonstrates that they still don't trust Sunset, not entirely.
It is so good to see this get updated. Heck I was just looking at this last night wondering when it would happen and now we have another chapter at last.
Today is a good day.
I would recommend not blowing over the entire build up -- heck, the whole idea -- of the story, where Sunset decides to move forward with her life, completely leaving everything behind. It definitely can't be settled with just a talk in the snow...that would seem just like something the show would do. A talk, or a song and dance, just fixes everything.
Thanks you for the update, and I'm proud the Rainbooms decided to listen this time. Yet, they have a lot to do in order to make things right. Just don't let Rainbow Dash go berserker once she finds out it was Scootaloo along Apple Bloom & Sweetie Belle.
10047688
I third.
If they won her back with a confession and a few sorry's, what would be the difference from the xmas special that drove so many to write they're own version in the first place?
I'm at least glad to see this story move again.
Glad to see this story updated!
While the girls managed to convince Sunset to come back home, but the problem isn't over yet. Regardless of what happens once they found out who's the real Anon-a-Miss, they still needed to apologize to Sunset for hurting her.
Love the update! You are handling the emotion so well. I am really looking forward to more and hope it's soon! :D
this chapter is well written but the way it comes about is kinda a hot mess
frankly it's unrealistic for sunset to have stopped and listened to them, it's also unrealistic for her to trust them again at this point and honestly they come across as high and mighty with there talk. you write the emotions well and keep to the storyline excellently but they over all feel is shallow.
"Don't get me wrong."
I also see a couple of punctuation problems, however I'm not confident in my ability to correct them that I'm leaving them out. I know more about words than I do punctuation.
Also thanks for the new chapter
Nice to see an update.
10047675
This seems to be a popular idea, so I'll keep it in mind! I already have the next chapter planned, as for whether it'll be easy or not, that might be up to interpretation, but I want it to be natural, and follow where these characters lead.
I forgot this existed
To be honest, this chapter almost worked for me. The one big problem, the one thing this chapter is missing is remorse. The others never apologized for their actions. It makes everything feel less genuine or half-hearted. Like they aren't really taking Sunset's feelings seriously. Also, how can Sunset trust them to not turn their backs on her again when they don't show remorse for it this time? The problem wasn't that they didn't listen to Sunset, it was they didn't believe her. They didn't trust her. Probably the most frustrating thing in (or not in) this chapter is that after finally saying they believe Sunset, Sunset didn't call them out for not believing her to begin with.
Edit: Fluttershy does apologize but it's Fluttershy and it was obviously more of an automatic response.
10047691
Guess you'll just have to see... but if I understand it, it's neither of those
10047706
Thanks! I'm hoping there will be another one soon, too, gonna see what life throws at me.
10047710
I... don't think you'll like this story then, but honestly after some of this feedback I'm starting to tinker with the ending, but this isn't meant to show the Rainbooms as monsters or villains. They're teenagers who are all trying to sort through a complex situation.
But since you did ask a question... this took a while because, well, Life got in the way. The usual. But much more I just struggled with this chapter, writing and re-writing it and trying to make the pieces fit and take out all the repetition. I just struggled with this one, and balancing between Sunset and the other characters.
10047713
I like your comments dude, that's good insight. I hadn't thought of it like that, but yeah. This whole chapter felt like a lot of talking and nothing really happening, and ultimately i just had to go with that, and let the real stuff happen later.
(also wondering if I may have shot myself in the foot with AJ's admission, but I still find it an interesting thought process)
Some small, remarkably evil, part of me would be amused to see a version where Rainbow’s driving forces the girls to dispose of a corpse.
This right here was a example of a brilliant and beautiful piece of writing! Thank you for continuing this story.
TIS BACK
WOOOO
It was good to see this update.
10050998
My two cents: tinkering because feedback made you notice things you'd missed before is the good sort of tinkering. It makes the story stronger because the new perspective shows your flaws or opportunities you didn't notice before.
Tinkering to give people what you think they want is the bad sort of tinkering. You change things not because your understanding of the story, setting, or characters changed, but instead because you think a different way will be better received. You don't even know it'll be better received, because on any given story the lurkers outnumber the commenters by far, and even if you could somehow know what your entire audience wanted, that's not necessarily what works best for the story.
If it were definitely better a different way, you'd have found reasons to tinker that were entirely unrelated to the audience (even though the audience happened to be what got you thinking about it.)
