• Member Since 20th Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

PonyThunder


Author of mostly cute/funny one-shots and a handful of heartwarming stories. I also make art! https://www.deviantart.com/pony-thunder

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When Starlight Glimmer feels left out as everypony else spends time with their little sisters, she seeks someone of her own to bond with: Diamond Tiara. And apparently, they share a lot more in common than either of them had ever realized.

My tags: Uplifting Heartwarming

Comedy tag is for light comedy, as it is not the main focus.

Vectors: Starlight , Diamond Tiara

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 37 )

If I didn't want to punch Spoiled Rich as hard as I could already, her scene in this would have made me do that more.

I already wanted an episode that had DT and Starlight together, but this story made me want one even more.

8385786
Good, you're supposed to want to punch her :twilightsmile:

I sincerely think it would make a great episode. Not what I wrote, but something more suited towards the show's style for sure. Thanks!

Starlight and Diamond do make for a good Big Sister-Little Sister pairing, what with being reformed baddies and all. Hopefully this initial glimpse at this duo won't be the last. Great job nurturing this idea and making it fully realized! :pinkiehappy:

8386111
I hope they do an episode about it in the future! Probably not gonna happen this season though. Thanks for reading!

That, was a really nice little story there. I wouldn't mind more from this idea :pinkiehappy:

8386214
Thank you, I appreciate that :twilightsmile:

"You're not selling something are you?" Spoiled Rich interrupted snobbishly. "I've told everypony before - We don't buy Filly Scout cookies here, this is a gluten-free household."

Spoiled Rich, you're a beautiful trash-horse and I love you. Don't ever change.

Also, "interrupted snobbishly" might be the most Spoiled Richiest dialogue tag I've ever seen in my life.

8386222
Spoiled Rich is a fun character to write, I've recently discovered. I kind of want to write a story that gives her more lines now. Thanks for reading :twilightsmile:

I love how DT and Starlight seem to be the new big adoption pair--they're super cute together!

yeah, might need another chapter of this. possibly a camping ep with the crusaders and co.

Comment posted by DMCVTPP deleted Aug 25th, 2017

I love it! Wonderful idea. It would be great if this is continued sometime

Wow, Spoiled's snobby attitude actually did some good in this story. :rainbowderp:

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Thank you all! Continuing this story is a possibility, and if I did it would focus on Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom probably. With tomorrow's episode being another "sister camping" episode, maybe I'll get some more ideas.

My stupid other reason they make a good pair is the matching color scheme :twilightsheepish:

8387386
So much purple (and pink)!

This was good yet i would have wish it had more chapters, and see were it leads, heck having both take part at tge social

Ok so this is not a starlight related to diamond fic but starlight helps diamond make friends.

8388340
Yes. This is a Starlight adopts Diamond Tiara as her younger sister fic.

A sisterly bonding for them.

Wonder if Diamond Tiara and Spike were 'hanging out' to get away from troubles?

"PUNCH that Spoiled Rich IN THE FACE--LIKE A BOSS! And high-hooves all round!"

And with that, Apple Bloom began leading Starlight to Diamond Tiara's residence. As she did, however, that feeling of excitement slowly faded and was quickly overshadowed by dread and nervousness. Thoughts raced in her mind as she tried to figure out how she would introduce herself, as well as how she would ask Diamond Tiara to spend time with her. Then, she wondered what would happen if things didn't turn out well, or if Diamond Tiara would even accept the offer at all. Starlight trotted nervously behind Apple Bloom, thinking about how much she seemed to love her big sister, and how impossible it seemed like she could ever compare.

I can understand feeling that kind of nervousness. Thank you anxiety disorder. >_>

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I call it analysis paralysis. Sometimes we just need to shut our brains off and not ruminate over every possible scenario.

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Makes sense. But like I said, I suffer from anxiety so for me it usually comes down to having to work up the nerve to do something. And that can take a while.

You should be grateful for such an opportunity!

