Are You Awake?
“Rainbow, are you awake?”
Every morning, Fluttershy would say the same four words outside the door to her friend’s room. Every morning she would sit there, straining her ears, hoping and praying that a scratchy voice would beg her for five more minutes of sleep.
Instead, a confused mewl reached her ears, followed by the shuffling of blankets. Fluttershy sighed, her shoulders slumping. She pushed open the door just a few inches and peeked around the edge, trying to give her friend some semblance of privacy.
“Rainbow, are you okay?”
Rainbow Dash was tangled up in her blankets again, hooves thrashing wildly as she tried to free herself. Fluttershy quickly pushed the door open and trotted inside.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” Fluttershy said soothingly, reaching out to try and hold Rainbow still.
One of Rainbow’s hooves knocked rather painfully against Fluttershy’s. The caretaker winced, pulling her hoof back and blinking tears out of her eyes. A rather unpleasant word tried to worm its way out of her throat, but Fluttershy held it back. She took a moment to compose herself and spoke in a more commanding tone.
“Rainbow Dash, sit still!” Her voice was barely any louder, but Rainbow seemed to hear her.
Rainbow stopped struggling, going limp amid her tangled blankets. Word, slurred and broken, fell out of Rainbow’s mouth.
“Help! I stuck!”
Fluttershy shushed softly and began gently peeling away the cloth. Eventually, she managed to uncover the blue Pegasus. Rainbow had switched to panting, clearly growing agitated the longer she was still.
That brought a ghost of a smile to Fluttershy’s face. Even like this, Rainbow was still Rainbow.
The instant she was free of the blanket’s grip, Rainbow rolled out of bed and shook herself before making a beeline for the door.
“Rainbow, you need to-” Fluttershy began, but Rainbow was out the door before she could finish saying her name.
Fluttershy bolted after her, catching up with Rainbow at the top of the stairs.
“Easy now, you can’t go too fast,” Fluttershy cautioned, wrapping a wing around Rainbow’s side and guiding her down the stairs, one at a time. Rainbow fidgeted the whole way, clearly desperate to bolt down to the living room.
But as far as Fluttershy was concerned, one fall was more than enough.
They reached the bottom of the stairs a bit quicker than normal. Fluttershy stumbled over the last few steps, Rainbow wiggling out from under her wing and making a dash for the kitchen. Without Rainbow’s support, Fluttershy tripped forward and landed in a pile on the floor. It was painful, but drastically less so than it had been in previous instances. There used to be a end table there.
Fluttershy picked herself up and followed Rainbow into the kitchen. The fastest mare alive was running circles around the table, less than patient for breakfast.
“Okay, okay, settle down Rainbow.” Fluttershy said softly, like a mother with her foal.
“Okay,” Rainbow said, only going slightly slower.
As Rainbow Dash slowly obeyed her, Fluttershy heard a symphony of scratching at the doors and windows separating the kitchen from the yard. Dozens of her animal friends stood there, piled on top one another, noses pressed against the glass.
She could see the pain and confusion in their eyes. Desperately asking why they had been shut out. She wished she could make them understand, explain to them how it was safer for everyone if they remained outside. She could say the words as loudly and slowly as she wanted, but she couldn’t force understanding on them. She could rationalize to herself as much as she wanted, but it didn’t make their stares go away.
It felt like a knife in her chest.
An impatient whine pulled Fluttershy from her thoughts. Rainbow Dash sat in her chair, as close to still as she could get.
“Breakfast!”
“Oh, I’m sorry Rainbow,” Fluttershy said, turning away from the windows and trotting over to the cupboard.
Fluttershy picked out Rainbow’s bowl and spoon. Both plastic and highly resistant to chewing. She set them down on the table, quickly pulling a box of cereal down and filling the bowl. Rainbow was getting anxious, doing little hops in her seat. Fluttershy quickly placed the cereal aside and pulled out the milk, pouring quickly but trying to not pour too much.
The milk had barely hit the colorful sugar loops before Rainbow dug in. She didn’t even bothering to use her spoon, opting instead to shove her face into her bowl. Fluttershy felt the urge to scold her rise briefly, only to quickly die out.
Fluttershy’s shoulders sagged and she returned the milk and cereal box to their proper places before setting about fixing her own breakfast. Perhaps some oatmeal today. Fluttershy allowed the sounds of Rainbow eating to fade into the background as she pulled down the oatmeal box.
She was about to set the kettle on the stove when the tapping of a small fist on glass drew her attention to the window. Angel Bunny stood there, arms crossed, foot tapping away as he waited for Fluttershy to allow him back inside. Fluttershy sighed and turned her attention back to the kettle.
She hadn't even filled it with water when she heard the sound of plastic hitting wood. Rainbow had finished her cereal in record time and had knocked her bowl to the floor. Whether it was an accident or some strange form of celebration Fluttershy wasn’t sure.
Words, like hot bile, grew in the back of her throat. Fluttershy swallowed them down and moved to Rainbow’s side.
“Okay, breakfast is over, I guess.” Fluttershy said hoarsely, moving to Rainbow’s side and helping her out of the chair.
