A prodigal child is born once more with a strange condition that makes her uniquely gifted in a lost magical art. Unfortunately for the child, that art is soul magic and Celestia does not tolerate the manipulation of a soul under any circumstances.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is looking promising. Yes, it's an idea folks have used before. However, the detail, pacing, and and presentation are spot on. Don't pass this one over.
SUPPORT!!!!!!
So, I guess next time we might be meeting everybeing in Ponyville. Looking forward to it!
in light of a rewrite for chapter 1, i will wait to read ch2 until its published.
8304379
The rewrite was published. It says so in the author's notes.
So, I guess we now know why Twilight Velvet's editing career never took off. No daring and adventurous story to do edits on.
i am so going to enjoy thiss
Wow that idea with Fluttershy is glorious. Very freshening.
8304379
The chapter 1 rewrite is done already and has been updated.
8304356
Why thank you friend. I know my idea wasn't wholly original but I had some unique spins I wanted to put on it and I found that most stories like this don't have the level of polish id like or draw too heavily on other ideas without adding thier own. Something I hope not to do.
8304466
Perfect! That was pretty much exactly what I was going for.
Shouldn't Fluttershy react to the fact that Twilight only have one eye left?
8304486
That's been updated and removed. I had a good idea for that but it didn't turn out well in planning. That is the only thing removed from continuity.
Interesting. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
8304391
So Daring Do died in the Everfree a cruel death? Well, seems she (like always) once more hurt her wings and couldn't just fly away from the forest to find civilization. ^^ Or she was an Earth Pony in this universe instead of a Pegasus.
The first option would be much more embarrassing.
This is a interesting read i hope to see more soon : 3
Good continuation of the story. I look forward to more of this. Glad you took out the missing eye part as well. Better mental images.
So I guess Daring Doo is dead now. Anyways I love where this story is heading, but why wasn't Fluttershy scared of Twilight? Is it because they are all "beings" now?
8305411
I will spell it out more later but imagine the things Fluttershy has seen, then compare them to the broken, little pony that hasnt even showed off any magic.
8305607
Maybe, maybe not, for all i know telekinesis could be sunnys special talent allowing her to use it in ways other can't.
My comment is based on what I know of mlp verse and what you provided in your verse.
So unless you give us an explanation or a hint my idea that sunny and any unicorn is op stands.
And even if we say that teste grab is a higher level spell it's still a spell that any unicorn with some effort can learn.
i like the new chapter and even the edits for the first one... waiting for the next one
8305615
Have you seen the difference between a man the first time they wield a sword and a man who has spent a decade honing his craft? Anyone can wield a sword, few can make it dance.
8305633
True, true but if one man can so can many others, and what's the difference between grabbing an apple and grabbing someones heart with telekinesis, in your verse aperently there isn't one.
I like what i see; keep it coming!
8305640
Just because it looks that way doesnt mean it is. A golf swing from a pro might look identicle to one from an amatuer who has perfect form but one is going to get a different result then the other. The difference is knowing what the pro did that the amatuer didnt and there were no such observers in that room.
8305649
We could argue about this all days, doesn't change the fact in your verse any adequate mage unicorn can grab and crash your testicles with his eyes closed, and if a unicorn can so surely an alicorn can, giving Celestia one op ability, and many unicorns like Sombrero, Starlight maybe even Trixie.
8305656
No, I argued my point perfectly and you simply have no rebuttal.
You came into the story with a preconceived notion about how an aspect of the world works and refuse to see otherwise or even admit the possibility thereof. I will admit that I could have spelt it out for you but some things should not be spelled out so simply and plainly in expositionary text. I will save it for a later date at a more important time and untill then you can seethe.
8305665
Well ain't you a right tight bitch, your point was that only certain people can learn certain skills/ability my point is that any person can learn given skills/ability, granted time learning said skills/ability may differ from person to person but in the end results will be the same.
The only factor that would nullified my point is of one person had something that others don't, like an extra limb or a specialized cutie mark.
As for my issue with the story is that you gave sunny an op telekinetic power without any rhyme or reason, how she didn't use this skill against Celestia is anyone guess, granted Celestia most likely knows about this power, but here a question for you, how do you fight someone who can kill with thought alone? And no blinding them or catching of guard won't work seeing as she doesn't have to see the target and even if it would take her literally seconds to kill someone.
And again if sunny could learn such spell, so can Twilight, Starlight, Trixie and many others and why wouldn't Celestia use it to crush all her enemies with ease as aperently there is no defense against it, and yes she could learn it, if sunny had decades to master Celestia had centuries.
This is wonderful, but I can't help but notice that in the last paragraph an apostrophe needs to be added to
Loving where this is going, keep up the good work!
8305699
You assume that everyone has the same access to education despite the entire underline plot being that noone does, you assum it takes an extra limb or specialized cutie mark despite there being no evidence of the need for in this story, you assume it could be used against CElestia despite the obvious fact that it hasnt, you assume that blinding them or catching them off gaurd wont work despite no evidence, you assume she doesnt have to see the target despite the fact that she saw the target in the story, you assume that starlight, Trixie and Twilight are magically identicaly despite no evidence and assume they all have the same access to the knowledge of learning the spell despite, again, the entire point of the story being there is secret knowledge, you assume Celestia could simply use it all the time, you assume there is no defence against it, you assume it took decades, you assume Celestia wants to learn it.