There isn't, however, a clear way to tell where one type ends and the other begins. The extremes are easy enough because "Wow, that's a giant plot hole; good thing someone pointed it out" is vastly different from "It doesn't really make sense, but it's what people want." Most things, though, aren't at the extremes. A lot of them are in the mushy middle where it can be hard to tell if you're doing something because it actually makes the story better, or because you're catering to the whims of people who aren't writing the damned thing.
It's up to you to determine which type of tinkering you're doing at any given time, but do keep in mind that there's good tinkering and bad tinkering.
Now on to my regularly scheduled wall of text (which I've already written) instead of this preachy thing about how fiction ought to be made.
She was right the first time. They didn't just break off their friendship with her, they repudiated it. They claimed she'd never been their friend in the first place. I feel like that's far harsher. (Fluttershy and Pinkie were downright brutal.) It's like writing her out of their personal histories and erasing all of the good things in their past.
On the subject of words being brutal:
Everyone else is trying to help, Rarity is twisting the figurative knife. The worst part is, she doesn't know she's doing it. If she paused for even a second to consider Sunset's thoughts or feelings, she'd realize just how horrible of a thing that is to say right then,* but she doesn't give that second of consideration.
I actually like seeing that here because it tends to be either forgotten (in fics that don't demonize the human five) or overshadowed (in fics that do.) In many ways the biggest betrayal in the comic isn't not trusting Sunset and isn't refusing to listen to her, it's refusing to care about her.
They don't think about the fact that the confrontation in the hallway is basically straight up bullying; they don't mind leaving her crying on the floor; they don't consider the consequences for Sunset of having the five most popular and trusted girls in school loudly claim she never reformed (in a downright crowded public place, no less); they don't wonder what it's like for her to be completely alone in the world after they ditch her; they don't think about the effect being hated by the entire school is having on Sunset; they don't really think about Sunset at all.
They think exclusively about themselves and how they feel. That's why they don't apologize at the end of the comic. Intentionally or not, the author consistently portrays them as callous and self-centered, and they'd need to stop thinking about themselves to realize what they'd been doing to Sunset.
The one exception is what kicks everything off. Applejack is thinking about Sunset when she comes up with the sleepover plan, but even then she isn't thinking about what Sunset is feeling, instead she's thinking about what Sunset isn't feeling. Sunset didn't mind being alone for the holidays. It was how she'd always been, and it bothered her not at all. Applejack's plan was to make Sunset feel something she'd never felt before. (And it worked: she felt more loved and accepted than she'd ever felt before.)
That was when Sunset was still firmly in the "One of Us" category, though. The problem is what happened when that wasn't so firm anymore. I mean that, by the way. The problem started when they had doubts; it didn't wait until they dumped her. If they'd been thinking about Sunset
instead ofin addition to themselves, the confrontation wouldn't have happened in a crowded hallway. (Also, their plans would have involved letting her defend herself before making up their minds.)Anyway, because it's all about them in their minds, it never occurs to them that they might have to apologize. They thought Sunset was hurting them; they cut her off. They revised their opinions; they took her back. Problem solved, nothing more to see here. Which is what leads to this:
10050519
For all that the comic has the human five out of character, this is in character for them. (There and here.)
It's part of why Sunset was able to break them up, with no real worries about them getting back together, with something that could be cleared up in under two minutes. Fluttershy never talked to Pinkie Pie about the silent auction. Rarity never talked to Pinkie Pie about the emails. Applejack never talked to Rainbow Dash about not showing up. Rainbow Dash never talked to Applejack about leaving her hanging.
More than that, though, it's why none of them said that they were sorry after realizing that they had wrongfully accused, completely cut off, and then gone around badmouthing the others.
Well, Applejack and Rainbow Dash might have apologized to one another (we didn't get a chance to hear their conversation) even though it seems unlikely, but even if we give them that benefit of the doubt . . . pre-reconciliation Applejack was literally telling people she just met that Rainbow Dash is the single most untrustworthy girl in school (worse than Sunset Shimmer) before introducing herself, making up for that would take more time than the seen-but-not-heard conversation they had in the movie. Applejack never shows any signs of being cognizant of that. (We don't know what Rainbow Dash did or did not do to Applejack.)