Fluttershy heard more tapping and scratching at the window, but she blocked the sound out. Or tried to.
“Let’s just get you settled and I’ll go feed everyone, okay?” Fluttershy said, speaking more to herself than the pony at her side.
Fluttershy’s stomach chose to be the millionth one to complain to her that morning. It was by far the easiest to ignore.
“Tea or coffee?” Fluttershy asked as she led Twilight into the kitchen.
“Tea,” Twilight said automatically. She stopped in the doorway, watching as Fluttershy filled the kettle with water and placed it on the stove. “Um, Fluttershy?”
“Yes?” Fluttershy replied, not looking up from her task.
“Do you need some- ah!” Twilight jumped as something suddenly bumped into her from behind.
“Hello!” Rainbow Dash said, her voice a higher volume than necessary.
“Heh, hello to you too, Rainbow.” Twilight chuckled, giving her friend a gentle pat on the head. “How are you today?”
Rainbow made a sound oddly close to a purr and smiled up at Twilight. “Go home with you now?”
Twilight chewed on her words for a moment. “Actually-”
“No,” Fluttershy said flatly, now turned towards the pair. She cleared her throat and softened her tone. “Not today, Rainbow. You’re still gonna be staying with me.”
“Okay,” Rainbow nodded her understanding. Or maybe she was just parroting what she had seen other ponies do, not properly comprehending the words or motions.
“You can go play outside, Rainbow,” Fluttershy began, but Rainbow bolted at the word ‘outside’. “But stay by the windows where I can see you!” She shouted after the scampering pegasus. She sighed and turned her attention back to the drinks, pulling a box of tea leaves out of her pantry. “Sugar or cream, Twilight?”
“Fluttershy, here let me help you,” Twilight said, trotting over to the counter.
“You’re my guest, Twilight. I can’t ask you to-”
“I insist,” Twilight said, lighting up her horn and pulling mugs out from the overhead cupboards. “Just… have a seat and the tea will be ready in no time.” Twilight threw on a smile, showing too many teeth.
An offended look crossed Fluttershy’s face. “Twilight, I can handle-”
“I know you can, but,” Twilight sighed, looking her friend in the face. “Fluttershy, I could see the bags under your eyes from the road.”
Fluttershy stopped and brought a hoof to her face. “Are… are they really that noticeable?”
Twilight nodded. “Please, let me help.”
Fluttershy nodded and quietly made her way over to the table, sitting down and resting her fore-hooves upon it. She couldn’t help but notice the surface was sticky after Rainbow’s messy breakfast. She had forgotten to wipe it down. Of course, she had also forgotten that Twilight was coming over today. At least she had remembered to pick up the bowl.
Twilight pulled a jar of sugar from the pantry and a carton of cream from the fridge. “You’re not sleeping well,” She said. It sounded more like a statement than a question.
Fluttershy shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“You’re clearly not,” Twilight sighed, glancing over at the slowly heating kettle of water. She frowned and started lighting up her horn, casting a spell to heat the water faster. “I could-”
“Twilight, stop that.”
Twilight looked over her shoulder. “Stop what?”
“Stop magicing the water. Let it boil on its own.”
Twilight frowned. “But I-”
“Twilight, leave it.”
Twilight scowled but stopped her spell anyway. “Fine.” She left the pot to boil and took a seat opposite Fluttershy. “I suppose that gives us time to discuss things.”
“I’d rather talk over tea.”
Twilight sighed and tapped her hoof against the table. And then she did it again and again, keeping a rhythm like that of a ticking clock. Fluttershy winced a little, and then began to grind her teeth. Every tap felt like a hammer pounding against her skull.
“Fine,” she growled, lifting her gaze to meet Twilight’s. “What do you want to talk about?”
Twilight stopped her tapping. “Oh, well… I wanted to talk about Rainbow Dash.”
“What do you mean?”
Twilight shifted nervously in her seat for a moment. “I think I should take her, for a week or so. Give you a break.”
Fluttershy snorted and looked away. “I’m fine.”
The scowl returned to Twilight’s face. “Fluttershy, you look like you’re about to fall over.”
“I said I’m fine,” Fluttershy spat with a surprising amount of venom.
Twilight looked like she was about to say something when a tapping on the glass made both mares jump.
“Yoohoo! Fluttershy, darling, are you in there?”
Twilight and Fluttershy turned as one to the window, seeing Rarity standing there, nose a scant inch from the glass, sun hat perched upon her mane.
“J-just a moment, Rarity,” Fluttershy called quietly, getting out of her chair and moving to the kitchen door. She opened it up, poking her head out to see Rarity still beside the window. “You, um, can come in if you want.”
Rarity smiled brightly. “Oh, I’d love to, darling. It’s just that, it’s such a lovely day.” Rarity swept her hoof around. “Why don’t you come join me out here?”
