The Trial of Cozy Glow
Cozy sat alone in her cold, stone cell, the light of the moon peeking in through the tiny window above her dusty bed, which itself was barely covered in torn rags. She stared ahead at the bars that stood between herself and freedom. "Y'know, the gaps between those are pretty big. I bet I could squeeze through them."
"Maybe," the guard outside said, "But then I'd just catch you again, so please don't waste my time with that. Also, I can hear you, y'know?"
Cozy crossed her forelegs and huffed. "What kind of shoddy prison is this, anyway? Where's my one phone call? Where's my harmonica?"
"You used your phone call to ask Twilight for an 'I. C. Weiner'." Cozy giggled in her cell. "And we can't give you a harmonica. Your neighbour has sensitive ears, and those high notes really make him scream."
"I mostly do it for the 'ttention!" the old station in the next cell over shouted.
Cozy Glow sighed. She thought for a few seconds, and then clicked her tongue. And then clicked it again, and again.
click click click click-
"I would prefer that to stop."
"Can you do anything to stop me?"
"… Not legally."
… click click click click…
Cozy Glow shifted on her bottom to explore the rest of her cell. Her eyes fell onto a toiler that sat out in the open. "What, no privacy? I'm a filly!"
"Prisoners – whether convicted or not – don't have the same rights as free ponies," the guard explained, much to Cozy's shock. "Our laws haven't changed in one thousand years. There's a lot that'd surprise you."
Suddenly, a chill ran down Cozy Glow's spine. "A-Am I gonna get beheaded?"
"No. That law was eradicated one thousand and one years ago, so you're fine." Cozy breathed a sigh of relief. "You'll just be sent to Tartarus, although while you'll there your body will be cursed so that you live forever, leaving you begging for a death that never comes." A hard silence filled the dungeons for several moments. "Or you'll be sent to reform school. Depends on how the judge is feeling."
"That's if she is found guilty!" a voice suddenly declared, and the guard turned his head to find a mare in blue suit and glasses, her mane tied in a bun that gave off an air of sophistication… is what he assumed she was going for.
"And you are?" the guard asked.
"Her defence attorney, Starlight Glimmer!"
Cozy Glow gasped, and rushed to the bars of her cell to peek outside. Sure enough, that was her former counsellor standing outside.
"You're an attorney?" the guard asked. "You got a licence?"
Starlight tilted her head. "What's a licence?"
"Y'know, a qualification to teach law," Cozy Glow explained. "Like how you also need a licence to start teaching or practice therapy?"
Starlight's eyes widened. "You do?!" She cleared her throat and reached into her pocket. "I mean uh, maybe this will suffice?"
The guard took a piece of paper from her and read it over. "This just says 'Nepotism' and then there's the Princess' seal."
"Yep," Starlight said. "Is that a problem?"
The guard frowned, but shook his head. "Er, no. Fine, you get thirty minutes with the prisoner. Let me show you to the interrogation room."
As the guard left the two of them alone in the interrogation room, Starlight turned to Cozy Glow with a stern look. "Now first off, let me just tell you that I am not angry with you. I am simply disappointed."
"I know, I know," Cozy said, deflating under Starlight's harsh gaze. "I screwed up, huh?"
"Well, at least you seem to be aware of-"
"I should have killed the princess, huh?"
"What? No!" Starlight facehoofed. "Cozy, you were such a good student! Why did you do all of this?!"
Cozy sniffed. "I just wanted to be more like my hero…"
Starlight rolled her eyes. "Dare I ask, who?"
"You." Starlight suddenly fell silent. "You're my hero, and I wanted to be more like you. So I… tried to obtain power and conquer the world." She smiled. "It really was as easy as you made it out to be. Except that last hurdle. That tripped me up."
"Then why did you lock me up, too?"
"Tirek says being a villain means betraying everyone you like." Cozy put a hoof to her chin. "Though now that I think about it, Tirek lost twice so… maybe should've taken his advice with a pinch of salt."
"Cozy, I… You do realise that I'm not a villain anymore, right?"
"Pfft! Yeah, I know. You're playing the long game until Twilight and her friends let their guards down and then you'll uh… Why are you looking at me like… … … Y-You're really not a villain anymore, are you?"
"No."
Cozy groaned, throwing her forelegs into the air. "Well, great! That's two months of my life I'm not getting back!"
"And a lot more, if we don't get you off the hook."
"But what can we do? Equestria's laws are outdated – they don't use evidence or testimony, they just find someone guilty and move on."