It's a serious character flaw that all five of them share, it's the sort of thing they're not likely to notice without being called out on it (or, I suppose, being faced with undeniable evidence of the way they hurt people), and I would love to see that handled with more care, realism, and nuance than:
Because remorse is what's missing (and that's in character), and that's symptomatic of the larger problem. If they don't fix that, they won't fix anything (not really), and in the end the fact that they now believe Sunset to be innocent won't matter in the least.
This, by the way, is why I think this story will probably address all of that well even though most utterly fail. The story acknowledges that Sunset has every right to feel what she's feeling, but it still examines whether what she's doing is what's good or healthy, and is self aware enough to realize that (better justification aside) she's acting towards them the way that they acted toward her.
This is a really good line, I agree with Wild Stallion. That being said, in-universe it's not nearly enough. If them thinking Sunset is going to intentionally kill herself or unintentionally freeze to death in a storm is what it takes to get them to care, that doesn't say good things about the state of their relationship.
A lot of how things will go from here depends on Sunset. How angry she is, how afraid of being hurt again she is, and also how unhealthy she is.
On that last point, the Sunset from the beginning of Rainbow Rocks would have taken them back already and felt like she was lucky to be given the chance. She was an emotional doormat with no self esteem. She felt good when she'd been insulted to the point it didn't emotionally register; she never considered that, maybe, her so called friends shouldn't be insulting her all the time.
On the first point something like:
(though probably with melodrama in the description) is exactly the sort of thing I can see an angry Sunset saying . . . and hating herself for saying.
Maybe this is just me, but I've always found that the sort of things one says when they lash out are exactly the sort of things that plug right into depression and/or self loathing.
Sorry this is so long, by the way.
* Especially given that Sunset just admitted to being suicidal in the past (which means increased odds of suicide or self harm in the present) and her present condition (and position) reeks of passive self-harm (and possibly being outright passively suicidal.)
Great chapter was great. Thanks for continuing this story.
It's 2am right now and I'm tired as heck but I'll come back tomorrow and update this comment with my more detailed thoughts.
10047730
Yep, finally got an update in! It's somehow weird knowing people were still interested in this fic (especially after so long!) Thanks for the comment
10047743
Thanks for this feedback, it honestly made me rethink where this story should lead, and what's best for the character storyline. However, this isn't the end, and it's clearly not settled as of now. I'm trying to find a balance between the show's/comic's quick fix, and excessive melodrama. That said, I tend to lean more towards the show's optimistic view
10047804
Glad to hear it!! (and fun fact, I fixed up a bit of that scene just before publishing, thank goodness I did) And don't worry on that second point
10047854
I agree that the comic's ending was rushed (not surprising since it was a short comic), and fanfic is a great way to explore an alternative without that kind of space restraint. We'll see if I pull it off!
10047943
Yep, problem is far from over! There were steps in the right direction, but not only do they need to learn the truth and apologize, they need to actually talk honestly with each other. Sunset, I believe, needs more than just an apology. Thanks for the comment!
10052591
I am super interested to see where this will go. Cant wait for the next update.
10052591
I'm not saying it has to have a tragic ending where Sunset totally rips apart the Mane 7, breaks apart their hearts, minds and souls and make sure they are all emotionally scarred for life, with absolutely no chance to recover — ever — and lead desolate lives distanced from any form of human contact in the utter disaster of what friendship once was to them. [You might want to add a Tragedy tag at this point]
What I'm trying to say is that if the idea is for Sunset to forgive the others and reinforce their friendship, please try not to blow it over so quickly. Best examples in canon are Starlight Glimmer, Spike & Thorax and above all, Sunset Shimmer. A cool light show, a talk, or a sombre melody can completely make all past actions null and void. This is one of the things in the show that irks me a lot, and it would be a bit of a let-down if authors decided that "That's how Equestria works" and went with it. Thus my feedback.
Furthermore, I do like how you wrote this. There is a build-up leading down to this point, and solving it immediately, especially without an emotional impact or implications of the character's actions, can and quite likely will nullify the catharsis of a positive ending.
I'm not trying to make your life difficult, I do have some kind of personal belief that an author's choice is always — and should be — prioritised over what the audience wants. So, if you decide to do it quickly, or resolve it with a cute poem, that is definitely your choice. I might be disappointed, but regardless I would appreciate the effort you took to write it up and post it for us to read. If you do it well, that's a bonus
...thus and finally, thank you for the read
10048090
Thank you! Whew, glad someone's enjoying the emotions besides me
10048300
This was a fun comment to get, haha! Well, at least it's well written.