Fluttershy hesitated. “W-well, it is nice out, but I’ve got the kettle on and Twilight is already inside, so-”
Rarity perked up. “Twilight is here?” She trotted over to the door, hardly breaking her stride as Fluttershy scrambled to get out of the way. She stopped in the kitchen doorway, Fluttershy just a step behind her. “Ah, good morning, Twilight. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Fluttershy and I had an appointment. Er, a scheduled visit.” Twilight coughed awkwardly. “Why don’t you have a seat?”
Rarity chuckled. “Oh, I would, but I’m afraid it’s just too pleasant a day to stay cooped up inside.” She started backing up, glancing out the open door. “Shall we?”
Twilight hesitated, nervously tapping her hooves on the tabletop. “The kettle-”
“Oh, bring it outside,” Rarity said with a dismissive waving her hoof, not even looking at Twilight. “I’ll go set up the table.” And with that she scooted out the door, leaving a confused Fluttershy and a slightly miffed Twilight in her wake.
“We can’t just bring the kettle outside,” Twilight whisper yelled to Fluttershy. “It’s not even-”
“M-maybe we should just have cold tea.” Fluttershy said quietly, pawing at the floor. “I think I have some in the fridge.” She trotted back into the kitchen, pulling the kettle off the stove and opening the refrigerator. “Um, you should go see if Rarity needs any help.”
Twilight remained in her seat, concern etched onto her features. “Fluttershy-”
“I’ll be out in just a moment. Keep an eye on Rainbow out there, okay?”
“...Okay.” Twilight sighed, getting out of her seat and slowly making her way outside.
Fluttershy kept her house at a reasonably cool temperature, so once Twilight stepped back outside the heat was like a solid wall smashing into her. A quiet groan escaped her lips as the birds overhead chipped and chirped, chasing each other through the clear blue sky.
As she made her way over to the outdoors table, more a bench really, Twilight spied Rainbow Dash. The former- no, current Wonderbolt was laughing happily, chasing a rather large trio of squirrels around the yard. The furry animals chittered playfully as they dodged and jumped around their pursuer. A smile found its way onto Twilight’s face, laced with no small amount of pain.
She reached the bench, Rarity having already taken the liberty of placing a soft blue tablecloth over its surface. Glasses and plates had already been set, the last of which was just then carefully levitated into place. Rarity was ducking back into the picnic basket she had when she heard Twilight’s approach.
“Oh, hello there, darling. No kettle?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What? Oh!” a single laugh came from her throat, devoid of mirth. “Fluttershy said it was probably too hot for fresh tea and that she might have some cold in her fridge.”
Rarity shrugged. “It hardly matters, I suppose.” A jug of yellow liquid was brought out if the basket. “I’ve taken the liberty of bringing lemonade.”
Twilight frowned. “Rarity, why did you come here? And with all this?”
Rarity shrugged. “Do I truly need a reason to visit my dear friend Flutter-”
Rarity was cut short as a squirrel suddenly leapt onto her head and scurried down her back before launching itself off of her flank. She had barely a second to process this before an eager blue blur crashed into her side. The lemonade jug flew gracefully into the air.
Twilight managed to catch it in her own magical aura as Rarity and Rainbow fell to the ground in a tangle of legs and wings. Rarity, unused to such activities, was stunned and rendered immobile. Rainbow on the other hand hardly seemed to break stride, rolling with the crash and managing to land on her hooves, tearing after her quarry with nary a backward glance.
“It seems muscle memory counts for something,” Twilight said quietly, watching her friend continue her chase.
“It certainly does,” Rarity groaned as she hauled herself upright.
“Oh, sorry Rarity,” Twilight said, realizing she had completely ignored the fallen fashionista.
“Don’t worry, darling.” Rarity brushed the dirt from her coat and smoothed out her mane. “I appreciate you saving the drinks.” Rarity returned her attention to her picnic basket, humming softly to herself.
Twilight carefully placed the jug on the bench and awkwardly cleared her throat. “What were you saying before?”
Rarity looked up, bagged sandwiches in her magical grasp. “Hm? Oh, yes. I was just saying that I hardly need a reason to visit Fluttershy.” Rarity moved the sandwiches to the tablecloth and began unwrapping them. “She is my friend after all.”
Twilight’s lips drew tight, her mouth becoming a thin line.
Rarity took notice, raising an eyebrow. “Something the matter, Twilight?”
“Rarity, I know why you’re here.”
Rarity snorted and went back to the sandwiches. “Is that so?”
“I’m serious-”
“I found the tea,”
Fluttershy’s soft voice cut made the words catch in Twilight’s throat. The Princess of Friendship coughed and silently shuffled towards the bench. Fluttershy noticed this, looking to Rarity with a cocked eyebrow. The fashionista shrugged and trotted over to meet her.
“That’s wonderful, darling. Nothing like cold tea on a hot day.” Rarity took the jug from Fluttershy and placed it beside her own. “Now, just bear with me a moment longer. Everything will be ready soon.”
As Rarity busied herself with her basket, Fluttershy took a seat at the bench opposite Twilight. She regarded her friend with concern, watching her stare a hole through the soft tablecloth.
“Twilight, is everything alright?” Fluttershy whispered.
Twilight let out a laugh that sounded like she was trying to cough up sawdust. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
A scowl marred Fluttershy’s face. “I told you already, I’m fine.”
