• Member Since 18th May, 2016
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Comrade Bagel Muffin


I'm the reason when you search Quibble you'll find Scootaloo too. PM me if you want to talk about anything one on one. Well I finally set up a patreon...Hazaa???

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It isn't easy raising a foal especially when neither Spitfire or Soarin are able to get adequate time off. Still it does make the time off that the do get all the more important. This is one such day. Spitfire has managed to barter herself 24 hours of leave to spend with her little filly. Just a simple Slice of Life.

Hazaa Captain Mommy is made popular on 02/05/2018*

*Mature mode must be cut off.:pinkiehappy:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 33 )

Despite the grammar errors and the pacing, this was still a cute little read. :twilightsmile:

I love how Spring Breeze calls Spitfire "Captain Mommy".

Cute Family Time!

Oh my gosh that was adorable! Nice little fic.

8713498
Merci Beaucoup. Sorry about the pacing admit ably getting the word count was difficult for this story. And sorry English grammar was never a strong suit of mine.
8713507
Merci Beaucoup.
8713527
Merci Beaucoup.

Not sure why, but I feel that this fic is a shout out to pretty much anyone with parents who are gone for weeks and months for a time as part of their job... especially those with military families.

8713664 There's a reason why (English Second Language) writers have greater leeway than regular English speakers, especially with grammar.

8713699
I am glad that you feel that way.

8713701 If I see "English is not my first language" in the story's description, then I know that the writer is most likely or is ESL. I've been in Fimfiction long enough to know that if you mention that, then editors are more forgiving of your errors. I on the other hand, I'm held to a higher standard because English is my primary language and I have to balance everyone sounding like they're in character and making every word be grammatically accurate.

8713723
English is my first language it's just the grammar was always my week point, which is weird because my German grammar is pretty good.

This is adorable, but isn't captain the highest rank in the Wonderbolts?

8713846
Maybe, but for the rank system I used the US Air Force.

This was cute, I enjoyed it.

That said, I noticed a few errors, they're mostly minor

8714624
Merci I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

Cute! I enjoyed this story, as it gave me a break from the darker stories I've been reading. I did note a few minor mistakes in grammar and spelling, but that's just me being nitpicky. If you would like, I could point some of them out, but I don't think they take away from the overall story. I wouldn't mind seeing some backstory to this, nice job!

8715187
Sure I'd like to know what mistakes I made,

I think two toned needs a hyphen in between them (two-toned)

The last sentence seems like it needs to be split into 3 separate ones instead of being one.

Looks like you're missing a question mark:

"Good morning, Spring Breeze. Are you ready for blueberry pancakes."

"She looked up to mommy. Who leaned down and nuzzled her" Seems like it should be one sentence separated by a comma instead of two. Also in "She held on tightly to the little light blue filly, and cork screwed down the stairs. Landing on the first floor of their cloud house."

"Come on Springy, lets make those pancakes." Spitfire opened the refrigerator grabbing the eggs and butter milk. "Springy, get mom my the big red bowl."

I think you're missing a comma after the word refrigerator, and you can remove the word my before 'the big red bowl.'

I think you mean improvised instead of improved.

I'm short on time so I wasn't able to get everything, but I hope this helps.

8715266
It was incredibly helpful, merci beaucoup.

8714403
Got it. Isn't Spitfire the leader of all the Wonderbolts, though?

8716790
Got it. Why did she say that, then?

8720285
Why do you think? (no sarcasm, legit question)

8720357
Was it just to impress her daughter?

8720375
I would argue that it was to cheer her daughter up explaining that her parent's saw the problem of not being able to spend enough time with her, and were actively engaging in away to fix it.

This was adorable. But I don't see how Spitfire can go any higher then where she is now lol. Overall a good slice of life story. Good job.

awwwwwwwwwwwww:fluttercry:im gonna cry

But I just can’t stop, WAAAHHHHHHH

Captain mommy... MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS

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