Gonna have to disagree with you there, though. My original draft had Sunset turning and walking away from them a few times and it never quite worked, although that might be more of a story-flow thing. But Sunset in this fic would listen to them, because these are girls who she's been friends with for years, possibly the first friends she ever had. I think we just have different character interpretations, and that's fine, it's always fun reading these kinds of thoughts.
Also, I wouldn't say Sunset trusts them. She just agreed to go with them, which is the smart choice because the alternative is walking off into a blizzard by herself. This isn't the end.
Thanks for the feedback!
10048313
Thank you for catching that!! Already fixed, and I'm not sure what the punctuation problems were, but I wouldn't put it past me, especially anything from earlier drafts where I had a worse grasp on grammar than I would have liked. Really appreciate you letting me know!
10051244
That would have been a dark twist for sure
(If I knew how to write black comedy, I'd be tempted to do a spoof)
10053283
I would argue that part of the reason the original comic produces such outrage (apparently in perpetuity) is that Sunset doesn't fit that pattern.
Starlight Glimmer may be an easy target because she forcibly altered the very essence of every pony in an entire town at length with the goal (successfully attained, I might add) of making it impossible for them to be themselves, never apologized for it, and instead of being held accountable for her actions she received nothing but trust, praise, and outright adulation upon her return, but the set up was way before that.
Twilight Sparkle mind controlled an entire town too. Twilight also didn't say she was sorry. Twilight also wasn't held accountable. Lesson Zero was that if you do something horrible, you won't get punished because other ponies will immediately take the blame on themselves, insist you weren't the one at fault, and passionately advocate for you before the highest authority in the land.
It didn't have to be Twilight, by the way. All of the six do some terrible things, sometimes on downright epic scales, usually they don't even get scolded, and they basically never face real consequences.
That was pretty firmly entrenched before Anon-a-Miss was even an ill thought out premise in someone's head. Since the special came out, the digging's only gotten deeper. Especially for Equestria Girls villains. Turning into Midnight Sparkle and nearly destroying two worlds rewarded Sci-Twi with all of her short term desires, and better than what she wanted when it came to mid- to long-term things. Gloriosa also got everything she wanted and more. Wallflower didn't just get more and better than what she had wanted, she got more than she even believed possible.
And then there's Sunset. She didn't get forgiven. She didn't get friendship. She was ostracized and hated by the population at large. Instead of being shown the Magic of Friendship™ by the human five, she basically ended up being their unpaid servant slash one-girl cheer squad.
Rainbow Rocks is an entire movie worth of, "Look at how Sunset Shimmer didn't get forgiven and hasn't been allowed to move on." She isn't let off the hook until the ending credits (when the student body is finally shown to have stopped treating her like shit.)
Her treatment isn't just about what she's done wrong in the past, either. She's humiliated and has all of her past sins thrown in her face on stage in front of the whole school for the hideous crime of . . . quick thinking that allowed the Rainbooms to maintain their only advantage and, therefore, may have literally saved the world. After that, instead of being there for her, her so-called friends berate her and tear her down.
That's not what happens to anyone else, pony or otherwise. The only one to come close is Princess Luna.
Luna Eclipsed is actually a lot like the Anon-a-Miss debacle. Luna is penitent. She's reformed and wants to be accepted. Instead there's an entire holiday devoted to reminding everypony how evil she is. She comes to town to try to reform her image, and almost no one will even listen to her. Other than Twilight Sparkle, they'd rather quake in fear or run away or, in the case of Pinkie Pie, systemically tear her down (and drag her image through the mud) until Luna is finally left sobbing on the ground. (Why does Pinkie Pie do this? Because it's fun.)
Pinkie Pie never apologizes. (Pinkie Pie gets praised.) Luna is only able to find acceptance by embracing the holiday devoted to saying, "Now there's the bad
girlmare we all love to hate!"The difference, of course, is that ponies were afraid of Luna. There's a relationship between hate and fear, for sure, but they're two very different things. Ponies ran away from Luna. Humans shunned Sunset, sure, but it wasn't by physically leaving. They stayed around, glared, occasionally shouted insults, and generally made sure that Sunset understood she was simultaneously alone and surrounded.
(As an aside, I think being alone in a crowd is something a lot of people can relate to. This includes if we narrow it down to only when it is a result of being actively excluded. It's a rare person that's never part of the out-crowd, after all.)
Anyway . . .
