Who would have thought it would be so hard finding shelter from a storm in a land known for being friendly and accepting?
Inspired by this comic I saw. To whoever made this comic, good job.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 8th Jan, 2017
- offline last seen Sep 12th, 2018
OutOfTheBlue
Not much to tell, just an amateur with nothing better to do.
OutOfTheBlue
Joined 8th Jan, 2017 ·
Offline
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Too real.
C-C-C-CRIPPLING DEPRESSION!
Not bad, not bad at all
. It's nice to see simple but excellent stories like these, and you handled it pretty well. Not many complaints here.
8096724 Yay! My writing was halfway decent! I think. But, thanks for the comment. I appreciate each and every one.
8096746 Void of existential dread ho!
8096803 Why thank you! I'm just happy someone likes my story. Thanks for the comment.
Great story you got a like.
Cute little story. :) I'd definitely give a cute bug pony a place to stay. Or a place to live, rather.
You're very good with details and you have a great variety of vocabulary, so those are definitely strengths you should continue to nurture. I do have some suggestions, though.
A: Indentation of descriptive paragraphs a little more often. There are a few here that have 'wall of text syndrome', they go on for more than ten sentences, and it can get daunting to read. Every four or five sentences should be a new paragraph on a new line, even pure description with no dialogue - it keeps things organized and dynamic for readers.
B: Try to separate spoken dialogue of character A from a descriptive action of character B. For example,
Having one character say something and another character do something all in the same paragraph can easily throw readers off. Don't be afraid to have lines of dialogue on thier own line, even if there's no descriptive text to go with it. So for example:
--
"Can you stay until I fall asleep?"4326 pretended to think about it before smiling at Green and nodding.
--
Basically, never be afraid to indent. It organizes text into a more manageable form that will help your readers stay focused.
Definitely earned a like, keep up the good work!
Very cute little story.
I like it :)
Nice little story. However, in the real world this would most likely go against one of the most important rules for children: Don't let random strangers into your house.
8096878 Thanks!
8097371 Definitely, this is just a story not a lesson telling you to let strangers into your home.
8096982 Thanks for the advice! I actually really enjoy it when readers help me improve my writing, and this definitely helps.
Note:I just did what you suggested and I am much happier with how the story reads now. Feel free to critic my other story I've written or any future ones I write. Ps. My previous story that I'm still writing is much rougher than this one. Especially the first few chapters.
8097320 Thanks very much! I'm glad to hear it.
8098911 No problem! Helping other writers with form is both enjoyable and rewarding for everyone. :) I just looked through the story again, it looks much better. Now you're already a better writer, looking towards the future!
8104451 Hooray perpetuated improvement!
that was really cute!
8105397 Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
This is nice! A bit short, but that's fine. A story doesn't have to be long to be good. :)
8106320 Why thank you! I'm glad you like it.
Ooooo I really enjoyed this! I was sad for Green Pastures but I had an inkling of where this story was going. Glad I turned out to be right! Awesome story, I'll be checking out more of your stuff!
8110399 Thank you! And in regards to other stories, I'm writing a new one now that I hope you'll like.
Must... resist... the urge to go shoot up an office building of piss-poor parents!
I'm unreasonably angry and happy! Great story and fuck it! You've earned a follower!
8110627 Yay! My life is complete now!
WOHO YAY! Such a nice ending, been looking for a lovely lil' fic like this. IS SO NICE! Following now.
8119305 Yay! I'm glad you like it! I hope I don't disappoint with my other stories.
this was a pretty short but cute story. nicely done.
8134524 Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.
So let's begin with the good I loved it, it was short sweet and nice. I liked the plot and the characters, over all it was well written and heartfelt Conflict resolution were both very well done. The needs improvement the Chem-Is-Try was rushed I felt that there was something there but I don't think proper time was given to it. The characters of Green and 4326 were okay, but the parent's character was one dimensional, not really a problem though since they aren't important. Lastly the conflict didn't make since to me didn't distract me from the story just didn't make the resolution as fulfilling. All in all a very nice story.
8148972 Thank you for the comment, glad you like the story, and I will try to work on those issues in the future.
Ahhh! This is so sweet! I love it! You rarely get short changeling stories, let alone happy ones at that. Toping that off with some nice character interactions, even if the characters are simple, results in a beautifully little one shot. Nice work mate.
8161718 Thank you!
short and sweet. i really liked it a lot.
8179638 Thank you.
I have an idea. Any changeling related storied need to become series with comedic or heartfelt chapters.
8355255
But I have so much other stuff to write! You're killin' me smalls!
8355571
But everything you write is so good!
8355618
I wouldn't go that far. Decent maybe. I've just always wanted to write an actual book so I've been practicing my writing with fanfics. I've written something every day for a while now on various websites.
8356629
No. Good isn't far enough tbh. Your one of the better writers ice seen actually. 4th place on my list.
8356630
Wow... that's... actually surprising. My English teachers always told me my stories weren't good. Well... the ones I was required to write for them. Whatever. I just... never really thought I was any good at this. But you saying that actually means alot to me. Thanks dude. From the bottom of my lungs. I would say heart, but lungs are bigger.
8356640
Well, English teachers are jerks. They never like fantasy stuff like this. They're buzzkills. Don't worry about them.
8356645
Done and done!
8356675
Glad I could brighten at least one person's day today.
8356677
Yay! Although that is the reason I write these stories. I don't really care about features or getting tons of popularity. I just want to write something that will help people that are feeling down or that will make someone smile.
8356686
And that's just what they'll do.
8356689
Awwwww. Thanks.
8356693
8356693
Hey! How about this! If the story gets 80 likes In a week, you make more changeling stories!
8356763
Well... I do have one to n the back burner that I've been thinking about for a while. I'll think about it.
8356778
Alright then.