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Kinni



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Three years before the predicted return of Nightmare Moon. A young Princess Mi Amore Cadenza hears about the tale of the Changelings. She feels a kinship to this race that subsists on love, and convinces Celestia to allow her to go alone in a mission to try to learn about them and normalize their relationship with Equestria.
Soon, she meets Queen Chrysalis, and the bonds between those two will determine whether the mission is sucessful or not.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 50 )

Just a small typo here, it should be "feel" instead of "fell"
"The princess could fell that Chrysalis eyes were appraising her in a similar manner."

But the story is looking very nice thus far :pinkiehappy:

A very good first chapter of your first story. More please.

If you want this story to get more views, then I suggest you add it to different groups like F/F ships, the fillyfoolers, Shipping, Changelings need love too, etc.
It is really hard to notice a story if it isn't in any group.

7879064 Fixed. And thank you.

7880104 Thank you for the advice. Done.

Interesting start, really, really good for a first ever published story.

I admit, I'm a sucker for any story with Chryssie where she's treated well, and I really like stories featuring her and Cadance being friends.

... It'd be hilarious if the rock the changeling moves turned out to be another changeling who felt asleep there.

So where does A Canterlot Wedding fit in on all of this?

I put in a new group is that okay?

7881709 It fits so that's alright.

7881535 As mentioned at the very first line, this is three years before Nightmare Moon's return. Cadance and Shining Armor haven't even begun dating yet.

For your first story it's really well written and has an interesting concept. Consider me intrigued. Keep the good work up.

7882373 Cheap and efficient. :D

Hmm, interesting headcanon about changelings.

Ooooh, nice idea with them providing place to stay for beings who want to be away from their society.

'in her door.' - should be 'on'.

The correct spelling is synchronisation.

Hmm... Does this mean that the changelings were created by someone?

So far so good, hopefully the visit will continue to go well.

Twice more I did it, and on the third time, when I burst out I was different from the others.

This is a really unique origin concept; I like it! :pinkiehappy:

Huh, that's a really unique concept for how changeling Queens are made. And it shows the extent of Chryssie's devotion.

Ah, so they even recycle their dead. Impressive.

So I presume the clash with Celestia Chryssie mentioned was when she stopped her conquest of Trot in the comics?

Nymph changelings, squeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

'confortable' - should be comfortable

7890712 About the clash: More or less, since it is an AU.

And thank you for the typo correction.

Again nice chapter. A quit unique origin story for Chrysalis as the Queen of the Changelings; really cool and logical. Can't wait to see this story unfold.

"You call just call me Cadance.

Just found this little spelling mistake.

It's a good story, and I'm enjoying it thus far!

That said, there are some errors (primarily in this chapter) I'd like to point out.

Firstly, you misspelled "subtlety" as "sublety".

Secondly, the line "But them, something else made the princess curious." (You wrote "them" instead of "then".)

Thirdly, I noticed you referred to Cadance as a babysitter. While I guess this is not technically incorrect, in the show young ponies are referred to as "foals", and Cadance is referred to as a "foalsitter". It's a little jarring to hear the human term used. That also leads me to something else: In the second chapter, Cadance says "Not for most people". Because this is MLP, the word "people" tends to be replaced with "ponies" instead. That's not too important, though -- just a minor nitpick.

Lastly, in this chapter you misspelled "changelings" as "chanagelings".

Overall, great work! I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. :)

7891720 I would assume that Cadance, being someone very emphatic and wanting the entire diplomatic mission to go well, would use species-neutral wording.

7891720 Thank you for the corrections, though I still prefer to use the word people in that case.

It's nice to see that people are enjoying my story.

7891789 Yeah, I figured that was the case. I don't think I've ever heard it in the show, however, which is why it stood out to me. But it would make sense to use in that context. Like I said, it's a minor thing.

Ah, so they have many guests, nice. And this Chryssie seems to be much more hesitant about just draining ponies.

Cadance just pulled off a Jesus, only with love instead of fish, bread and wine.

'Changeling leaders' - leader, singular, unless the heads of individual sectors count as well.

'She could not bear the thought of the race that was able responsible for this dying out.' - remove able.

7895813 The fact that leaving a trail of mentally unstable ponies is very conspicuous is one of the reasons why the third option is not used that often.

