• Published 9th Mar 2017
  • 13,451 Views, 1,468 Comments

My Secret Daughter - deadpansnarker



Starlight Glimmer's friends all find out she has became a mother long before any of them met her. But what'll happen when they make the discovery the long-lost filly isn't so 'lost' after all? What'll happens if... she just lives around the corner?

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Chapter 13 Part 2: A Simple Request

“Ah, now that truly hit the spot!” Trixie stretched all of her most delicate muscles gingerly, whilst exiting the spa with Starlight in tow. “Trixie feels ready for an entire tour… no, make that an entire season of performance-related art! All I need now is to do half-an-hour of aerobics tonight to limber up, and my daily workout routine will be complete!”

“ “Performance-related art’? Is that your new name for pretending to cut other ponies in half with a fake saw? And I wondered why I saw you looking at discount leotards the other day…” Starlight commented with amusement, knowing that renaming her act and this new keep-fit program would last for all of a week. Trixie was great at initiating fads, not-so-good at sticking to them.

Hmph! Scoff all you want, but Trixie is going to attract a higher end of clientele in the not-too-distant-future. And that means… maximised profits!” Trixie sniffed petulantly at her fellow unicorn’s cynicism. “Soon, I won’t have to deal with all the yokels and bumpkins I’ve been merely tolerating until now, it’ll be glasses of champagne and caviar-on-a-stick all year round! Doesn’t that just sound dreamy?”

“ For a start, that’s not how they serve caviar. And to be honest, not really. Maybe I’d have thought so once upon a time, but things have changed since then. I don’t think the affluent lifestyle is all it's cracked up to be…” Starlight frowned back, referencing her own recent troubles with two members of the aristocracy in particular. “Anyway, whatever you choose to do, you know I’ll support you one-hundred percent. Just try not to get your hopes up, always keep a sense of proportion, and…”

Hey! Is it Starlight Glimmer talking now, or Twilight Sparkle? It’s funny: I don’t see any wings, or a miniature dragon running about bumping into things. But what you just said there could’ve come fresh from The Most Boring Alicorn In Equestria.” Trixie rolled her eyes at Starlight’s platitudinous speech there. “Look, I’m perfectly aware all my carefully-laid plans could be crushed like mouldy fruit at any given moment. But if I don’t try, how will I ever know…?”

“Wow, that’s… a surprisingly mature outlook for you, Trixie. You must’ve given this matter a lot of thought, and I really admire…”

“...And of course, if everything goes wrong, I’ll just blame it on somepony else. After all, there’s no end of hapless stooges out there. The Careful And Cautious Trixie doesn’t make mistakes, she just gets bad advice!” Trixie’s radical turning over of a new leaf was short-lived, much to the non-surprise of her companion.

“...I thought as much. Well, whatever happens, at least you’ll learn something from the experience. Or in your case, maybe not.”

Starlight’s ‘here we go again’ moment with her bestie was interrupted by a familiar pink filly running over, and the new arrival apparently had no time for trivial greetings.

“Starlight. We need to talk. Now.”

“Oh, hi there Diamond! I thought you were spending the day with your friends. If you’ve come to join us at the spa, I’m afraid you’re a bit too late…” Starlight was somewhat taken aback to see her daughter again so soon, but was very pleased she’d chosen to make their separation brief.

“No, I came because I knew you’d be finished. My pals are refurbishing our treehouse, something which I can’t claim to be very good at. I want to build businesses when I’m older, not insecure structures…”

“Oh, Trixie likes that one! I can tell you and I are going to get on like cinnamon and nuts!” Trixie chuckled at the filly’s play on words, squeezing uninvitedly between Starlight and the younger pony to offer up a blue hoof. “Hi, I’m your Auntie Trixie Lulamoon! You might remember me from such breathtaking magic shows like the one at Ponyville Schoolhouse and the Town Square. How does it feel to be the only child of the Greatest and most Powerfullest friend I’ve ever met?”

“E-Erm…” Diamond took a couple of steps backwards, understandably lost for words at this juncture.

