• Member Since 22nd Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen October 19th

TwistedPretzel


My heart will always belong to Princess Luna

T

When Queen Chrysalis was defeated, not every changeling successfully retreated back to her Hive. Badly injured, either body, or mind . . . or both . . . the abandoned survivors have been struggling to do just that: survive.

Almost two years later, they have gradually banded together, forming a new Hive in the process. For, by now, they have been away for so long that they're no longer part of Queen Chrysalis' Hive. Exhausted, wounded in heart and soul, and starving, they just want to have a home.

Can they find, or make, one, in Equestria?

(set approximately near the beginning of Season 5)
(Based upon reader input, comments, and critiques, expect a major expansion revision sometime in the future)

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 32 )

So before reading this, since this fic is about changelings whouldnt they be tagged?

9460943
Maybe the author didn't know there are tags for races?

Oh lordy! Something I enjoy! Love it. We will be watching.

Faved and waiting for more. I love the idea that the ponies unknowingly invaded the changeling's land and almost caused their extinction.

Ri2

Wait, since when does Twilight have guards?

Also, the idea of the ponies being invaders is clever.

I really have to do something about the dust in here.:fluttercry:

I hope there won't be anymore changeling deaths.

Rainbow and two guards are willingly going to feed the changelings?:pinkiegasp: So sad that some of the changelings had to die though:fluttercry:


9461900
Me too.

Ah . . . The obligatory downvote . . . with, of course, no comment to explain what, if anything, was the reason behind said dislike.

Thank you for that.

And thus was founded International Changeling Rescue, equipped with a panoply of advanced airships and other all-terrain vehicles, responding to disasters and misadventures across Equestria from their secret base in the South Luna Sea. Thunderlings are go! *cue epic 70s adventure music* :pinkiehappy:

9462270

I upvoted, and, in just a moment, I'll be adding this to the World-Building folder in my recs group for your creative reinterpretation of Hearth's Warming, but I have a couple of guesses what might have prompted them to downvote:

  1. When I came into a story this short, I expected something more personal. It's hard to make this much drama and world-changing feel satisfying in so few words.
  2. Having a character sacrifice themself to demonstrate their sincerity is somewhat trite and overdone. (It's too easy and obvious a choice for an author and risks coming across as the mark of a lazy or unskilled author.)
  3. The degree to which Rainbow is suspicious feels needlessly emphasized.

In general, it just feels like the story is an abridged-form work... impatiently focusing too heavily on the key events without allowing the reader time for change to flow, then playing the "grand sacrificial gesture" card in an attempt to force the haste to work anyway when toning Rainbow down a little bit and adding a little more text could have made it flow more smoothly.

Depending on how they looked at it, they might have also felt like they just read an Act 1 and an epilogue with Act 2 and Act 3 intentionally omitted.

Whoa. That is a whole new spin on changeling history. And I LOVE it.

A magnificent little story of changeling redemption and integration. You, my friend, have just earned a new follower.

9463805
There is criticism, there are opinions, there are comments . . . and then there are critiques. I am quite honored, and flattered, at the incisive and detailed critique you have posted. Thank you.

I had reasons for the style, and length, that this particular story was written. At the time, those reasons seemed sensible. However, after reading your critique and meditating on that, I'm afraid I don't really have any "rebuttal". and, having now contemplated on your analysis, I'm not feeling anywhere near the satisfaction about this as I originally had.

I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone with this. I'm not promising anything soon, but I'll mostly like be working on a major rewrite, and significantly expand things.

Ri2

Why were the Crusaders there?

9465372

Why were the Crusaders there?

They were simply exploring, as youngsters often do. And while rock climbing, they accidentally triggered a landslide. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle had been badly injured, and Apple Bloom was trying to climb back out when she slipped and fell.

Ri2

9465486
Just seems rather convenient from a narrative standpoint that they were there just so the Changelings could prove themselves.

9465489
About as convenient, perhaps, as Snips and Snails finding an Ursa Minor within walking distance of Ponyville, just so Trixie could show them how she can banish one?

Ri2

9465495
That had foreshadowing. The kids just showed up to fall out of nowhere.

9464905

And thank you. I try to give critiques as thanks for the free entertainment whenever I'm in a mindstate to pick up on something useful (Far too often, I read fanfiction because I'm too burned out to do anything else) and you'd be surprised how often I get no reply at all.

Heh, so much ruckus for a six pack of starved lings.

Well that escalated quickly.

For what it is, this fic is fun! The sense of urgency is definitely there, and the format made show-don't-tell very fluid here.
Using symbols for thought-speech identifiers was unique, luckily they didn't have extensive communications or personal identities or it could have gotten a little annoying. As is, it demonstrates the rapid-fire nature of that communication medium without flat telling the reader (except for that mention).
The rescue was a bit fast paced in the middle there, Rainbow's turnabout felt a little whiplash-y due to the continuity in brevity with the pace.
Anyways, thumbs up!

Damn... That so new yet...obvious. if you think about it... Damn!

Cutie Mark Crusaders suicide squad! :yay:
Just got someling killed... Neat... :fluttercry::facehoof::raritydespair:
What happend to Chrysalis i wonder...

I wonder what happend to Hive Chrysalis :raritycry:

Beautyful short story.

“Sheesh Twilight,” Rainbow grumbled, “You don’t hafta yell, yanno!”
“So . . . whut’s the deal Twi?” Applejack asked, once she’d taken her seat.

These misspelled words come off as very awkward. I get that they're attempting to convey an accent, but they're overdoing it. "Whut" especially; go ahead and say "what" out loud normally, and then try to pronounce it with a country accent. Unless you end up saying "woot", it won't sound any different. Meanwhile, the two from Dash are over-misspelled: "Have ta" and "ya know" convey the same slangified pronunciation, while being closer to the proper spelling and therefore much easier to read.
In general, misspelling a word to convey an accent should be done very sparingly; if the accent is important to convey, tagging the dialogue with "she said with a southern twang" or something to that effect is much easier to read than a series of phonetically (mis)spelled words.
That said, I don't believe in hard and fast rules for writing, so if you really want to put extreme emphasis on accents, go ahead. Just remember that some people will stumble when reading it; the rest of Applejack's dialogue in this chapter was legitimately painful for me to read. She didn't speak a lot, so it didn't detract too much from the story as a whole, but if you ever do a more Applejack-heavy story...

It seems the Changelings can be compared to Native Americans in this story.

Very nice. Love the touch about hearthswarming.

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