Yes, Cadance is counting the section leaders, considering what Chrysalis told her about their influence.

And fixed.

I like it, but you probably will use blueblood to make things slow down, cause it looks like it's going to quickly, maybe you can make something attack the hive, not an army but something big like a dragon or a unknown animal that attacks them, just something to add to make it more, I don't know. But the story is awesome so far, and are having those two became friends or more?

7896348 I'm actually planning on having just two more chapters and an epilogue. This story isn't going to be some big thing. And well... the tags and genre are indicative of what I'm trying to do here.

Another good chapter. I am enjoying the history and culture you are presenting for the changeling hive. I do think it a little odd for Cadance to be in love after meeting someone a few times in less than a week, but, meh, I'll go with it. :pinkiehappy:

Figures changeling theatre would be, all, very changing.

Ship it like FedEx!

Poor Chryssie... I really hope it all goes well.

While the ending seems very sudden, I did enjoy the story.
Though I feel you used "Princess of Bonds" a bit too much.

Poor Shining Armor. His Princess has been taken.
Unless, of course, Cadence and Chrysalis want a strong young stallion to spice things up.

7909602 He doesn't even know her more than in passing. And I'm sure a fine stallion like him will have no trouble finding a nice mare for himself.

7909602 Shining has been nursing a secret crush for Cadance for years, and this news pushes him over the edge; he stages an invasion of Canterlot during the wedding of Cadance and Chrysalis. :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ I always loved this pairing.

Yay~ Now that's a happy ending.

I liked this story. The ending was a bit sudden, but it's your first story, so it's understandable. And the writing was great, very few, if any, errors.

Of course I'll come back for the next story.

7910109 That'd be hilarious.

was hoping for a longer story.

7910109

That would be an absolute hilarious sequel but the thing is I don't think it could be done

A really good story, even if the ending was a bit rushed in my opinion. But for your first story it was really nice. :twilightsmile:

Hnnnnnnnng. :fluttershyouch:
That last scene is so beautiful

hello7909612
The queen is the mother of the hive?
I ask because I am collecting all the stories in which the queen is the mother of the hive.
Here is the address
http://www.fimfiction.net/bookshelf/851658/queen-mother-of-the-hives

He then turned into his real form, an actual male Changeling, and lit up his horn. The reason why he did it became clear once Cadence heard the rock being moved again, and the light shining from outside was blocked. In the middle of the dark passage, Cadence could only follow the small light given off by the Changeling, without knowing which paths she was going through, or even if there were any alternate paths. This would be a harrowing experience, but Cadence was only feeling fascination with the Changelings themselves. Every thing they did made her more anxious to meet Queen Chrysalis, with the depths of the sheer paranoia they were going through for this visit being particularly interesting. Cadence also engraved in her mind the image of the first Changeling she had ever seen.

On the one hand, I feel like there really should have been a description of this, the first Changeling Cadance saw in person and her reaction to his appearance. On the other, there's a description of Chrysalis right after this and two in a row might slow the pacing down.

"I am Queen Chrysalis. Reaper of the Underworld. But you already knew that." She finished, taking a step forwards, closer to Cadence.

Queen Chrysalis is the what now? Reaper of the Underworld? That doesn't really seem like a fitting title. She's not really a grim reaper figure.

8116551 Chrysalis title will be explained later.

A bit of a strange ending but still a good story. Even if it is mostly an infodump for your head-cannon about Changelings.
Now I want a story about young Alicorn Cadence trying to befriend the Changelings. Only this story is cannon with the series. Cadence gets invited in the hive and it seems like the negotiations are going well. But the truth is that the Changelings are trying to convert Cadence to their cause so they can use her to take over Equestria, don't know how exactly; maybe by hypnotizing her or by trying to change her in Changeling through stuff in the food. In the end Cadence finds out and escapes the hive. I can see a lot off room for creepy stuff in this story, especially when used in contrast with the seemingly safe negotiations.

That puts an utterly horrifying perspective on the Canterlot Wedding. I mean... think about it! She was going to murder Princess Celestial and co to use as organic goop!

I would love to see a sequel, starting at the wedding , with shinning armor crashing the event.

7911907
I would have also liked a longer story or a sequel.

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