• Member Since 17th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 2nd, 2018

Burning Sunset


T

After being betrayed by her friends during the Anon a Miss incident the darkness threatens to swallow up Sunset, but there are those who want to offer a helping hand and guide her in another direction. Will she take those offered hands, or will she let herself fall to the darkness forever?

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 142 )

serves you right Rarity

also first comment

yay

Aside from the spelling errors it is a good story thus far.

I would recommend going through this at some point to clean up the spelling and grammar slips.
Otherwise, this is fairly interesting.

So far... i like it!!! There are some grammar issues that usually I would point out 'till the death, but i won't because simply the story is pretty emotional and you feel it.

If there's something I would nitpick is the whole mean spirited environment around Sunset, or use of a better term, the setup: the reason for the CMC to frame Sunset (from my point of view) is pretty shallow and a bit out of character; and even then I would not rub this to you, considering this was based on a plot from the comic (and the comic canon is not my favorite canon). You really did a great job adapting this whole mess from the comic.

Comment posted by ShippingIsMagic deleted Dec 17th, 2015

I like the story so far, but out of curiosity, why did you change the name of the school from Crystal Prep, to Crystal Heart?

6741417 As she said from the begining, she started to write this like a year ago and this is an unedited story. Now that you mention it, it would be nice if once the story is revised for the grammar (you can notice the several grammar issues) she could also add some of the cannon elements presented in Friendship Games: Crystal Prep, Cadance as the Dean (In this story I think she is a nurse), Shining Armor as an alumnus (of course in the movie wasn't confirmed nor denied that he is cop, I hope it is applied here), etc. The only thing canon I wouldn't like in this story is Principal Cinch, she's awful and outside her awesome song from the movie I don't find her interesting.

6739012 lol grats on first comment :coolphoto:


6739939 Thanks, we plan to go back and fix those when we continue work on it. Just wanted to post what we have so there's something for Christmas, so went ahead and posted this as a bit of a Christmas thing.


6740118 We plan to fix them up soon, happy you liked so far though.


6740504 Thanks, we do plan to fix those once we get back to this story. I just wanted to post something for Christmas. I do agree with you that the environment was a little harsh toward Sunset in the comics, especially at the time it happened. I didn't mind the comics a lot though there is things I would change...but that's what fanfiction is for. :yay: There will be some changes when we get back to this story though besides the grammar fixes.


6741417 It was actually written before we even knew anything about the Friendship games I believe, and didn't know what Crystal Prep was called at the time. Now that we do know about it, it will be changed in the story when we get to it to continue it.


6741615 We plan to put a lot of friendship games stuff in such as changing the name and stuff. We probably will leave Cinch out as we both hate her, though my husband is suggesting Chrysalis as the Dean. Not sure yet, as Cadence would make an awesome Dean in my opinion and it wouldn't stop her from finding Sunset. Cadence is like a social worker in the story at the moment, though I think anybody could fulfill that role and nobody even has to really be introduced for it. Then again my husband has a point that Sunset would have to meet up with whoever it is several times. For the Friendship Games itself, there will be some huge changes including a new Shadowbolt if we go that direction and no stealing of magic as Sunset would have already talked to Twilight about it upon learning that Twi is looking into it. :pinkiehappy:

6741701 Something tells me Twilight will not be happy about this

Well you're too late now Rarity.:twilightangry2:
I hope the girls are realize this mistake and make amends for what they done.

6741786 If they do that, I do hope it is not instantly forgiven, maybe Sunset stating that she needs to be away from them for a while.

6741701

For the Friendship Games itself, there will be...

Am I reading to much between lines? Does that mean is gonna be a sequel after this story? :trollestia:

...or maybe I'm taking that line too seriously, If this is meant to be a single story, it's great, it has the perfect amount of Feeli-Oh's

6741920 Point. But probably out of the five girls Rainbows ego won't let herself amend with Sunset.
I would love to see this going on more and probably Sunset connect with Twilight.

I know you said that this wouldn't be updated for a while, if ever. Just wanted to let you know that I love this story and am looking forward to reading more when you do update it. :)

This is a prefect spot to bring in Pricess Twilight. Have her watch the scene and then get spotted. Have her drop a note. And use something that make the girls recoil as if they have been hit.

please continue this
also I like to see everybody to apologize to sunset

I can't wait to see more

Yes, it's so good seeing this story again! I wasn't expecting it for some time yet, so it was a very pleasant surprise to see it updated. There were a few errors here and there (for the record, Cadance's name is spelled with an a, not an e), but overall, Quilltastic did a great job editing. Kudos to you, Quilltastic, for your editing, and to you, Burning Sunset, for this excellent story.

I'm glad that Sunset is getting a family. I hope she run into Cinch so she has a few-choice of words for her. Also i like how you played the scene with fluttershy, even if it was brief. I wonder how the others are going to take it though. Great Chapter.

Posey would be losing her job with the way she treats her patients:ajbemused:

“She's...one of my ex-friends.”

Maybe is a bit of a nitpik, and i'm not criticicing the intended message, of course Sunset is aloud to say this; I'm criticising the gramatics here: Even in rage and pain, does someone really says that? I think it would sound more natural AND still giving the same message if Sunset says "She's... was one of my friends" instead

Just a suggestion

If the two ever worked together on something they would surely show the world a thing or two.

