• Member Since 23rd Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen July 6th

Unahim


Comments ( 1765 )

I've gotten most of the story written out already, so at least for a while I will attempt to update daily, to give me the time to do a last check-up on a chapter before I release it, as well as giving me some time to finish the story.

Romance and Mature, I'm guessing it's clopfic, right?

Will give it a read.

Needs more gore. I expect better from you Unahim.

901782

It will have clop, yes, it should have the tag "sex" if you see it in the list. It's not going to be clop 24/7, though (read description.)

901794

I'm sorry :(

Looks like Spike and Trixie are gonna have a hard time not being total jerks to each other :rainbowlaugh:

901813

Yeah, to put it lightly ^^

you have my attention

The thing I hate most of fimfiction is when a story has a couple of dislike but all the comments are positive...

I'll track this one and when there are more words i'll probably read it :twilightsmile:

This seems interesting, let's see what happens.
*faves and waits for next chapter*

Very nice. Always happy to see a good Twixie story. There just isn't enough of them in my opinion. I'll be watching this.

901838
901918
901986

Well, you won't have to wait too long, I'll be updating very regularly.

901875

Heh, yeah, it usually takes a while to get constructive criticism ^^

901993

Awesome! My tracking list has been a bit bare update-wise lately, so that's very good to hear. Also, I forgot to mentioin; It may be just me, I'm not too good at judging these things, but pacing seems a teensy, tiny bit fast, though this IS just the beginning and it's hard to tell so soon, but I thought I'd mention it.

Anyway, Like I said. This is really good; It would be nice to see it make the feature box or even the last two slots reserved for story updates with high ratings.

While i can undrestand twilight thinking Trixie got the colts to bring an ursa to town i still dont like it. Spike was the one that got them to do it by proclaming "unless an ursa comes waltsing down the streat for Trixie to wanquish im not gona belive a word she says and neather shouold you" (don't quote me on that im not 100% sure thats his exact words.)

Other that that manscreed.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/im-listening.jpg

"Euh..."

Are you french, by any chance? I think I recognize that mannerism.

Also, I spy Applejack and Rainbow Dash in the pony list. Does this mean Appledash? :D :ajsmug::rainbowwild:

902013

Yeah, I realise things progress a bit fast, but I just didn't want to get stuck in "daily life" affairs for too long ^^ It already takes quite some words before it gets to the titular "maids and mistresses" part, and I didn't necessarily want to make it into a 60k words thing :p (although, currently at 30k words in the draft, and I still have a ways to go to finish the story, so we'll see where that goes...)

902036

Yes, it was Spike's fault, but Twilight doesn't know that ;) Nor does Trixie, at no point in the story does anyone say "Spike gave us the idea."

902064

I'm a Dutch speaking Belgian, though 40% of my country speaks French, and I do know the language well enough to survive there.

I see potential here. Consider this story tracked and upvoted.

902077
Ah, I see. It's just a mannerism I recognize as being french. English tends to be "Uh" or "um", without the E :)

902102

Perhaps I should change that, then, hmmm...

Spike and Trixie fighting i can feel the love in the air! XD

902157
That's up to you. It's not something that bothers me in particular, just something I noticed :twilightsmile:
Also, you didn't answer the Appledash question~ :pinkiegasp:

902188

Isn't it just beautiful? :heart:

902200

Ah, sorry, my bad ^^ Let's just say they will be involved in some naughties along the way, but I'm not going to betray whom with :trixieshiftright:

I really like where this is going, I'll keep an eye on this one.

Alright, you've got me intrigued. Fave'd.

Yes! Another great thing I love to see in stories is the inclusion of sex scenes to give the story overall spice and maturity, but not too much as to turn an actual story with an actual (though sometimes sexy) plot into an all-out clop-for-all. I'm gonna give this a read and track it for progress.

I really like how this chapter went, I can see a lot of promise and potential for this story.:trixieshiftright:
In short: I'm watching you:pinkiehappy:

Pea

902822

Back off, he's mine.

I'll wait until the end of the story before I criticize/rate it. So far so good.

902266
902314

I'll do my best not to disappoint!

902505

Yeah, I try not to make it too gratuitous. There's even a few instances where it's more "fade to black" simply if I think it'd end up being too similar to a previous clop scene. I don't think the day-to-day sort of "repeating sex" moments are necessarily too interesting, as they don't really offer any new insights into the relationship (although it's good if the reader knows it's there, happening in the background, as that fact does say something). I try to make it so that after a clop scene you can say "Well, this has given me this or that opinion on character x/y, or this or that amount of insight which I did not have before." after reading it.

902822

Thanks!

As you've perhaps noticed by now, my proofreader is a bit protective of me...

Interesting...


We're watching you.


This has promise, great promise for a fullfilling storyline. :raritywink:

Going well so far. I felt that the scenes were rushed, not to say that is the case for others, only that it is my perception.