Starlight smiled. "Don't worry about that. I've got a plan, but I need you to trust me. I know I may not be who you thought I was, but-"
"You're still my hero, even if you have gone soft!" Cozy replied, leaving Starlight unsure of how to feel. "I guess I'll just have to go soft, too."
At that, Starlight felt relieved. "Now, I'm going to have to do something in court tomorrow that's called a 'white lie'. I know, I know, lying is wrong, but I need you to understand that-"
"Miss Starlight, you know what I did today. I know what lying is."
"Eheheh… Right… Well, in any case, here's the story we'll use…" Starlight leaned forward and whispered into Cozy Glow's ear. When she was finished, she pulled her head back. "You understand?"
"Uh, I do but… why did you have to whisper it?"
"Our time's almost up," Starlight said, getting up from her seat. "I'll see you tomorrow. And try not to worry – I promise everything will be fine."
The next day, ponies gathered for the trial of Cozy Glow, charged with attempting to take over Equestria and false imprisonment. The judge was Fair Hearing, an aged stallion who had presided for many decades.
As the court settled down, Hearing slammed his gavel and looked over those gathered. "Court is now in session for the trial of Cozy Glow. Are the defence and prosecution ready?"
"The defence is ready, Your Honour," Starlight Glimmer replied.
"The prosecution as well," Prince Blueblood said, gazing deeply into a mirror as he blew a fan into his mane.
Cozy Glow raised an eyebrow. Starlight smirked, and whispered, "I gave him the mirror before court. Figured it'd keep him distracted."
"And the fan?" Cozy asked.
Starlight shrugged. "He uh, he had that on him already… Yeah, I found it weird, too."
"Then, let's hear the prosecution's opening statement."
Blueblood chuckled and shrugged. "What is there to say? It's an open-and-shut case." Blueblood stood, stepped forward, and then struck a pose. "This luxurious mane, this handsome horn, this bottom that just won't quit. The mares love me and the stallions want to be me."
"Objection!" Starlight shouted. "I'm a mare and I find him repulsive."
"Sustained," Fair Hearing said. "Prince, please could you save your dating resumé until after the proceedings?"
Prince Blueblood glanced at the judge, and then at the defence's table, and then sighed. "She's guilty. Hundreds of ponies saw it and, well, look at that mane. Fillies with curly hair are inherently bad. Why else would she be trying so hard to stand out, huh?"
The gallery erupted into murmurs of agreement as Blueblood took his seat, and the judge had to slam his gavel to silence everypony. "Thank you. Now, Miss Glimmer, does the defence have anything it would like to say?"
"As a matter of fact, Your Honour, I do!"
"Then the court sees no reason to prolong this- Oh, you… actually have a defence? Well, let's hear it then."
Starlight rose and stepped forward. "Fillies and gentlecolts, today we have before us a filly accused of trying to take over a country and imprisoning those who have fought to protect us, our very heroes, and even me, her own defence attorney!
"Are there claims true? Perhaps. However! Before you pass judgement on her, there is something that you all must know. Cozy Glow, the accused, has…" Starlight slammed her hooves for dramatic effect. "A tragic back-story!"
The gallery gasped, and Prince Blueblood gave an appreciative whistle. "Ooh, she's good."
The judge leaned forward in his seat. "Well, don't leave us in suspense! What happened? Was it bandits?"
"Domestic abuse?" Blueblood asked.
"A secret organization that murdered her family and so now she hunts them down on her own and joined their ranks in an attempt to destroy them from the inside?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"No, no, and return to your seat, Pinkie Pie." Starlight cleared her throat. "You see, it happened some time ago, when Cozy Glow was an even littler filly than she is now. She had a friend, a best friend, one might say. The two of them were inseparable. They spent all of their time together." Starlight began to well up, and summoned a box of tissues to wipe away the tears. "But then one day, her friend said, 'I don't want to hang out with you anymore'."
The room was filled with a tense, heavy silence. Then, all of a sudden, the room erupted as ponies turned and talked to their neighbours, or burst into tears, or screamed obscenities over how cruel the world was.
"ORDER! ORDERRRR!" the judge demanded through his tears as he slammed his gavel. "Miss Glow, had I known you've had such a hard life up to this point, I never would've allowed this case to come to court!"
"It has been hard on her!" Starlight shouted, smushing young Cozy's cheeks as her tears flowed faster. "Look! Look at the face of the poor, lonely filly whose life – that was already a living hell – you were about to destroy even more!"