Twilight suddenly smacked her hoof against the table, making Fluttershy jump. “You are not fucking fine, Fluttershy! You’re a mess and you’re going to get Rainbow hurt!”
Fluttershy was too stunned to form a response. She just stared at Twilight, the Alicorn’s face red like a tomato, her breathing heavy and ragged. Fluttershy’s mouth worked, but not a single word slipped out. Rarity, on the other hand, seemed to find her voice much faster.
“Twilight Sparkle!” She exclaimed, her tone like that of a disapproving mother. “There’s no need for that sort of language.”
Twilight rounded on Rarity. “I’m tired of tiptoeing around the subject. I’m tired of being polite about all this! Fluttershy is stretching herself thin and when she snaps, Rainbow is going to be the one to pay for it!”
“And you think you’re better suited for the job!” Rarity shot back, climbing onto the bench. “You had her before, remember? You talk about Fluttershy stretching herself thin, while you ran around with your courts and you meetings, leaving poor Rainbow to fend for herself!”
“I lost track of her once! It’s not going to-”
“Once!?” Fluttershy had suddenly found her voice. “You lost her for six hours! She could have locked herself in a bathroom, fallen out a window, eaten some poison you had mixed up!”
Twilight wilted under Fluttershy’s furious stare. “I-I… I made a mistake!”
“And Rainbow shouldn’t be the one to pay for it,” Rarity said simply. “Now, I think we can agree that I should be the one to-”
“No.”
It was strange to hear Fluttershy growl. It wasn’t how one would expect it to sound, not like a puppy or cute little kitten. It was a hatefully guttural noise, strangled and vicious.
“Darling?” Rarity said meekly, slowly turning to face Fluttershy.
“She’s not going with you.” Fluttershy stated. “She’s not going with Pinkie or Applejack or anypony else. She’s staying here with me where she’s safe.”
Rarity chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Fluttershy, dear, Twilight has a point. You can’t keep on like this. Think about Rainbow Dash!”
“I do, every moment of the day.” Fluttershy sighed, her shoulders slumping and the fire inside her seeming to dwindle. “I don’t have a job like any of you.”
Twilight seemed to find her voice. “Yes you do, Fluttershy. You-”
“Take care of the animals, yes,” Fluttershy smiled up at a pair of passing birds. The smile quickly faded. “But, it’s not business like Rarity’s. Or something important like you, Twilight.” Fluttershy shook her head. “I have spare time. I can look after Rainbow and the animals, without one interfering with the other.”
“That still leaves you stuck between them.” Rarity said in a soft tone. “We just want to help, Fluttershy.”
“If I want your help, I’ll ask for it.” Fluttershy said firmly. She shook her head and stared at her hooves. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… You were both just trying to be nice.”
Rarity nervously shuffled her hooves. “Well, maybe not entirely.”
Twilight spoke next. “Maybe… maybe we should go.”
Fluttershy’s head suddenly jerked up. “You don’t-” her voice wavered. “Have to…” She swallowed thickly. “I mean, if you want to leave. But, I wouldn’t mind if you stayed for a little while.”
Silence hung heavy in the air before the laughter of a certain Pegasus broke it.
“W-well,” Twilight began. “I supposed it would be rude of me to just leave without enjoying some of the sandwiches Rarity made.”
Rarity forced out a laugh as she maneuvered the sandwiches onto the plates. “Oh, I can’t take credit for these. My, uh, boyfriend made them.”
Fluttershy couldn’t remember a time she was more delighted to hear Rarity talk about her love life.
“Thunderlane made these?”
A faint blush colored Rarity’s cheeks. “Uh, no. We’re… on a break.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “A break?”
Fluttershy spotted Rainbow Dash as she rounded the chicken pen, still chasing the ever energetic squirrels.
“Rainbow, lunch!”
Rainbow dug her hooves in, leaving little trenches in the ground. She was well aware of what the word ‘lunch’ meant. She scrambled over and took a seat beside Fluttershy, digging into the sandwich Rarity put in front of her without a word. The three other mares shared a laugh and continued talking about Rarity’s rather turbulent love life.
It wasn’t normal, but it was close enough for the moment.
The sun set and the land grew dark. Ponies and animals alike nestled into their beds, resting for the next sunrise. But, as was the norm, there were still a few souls that resisted this part of their routine.
“Come on, Rainbow, it’s time for bed.”
“Not tired,” Rainbow pouted, crossing her forehooves.
Fluttershy frowned. Rainbow might not have been tired, but she certainly was. She wished she understood how Rainbow did it. How she managed to bounce out of bed full of energy and run around seemingly non-stop. Although, come to think of it, Rainbow did tend to take a lot of power naps.
“I know you don’t feel tired right now, but it’s still time for bed.” Fluttershy sighed and pawed at the floor. “Okay, if you go to bed now, we can go visit Applejack tomorrow.”
Rainbow perked up. “Apple?”
Fluttershy nodded. “Yes, apple. But you have to go to bed first.”
