• Member Since 27th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen August 14th

Deathscar


You'd be surprised at the emotions twenty-six letters can unearth

E
Source

Twilight Sparkle, the outcast of CHS, has fallen in love with the most popular girl in school. With a ticket to the grandest party in her hand, she hopes to win Sunset's affection by making this one night absolutely perfect.

But is she perfect enough?


Proofread by Adgerelli

Cover art done by Apri!

This story was featured on the FiMFiction front page on 31st July 2017! Thank you all for your support!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 44 )

What the manly picture?

8335042
I'm afraid I don't quite understand the question ^^'

Truly a well-written story and well-done story. The passing was perfect for this story I think you did a fantastic job on this. :twilightsmile:

8335062
Thank you so much for the kind words! :twilightblush: And thank you for taking the time to read it!

8335071
I enjoyed every bit of it and I do hope there will be a sequel to it. Something as good as this needs at least two sequels to it. :twilightsmile:

8335076
Heh no plans yet, but never say never!

:pinkiehappy: This was so great! Well-written, and romantic, and cute, and just...just quality Sunlight. I love it. The only thing it's missing is a kiss.

8335060
The source picture?

Every scene and aspect of this story was a perfectly elaborate and well-made buildup to its wonderful, beautiful finale.

8335060
He's saying that the current cover picture makes twilight and sunset look to masculine. Twilight's face is fucked and her jawline is too manly and sunset looks great...if she was a man :facehoof:

8335042
8335618
Gonna disagree with both of y’all here and say they both look great. Not all women need to be super feminine :ajbemused:

8335650
I mean, the fact that they're both so obviously male in this picture (going by their facial features) makes it a bit awkward. Add to that Sunset's complete lack of breasts and this image immediately had me guessing it was a rule 63 story.

8335194
I agree there should be a kiss.

This is the first time I've seen artwork of Sci-Dusk and whoever Sunset's male counterpart is supposed to be.

8335194
8335701
Thank you so much! And the reason I didn't include one is because I think that's what everyone is expecting. But I wanted to tell a more realistic romance story, one that doesn't end in a kiss right away!

8335463
Wow, thanks for the kind words. It means a lot that you took the time to read it all and leave a comment! :twilightsmile:

8335655
I disagree actually. For all those that have seen the picture, I don't think I've ever heard anyone comment that they are male. I think Sunset still looks perfectly female!

8335709
That is not an R63 Sunset, it's normal Sunset Shimmer!

8335744

I don't think I've ever heard anyone comment that they are male. 

What the manly picture?

He's saying that the current cover picture makes twilight and sunset look to masculine.

Uh... No?

8335755
Before uploading this story. Which is strange, I think she's still perfectly female.

8335767
Honestly, my girlfriend would do a better job of explaining why they look male, since she's an artist, (and maybe I'll ask her later to make a comment) but for me personally it's those jawlines. Again though, the lack of breasts doesn't help Sunset's case, nor does the tuxedo. (Not to knock women in suits. Personally I love that, but the combination here doesn't work.)

8335773
They look male because you have stereotypical and inaccurate expectations about women anatomy. As you can see, there are many people who have no difficulty considering them as women. This kind of comment serves literally no purpose since they are not commenting on the story. Why are you here?

8335773
If you need some artsy advice, you could look up real persons. A good reference does help understand anatomy. Then again this picture is just the combination of great anatomy skills and good looking art style, so it's not to everybody's taste. But well, this isn't deviantart, if you checked the story you would see that they are females after all.

Once again you've outdone yourself, Deathscar. I enjoyed the story a whole bunch, and I look forward to reading other stories of yours I've missed. :pinkiehappy:

Darn this story is good...
You did an awesome job and I loved it. Thank you for posting it. :twilightsmile:

8335782

8335784

8335790


All this did was tell me people get triggered by opinions pretty easily. lol

8335782
Thank you! I look forward to producing more great works!

8335798
Thank you Char! :D

8335799
Merci Gowak!

8335773
Oh well, to each his own! Nevertheless I hope you enjoyed the story!

8335784

I wasn't aware it was stereotypical to expect women to have breasts? LOL

Amazing, cute story Scar! It astounds me how you make it feel so magic and yet so real at the same time! Looking forward to more from you, talented friend! :twilightsmile:

8335837
Believe or not, there are women who don't have breasts, and that doesn't make them any less women! :derpyderp2:
Sad to know that the art cover wasn't of your taste, but at least I hope you did enjoy the story, which is why we all are here! :twilightsmile:

8335805

All this did was tell me people get triggered by opinions pretty easily. lol

Judging by the comments, you got pretty triggered by the fact that the women were drawn in what you considered to be a masculine manner and then decided to tell everybody here.

I mean, the fact that they're both so obviously male in this picture

Honestly, my girlfriend would do a better job of explaining why they look male,

for me personally it's those jawlines.

Again though, the lack of breasts doesn't help Sunset's case,

So, who are feminine?

Dark Shade 75: Only those I consider to be feminine, and have qualities like big breasts. Anyone who doesn't have breasts large enough for me to stare at or whose face looks manly automatically qualifies as a man to me, no exceptions. Fuck any girl who doesn't conform to my standards.