Oh, Trixie. I warned you before that Diamond doesn’t like this kind of in-your-face style of confrontation. I learned that lesson the hard way yesterday… Starlight sighed at the other unicorn’s blatant lack of subtlety, before pushing herself back in front and smiling apologetically to a nonplussed Diamond.

“So sorry about that. Trixie doesn’t have much family, so the prospect of hanging out with us made her a little overexcited. Even more than is usual, hard to believe I know. Anyway, what did you gallop all the way down here to tell me? You look completely exhausted.”

“I am, but don’t worry about that. This is more important. And I’d prefer if we were alone.” Diamond didn’t mean to sound rude, but frankly she’d had her fill of overenthusiastic ponies trying to win her over for an entire lifetime.

Plus, in all honesty, she’d always found Trixie kind of weird. A speculative opinion which had only been strengthened the last few minutes.

“Fine, fine. You two go off and do your mother-daughter ‘thing’. Trixie knows when she’s not wanted…” Trixie pretended to put on a mock sad voice, but in reality she was a bit peeved at the outright rejection of her genial overtures. “But, little future niece, let me swear this: nopony is immune from the overpowering charms of Trixie The Magnificent! Soon, we’ll be sitting at a table together, sharing cake and bad jokes, and you’ll love it! You’ll l o v e it!!”

Trixie then flapped her scarf like a cape and made her exit stage left, making sure that her piercing laughter caught in the air long after she’d departed.

After proceedings had returned to some kind of normality, Diamond blinked once, twice, before asking the only question on her lips.

“Wait. I’m confused. About everything actually, but mostly this: Is she no longer the ‘Great And Powerful Trixie’, but ‘Trixie The Magnificent’? Are you the ‘Great And Powerful Starlight’ now, o-or…”

“Relax, Diamond. Trixie gives herself all kinds of self-aggrandising aliases all the time, and most of us just roll with it until she invents another one. It’s not like she’s hurting anypony, is she? Now… would you like to go somewhere private to discuss what you came here to see me about?”

“Y-Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” A formerly laser-focused Diamond Tiara had been sidetracked temporarily by Trixie’s pique of randomness, but after being reminded about her mission she quickly regained her composure. “Where did you have in mind?”

“Usually, I’d say Sugarcube Corner, but after that huge breakfast we had earlier, I’m not sure I could face another cupcake ever again.” There was a reason why Starlight hadn’t let Bulk Biceps massage her front belly earlier: indigestion can be a terrible, terrible condition. “Oh wait, I know! What about the large bridge in the centre of town? Sometimes I go there myself, when I need to think. I don’t know what it is about that place, but it always seems to help…”

“I think I know what you mean…” Diamond nodded in agreement, as bittersweet memories of her own tears falling in the stream below after losing the school election began flooding back to her. “It sounds ideal. Let’s head there together now, shall we? Unless you have somewhere you’d like to go first.”

“Not really. Although, I am kind of wondering what was so urgent it made you rush down here so quickly…” Starlight dared ask the question, before they’d even reached the meeting place. “Nothing is wrong, I hope?”

“No. I’m feeling much better now, thanks for asking. Although there is something you can do for me…” Diamond regarded Starlight through warm, pleading blue eyes, and it was clear that whatever this pending request was, it meant a lot to the filly.

“I see.” opined Starlight, immediately jolting herself to attention. This could be my big chance to worm my way back into her affections, after our somewhat rocky start together! Whatever she wants, short of murder, grand treason or stealing another pony’s cutie mark, I’ll be sure to agree to. For now though, I better remain calm. Don’t want her to figure out how desperate I am to win her over, or she may decide to take advantage of the situation. “And what might that be?”

“Well Starlight, I was going to ask you when we got to the bridge, but I suppose there’s no harm in telling you now. It’s about my father…”

“Who, Double Dia... I mean, Filthy Rich? What about him?”

“I want to… no, I need to see him. Today.”

Author's Note:

Well, it turns out 'soon' means 'just over a year later'. Who'd have thunk it? :scootangel:

Seriously though, I've missed this story and it was a pleasure contributing to it again. I'll be updating more of my most popular fics shortly, as well as starting a few one-shots, so look out for them also. :trixieshiftleft:

Whatever you're doing right now, have a good one! :rainbowwild:

Comments ( 28 )

Visiting Double Diamond? That could be interesting.