For once, Spoiled has a point. After all, that "flightless pegasus" has a mentor.

I want to like this story. I really do. It is an excellent idea, but an idea isn't a story and this collection of 3,500 words is a prime example of what that means.

Spoilers below.

So, there are several things presented in this story that are a good start. Starlight has a clear and relate-able goal and motivation. Three of her friends among the M6 have little sisters (while the other three have older siblings, a point the story ignores but is not a flaw for doing so I feel). One of those older sister (Maud) is in fact her friend too. So, Pinkie being Maud's little sister would fit this theme of "my friends have little sisters." That one does feel like a flaw.

Starlight isn't sure what to do about this urge she has, so she turned to Apple Bloom. At first this feels somewhat dirty. But then the story reminds you that Apple Bloom's job is to help other ponies (including adults) with cutie mark issues. While this has nothing to do with that directly, she is reasonably well-connected and a solid person to contact for help. So, overall I'll call this one a good thing too. That said, Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo could also have been approached using the same logic, and Scootaloo being an adoptive little sister might have more direct insight into what Starlight is after than Apple Bloom. So... minor complaint at best.

They come up with Diamond Tiara as a candidate. The point of the story. Fully on board with this, though more on this later.

They go up to her house and knock on the door. Straight and to the point. No issue with that.

Spoiled Rich answers and is delightfully bitchy. While there are a few bits of her contribution to the story that don't sit well with me, overall I'd say she's fine as a choice for the story and serves her small role overall well. Could just use a little polish. Again, more on that later.

Diamond and Starlight talk. It is a somewhat awkward conversation. That's fitting. They come to an understanding of each other by examining a few of their flaws and struggles to move on in this whole "being a better pony" path. Which forms the core of what the story is about, and again I am on board with this.

I didn't really notice any glaring technical issues with the grammar. Pacing was blazingly fast though, and just slowing the hell down and letting us soak in the story for awhile would have done this piece wonders. A lot of other commentators are saying they want to see more, and I agree. Not so much in the form of additional chapters or a sequel, just finish writing what you started here. Every single point I mentioned above should have been three to twenty times longer. Every single good point this story has, we should have been given a lot more options, discussion, contemplation, or confrontation of some kind. We got a bare-bones depiction of all of those ideas then we were rushed on to the next part.

That said, continuing on and going somewhere with this idea would also be welcome. There are tons of episodes involving the sister pairs that you could use for inspiration to come up with your own trials and tribulations as they figure each other out, grow to trust each other, and bond.

So at several points I said I'd get into more detail on some things. This was a great idea done abysmally badly.

I already hinted on the whole sisterly dynamic. Instead of just telling us that it exists, you could have had something Starlight witnessed that brought this to her attention. Maybe watching Applejack and Apple Bloom work together. Sweetie Belle and Rarity doing something. Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo working on her scooter or strength training her wings or something. Maud and Pinkie getting along without inflicting Pinkie on them.

The first really glaringly bad part of the story though is in the fact that Apple Bloom comes up with Diamond Tiara first. The story tries this option out, and boom. Success. You could have tried out some other options and padded this part of the story out easily. You depict Apple Bloom as being somewhat uneasy towards Diamond Tiara, so it seems fitting she might be hesitant to suggest her.

Think back to May the Best Pet Win. One of the reasons that episode is interesting is because we see Rainbow Dash trying different pets, but she winds up picking Tank because he earns it in a way Rainbow Dash doesn't expect. If you came up with some reason why Starlight and Apple Bloom don't immediately choose Diamond Tiara, but let her become the "unexpected choice" that would make this whole story way more interesting.

Further along these lines, having Starlight talk to the other two CMC, get their suggestions, and let the trio work as a group to help Starlight out and you'd immediately get more material as well.