"Please, stop!" the judge pleaded, covering his face with his hooves. He slammed his gavel, and straightened himself out. "Miss Glimmer, your words have swayed me! To think that we had been so quick to judge her, while you stayed faithful and saw the good in this filly. It truly warms the cockles of this old stallion's heart."
Cozy Glow stifled a laugh, whilst Starlight quietly shushed her.
"The court will now deliver its verdict! In light of the circumstances surrounding Miss Cozy Glow, though we cannot ignore the crimes she has committed, she clearly could not help herself given how rough she has had it up until now. For that reason, even though she is not a unicorn, all of the charges will be dropped!"
Cozy tilted her head. "Wait, even though I'm not a unicorn?"
"However!" the judge continued, "This will be under the condition that Cozy Glow give up her villainous ways and focuses all her efforts into making new friends. We will not monitor these efforts nor perform regular check-ups, but instead trust that she will honour the agreement." The judge smiled at the filly, who nervously smiled back. "Since that's what friends do, after all."
Cozy Glow gave the biggest smile she could muster. "Of course! You can trust me, Your Honour, sir!"
"Well then, with that, court is adjourned!"
Ten days later, Cozy Glow had settled down well in Ponyville with her new friends, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. The three of them had bonded over a mutual love of being in charge, as well mutual respect for each others' mischievous natures.
Together, they walked down the streets of Ponyville and laughed merrily. Cozy Glow wiped a tear from her eye. "Anyway, that's why ponies are better than dragons."
Starlight smiled as she watched the three fillies from a distance. Silver Spoon separated from the group for just a moment, and then returned with ice cream. They sat at a nearby table and ate together, told more stories, and laughed some more. "Well, looks like we don't need to worry."
Twilight nodded her head. "It seems you're right. All she needed was to make some friends."
"Well, and a sob story," Starlight said with a grin. "That's what worked for me and Tempest."
"Didn't work for Sombra though," Twilight pointed out, to which Starlight shrugged.
"He didn't tell it fast enough."
Some time passed, before Cozy Glow noticed the sun beginning to set and gasped. "Sorry girls, but I promised some other friends of mine that I'd meet them soon," she said.
"Hey, don't worry about it," Diamond Tiara said. "We'll see you tomorrow at school, right?"
Cozy Glow nodded. "Totally. See you then!"
Starlight watched as Cozy Glow left. "See? She's making friends all over town. She'll be just fine."
Doctor Caballeron lit up his cigarette and exhaled a puff of smoke. "Gentleponies, I would like to thank you all for attending tonight. For our first order of business, I would like to introduce the newest member of our elite ranks – Miss Cozy Glow."
All eyes turned to the filly sitting opposite to Caballeron in the big circle of chairs. "Golly gosh, it sure is nice to meet you all!" she cheered.
One pony, dressed in a trenchcoat, narrowed his eyes at Caballeron. "Is this joke? She is leetle filly."
"Ah only work wif professionals," another pony said.
Caballeron simply waved a hoof at their concerns, and said, "I assure you, she is quite qualified. This little filly came close to conquering all of Equestria in one day."
A large stallion sitting beside Caballeron scoffed at the notion. "So?"
Caballeron grinned. "And she didn't say 'sorry'."
Gasps filled the room. "Whoa. We got a real badass here."
The large stallion leaned over to Caballeron and whispered, "Are you sure we can trust her?"
"Oh, you can trust me," Cozy Glow said, a sweet smile on her face as she giggled. "I'm just here to earn a little extra pocket money, and to make friends, as the court ordered."
"Indeed," Caballeron said. "We are all friends here, and this coming Sunday, I have a fun-filled activity for us all at the Manehattan First Bank."
Everypony chuckled as exchanged knowing looks. Some rubbed their hooves together, others licked their lips. Only Cozy Glow didn't join in the festivities. Instead, she crossed her forelegs and pouted quietly.
"Is something the matter?" Caballeron asked.
"I can't go," she grumbled. "My mum grounded me for trying to trap the princess."
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Interesting for sure. But the fandom needs to accept that Cozy Glow was an unrepentant bitch and wasn't sorry for a damn thing.
Tartarus is too good for her.
9161584
I think you meant to say unrepentant.
They should've tossed her into a pit full of ferocious bear-sized puppies. An eternity of merciless snuzzling would teach her a lesson.
9161628
Dangit. Yeah that's what I meant. Thanks for the catch.
Yeah, no. Just no. I'm fairly sure here Cozy held no remorse for her actions. She wanted Tartarus, god knows, why, but she wanted to be sent there. That alone says volumes about her sanity.