Rainbow seemed to think it over for a second before dashing away. Fluttershy started to gallop after her, but barely made it to the bottom of the stairs before she ran out of gas. She groaned softly and ascended the steps one at a time. She heard Rainbow’s running hoofsteps reach her room, followed by a loud thud as she no doubt leapt onto the bed.
Fluttershy eventually reached the top of the stairs and trotted to Rainbow’s room. The door was still open, a habit Fluttershy had never bothered to correct. Maybe it was some vague worry that Rainbow would accidentally lock herself in her room. It might have been more than vague, as Fluttershy did have most of the locks taken off the doors.
Rainbow was already in bed when Fluttershy walked through the doorway. Or rather she was laying on the bed, bunched up blankets pushed to one side. It took only a few soft words and a bit of maneuvering to get the blankets straightened out and pulled over Rainbow’s body. Fluttershy was properly tucking Rainbow in when she spied something on the floor.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” Fluttershy carefully picked the Captain Spitfire plushie off the floor, giving it a cursory brush with her wings. “You can’t go to bed without your favorite Wonderbolt, now can you?”
Rainbow Dash hadn’t picked up enough body language to raise an eyebrow. Instead, it was just a blank stare, puzzled by the words and object itself. Fluttershy tried to smile, but she wasn’t sure if she could anymore.
She placed the plush beside Rainbow, who snuggled up against it. Regardless of who it was meant to represent, it was still soft after all. Fluttershy didn’t trust her mouth to properly form the words to say goodnight, so she settled on a light pat on the head before she made her way to the door. She clicked off the light and closed the door slowly, worried she would slam it shut if she moved any faster.
She stumbled down the hall and all but fell down the stairs. From there Fluttershy crawled into the kitchen, fumbling with the lock on one of the cabinets. After a few tries, she managed to get the damned thing open and pull a partly empty bottle of wine from inside. Fluttershy moved to the table, sitting down properly before pulling the cork out with her teeth and taking a large gulp of the red drink.
It burned her throat and sent her into a painful coughing fit. She slammed the bottle onto the table as she hunched over, her body trying to reject the very thing that was supposed to help it. After a moment, the coughs tapered off, and Fluttershy wiped the tears from her eyes. The tears from the coughing. Nothing else.
She took another drink, smaller and slower this time. It still burned, even worse with her now raw throat. She ignored the sensation, praying for numbness. The night wore on as the wine in the bottle dwindled. By the time it reached the last fifth of the bottle, Fluttershy didn’t feel even the tiniest bit better.
She sighed and moved out of her chair, wandering over to the fridge. From inside, she pulled out a hunk of cheese Applejack had given her only a few days before. She placed it on the table, eager to have something in her stomach other than wine, but the block seemed too large for her to finish in one sitting. So, Fluttershy moved to the other lock in the kitchen, undoing it with noticeable difficulty. After what felt like hours, the drawer was at last opened. Fluttershy pulled out the first knife she laid her hooves and closed the drawer, moving back to the table.
The knife, a few sizes too large for the job, cut through the cheese with ease. Fluttershy popped the slice in her mouth, noting that it tasted a bit stale. Maybe Rarity was rubbing off on her. The thought brought sour frown to Fluttershy’s face. She swallowed her mouthful and went for another slice. Maybe it was just the edges.
Fluttershy gasped as a sharp pain lanced up from her hoof. She pulled it back and began sucking on the cut, the knife clattering against the tabletop. As the coppery taste coated her tongue, Fluttershy stared at the sharp object, its length tinged ever so slightly by crimson.
And then, a nasty little thought wormed its way out of the black depths of her mind. It hadn’t been the first time, but before it had been mere glimpses and flashes, quickly ignored and forgotten with the aid of others. But there wasn’t a soul there now.
Just Fluttershy.
And the tempting edge.
Fluttershy bit into her hoof, hoping somehow the pain would snap her out of it. It didn’t, it just made the siren’s call louder and more shrill.
Fluttershy slammed her hoof against the table, making the knife jump into the air. Rainbow Dash’s face flashed through her head. That blank face. Lacking any understanding or comprehension of who she was.
Was there a point to letting it continue on like it was? Letting that… thing continue going around wearing her friend’s skin. The blade was honed to the finest edge. You could cut your head off by accident.
She was sleeping now. It would be easy. She wouldn’t even know it happened.
And then what?
And then it would be easy. By the time she felt the sting of the steel she would already be dead.
And then what? They would find her. They would know what she had done. But how much would that matter to her at that point?
Fluttershy grabbed the knife and flung it across the room. It hit the wall above the stove and bounced away into the sink, the clatter of metal on metal shrieking loudly in her ears.
Fluttershy fell forward, burying her face in her hooves. A second. That was all the time she had given to the nasty little thing in her head. It had been far too much time. Hot tears leaked from her eyes, spilling down her face and over her hooves. She almost wished she had done it, just so such an awful monster was removed from this world.
“Fluttershy?”
She almost didn’t hear it at first, the roaring of blood in her ears was deafening. But that voice could cut through solid stone.
Fluttershy pulled her head up, looking over to see Rainbow Dash standing there beside her, a look of worry on her face.