That, I think, is a part of why Anon-a-Miss gets the reaction it does. While basically everyone else gets forgiven before they can say, "Sorry," Sunset suffered for her crimes. For comparison, Starlight destroyed Equestria seven times on screen (and, according to Twilight, thirteen times in total) and she was rewarded. (Like I said, Starlight's the easy target.)
The only example that comes to mind as being remotely close to Sunset and Luna suffering the consequences of their actions is Trixie's "My life has sucked since then" montage, but there are a couple of important differences. One is that it's a comedic montage instead of an episode (in Luna's case) or a movie (in Sunset's case); the scale and tone fails to compare. (Screen time matters when we're talking about emotional engagement.) The bigger one, though, is that Trixie is telling the story as an unrepentant villain. Unlike Sunset and Luna who suffer when they're trying to be good, Trixie suffered while in the process of getting notably worse.
10053980
There's absolutely nothing wrong with what you said, but you have to admit, all these important, climatic moments that happen in the show happen so swiftly, and in some cases, instantaneously. I'm just hoping that in this story, such a resolution, if a positive one, will not occur in an unrealistically swift fashion.
10054526
I definitely agree on that point. It's arguably one of the franchise's greatest failings. For all that it tries to be didactic about the importance of friendship, trust, forgiveness, and so forth it never even touches the issue of how to apologize properly.* It's definitely for the best when fan stories don't make the same mistake, and I think Shortmane would well to have things more at a more realistic pace.
(Actually, I think Shortmane will do that, based on both what's come so far and what's been said in the comments.)
My point, though, was sort of off to the side and moving in a different direction.
It was simply that I think that the . . . let's say, "How dare you‽" response to the comic comes, in part, from the fact that Sunset isn't treated like all the rest. When The Equestria Girls Holiday Special came out there were all of two movies. That means that fully half of Sunset's on screen time was spent suffering consequences (almost) no one else had to suffer while trying to make up for her past wrongs. Then, at the very end of the second movie, people are finally willing to give her the second chance they'd been denying her, and it looks like she's been forgiven.
To have that taken away almost immediately, meaning that all of what she went through was for nothing,** produces a reaction that I think the story wouldn't get if it had shown something similar happening to, say, Starlight or Discord.
That was my point. The whole of my point.
* I still remember a little over a two years ago when a fanfic (an Anon-a-Miss fic, for what it's worth) had Princess Twilight give a pretty good rundown of what to do after you've severely wronged someone (when saying, "I'm sorry," isn't nearly enough) and it got called out for being hypocritically out of character for Twilight.
The person doing the calling out was wrong about a lot of things, but they weren't wrong about that. Given canon, it is hypocritical for Twilight (or basically any character) to tell someone to attempt to atone if they want to demonstrate they're truly sorry. One of the things about fanfic, though, is that it doesn't need to make all the same mistakes as canon.
** Before the really quick wrap up at the end of the comic, the situation is actually worse than it would have been if she'd never tried to atone for anything. Provided that the journal stayed at CHS and was somehow used to contact Twilight for Rainbow Rocks, the situation would have been better if, instead of trying to make up for what she'd done, Sunset had abandoned the human world at the end of the first movie, returned as Twilight's sidekick/adviser/thingy for the second, and immediately skipped
townworld again once the sirens were defeated.The comic has all that she went through be worth less than nothing.
Also, to everyone, sorry for the giant walls of text.
10054810
Can't speak for others, but I found them worth reading. If anything, they put Sunset's anguish/rage in the story in the context of both worlds as a whole.
10053980
This was quite the comment! (just gonna try and answer both of yours here, keep it easy)
Your first point about tinkering with the plot is a good one to keep in mind, and I'm still not sure which side I'm leaning towards. I did originally have an idea of where the story ended up, because it's where I saw the characters going and its what I wanted. However, things change, and I'm dabbling with different ideas so that I don't force a character (in this case, Sunset) to doing something just because that where I demand the plot to go.
As it is now, I can see it go two ways, and I'm going to wait and see what path the story naturally takes.
For the rest of your comment(s), dang... well, I don't want to write much of an essay here, but may do a blog post. Basically, though, I honestly adore how the main series treats villains and antagonists- as long as someone is willing to try and work towards being a better person, they're allowed to and welcomed. Despite their crimes, they're not put on trial, or bullied, or treated like they'll never get better.
