Flash has been calm about things like magical ponies from another world, but now he has to deal with a mom and son dragon living with him along with some others he knows suddenly moves in as well. Hope the house doesn't get burn down though all this.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Grammar work on it it gets confusing at times and seems way too fast.
slow down on the pacing a little, it feels a little rush and hard to get into.
8192567 KO yeah I'll try my best and hope you'll enjoy the story!
8192740
Oh it a very inresting story, that why I said those things be better if it's not rushed so fast.
Feels like everything been thrown at the reader at times. "THINK FAST!" mood.
How big are mangoes where YOU come from, lady?!
Aaaand ya jinxed it.
8428686
KO well, dragons are pretty big themselves, so maybe the mangoes are bigger than the average?
8428686
KO thought I originally wanted to put a small watermelon but thought it might be an insult to Rainbow Dash.
8428695
KO well, not every character is perfect like jinxing themselves like Flash did.
Eeyup, you’re dead Flash
8918260
KO yeah, he’s in for a crazy ride.
North...I love that awesome brain of yours....like holy crap dude
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KO thanks!
I have a question Why are everyone's boobs so big? If someone as athletic as rainbow had boobs that big they wouldn't be very athletic as they would be more of a hindrance. Not to mention the back pain they must go through
also get a editor the amount of missing or misspelled words makes it hard to read
9372150
Rule of anime. Don't question it. Just enjoy the buxom.
That was a awesome interdiction to the main 7 I can't wait to see who moves in next.
While I can't see many spelling errors, there are a lot of grammar errors. Mostly in the form of words missing.
You seem to be missing 'mind' in this part.
"Now Flash, I don’t mind you wanting a harem, but remember I'm Number 1 got it."
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Especially if it pinkie pie