“Are you okay?”
Fluttershy choked out something that might have been a laugh. “Y-yeah. I’m okay, Rainbow.”
Rainbow took a step forward. “Bad dream?”
Fluttershy nodded. “A very bad dream.”
Rainbow seemed to hesitate for a moment, but she leaned forward and wrapped a foreleg around Fluttershy’s shoulders. Fluttershy leaned into the hug, feeling Rainbow shift nervously.
“Bed time?” Rainbow asked after a minute or two of hugging.
Fluttershy sniffed and nodded. “Bed time.”
The sun was bright and warm as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash trotted to Sweet Apple Acres. Fluttershy wouldn’t let Rainbow fly, as she had no hope of keeping pace with her. That was not to say that Fluttershy had much hope of keeping pace with Rainbow on the ground, especially with the heavy pack across her back. But, Rainbow seemed to know not to stray too far.
Applejack met them at the gate, all smiles and apple tarts.
“Tart?” Applejack said, pointing to a plate of the pastries sitting on a chair somepony had dragged out to the gate.
Rainbow went for one, but hesitated at the last moment, looking back to Fluttershy. She merely giggled and nodded.
“Go ahead and take one, Rainbow.”
Rainbow Dash grinned and snatched up one of the tarts, only to whine and start tossing it from hoof to hoof.
“Ah, shoot, I shouldda warned ya they were fresh out the oven,” Applejack winced. “Oops.”
Fluttershy shrugged as Rainbow managed to cool off her tart enough to take a bite.
“It’s okay,”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “It is?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
Applejack gave her an odd look before going back to her trademark smile. “Right.”
Fluttershy watched Rainbow devour her tart and quickly go back for another, carefully this time though. She was learning.
Fluttershy turned back to her farmer friend. “Actually, I wanted to ask you something, Applejack.”
Applejack nodded. “Shoot.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath. “Do you think Rainbow could stay with you for a while? Like, say a week?”
Applejack couldn’t hide her look of shock. “Are… are ya sure?”
Fluttershy nodded. “I think it’s best for Rainbow if she spends time here. There’s more space for her. And then there’s you, of course.”
Shock became bemusement. “I don’t quite understand, Shy. You want me to look after her?”
An odd smile formed on Fluttershy’s lips. “I’m guessing Rarity and Twilight stopped by here yesterday.”
“Ran into ‘em in town, but same thing.” Applejack spared a glance at Rainbow, who was busy trying to fit as many tarts in her mouth as she could. “I know Rarity tends to exaggerate, but I wouldn’t call her an outright liar.”
“I’m sure whatever she said was the truth. I… realized something last night. And I think it’s best for everyone, Rainbow especially, if she stays here with you and your family.”
Applejack pawed at the ground. “Well… I guess I can’t say I disagree with you. Even if I don’t quite understand how you got to that conclusion.”
“So… you’ll do it?”
Applejack nodded. “‘Course I will.”
Fluttershy let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Thank goodness. Oh, these are Rainbow’s things.” She carefully moved the pack off her back and pushed it towards Applejack. “And thank you. I mean that.”
Applejack waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. So…” she grunted as she hefted up the heavy pack. “You want to come on back to the farm house? I know Mac’d like to see ya.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I have to go.”
“Oh,” Applejack rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, I guess I’ll see ya later?”
Fluttershy nodded, putting on a nervous smile. “Yeah. You’ll see me later.” She turned to Rainbow Dash, who was busy eating her seventh tart. “Rainbow?”
The blue Pegasus looked up. “Huh?”
“You’re gonna stay with Applejack for a while, okay?”
Rainbow jumped up excitedly. “Stay with Applejack!?”
Fluttershy nodded. “Yep. Go easy on her, okay?”
“Okay!” Rainbow parroted happily.
Fluttershy smirked and looked back to Applejack. “Good luck.”
Applejack snickered. “I’ll need it. Come on, Rainbow. Granny Smith was baking more tarts when I left.”
Rainbow cheered and started running circles around the farmer as the pair started back towards the farmhouse. Fluttershy watched them for a moment before forcing herself to turn away and start walking.
She walked all the way back to her home, stopping only to allow the assembled animals back inside. She had already arranged their food for the day. She allowed herself a small smile and trotted away, leaving the door open. She wasn’t particularly worried about an animal wondering in, of course. And any would-be thief would have to contend with Harry.
From her home, Fluttershy made her way into Ponyville proper. She trotted down the mane road, doing her best to smile and wave at the ponies she passed. Thankfully, she managed to make it to Twilight’s castle without anyone trying to talk to her. She entered and made her way to the library, where just as she hoped Twilight was.
The Alicorn looked up from her book, seeming surprised by Fluttershy’s appearance.
“Fluttershy? What are you doing here?” A worried frown marred her features. “Is… is something wrong?”
Fluttershy looked at Twilight, the numbness she craved the night before filling her body.
“I need help.”
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Did.... Did Flutters nearly....
This was so sad, but I want more.