Absolutely fucking brilliant.
Alondro finds Cozy guilty of being an impossibly informed and experienced 8-year old villain, "For acting like every bad OC HiE child villain ever... and reminding me of "Boss Baby", I sentence you to... the next Star Wars movie."
Cozy screamed in horror as dark shadows moaning and shrieking in unearthly voices slithered out to drag her to her fate. Like, that time in "Ghost", and stuff.
9161584 I found her to simply be a ridiculously implausible villain. I was waiting for the reveal that she was Chrysalis, or a demon, or... anything else than actually a child. I don't even want to bother with the litany of questions that raises, for which there are very very few possible believable answers.
Let's get real here, she's friggin' 8. I don't how super-brilliant a kid is, they're not going to be experts at complicated planning at that age. Even the brightest kids ever on Earth have never managed to carry out a brilliant scheme of any kind until they're at least in their teens.
And two, who the hell taught her all of this? Who's kid even is she? She was terribly unsatisfying.
I liked Cozy, but she deserved her fate.
Alondro smiles at that mental image.
I know who it is...
A clown IS a big spider!
Best ending ever!
Definitely would have shut people up about her.
And the alternative ending of the prank calls, definitely a nice add in!
10/10 Should've happened.
I think it's more likely they are setting something big up for season 9.
After all, that look she gave at the end wasn't a look from somepony unhappy to be there. Looked like it might have been her plan all along to get there and meet with her penpal.
Considering you would have to do something really horrible to end up there, maybe her plan was to get herself in there....
It did if you follow the comic series.
9161695
With you on everything but the Chrysalis theory. I don't know what Hasbro was thinking when they thought this was a good idea.
For crying out loud, this makes Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, at their worst, look like saints by comparison. Which is saying something.
9161846 Child super-villains tend to be problematic in most cases, unless they're being over-exaggerated for comic effect and the audience is in on the joke from the get-go (such as Stewie or Mandark).
For something like Cozy, we NEED the backstory immediately, or at least some sort of basis for how this grade-schooler is as potent a villain as Saruman. If they were going to give her a backstory or a hint to it, the ending was where it needed to be. Instead, not a single question was raised, despite the situation naturally raising a whole boatload of questions ANYONE with a fragment of a cerebral cortex would think to ask. There's no investigation, no questioning, no glimpse of a 'true form' or 'actual identity', not even a basic villain expositional speech, no NOTHING! This tells me either they don't have a backstory for her yet, or what they have is so pathetic they're hiding it until they can hopefully think up something better.
Instead, Cozy felt like a generic OP villain shoved into someone's amateur fanfic for the heroes to beat, and throw in a lazy 'I'll get you next time!' "To be continued..." hook at the end. She is as bland a villain as the PoS, which at least had a partial backstory... even though the show has now utterly forgotten about the PoS apparently. So, I'm doubting we'll ever find out what the hell it was or where it came from.
9161695
I thought much the same, and was likewise waiting for the reveal that she was something, anything, than the foal she was (that idea she could've been Chrysalis in disguise is a seriously good one, and the set-up for it was all there, so they could've totally gotten away with it without a hitch and without changing much of the episode's plot). The idea decidedly seemed half-baked on that aspect. At least the rest of the episode went satisfactorily enough for me despite that, so I can still enjoy the episode for what it is.
Maybe they should've just made her a teen like the Young Six...most of the other students are around that same age, so it would've only made her fit in all the more and made her end fate a bit more...justifiable. Oh well.
But anyway, because she's a foal, I would think that calls for some punishment other than Tartarus. She's still got her whole life ahead of her, so you never know. She could still change for the better. After all, that has been a reoccurring theme in the show.
Although...there's no disputing that Cozy IS pretty dang cuckoo for Coca Puffs. And...now she's been stuck next to Tirek for all eternity bugging him, so seeing he's certainly not guiltless in this whole affair too, he IS getting punished too, so...
I dunno. I guess I can see the matter in lots of different ways. I acknowledge there's both upsides and downsides to the whole finale.
9161889
Hence why I think it's now painfully obvious Hasbro no longer gives any buck about G4, outside the Equestria Girls stuff, and is now shifting all pony only staff to concentrate on G5.
9161985
And even the EQ Girls thing is debatable. It is not as good as it use to be.
9161642
No, it's called being a fake ass bitch. She's positive about absolutely everything, even if she had a better alternative.