You would have a perfectly well thought out point if every single being in this world was identical in power and identical in desire and identical in access to the knowledge but none of those things are true.
But as it stands all you have is a mountain of assumptions on which you planted a flag of misconstrued, preconceived notion.
good story. Thank you for your good work. Do not be afraid to stick too your own lore (that is what makes the story unique). My own hope for the story is that Twilight gets revenge and ends up happy with her friends in her own dead way:P
8305727
Yeah it's a sign of poor writing, when the reader has to assume things, as your gave me nothing to go on but assumptions.
And no the world ours or mlp ain't perfect but hers the thing, I have two legs and you got two legs we both can run you maybe fasten then me but I'm sure after few weeks of traning I could run as if not faster then you.
Now let's apply this to mlp, Twilight has a horn Sunset has a horn both are very skilled mages with high mana pool, what's stopping one learning a spell that the other can.
And again I could be assuming but what exactly did you give me? That entire part can be sumed up as "Sunset casted a spell, Twilight died" the end.
And last time I checked Sunsted doesn't have X-ray vision so I dunno how she saw her target, or I could assume that she knew perfectly where Twilight heart was or that she somehow felt it.
See what I have to work with nothing but assumptions in your story.
8304727
Her compass stopped working properly. And I never said she died, for all we know, she could be in Ponyville.
8305783
Yeah, or that, sorry. I'm just very curious what races the others all are. Fluttershy is some kind of free spirit, Rainbow Dash is a Night Pegasus. Never read such a concept. ^^
8305845
Maybe AJ or Pinkie as a tatzlpony? That would be interesting. I doubt the author is going the TimberJack route, since he did not go the Flutterbat route. He seems to like not following the crowd. 50 bits says Nurse Redheart is a vampony. Hemomancy would be useful for a medical professional, and I've read in certain fics that vampony saliva can close and heal small wounds.
8305783
It'd be kinda funny if Ponyville was Daring Do's "City Of Gold" that she's been searching for and still attempts to locate to this day. Either Ponyville or the former Castle of the Two Sisters.
That does bring up a point; where does the Castle figure into the world's Ponyville? With the storyline all topsy-turvy, would that mean the castle is a popular destination? Is it (somehow???) even more "evil" than Ponyville? Will Twilight become the necrolibrarian (hah!) of Ponyville before she "ascends" to become a lich-acorn and move into that castle with the help from the castle-growing crystals?
So much lore to twist into new fun shapes!
8305876
I am of the opinion that the Castle itself was built by Luna/Nightmare Moon directly before the war with Celestia, since, according to the exposition added the first chapter, the Everfree and many of the towns on its edge, such as Ponyville, were independent of Celestia's rule before they were unified under the banner of Luna/NM. This implies that Canterlot was always the seat of Equestria's ruling power, thus I feel it would be logical for the Castle to have been built as a seat of power for Luna/NM after she left Canterlot.
8305752
Well, hello there. Let me just propose you another point of view and please keep any emotion out of this.
First let me address certain aspects concerning the equality you propose here.
In this and your previous comments, you indicated that we are all equal in our abilities - thus able to run the same distance and speed. Now look at that underlined part of your statement saying, "If I train a lot, I might run faster then you". That means, there is a chance you'll run faster than him. Doesn't the fact of "we are all equal, we all run at the same speed no matter what" get thrown right out the window with that?
As a biologist, I can tell you that our talents and traits all have their roots in our genes. Of course, these abilities can bloom only if met with proper practice and education as you said ("after few weeks of training"), however, if you don't have the right predispositions, you might still be averagely good, but never the best. No matter to how many art clubs you went, if you don't have the artistic predispositions, you'll never paint like a master. But who knows, you might have a predispositions for beign a master carpenter, but because you have never had a jack plane in your hands, you won't become one. Who we are is also a matter of coincidence. (I don't know and don't want to assume how good are you in art or carpentry, take this just as an example, not an offense of your skills.)
To conclude, the whole point of this paragraph was to demonstrate that we are all unique in our talents and the level of development they received.
Not necessarily. If I have a character walking across a cobblestone road, do I need to mention the exact stones they stepped on in order to not be called a poor writer, because otherwise the reader would be forced to assume if it was a third paving block from the right or a fifth paving block from the left? It's an exaggerated example, yes, but exaggerated on purpose that will be revealed shortly.
I can't guess from your profile page if you have ever written a story, but know this: Certain parts of a story require different pace than the rest. For example parts of action and tension need faster pace to have the right effect. Faster pace is usually achieved by cutting all the stuff unnecessary for the moment - thus going into a study of how magic works and what are its limits in that particular scene would destroy the atmosphere completely.
However, keep in mind that this story is unfinished and that there are far more chapters waiting ahead as far as I know. Thus the author has a plenty of space to elaborate on the matter. Maybe we will find later on that there are certain restrictions to magic, protecting those around the magic user and only Celestia and those chosen by her know how to bypass those restrictions. No spoiler, just my modest guess. As far as I'm concerned, we don't know much about how magic works from the show itself, so this all is up to the author's fantasy.