Spoiled Rich is equal parts well-used and terribly used, all wrapped up in a short bit of the story. On the one hand, she serves to illustrate at least a small part of what life is like for Diamond after Crusaders of the Lost Mark. You do a reasonably good job of making her rather unlikable, and for Diamond to not be all that keen on her and her ideas either. That's fine. But I struggle to imagine several things. One, why did she answer the door at all when they have a butler? Two, why was she fine with her daughter going off with some adult mare she doesn't know?

It's like you had the start of a good piece of characterization for her and Diamond's home life, but then you just kind of dropped it. You could have done so much more with that if you hadn't been in such a rush to just get the idea out and run off to the next part.

As for the last bit, it was mostly fine and the result of the terrible "story" leading up to it. Getting the two to talk, open up, and help each other out via the conversation is good. It just should have had a better leadup getting us to this point. As it stands, we never get much insight into why Starlight feels willing to open up beyond the fact that the author is making her do so. She's also opening up about things that she more or less opened up on with Trixie already, so it loses a bit of impact for her side of things. Diamond's side of things are reasonably good character bits, but having her open up to this strange adult mare still feels forced. What has Starlight actually done to earn her respect and trust? Reveal that she used to be a really bad person?

Simply slowing down the pacing by adding more discussion at several points would do wonders for this story, but it feels like so many of its good ideas are plagued with terrible execution, that I can't help but think this would need a complete rewrite to really present the good idea well. I think there are several canon episodes you could mine for ideas and character bits to really work this rewritten story out well, such as the aforementioned May the Best Pet Win. I'd also suggest various other episodes like Sisterhooves Social, Brotherhooves Social, Sleepless in Ponyville, and Campfire Tales. If you want ideas for how to present Starlight as someone Diamond could trust, the fact that she is a national hero and probably saved Diamond Tiara personally from changelings (whilst saving everyone) might be worth bringing up.

The really awkward part is that the idea is really good. I hope someone takes their own attempt at writing the idea out and doing a better job at telling a good story around it. If not you, then someone else. Obviously though if someone does do that, I'm sure there would be complaints about "idea stealing" or some such. So we're left in this state we're in.

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A fair review and done well enough to not feel like harassment, which I've had in the past from people that decide to treat my stories as if I was paid to write them or something (people can be amazingly rude). If someone is going to review my work like a critic without asking, they should be able to do so without making it feel like a roast (which you've done a good job of avoiding). I mostly just write for myself, honestly. But if there's anything that's the bane of my existence with writing, it's pacing. Personally speaking, I have some heavy issues with focus in my life in general, so that kind of lifestyle bleeds into my writing and it definitely shows. I've come a long ways though, and it's disheartening (but good) that it's still being pointed out as a criticism, so I can continue to get better at it (and I have, believe me)

I probably won't be returning to rewrite this story, but I do appreciate your suggestions and criticisms sprinkled with genuine praise. I don't care if anybody takes my ideas and rewrites them. This was probably one of my more original ideas as far as what's on the site at the moment though, but I'm not attached to anything so much that I'd be offended if someone else wrote it, better or worse.

Spoiled Rich will always be her, rude and a pain in the neck. But I'm already loving the bond between Starlight and Diamond Tiara. Nice choice, and great story.

A greta story about two characters we normally don't see interact.

Nice to see these two characters interact. They have more in common than I thought

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I know right? I really hope they do an episode with them in the final season.

Comment posted by The Pro Alpha deleted Apr 14th, 2020
Comment posted by The Pro Alpha deleted Apr 14th, 2020

I really wish that Hasbro could make an episode of Starlight and Diamond Tiara starting to bond, it would be s very fun topic to see in an actual animation. Unfortunately, they’ve already published the last season of MLP, and it didn’t have anything like that. But, thank you for writing this story! By the way, I just made an account today so don’t worry if I don’t post a lot of story’s very soon. Right now im working on one.

All the parts that come from inside of Starlight's head are written very well, like things she would actually be thinking. Happy Starlight Glimmer day btw!

I would read a whole series about this!

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Thanks!

This is definitely a story idea I would consider coming back to and redoing.

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