9161642
9161769
Maybe her plan all along was to reform Tirek :P
9161786
Well yeah, but as Starlight said, he didn't tell his story fast enough :P
I like more this ending that the cannon one... You should send it to Hasbro
Maybe Tartarus is Equestria's version of juvenile hall. Cozy glow can't be forgiven and reformed like everyone else until she reaches the age of 18?
No one ever suspected her to be a mare in her 40's. . .
Man, remind me to make a summary of a tragic backstory if I ever decide to go into super villainy.
Man, loving your take on Cozy and all the fun mischief she can get into. Hope there's a sequel/recurring appearance of Cozy in future fics of yours.
Reform School always sounds as if they just try to make Cozy join their harmony cult, but maybe I translate that wrong.
I just don't like it if Characters like Starlight change 100 % after being evil.
I'm glad that she just changed around 85%.
Oh I like what you did and be prepared for me wanting more probably
While this is maybe overdone, I always image every pony to be like this (to soft) and every former evil main char or human coming to Equestria being normal.
Here i didn't knew what to think about it.
Later when they said "she didn'T said sorry", it was a bit sad and funny how true it seems to be sometimes, that it shocks them so much.
As much as I like mlp, I also like it if they mention stuff like this which feels like the truth sometimes too.
9161584
I don't really understande why you guys want this or that character in tartarus sometimes, like Trixie where it starts with others missunderstanding her being a "show mare", who needs to act like that more or less and then being jealous and challanging her.
After the whole thing they just throw her out of town and no one is helping her since she didn't made the bear attack the town.
They should have tried to help the kid and put her somewhere else where she is monitored instead of instead of putting her into pony hell.
9161696
I liked her too, there are just characteres where your suprised how much hate they get. I mean She did something bad, but with some characters it'S just easier to understand their side or what could have happened, or even just what they could have done instead of taking her to tartarus.
I wonder how different could be Cozy Glow in the human world...
9161584
Furthermore, she's made it crystal clear that she's not going to give up on her goal until it's achieved. No matter how many times you stop her.
9197088
Exactly. Course how she plans to do that from Tartarus is anypony's guess. And of course like every villain, she didn't plan on loosing period, so she probably doesn't have a backup plan.
9161930
9161695
The Cozy-is-Chrysalis theory never had much traction, to be honest. The red herring of her working for Neighsay, that had much more hints in the show itself. Like how Cozy immediately appeared when Twilight and Rarity wondered how Flim and Flam got their hooves on her book, and how her words to the Student Six echoed much of his racism.
Instead, we got The Omen Filly, to prove even cute school-age pony girls can be Evil Made Manifest. Thing is, you don't lock child psychopaths in a deep dark dungeon and pretend they don't exist, at least not if you'd rather avoid looking like medieval-backwards.
9202109
Basically, there were a lot of other better ways they could've taken Cozy than the one they ultimately did. But they didn't. *shrugs* What are ya gonna do, right?
Well at least Cozy Glow didn't resort to bring up the one night in Spike's room.
9161642
Insane people, and especially insane children, go to institutions.
They don't go to prison or hell.
<LoL!> Very amusing. The Cozy Glow we got to see sounds like she'd get into that sort of stuff even if she wasn't banished to Tartarus.
A nice little read. Seems you had fun putting it together, too. Nice job! :)
9232497
You realize she wanted to go there not because she is insane but because it’s just another step for her plan. She deserves to be in hell for what she did but why did they put her RIGHT next to her co-conspirator. Equestria deserves to be destroyed for that stupid decision making
9257067
If both of them are together, they'll be unstoppable.
9197337
I'm willing to bet being put in Tartarus was part of her plan. Menendez Effect.
You and every other mare that cares about more than looks and status.
Thanks, this made my day!
9232497
but how many are insane enough to bring on a nearly complete destruction of a country, maybe even the world. Without magic equestria would had been done for. either way this is all fiction.
I loved the story by the way. It was a good laugh
Just a friendly heads-up that I really couldn't come up with a more suitable title for my story - it's not meant as a challenge or anything, and I put a link to this one complete with recommendation in the summary. And even if I end up using Blueblood as prosecutor, I Pinkie Promise it's total coincidence - I forgot he was in this one. Not that your story's not memorable or anything - I doubt I'll come close.
Oh, and since I'm here:
Can ponies do this?
9161696
That's part of the reason of why I killed her in my fan-fic "Cozy Glow Meets the Boogeymare."
Ha! Nice Phoenix Wright reference and jabs at poor villain backstories