It's a fare more forgiving, and optomistic choice, and one I fucking LOVE because it allows characters to actually improve. If, say, Starlight had been arrested and put on trial, maybe have her magic controlled while she does her time (jail? community service?), and treated like she's always one step from doing something evil... what would that do to her character? It'd be different, and I don't think she'd be able to grow and change as much as she does.
Now Sunset? This is a more 'realistic' treatment, which makes sense in a different universe. And it works. And I like that it shows another type of redemption arc, and the comic takes that and digs deeper.
You said RR is all about ""Look at how Sunset Shimmer didn't get forgiven and hasn't been allowed to move on."" and you're right, and it's not pretty, and it's not healthy, and that's conflict which is good to have in stories.
As for this story, it's weaving around between the two kinds of redemption, and a more nuanced way that Sunset and the Rainbooms react to all of this-not just Anon-A-Miss, but their friendship as a whole.
(looks like I did write a rambling mini essay, sorry! But thank you for such in-depth comments!)
Chromebooks are evil. Never get one.
On the other hand, everyone did get spared a long thing about Starlight Glimmer.
10065371
As is presumably obvious, I can relate. Also, you're welcome, and thank you for the in depth reply.
I think there's space between how Starlight was treated and how Sunset was treated, and I think you have to look in that space to find things that are healthy.
(I cannot make what follows short; I have tried. (Before and after the Chomebook lost everything))
People treated Sunset like she couldn't possibly become a better person; people treated Starlight like she'd already become a better pony. Those are both fundamentally broken ways to approach the issue of reformation. We see the damage in both cases. For Sunset it's intensely personal. For Starlight it falls mostly on others.
That being said, I also don't think that what happened to Starlight was particularly good for Starlight. She needed someone to sit her down and explain to her, "This is what you did. This is why it was wrong. Don't do that sort of thing again." She didn't get that.
The lesson she took away from her past was "Don't semi-mind control an entire town by stealing their cutie marks." That's not exactly widely applicable, and as such that lesson failed her pretty quickly. After she uses magic to force other ponies to act as she wishes instead of as they want in two season six episodes, she gets told that using mind control on one's friends isn't good either. She still doesn't get told why, though, and as a result it isn't widely applicable either.
She learns that if she's going to force ponies to act as she wants, she should either not use magic as her cudgel or, if she does use magic as her cudgel, make sure that she only uses mind-altering magic on ponies who are not her friends and therefore only uses non mind-altering magic to coerce her friends.
And that's where she was in seasons seven and eight. Not sure about season nine, I've had a very bad year and am not remotely up to date. The thing is, this all could have been solved immediately (so end of season five / beginning of season six) if someone had a talk with her about things like coercion, consent, and ethics.
(This is also a talk the target audience needs to hear, as I am reminded every time I'm in the same house as my sister's kids.)
The reason it could have been solved immediately is that Starlight is both sincere and highly motivated. (Also, the cases I'm thinking of are clear-cut instead of borderline.) She's demonstrated that she can stop doing things she knows are wrong (more so than some of the six, actually), the problems is that she just doesn't get it. When Starlight lifts her control from Big Mac, it's not with an apology; it's with an eye roll. She doesn't understand that it's wrong, not really, and therefore treats the objection as an annoyance rather than something to learn from.
If anyone had been paying attention to Starlight's progress (or lack thereof) then, they would have realized, "Hey, Starlight doesn't realize mind control is a bad thing," fifteen episodes before "Every Little Thing She Does". Obviously the primary ones to suffer* are those she uses mind control magic on, but I don't think Starlight particularly benefited from things reaching that point instead of having her blasé attitude toward mind control (and resulting willingness to use it) addressed and corrected earlier.
Trust is an important part of helping someone reform, yes, but so is feedback. If bad behavior isn't called out as bad, there's no reason to change it. Even more fundamentally in Starlight's case, there's no reason to realize it was bad behavior in the first place. Her control of Big Mac was treated as a friendship fail with Applejack (on the same level that her not having heard of the Wonderbolts was with Rainbow Dash.)
There's something else, though, that's arguably bigger than that. Sunset and Starlight are sort of ideal cases. They're exactly what you want from a candidates for reform. Starlight just needed guidance and a chance, Sunset just needed a confidence and a chance. Basing things on what's best for them is sort of like basing things on all the rides when you don't crash, though. A seatbelt is sort if the quintessential precaution. You hope you'll never actually need it (in most types of driving at least), but you should always use it, because the benefit it will provide if it does come up far outweigh the aggregate detriment of all the times it doesn't.
