• Member Since 25th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Sagami


French guy writing mainly "Slice of life" EG stories, really into the emotional side of characters like Vinyl.


T

This new high school couldn't be that bad.

Being a mute sure was unusual, but Vinyl never had any problem making friends.
That was until she met HER. This strange and misfitting girl, whose name the DJ didn't even know.
Between this, her tomboyish friend Lyra, the peculiar teachers and her eventful past, Vinyl wasn't 100% sure about this new year.
But one thing was for sure, she'd remember it.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Hey everyone, and welcome to my very first (fan) fiction!

I'll try my best to entertain you while also not making too many grammar mistakes, since English isn't my primary language!
Don't hesitate to give your opinion in the comments (duh), should it be positive or negative!
I hope you'll enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it!

By the way it's going to be pretty f*cking long, just saying.
This story was inspired by "Vinyl and Octavia: Girl friends" (from Girls of Canterlot High), which is honestly the best fanfic I've ever read! Go check it out!

---Amazing cover art by my incredibly talented friend KillJoyDraws! Go check her FB page!---

Love & Tolerate.

Bisous, Saga.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 16 )

What a fun story! Definitely tracking this one.

8303236
Thank you!! First comment and it's a truly nice one! My ego feels good!

Gotta say, first chapter's got me hooked. Gonna follow this for sure

8303494
Thank you! Feels good to be supported!

Not gonna lie, it felt a little rushed in a few places, and I think you should make some distinction between thoughts and spoken dialogue that doesn't hinge on 'Vinyl thought' all the time.

'I write thoughts in my own stories like this personally'

Other than that, this story could be something good and I'm curious to see where it goes. Always loved the idea of Vinyl being mute.

8304336
I was actually wondering how to make the thoughts appear more clearly, especially after chapter two when a lot of chracters start talking...
An italic font isn't a bad idea at all, I might follow your advice and replace the "Vinyl thought" by this, these bothered me as well.
Concerning the "rushed" part, it is a feeling I had concerning the first two chapters, but I didn't want to developp too much into Vinyl's life before introducing the other characters.
Thanks for your opinion and advices!
Hope you'll enjoy the other chapters!

Saga.

Welp, I'm guessing Vinyl and her friends knows how to sign?

8308438
They didn't use sign language yet, but I introduce it in the next chapter ^^

This sounds really good.

I’m professor Discord!

I hope he teaches them about chaos theory:trollestia:

Interesting story so far. Definitely going to be following this one.

The cover image is certainly interesting. I'm positive that I've seen the style in which it's presented, but I honestly can't recall where I've seen the style before.

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who wrote Vinyl speechless. I like what you have in here, but this chapter felt bland... Nothing really happens, but at least it establishes the characters. I like Lyra's and Vinyl's dynamic here. I'll keep reading.

Okay, this chapter is quite alright since Vinyl finally sees Octavia for the first time. BUT there are a lot of problems reading this. Your paragraph formatting needs a lot of work and a bit of proofreading. I guess the paragraph format annoys me more than anything else here.

Here are some other things I noticed

}--oO0Oo--{

I'm not sure why you're using this instead of this [ hr ] page break.

“Lyra Heartsings”

Don't you mean Heartstrings?

“I’m professor Discord! Shall we begin?”

It's supposed to be capitalized if professor is used as a title.

EDIT: I love your cover. Did you make it?

8309972
Hello and thanks for your comment!

Hum hum....
1) For the page break I just like to have mine, that's all
2) For Lyra, my bad, I'll change it.
3) For Discord, since it's a spoken dialog and not an official paper or anything, it sounds more natural to have it in normal size.

EDIT: 4) For the paragraph format, I'm still trying to find a decent presentation with chapter three. Once that's done, I'll edit the two first.

Concerning the first chapter, as I said to someone else, it's an issue I've been having after writing it, but it was mainly to set Vinyl's character, some backstory, and her current life. I think you see it more bland than others since you wrote your own Vinyl fic, but it's still an issue the two first chapters have. I finished the third one yesterday, and I can honestly say this issue is not present anymore, to my opinion.

The cover art was made by a friend of mine, i put her FB page in the story's description!

Thank you again for your advices and see you!

Saga.

8310016
Well, it may be speech on the word professor, but it's still written here as a story for people to read so it's still correct to write it as Professor Discord or Prof. Discord.

Hope I'm not being to insistent on this. :twilightsheepish:

8310037
Nah don't worry it's always nice to have intelligent comments ^^
For now I'll keep it like this, and you'll tell me what you think of it in the next chapter where there is more character development okay?

Kisses.

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