8335837
This is a thread to talk about the story not your misguided assumptions about womanhood. Your opinion is superfluous at best, misogynistic at worst and since it doesn't concern the story I'd day it's unwanted in any case. But that is not my story, not my space, so I have no say in the matter :twilightsmile:. I do hope you enjoyed the story though. I may never know you spent more time talking about the art (which is great in my opinion) than the awesome 7k words Deathscar wrote.

PS:
Please leave me alone. Thanks and have a great day :twilightsmile:

8335861
There's a difference between being triggered and critiquing art. Learn it.


8335870
Please try to be less salty, my friend.

8335874
Okay gonna have to request for you to cease this immediately. If you want to take this discussion further, take it somewhere else, not on the comments of a story you aren't even talking about right now.

This looks intriguing, added to Read It Later. Dat cover art though. Sci-Twi looks very much like Samurai Jack.

8335892
Considering I only originally critiqued once and received many more than one comment in reply also not talking about the story, I'm not the one you should be asking that of.
I was simply replying to baseless insults.

But very well. I wasn't planning on adding more at any rate.

8335892
You chose the cover art for your story. Discussion of that cover art is discussion of part of your story. Don't like how people are discussing your story? You have the tools to be a poor author who can't accept criticism or discussion and create a deleted comment graveyard if you want.

Also if you plan to chastise one person in the discussion, chastise all the people. Each person who disagreed with him is as guilty of what you apparently dislike as he is, if not more.


8335655
Agreed. They both look like men. Twilight looks like a man in a dress, and Sunset looks like a man in a tuxedo with fabulous hair. The indications are so strong that the indication of a bust on Twilight is causing me to ask what he is doing to pad out the front, not telling me that is a she.


8335782
No one said anything about huge breasts. You're putting words in people's mouths. What was said is that the two characters look like men, and Sunset's clear lack of anything indicating a chest of any sort adds to that. Not as a primary reason, but a secondary.

8335784
You also are putting words into someone else's mouth. It has nothing to do with expecting women to look a particular way due to artistic depictions, it involves looking at real women in real life, and not seeing them look like men. The visual cues in the face are the biggest cues, and they don't get any contradiction in Sunset's body, and they fail to overcome the contradictions seen in Twilight's body. They look like two men. One in a dress with fake/padded chest, the other just with fabulous hair.


8335861

Judging by the comments, you got pretty triggered by the fact that the women were drawn in what you considered to be a masculine manner and then decided to tell everybody here.

Making note of an opinion, then being jumped on by several other people and getting bombarded with notifications, and attempting to defend from all these attacks is not indication he was triggered. The fact that a bunch of nobodies are jumping in and expressing their opinions by putting words in his mouth and attacking him is an indication that they are triggered.

Your ability to determine who is and isn't triggered is so off-base that it is fascinating.

Dark Shade 75: Only those I consider to be feminine

Literally putting words in his mouth. Words he did not say, nor imply. You are exaggerating what he said then complaining about that exaggeration. Don't do that, it makes you the asshole.


8335870
You're the asshole who is disagreeing with him in the first place, and you're the one calling him names like misogynist. You leave him alone, without comment. You're the attacker here, back the hell off.


On to the story. I already commented on the cover art. It's hideous. I'm not interested in imagining man-face people in a story, it would detract too much from anything actually interesting. Considering how easily triggered the author apparently is by criticism, and how willing they are to jump on one guy just trying to respond politely to people attacking him, I think very little of the author as well. So, not going to upvote, downvote, or give you a view. You get one comment. You want people to fairly look at your story, don't be such a douchebag.

derpicdn.net/img/2017/8/1/1499746/large.png

8337318


As much as I might appreciate the support, I would ask that this stop. Whether or not I agree, if the author wants the conversation to end, that's his prerogative. And it isn't exactly about the story, nor was the art made by him, so I consider it a fair request.

As for the story itself, it seemed well written, if a bit flowery for my tastes.

Well, this comment section sure did wander off into left field.

In any case, a lovely read through and through. Thank you for it.

8338995
Yeah ^^' But thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

8340063
I liked it, though I will say that Sunset claiming she's never seen such things save for fairytales seems off given that you also mention Princess Twilight earlier on.

Cute story. I enjoyed the fact that Sunset never answered Twilight’s final question with words. That was a very nice touch. The narrative got a little telly in places, so I found myself somewhat disassociated from Twilight‘s perspective. There were some other parts that could likely need a bit slimming down (a lot like my second or third drafts tend to be, honestly). That being said, it was cute it was fun and it was romantic which is what matters! Great job!

...I have one real complaint though: they weren't doing a waltz when midnight struck! :raritydespair:

8460853
Ah, I can see how the story got telly in a lot of places. And wow you nailed it, this is the second draft (after two rounds of proofreading by a friend and I). Thank you for taking the time to read it and leave a comment! :twilightsmile:

And are you sure? They might not have a done a full waltz. But their hands... :raritywink:

8461303
Hey this is still a E rated story!

8466182
O-oh god, is holding hands a T-rating? IS IT AN M-RATING? I may have to go and re-rate all my stories...

8467851
Hey... you left... IMPLICATIONS ...

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