10917912
Starlight is trying to be polite, because Diamond hasn’t yet accepted the concept of having another father. Give it time, though…

“I want to… no, I need to see him. Today.”

ooh, this'll be interesting

10917915 Well, does Double Diamond know he's a father, or what happened to his child? If not, he's gonna be in for the shock of his life.

10917968
It was a while ago since I wrote it, but I am pretty sure the answers you're looking for live in the first chapter....

Good to see this story up and running again! :twilightsmile:

“I want to… no, I need to see him. Today.”

See who? Filthy or Double Diamond?

Either way, this'll be interesting.

10917989
Pretty sure she meant Filthy Rich. It was Starlight who almost said the wrong name there then... :ajsmug:

“Hi, I’m your Auntie Trixie Lulamoon! You might remember me from such breathtaking magic shows like the one at Ponyville Schoolhouse and the Town Square.

You made a reference out of him! I love you, Dr. Snarker!

You know, this could have actually been a good story but making spoiled a straight up sociopath completely ruins everything.
Like hell man, decent premise, completely wasted potential.

10920010
Well due to the fact the show didn’t exactly give us much to dwell on about her apart from the most negative qualities, I don’t think full-on sociopathy is too much of a stretch. Just call it fandom interpretation, and leave it at that. I’m sure there are other stories to your taste, if you want to see her depicted in a more sympathetic light… :pinkiesmile:

10918676
I thought someone would spot that… :scootangel:

10920019
It's not just about wanting her to be more sympathetic. Having her being a sociopath completely ruins any real sense of drama the story might have had.
You could have written a decent story about starlight just suddenly coming back into diamonds life and the struggle of trying to be part of a life that's already well established. As it is there are absolutely no stakes what so ever. It' s just you shitting on a character you don't like for chapter after chapter.
What's even worse is that you set it up pretty well in the first chapter, implying that Spoiled had just had a miscarriage when she met Starlight, but then almost immediately after you change it to her just pretending to be pregnant.
So rather than a grieving mother who was desperate for something to fill that void you have an insane mare who was pretending to be pregnant to manipulate her husband with no long term plan that just HAPPENED to find a baby.
I could keep going, but it's honestly not worth it.

10920552

10920019

Ok actually looking at some of your other stories you seem to have some insane hatred for Spoiled where you keep writing stories about her being a monster.
I don't know what your deal is but fuck dude yeah saying anything here was probably a waste of time.

10920552
If you think that ruins it, then you're not going to like the vast majority of fiction titles.

I wish this chapter was longer, but thanks for it! :twilightsmile:

10920552

10920560
Well you can’t please everyone, in fact just a few years ago I got into a bit of an argument with another author on this exact issue. To be honest, I never liked her enough to give her more ‘layers’, and it’s not like the show gave us much to grab onto regarding her non-existent better qualities. There are plenty who feel the same way about Cozy Glow, and you don’t have to look too hard to find fics that depict her as equally rotten to the core. I would argue that’s even more harsh, since she is just a filly.

I guess a lot of my distaste for Spoiled is because I regard her as a child abuser, after what my favourite character Diamond Tiara went through for much of her life due to her bullying and unrealistic expectations of her daughter. I can’t pretend this didn’t have an impact in the way I wrote her, and if you think that makes me a bad author by not being able to separate my dislike and depiction of her then so be it.

Like I said, there are at least a few other stories where she’s got a bit more to her than ‘bad mother’. Perhaps one of those would be more up to your speed. Who knows, now the show has ended and a new generation is on the horizon, my long-standing dislike for her has been tempered somewhat and I might write one myself that gives her more endearing character traits.