When I first read this, I thought it said 'own a world or two' ... and I couldn't really disagree.

Love this chapter, and the change on the friendship games is perfect.
I hope Fluttershy can get a second chance with Sunset, Fluttershy made a bad mistake, but she sees now how wrong she was, I hope she can get one more chance with her.

Also can't wait to see how the Cakes react to the truth, they may ban the cmc for a a month or two from the cake store.

6786024
Speaking of the cakes Sunset could actually sue their ass for pulling what they did throwing her out like that. Even if she was anon they still could not do that because well you can't simply throw someone out of you store because they were mean or something like that to your niece or daughter(what is Pinkie's realationship win the cakes in this story?) espicually if she's homeless and has nowhere to go on a night like that. Imagine if she died of cold and the police found out she went to Sugar Cube Croner and was thrown out to die. Yeah the Cakes would be fucked.

Keep this up man, I'm loving this

I think at some point Sunset should confront her former friends and demand an apology for the incident.

please update soon

i would highly recommend the same thing i was just barley able to actually read this. good story but needs a lot work!

Wonderful story!

6773005
i have been in a hospital for the same reason that sunset shimmer winds up there and the ONLY reason why she would or even should be tied down against her will is if she showed unmistakable signs of not stopping her need to commit suicide. also there should have been a child care worker in the room each step of the way. as well as a social worker should have been called to report sunsets actions.

it would be so nice to see the out come of sunset's and fluttershy's conversation that caused velvet to take sunset home while they were on there walk together. it would also be nice to see if the others can actually be trusted to treat her with far better compassion than what was shown to her. i am also thinking it might be nice if princess twilight got some how involved into this mostly to give those well put it politely brats a lesson in true friendship. you are absolutely right sunset shimmer did NOT deserve to be treated like she was in this story. so that is why i am hopeful for the next chapter to show what she does when it comes to fluttershy and to her other so called friends. good story can't wait to read chapter 7.

Comment posted by werewolf212001 deleted Jan 13th, 2016

i fully agree there are many punctuation and grammar mistakes in this but other wise this is a really good story.

I'm can't wait to see what happens next

please continue soon

okay, so far, there are things i love about this story and thinks i dislike.

When i read the first chapter i was horrified by Scootaloo's words and wanted her pony self to come through the portal and beat some sense into her.

Another grip i have is that emotional reactions of characters feel really bland.

When it comes to Sunset and her time with Twilight's family, the emotions feel right and powerful and pull me in.

But everyone one else...?

:ajsleepy: Fluttershy seems partucally off in that she shouts how she hates sunset, right to sunset's face, but then is still wanting to prove sunset wasn't Anon-A-Miss.

Her reaction to reading Sunset's suicide letter feels a bit too instant. There's no mention of hesitation, just an immediate read and "I feel horribel, what have i done?" reaction.

Same for when she shows the girls. Rarity;s reaction feels even more readably wrong than fluttershy's. There's no confusion, no uncertainty, just an immediate reaction.

Another fine example of jumping the emotions and it just feeling bland to the reader is at the end of the previous chapter.

"She has these bandages on her arms, but she's okay I think." Sweetie Belle sighed, "She's changing schools though."

"What?" Rarity sobbed out as she realized that if Sunset changed schools then there was a chance they might never see her again. She felt as if the world dropped out from under her at the realization.

Now, logically, Rarity would have slumped at the thought of the bandages, before realizing what else her sister had said and gasping the word what. True, she could sob, but it wouldn't be at the same moment. doing so just feels like it's trying to push a reaction out of the reader, which just puts people off.

and FINALLY you use the word sighed to expression a character TOO MUCH. It's almost always the thing used to express Sunset talking or anyone with her at the time. It got really repetitive, really fast and caused me to groan every time i saw the word.


Other than those grips, i do like this story. it's got a good premises and i'm looking forward to more, especially what with the Friendship Games coming up and Sunset now going to Crystal Prep with Twilight.

But, unless those problems i mentioned are fixed and the characters reactions a bit more fleshed out so it FEELS like that's what's happening instead of just being TOLD that's what's happening, this will be remaining in my Meh bookshelf, which is really a shame, because it's such a good story

I can't wait to see the cakes expression when they hear what happen
I hope to see twilight and sunset as new sister
please update soon

Needs a little fixing up, but it is still good none the less :pinkiehappy:

Now those 5 feel like a bunch of jackass

*Rolls-Eyes* Of course, more forgiveness BS when they don't deserve it.

Well I like the story :twilightsmile:. I was not even aware of this comic story, because I never had the chance to read any of the comics in my time. And now they are beyond my reach. :fluttercry:

I can picture in my head Sunset taking a nap on the couch and it's absolutely adorable! Hope the update the story soon!

6936228 If you read the author's blog post from mid January, it says that they are moving to a new house and won't be able to write for a few weeks to a few months. If you're waiting for a story to update, it's usually a good idea to check their blog, profile comments and story comments to check for any recent updates on their progress or reasons that they're unable to write.


6967812 You can read it here, just pause on each page if you need more time.

6978418 Thanks for the video, amazing its still up with everything related to legal ownership and stuff.

Question: Update?

I like the story and all but...
Holy shit, PLEASE run it through spellcheck.

6981398

It amazes me that the comic train wreck is still considered canon, even after all of the backlash.

Looking forward to reading more.

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