You did a really good job of painting a desperate mental state for Fluttershy. My only real criticism is that you only explain the premise of why Rainbow Dash is like this in the story description and not in the story itself. The result is that this feels more like a disconnected scene than a full story. Just a bit more setting establishment would go a long way here.
9090862
She sure did.
9091155
9091240
Maybe later.
9091465
Fair point. But I assume most people would read the description and I didn't want to bother with another crash and/or hospital scene.
9091585
No need to write the crash or a hospital scene. You just need to work a few lines of exposition into the existing text. Just mention that there was a crash, and how the others have been sharing the caretaker duties while they come up with a permanent solution. There's a lot of potential emotional depth to be plumbed by just having Fluttershy constantly trying to not compare what Rainbow is now to what she used to be.
The problem with relying on the story description is that it exists outside of the text. If that information is necessary to understand the story, then it should be in the text itself.
This was really good! While I'd of course love to see more I quite think it is good as it! Great job!
9091607
Ah, now there's an idea.
9091631
The story was great. b-but damn.....
9091607
I’m glad you enjoyed my commission, friendo!
9091746
Quite
It also might be helped by adding a reason why Flutters is doing it all on her own. Something like it's her fault or responsibility Dash got like that, and casually mentioned somewhere.
But i did like it overall.
And that is why Fluttershy should have hoofed Rainbow off to one of the girls sooner. You start thinking like that, and you might as well let the bad guys win.
Because you're no better than them at that point.
Rainbow must have taken one hell of a hit to the head if her mental state was set back that much.
Question though. Where are Rainbow's parents in all this? Take away their over enthusiasam for everything she does, they're still her family.
Really dark.
9091755
Well, I guess when the subject matter doesn't gross me out, the actual writing talent comes through. Like I said, the only thing I think this story needs is just a little more setting establishment.
This is very sad and I want to know more.
9091839
The idea was that she feels the other can't do it properly. At least, that's what I tried to convey.
9091877
Her parents are dead.
9091882
So dark you need a flashlight.
9091973
Maybe in the future.
9091963
Thanks, my ideas are always pretty good!
9092030
Did I miss that in story? With all the dark and depressing stuff going on I might have.
9092076
I forgot about them and just said that to fix the problem. lol
So.....I read the description.....saw the comments.....but what Fluttershy was contemplating.... Worse than I feared.....and yet, I think I want to read some more. Especially with the way you ended it.
Interesting idea for a story, and when you think about it, probably all too real for some parents who have children that are grown up, but function on a very childlike level. I remember seeing a documentary about families like that where they have to take care of their child as a full grown adult due to something like a inability for the brain to properly grow or something of the sort.
You did a really good job with that part, and its easily to see childlike Rainbow being that energetic and almost impossible to control at times. Fluttershy actually getting exhausted and frustrating enough to even hint at killing her was surprising, given who she was and all. The way she acted was probably the best part of this, hovering the line between still retaining her own personality and sanity and completely losing it.
I'd actually add a sad tag to this, and its even more apparent after reading it, but that's just me.
Terrific job with this!
-DJRD
This was very good. Painful, but in a good way. A lot of the stories here have a fantasy element to them (I mean, MLP so of course they do). Some of my favourites focus a lot on magic and the darkness involved-I do love me some dark Twilight fics. But this had a sense of...realism to it? It focused on a topic that isn't confined to the world its in. I could easily see this situation happen in real life which makes it all the more poignant. Very well done.
...o sad Alexa play Despa...
ez dislike farming XD
9092136
Glad you enjoyed it.
9092324
Thank you.
9092245
You nailed the themes perfectly. Yes!
I'm really excited that you like it.
I honestly don't understand how Fluttershy degrades to this mentality. If it was another pony, this would make more sense, but not Fluttershy. She's had experience with handling hyperactive troublesome fillies before. The Stare Master with the CMC. Their troubles broke stuff and even found themselves in life threatening danger after getting lost in the Everfree Forest, where Fluttershy had to save them.
After dealing with that, I don't see how Fluttershy couldn't handle a Rainbow Dash with this mentality. Especially with how this story was ending. It looked like despite her mentality, Rainbow Dash was still caring and learning from her mistakes. We don't see Rainbow getting herself or others hurt much at all in this story. Because of that, Rainbow didn't seem like that big of a troublemaker to begin with.
Whatever drove that mentality for Fluttershy to think those thoughts, I don't get what drove those thoughts with just this chapter. I don't even think there's an explanation for how long this had been going on.
Okay, but like. I really liked this. I don't know how long Fluttershy has been doing this, but it's been a very long time. My head keeps wanting to put six months on it, but that could be my own expectations of my personal patience worn through? I'm glad it ended the way it did - great writing!
I have a heavily disabled younger sister
Who is deaf, Cerebral palsy, marrow throat and damaged legs and the mental age of a five to six year old despite being eighteen
And you’ve hit it on the head of what it’s like to look after a disabled person
Take this like with honour you magnificent bastard
No words for how to this is
Wow...literally speechless here. I mean, this is a good slice of life story here. I actually felt for Fluttershy. And Rainbow. Thank you for this heart felt tale. I'll remember this always.