But I would never disown any of my earlier works just because I’ve grown as an author, and if they don’t satisfy some people… well, they don’t have to read them. :twilightsmile:

P.S I did actually write a couple of fics where Spoiled is depicted a bit more 'fairly' (At least she's a LOT more tolerable in them than canon). If you or anyone is interested, let me know and I'll post a link. :scootangel:

10920568

10920571

Agreed. And if my talent and ego matched my output... well, let's just say the feature box would be looking very different. :raritywink:

I saw this being updated after indefinite hiatus and had a massive dejavu. I wonder why? 🤔🤔

Let's hope it doesn't become a yearly-updated fic :P

I sure hope this story gets the conclusion it deserves

Just was able to catch up. Great story! Looking forward to reading more. :twilightsmile:

Well, if it makes you feel better, you've definitely broken your previous record in updating delays. It's now closer to 2 years. And just when it was really starting to get interesting.

I suppose this story has been outright abandoned at this point. Which is a crying shame 😢!!

11511314
It appears that way. 2 years without an update now.

Cheap drama, primitive conflict with a cardboard villain and childish plot to make absurd idea work. Disapponting, though expected. What really irks me - that this default saltfic has more upvotes than actually decent works.

11678857
Well, you may not find it 'decent' but apparently a lot of other people do, as you said looking at the upvotes it's got. You're entitled to your (pretty harsh to be honest) opinion of course, but don't invalidate other's viewpoints just because you didn't enjoy it.

I accept there are certain aspects of this story I could've handled better, and honestly if I had the chance to write it again I would (mostly from the second chapter onwards, I wouldn't touch a single word of the first chapter).

I would probably give it a bit more huma... I mean pony emotions considering the rather delicate subject matter, and change the entire premise of the fic from DT going to live with Starlight and Twilight to something else entirely.

But what's done is done, and I reckon I'd piss an awful lot of people off if I called it quits now.

Or maybe they wouldn't mind if I began from the ground up, provided I made it worth their while. Maybe we could have a poll...? :moustache:

11678959
Nuh, I've long ago accepted that the preferences of the majority are quite often quite undemanding, though surely I do not like it and can sometimes, like here, make a rant about it.
And honestly there is nothing wrong with making Spoiled actual psychopath, after all several of my most loved fics are about them and process of dissecting their mind and watching their thought processes is really fascinating, main problem is as I said is dumbness of focal point of story - Spoiled persona and her plot of fake pregnancy. She is Dumb with a capital D, and her plan is Dumb, and even more dumb is that it actually worked. And that in its turn makes everyone else also Dumb for actually falling for that. And problem with it is that even if other parts of story like for example bonding between daugther and mother or discussions between friends are good and believable on their own, when combined with core plot, it undervalues all of it, destroying any pretense of seriousness or realism. That plot with fake pregnancy and this cartoonishly evil and shallow villain could actually work pretty good in some comedy ot ironic trops deconstruction story, but here it just murders narrative tone.
Honestly I snapped that way cause I actually like Diamond Tiara as I like many others "spoiled brat" archetype characters and I am so tired of authors so often treating their parents as a simple plot devices which main character should overcame or defeat, like a dragon in a fairytale. They are also peoples, they have their own feelings, prefernces, life stories, life experiences, which defined them the way they are. Personally I think half of a tragedy of such stories is that there is too late to save also them, God knows they need help probably even more than their childs.

11679300
Perhaps you should be as angry with shows like MLP, Gravity Falls, Miraculous Ladybug etc that actually GIVE character development to their Spoiled Brat individuals, whilst their parents (mostly their mothers) get utterly demonised and remain stubbornly one-dimensionally evil until the end (although Miraculous is an exception in the end, one of the worst written shows I've ever seen. What they did to Chloe after S2, Sheesh).

Anyway, you can't tell me Spoiled Rich is any more complex here than she is in the show itself, so for depicting her as accurate in canon as possible may not be to your taste but I think it pretty much stacks up with what we know. Maybe there are other fics (and I know for a fact that they are, because I've written a couple myself) that go far more in depth about how she turned out the way she did, but that's down to the discretion of the author and I certainly wouldn't criticise them for following the show's similar mandate on her.

Obviously this story isn't for you in any case, and I thank you for giving it a try regardless. But I think you hobbled your expectations in advance by saying it was 'what you expected'. Ah well, I hope you find what you're looking for.

Bye for now!

Hello, Excellent story so far, Though i am curious, Why does Diamond (Sparkling) need to talk to her dad so badly? Either way, i will await the day this is updated again to find out, either way, ill be looking at more of your works today.

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