I hope that Trixie's charater development goes though a clear progression, it's far too often that writers 'skip' character development to adhere to the tags more quickly.

In short it's going well. You have a good foundation. I feel that you should elaborate slightly more. Keep going. :twilightsmile:

Christ, when she goes into town, all taratus will break loose

901794 In reference to Patches Comment... What's wrong with a lack of GORE? MLP is something innocent and, deep down, all FiMfics should have at least hints of that same innocence. Something this...pure, doesn't need to be sullied with an abundance of blood and death.

With Respect,
Magus Neon, Equestrian Nomad

904360

It's a little thing called a joke my friend. I'm something of a friend with Unahim, and I also happen to know some of his more... infamous works. Mind you, I've read neither Cheerilee's Garden nor Scarlet Harvest, but that doesn't mean I can't poke jokes about it.

Pea

904360

The more innocent and pure it is, the harder the fanbase will corrupt. Always follow that rule.

Trixie isn't my favorite pony, but it is about time that the fact of her getting the raw deal once the Ursa was summoned wasn't glossed over. I bet Ponyville paid for any damages it caused to the other homes. I'm also sure Snips/Snail didn't face any kind of punishment.

904703
Sorry dude. It's hard to tell when someones joking with just text.

903639

Yeah, I was a bit loathe to get stuck in day-to-day affairs too long. Hopefully the pace will be more acceptable to you going forward, we'll see ^^

903828

Possibly! :twilightoops:

904360

Well, I don't believe it can be called "corrupting" or "sullying" when the core program remains intact. As long as it doesn't affect the show itself, it's fine, since then it becomes a choice for everyone to make on their own whether or not they want to be involved with it.

905751

Trixie didn't use to be my favourite pony, but she grew on me, and I agree with your other sentiments completely.

Great job on the story so far. Despite that I actually really hate Trixie, this is a pretty good fiction, so I will love and tolerate..... until I see Applejack and Rainbow Dash. I am actually kinda scared what you have in stored for them. :fluttershyouch:
When I saw them as main characters, I was hoping it would be an AppleDash ship. :ajsmug::rainbowwild:
Well, all I can do it hope, and keep reading. If it doesn't go my why I will probably just be like this -->:raritydespair: But I will live.
Great job on the story, keep up the good work, and I am looking forward for more to come. :twilightsheepish:

From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha

Story sounds interesting. Start reading.

First sentence: Twilight is trying to buy the harvested skin of a sapient creature.

...

Mmmmaybe I should read this later.

906249

Thanks, hope I won't disappoint!

906697

That's only your interpretation, for all you know "dryad bark" is a term for something that has nothing to do with dryads at all (if, for example, they were mythological creatures, it could refer to bark from a tree once mistakenly thought to be dryads) or it's bark from a tree inhabited by a dryad, or maybe it's bark from a dryad that just naturally falls off of them (like hair loss or renewing skin for other creatures), in which case it is no more disturbing to me than dried snake skin (from when they shed) or crocodile teeth, or whatever.

So yeah, you're free to interpret it as such, so long as you realise you're the one who explicitly made it into something disturbing, not me :scootangel:

906956 Don't worry about it. I might get disappoint by what might happen to them, but that doesn't mean your story isn't great. Hey, you don't always get what you want in a story.:twilightsmile: Just try to... um... be gentle about the both of them.:twilightblush:

(Ive enjoyed the read....its fermiler to some ive read befor but....nvm..IT WAS GOOD! NUF SAID!) :trollestia:

I think you meant brink instead of bring in the description. idk

907093

Well, there's only so many ponies and ways to couple them ^^

907117

Yup! Fixed it.

"Come on, Mikkey, what's up?" I sighed and placed myself before the computer screen.
Those space fire monkeys... I shook my head disapprovingly.
"Mikkey, what is this?" I asked sternly. "A Twixie fic? You know I hate those. I won't read it."
The red-haired space monkey huffed and emitted a few sounds that could be specified as "At least give it a try."
I deeply inhaled and exhaled after holding my breath for a few seconds.
"All right, I'll give it a try-" I began, looking at the creature. "But if it is the same as other Twixie crap around here, I'll fire you. Pun intended," I added. "You'll never write my fics again."
*Ten minutes later*
"...Damn it, Mikkey, you were right," I said and hesitantly placed the cursor over the familiar star. "Can't believe I'm doing this..." I said and, with a click, favourited the story.
The monkey chirped victoriously, reminding me to press the like button as well. So I did.
"I only hope the author is planning to update it regularly..." I took a puff of my cigarette and sighed. "Because I can't wait to read more."

907316

Best comment ever! Also, I update so regularly that I updated between the time you read and posted this :p

:moustache: Bully good sir! Well done.

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