9092574
From the perspective we got and the overall tone of the story this was one of the easy days and handling special needs people is a very demanding job that is physically, mentally and emotionally draining even more so when it's someone who up until now was just fine then had a terrible accident like depicted in the story
As someone who takes care of her disabled sibling, you have perfectly captured the struggle of being a caregiver for a special needs person. You love them, you want to care for them, and you're certain nobody knows them as well as you do or can do as good a job as you... but it's so exhausting in all senses of the word, and it's so hard to have any life or identity outside of being their caregiver.
You made me cry while reading this. Bravo.
9092954
If this was one of the easy days, then how would that drive be driving the mentality further? It's not just one of the easy days, but it was one of the easy days that was improving Rainbow's nature. And what part depicted that this had been going on for months?
And looking from the other comments, everyone is relating it to taking care of a disabled child. How is that a comparison to this story? All we got from this story was that Rainbow Dash had an accident that left her with a mentality of a child. (Which isn't even described in the story.) This Rainbow Dash looked no more hyper than the CMC. (Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, who as I've mentioned before, put themselves in life-threatening danger that even risked Fluttershy's life.) And there's nothing else I saw in the story that depicted that Rainbow Dash was handicapped at all.
9093102
Well, you answered the first part to my question well, but not the second part.
Rainbow Dash was left as a toddler, a child, but people are comparing that to being handicapped. I'll repeat, all I saw was just a Rainbow Dash who was similar to Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo's behavior. How this sort of behavior left Fluttershy deprived for months to this mentality is what I don't understand, especially since we were seeing Rainbow's behavior improve in this story. If it was another character, sure, but not somepony who's actually had experience with this before, and a far worse one as I described:
And then you're mentioning this:
But we see this:
That sounds very caring. And that was during a time when Rainbow was supposed to be sleeping.
And lastly:
That's certainly not the message I get from more serious critics. I've seen people get legitimately mad over a dark story because it had no backstory to explain why it happened.
9093160
You're not understanding me here. I do understand how somepony can be deprived to this mental state. I don't understand how Fluttershy's the one that gets deprived to this mental state. Every day, she takes care of animals with their own issues, and clearly enjoys every second of it. She takes care of Angel who constantly gives her a hard time. And she's had life threatening difficulties taking care of the CMC.
Wouldn't Fluttershy enjoy that?
Angel Bunny every day.
Could you elaborate on that? Because what I saw from that scene was Rainbow Dash eating her breakfast like an animal. Fluttershy takes care of animals every day. What exactly is the much darker picture in that scene?
And your last comment:
I just want to elaborate that the people who made those sort of critics, I don't really agree with them. I was just saying that because that's the experience that I've dealt with and I've seen so many people agree to those critics. I'm not saying this as a criticism for this story, I'm just saying that for all stories in general.
Yes, I get that part now. What I don't get is how it happens to Fluttershy.
9093194
So in conclusion, all of the points you are saying are basically far darker than I'm seeing them. Because of that, I'm never gonna understand what people see in this story because these scenes just don't seem that dark to me. Despite the accident, Rainbow Dash still looked pretty happy. The only scene that was dark to me was during the time Fluttershy accidentally cuts herself then gets all those thoughts of suicide or murder.
But everything else, I just don't see as being as dark as you're saying they are.
Dark story is dark~
9092772
However long is up to the reader. And I'm glad you like it.
9092809
I shall, good sir.
9092903
Quite.
9092913
Thank you.
9092954
Exactly.
9092982
I hear ya. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
9093240
Very dark indeed.
This was a extremely difficult story to read, I really felt the weight on Flutter's shoulder and the thoughts going through her mind. And at times I wish my empathy wasn't so strong, I felt like I was going through what Fluttershy was going through.
And the dark thoughts creeping up was the breaking point where she could go off the deep end but fortunately for her sake and Dash's she stop herself and get help.
This story deserves a like and a favorite from me.
9093293
Thank you.
9093135
Although Curify did make many of the points I would have already, I did want to address one thing in particular.
(BTW for everyone, big spoiler, don't look at until after reading the story)
The implication I was going for here is that Rainbow is only parroting or half-understanding what she's saying and Fluttershy is interpreting what she wants to with this exchange. Maybe even throw in the possibility that this exchange isn't really happening and is just in Fluttershy's head.
9093361
So you're saying that scene was only in Fluttershy's mind and it didn't actually happen?
9093383
Or maybe it did happen.
9093656
So it's up to us to decide if it actually happened or not?
Curious as to how the others are handling this regressed Rainbow Dash.
9093687
Bingo
9094059
Now there's an idea
That....was super messed up, especially towards the end. Great story, though.
Wow.
This is real and deep.
I like it a lot!
I'm sure others have said the same, but sequel!
The swearing seemed a bit too OOC for me; the alcoholism bit was better though.
The kitchen scene was probably the most well written in my opinion. I thought she’d take the self-harm route, but what you did lead to far more tension than I’d anticipated.
The ending, while haunting, felt a little cut short, like you could’ve easily tacked on another 2k no problem. All in all, not too shabby.