I agree with you, the reader is left assuming at this point, but as long as they will receive answer during their journey through the story, there is nothing wrong with it.
8305889
And until I get that answer I reserve my right to bitch and moan about it, and the author has to deal with it.
As for men not being equal it's true we're all individuals but we are similar, we all can do the same things, the difference is how good we're at it and how long it took us to be this good, so it does stand that others like Twilight should be able to use the same spells, unless Sunny uses some artefakt or something other, again assumptions.
For atmosphere I agree not everything has to be spelled out, like mundane thing, like your example or things that we already know about the world, like unicorns having magic and being able to levitate things, but when a character pulls out an op ability out of her flank I start to question things
For example, I have a gun, you know what's a gun no need to explain to reader what it is or what it does, now imagine a character uses said gun but he can use it to kill anyone anywhere no matter the distance, don't you wanna question that?
8305913
Isn't that type of gun called an orbital laser cannon? (Trying to lighten the mood)
8305925
Ehh, I'm more of a nuke guy myself, far more spectacular, and when did the mood sour? Get a thicker hide man, this is the internet man, moaning bitches and 5 year olds everywhere.
8304491
Just finished reading the update to Born in Light, Forged in Darkness, the author's note made it sound like you changed alot more of the first chapter here? or were going to?
Just wondering if it really is just the eye thing changed or if I need to re-read the first chapter to keep up to date.
8305913
As I said, of course I'd question that, but if the author explained it well in the next chapter or so, I'd accept that and roll with it.
What do most crime novels start with? An unbelievable "OP" crime that is slowly being solved thorough the whole book. If you got all the answers on the next page, it would take away all the fun from discovering the answers one by one. This aspect of search is greatly accentuated in detective stories, but believe me, it's present in all works of (not just) fiction.
I think we didn't understand each other in the previous comment, so I'll repeat my point. Sometimes there is no space to cram all the explanation into, so you need to keep just the most basic of things there, moving the rest for later. Just like that, Sunset couldn't start boasting about how she learned a special killing spell to break through all the personal magical restrictions without slowing down the pace as hell and also giving Twilight time to recover her power.
Please also notice that I didn't mean any explanation about unicorns having magic and being able to levitate things, but about the dreaded spell itself.
Eh, not exactly... if you have an heart disease, you won't be an astronaut. Or if you have a really large physical build, you won't be a potholer. Similar to that, if a person never heard of a sea or ocean, they won't likely become a sailor. Just saying that "we all can do the same thing" can have some limits to it as well. My modest opinion.
8305932
I was just trying to make a joke. I added the part in parentheses because I did not want my intentions to be misinterpreted.
And I just wish I had some power suit that let me catch the laser cannon's energy and then toss it like a spirit bomb.
8305943
Seems like the author is not on, so I'll take the job for him here. Sorry Jest
The answer to your question is both yes and no. What already was in the chapter didn't change that much, but there are many new scenes, proposing more background for certain characters. If I were you, I'd definitely re-read it
8305957
And I gladly repeat myself, until the author gives me an answer why Sunny can kill anyone with thought alone without any so far limitations I reserve my right to bitch and moan be it in comment or future chapter.
Having a heart disease is like having no limbs in that case of course he/she won't be able to do everything, we're talking here hypothetical about healthy similar people, like Sunny, Twilight, Starlight or Celestia granted the latter is taller but all should be able to use the same spell unless outside factor like Celestia being tied to the Sun, but until I get answer I'll keep bitchin.
And crime and having and op power are not comparable things.
8305964
Okay, but... will it help anything to keep repeating? Fine, you expressed your point, that's truly appreciated and will be addressed later. What else?
8305972
That's how bitchin works my friend, keep moaning until you get what you want, and fun fact the author could have ended this discussion before it even fully developed by using a few words, ergo "it wiil be explained in due time"
And my bitchin would've stopped for a while anyway, what I think happened is that the author wrote himself into a corner giving Sunny an op power with no idea how and why, why else would keep trying use that sad excuse that she's just a good mage? If that's was the case plenty of other ponies could've used that spell unless aperently she was the first one who ever thought of that.
I just realize je did give an explanation, it was just a lousy one, Sunnys just a good mage and casue of that only she can use that spell without any given limitations, isn't that genius?
8305881
So is it a ruin or just unoccupied and looking for a renter, like, oh... I dunno... a cute purple pony lich?
I am actually excited to find out how the other Elements have turned out. For a moment, I thought Fluttershy was a druid of sorts, using Polymorph to become forest animals. I can almost assume Pinkie is more Pinkamina. Not sure how Applejack will be changed, although I'm getting a gothic mistress type of vibe from what Rarity could have become. Heh, would Cupcake Corner would become a truer version of the Gingerbread house and rumored to turns naughty foals into desserts?
8306054
I think the Castle would have been well maintained, since the citizens of Ponyville were allies/followers of Luna/NM.
My original thought was also that Fluttershy was a druid.