Things like that are firmly in the middle ground between the treatment of Sunset on the one hand and the treatment of Starlight on the other hoof. They're not just useful as precautions, either. At the start of someone's reformation you're telling them that you believe they can change, but at some point you want to tell them that you believe they have changed. Words are important in themselves, but they're more powerful when matched with actions. Lifting what were once reasonable precautions, but are clearly (to you) no longer necessary, can be such an action.
The easiest example I can think of is the Element of Magic. When Sunset was defeated they'd just waged a magical battle to get it away from her (after a non-magical battle in which they tried to keep it away from her), so pretty much regardless of how sincere anyone thought Sunset was when she came out of that crater, they definitely weren't going to give her access the Element. If it were practical (if she hadn't shoved it in a tree) Twilight could have shown how much she trusted Sunset later on simply by letting Sunset hold on to it for a bit. It would be a tangible way to show how much their relationship had changed.
(Now I want to do that in a story, actually.)
This is the short version of the Starlight thing, by the way. I only actually cite two examples, which are closely related to one another, and gloss over the rest. (That's at least two seasons of glossing over.) Still longer than it probably should be, though.
I don't even consider the above a Starlight thing, actually. It's a reformation thing with Starlight as a principle example. The original got way too deep in the weeds of Starlight, and lost sight of the overall not-Starlight point
* Said suffering continuing even after the control is lifted, it should be noted. In fact, I think "Every Little Thing She Does" is the only episode in the entire series to have the aftereffects of being mind controlled be akin to the aftereffects of being drugged into a more compliant state. I have no idea why the creators would make that choice, especially after four seasons (or five if there's season one mind control I forgot about) of not treating it that way.
Okay, finally commenting. Sorry it took so long!
This bit here feels like the heart of the entire chapter--maybe the entire story. So many words left unsaid, but the ones that are spoken carry enough weight for all the ones that aren't. This is a perfect example of how big emotions don't come from big words.
I really hope it's explored further. This story has already shown to be less concerned with the dumb comic drama and more with the characters themselves, which is exactly the right way to do it. Soooooo many AAM stories involve suicidal stuff, but they're almost always shallow and awful. What we have here is a rare opportunity to explore those same heavy themes, but in a much better context. Here, Sunset didn't have these thoughts because of AAM, but the events of the story brought out feelings she already had. Dash's outburst and Sunset's slip of the tongue here feel like the first cracks on the dam that's holding them back. It's one thing to have the idea in her mind, and another entirely to be confronted about it and have to speak an answer. Suddenly, all those nebulous thoughts feel a lot more... I dunno. Real, I guess. She can't lie to herself about it anymore.
Whatever happens next, I'm excited for it. This story is always worth the wait.
10065371
I know that a lot of the show's most morally dubious humor was slowly or suddenly phased out in a variety of ways, so that could have been the goal of the writers by showing side effects to Starlight's methods.
Other than All Bottled Up (where she performs mind altering magic on herself) I can't think of a time after season 6 where she uses mind altering magic on another being to solve her problems. She still has her moments of being a jerk but I can't recall her specifically using mind control magic during those times. Mind sending me some examples if you think of any?
10146370
) but at a glance, I agree with ya. The show matured in a lot of ways over the years, and what might have been brushed aside in earlier seasons is treated more seriously. And... I haven't watched all of the later seasons so I can't contribute much to the Starlight question.
I just had to go check and re-check the comment threads, and, yep, I think you're actually looking to talk with chris the cynic (who I don't know how to tag).
And I don't want to get too into it because this analysis is all way above my pay grade (
10147423
No problem. I am actually glad you bothered to reply, I really appreciate that. Love your story by the way!
The highs of this chapter are really amazing, but I feel like some parts in the middle are a bit repetitive and superfluous. It's sort of a thing with the last chapter too. The characters stayed in the exact same mood for an unnaturally long amount of time. Like Sunset staying at the same level of anger, with some weird back and forth flipping between angry and numb. Also, I don't think the humane 5 would actually pretend like everything was fine. And a few grammar errors here and there. But when the intense, emotional, satisfying parts worked, they really worked. I was really into it when the Humane 5 were winning Sunset over and I just had the biggest dumb grin when they won for now. Overall a really good chapter and story so far. Good work.
Hate to be that person, but is the next chapter still in the works?