• Member Since 23rd Jun, 2019
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

CozyGlow57


E

What if Cozy Glow was innocent? What if someone else was making all of the magic disappear?

OR

A "Cozy Glow isn't the villian" School Raze AU.

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 24 )

No way. Anyone THAT cute has to be up to something.

More seriously, this is a good concept but you really need to put more detail into things. Otherwise it's just an alternate recap.

9715360
Thanks! Don't worry there will be more details in other chapters!

Oooo I can't wait to see what happens next.

It's readable, but it needs proofreading.

I am interested to see how this develops. As much as the scene of Rarity running into a door still cracks me up :raritydespair:...I think it would have been better to just give a brief summary of the beginning of School Raze, and then go straight into the part where it "diverges from canon." I feel there really isn't a need to take up a whole chapter just repeating what happened in the episode.

You did switch between past tense and present tense a few times, your grammar could use some work, I find the quotes hard to read when they’re seperated from the word like you did, and “she flied” should be, “she flew”, In all, I think you should find an editor, or edit yourself,

But the story it self seems alright, I’ll see where this goes :pinkiehappy:

Compliments to you on sharing your first story. It's definitely off to a good start as you start to alter the events of the Season 8 finale.

The flow of the story is good. The only thing that breaks it up are spelling errors. Fortunately these are not bad enough to take away from what you are telling here in your story.

First stories tend to have spelling errors along with times where the tense changes from present to past. Fortunately, as you continue to write, you will get better with this and grow into your talent as a writer.

I give you credit for how closely you are following the canon. That, to me, is very difficult as, in any of my writing, I find myself taking far too many liberties.

Your patience and attention to detail are very good.

Also, no surprise, your spelling errors are getting fewer. You're developing well and will only continue to do so.

Pretty sure she was the student also stealing lesson plans obtained from Starlight Glimmer's office and selling them to Flim and Flam so they had something to teach at Friendship University...

Even if she hadn't been guilty of high treason, she would have still been guilty of educational corporate espionage...

Story is still moving right along. We're near the end of School Raze: Part 1. Now to see what happens as we proceed.

It also seems Spike AND Starlight were left behind. How will this impact the tale?

Comment posted by CozyGlow57 deleted July 9th

9721203

Thanks! I understand why you would think that but no,Spike wasn't left behind.See:
"Ugh!"Pinkie Pie said "It smells just like it looks!"
"Even if our food's spoiled, these blueberries are still good to eat." Fluttershy said .
"Too bad we can't do anything about the rainstorm." Spike said.

Ooooooo 2 chapters in one day? Me happy.

Definitely seeing the variations now. It makes me wonder if Neigh Say is going to be our big villain... or perhaps someone else?

I like this Cozy glow. Though, from her first appearance, I never thought she'd go bad guy for Season 8.

I like how much you are still following the canon. It shows how just a few changes will still cause the same flow of events but with noticeable altered results.

9724663
He might be the big villian or it might be someone else.You'll have to read Chapter 5 to find out!

I would have like it more if it was Chancellor Neighsay that was the pen pal instead of some oc pony.

Comment posted by CozyGlow57 deleted July 11th

9725609

Actually she is a background pegasus from the show:
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/d/db/Students_walking_around_the_school_lobby_S8E1.png/revision/latest?cb=20180325203630
Besides Neighsay just wants to get rid of the Young 6 and he doesn't need to drain all of the magic in Equestria to do that.

9725646
You could’ve had it so that he was doing it so he could frame the Young 6.

Patty Peppermint was a great choice. It definitely wasn't what I was expecting at all. I had it figured as neigh Say the whole time.

I like how the story is still following the show canon with the little changes making noticeable impacts. Amazing how a little change to one, or more, parts of a timeline can make such a difference.

9726222
That sounds like a good idea actually... I wish I had thought of that...

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