• Member Since 25th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Saiyan of the North Star

Comments ( 184 )

Interesting premise. What you should definitely do is look into getting an editor for your story; there's an error in the story's description, for example, verbs are often in the wrong tense and some sentences are a little awkward. A proofreader might help catch some of that.

Aside from that, here's hoping you write more. Flash Sentry gets so little literary love in this fandom, every new piece is welcome!

Kobayashi-san Chi no Maid Dragon crossover?

8141428 KO I like the show and try to do a crossover hope others may like it. Even if it's just a few.

8143312 KO thanks hope you enjoy it and tell all your friends about it. So what do expect to happen next?

Finally a Flash Sentry story I can get into, keep it up. :pinkiehappy: :yay:

8143467 KO thanks and hope you tell all your friends about it and click the thumbs up button.

8143512 It could be a bit better written grammatically, but other than a few things, it seems alright. I'll keep waiting for more and to see where you take this!

You've stuck with me through my horrible updates, I'll stick with you friend.

Sorry, but as much as I liked the source material, the story has too many typos early on.

8148770 KO don't worry I'll make sure they're better and hope you enjoy the story!!

8148811 Even the structure of the sentences was unappealing. And while I appreciate the idea of mimicking the source material, I considered it a bit of a turnoff that the dragon maid in question already has a kid just from the description.

8149058 KO well spoiler alert: The dragon is not going to be the maid in this story.

Wait, who is Lucoa? I don't remember that Mesoamerican deity.

8149996 KO she's the character from the anime Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid. She has another name though prefer to be called by the other one.

i think you missed the point of miss kobayashi by alot just looking at the fact you are focusing on a male is proof of that

8160693 miss kobayashi is a yuri story as in lesbians see the big point your missing

8160761 KO well it's a fanfic story meaning we can do whatever we want to write. Don't worry, Lucoa won't be the only character in the story. :raritywink:

8160955 by putting in a male lead its just a generic harem story

8161505 KO well gets gonna be a small harem, as you can see with cover and maybe give Flash some 'awkward' moments if you know what I mean, for the comedy like the tag.

8161523 so generic harem story like all the others

Taking one last look in the mirror to see his pale-grayish amber skin and blue eyes, winking at himself knowing that he is ready for a new day.

I'd say he's more of a beige, maybe Almond?

8181008 KO yeah I thought he was like light-yellow when I went to that wiki website about him. Hope you enjoy the story and check the poll on the blog I set up please.

Grammar work on it it gets confusing at times and seems way too fast.
slow down on the pacing a little, it feels a little rush and hard to get into.


Oh it a very inresting story, that why I said those things be better if it's not rushed so fast.
Feels like everything been thrown at the reader at times. "THINK FAST!" mood.

Okay... I still have to say that the grammar is atrocious. But I'm enjoying it nonetheless.

Lucoa is the woman with the hat in the picture, right?

I'm really really sick of the way you're making Sunset act. It the standard girl lieks boy but is a total B%%$$## up lunatic type.
Can you please not do that cliche with her? COME ON! :twilightangry2:

I hate those female character most of all it's not funny it horrible and feel the boy should call the cops and have her arrested!

I am a fan of Susnet love Sunset but hate how she being written inthis fic.

She become like...Akane Tendo in Ranma 1/2 or Naru from Love Hina.
Super Angry girls that will break the guy they like in half rather then listen to him every time.
Then justfied it, at least Sunset feels guilty before she reverts back to ordering flash like he's her B*****

KO don't worry, you won't be seeing that in future chapters.

“Thank you, for a mango sizes chest, you’re pretty okay in my book.” Lucoa said giving Rainbow Dash a thumbs up but seem to made her mad.

How big are mangoes where YOU come from, lady?!:rainbowhuh:

Though something tells him that Sunset won’t be the last girl to decide to move in with him, what could go wrong?

Aaaand ya jinxed it.:facehoof:

KO well, dragons are pretty big themselves, so maybe the mangoes are bigger than the average?

KO thought I originally wanted to put a small watermelon but thought it might be an insult to Rainbow Dash.

KO well, not every character is perfect like jinxing themselves like Flash did.

Will Shouta go to school and will the Bullies Diamond and Silver fall for the boy as well?

KO don't worry, he'll go to school and as the girls falling for him. It'll be a surprise, I mean did you read what Lucoa whispered in Fluttershy's ears? :raritywink:

Yeah i know, but love to see those two Bullies fall for him. Can see them squealing after some moments with him going love love lalalalala land.

If the CMC jsut become friends with him can see them loving this something to tease those two over with nothing mean jsut making them stammer and blush trying to deny it.

KO yeah, I can agree to that. An idea I definitely wouldn't mind using. And be prepare for another dragon coming to town.

What do you mean by "All activities of sex will be shown in future chapters."?

KO as in, there is going to be some bonding time first before we get to the lemon scenes. Have you read the Halloween special yet?

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