• Member Since 4th Aug, 2016
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Kinni



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Due to some very strange events, Sunset Shimmer ends up in a relationship with the human versions of the entire mane six, all at the same time. And then she somehow gets a seventh girlfriend, who is actually her version from the human world. Twilight really wants to hear the story about how that happened, so the narration of a tale filled with shenanigans begins...

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 17 )

I feel a little bit bad because I started reading it to see how bad it was and I actually think it's pretty well written and starts the story in a pretty good way. So I'll give it a follow and see where it goes.

It's polite to ask first about this sort of thing, you know. :derpytongue2:

Of course I would have said yes pretty much no matter what. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. :twilightsmile:

"Princess Celestia actually managed to find my human version. She heard about me and agreed to come as an exchange student to our school."

I'm just going to leave this here. Okay? Okay!:twilightsmile::raritywink::scootangel:

This is not especially well-written. Also, it seems as though perhaps this is meant to be a sequel to something else, given it references something that the characters take as an established event which already happened, yet no effort is made to show the reader said event? If this is a sequel, please tag it as a sequel.

As to the problems with your writing...

- Too much missing punctuation.
- You're doing a lot of telling and virtually no showing. The golden rule of writing is "Show, don't tell."
- The dialogue between the characters has no soul. It feels lifeless. I'm reading it, and I don't really see any of the characters speaking. I just see empty words without a voice or a soul. You could plug any name into the attribution and it would change nothing. If you can't write characters in-voice and in-character, you've already failed as a storyteller.

This just isn't interesting enough, or well-written enough, to bother with.

8222780
Sounds like the sequel to For the Love of Sunset, which in and of itself is the sequel to a series of one shots shipping Sunset with one of each of the Main 6's human counterparts.

8222780
8222836
Indeed, this is an alternate continuation of the story with only the original Sunset being in the middle of all of those relationships. Hope to see more about it.

8222717
Oh, shit. Sorry man. I was planning to do it. But I was so tired yesterday when I finished the first chapter that I completely forgot about it.

8222710
Hahaha. I know how it is man, stories like this that are actually good are rarer than alicorns. I just hope I can make this work well.

Lol firaga and zio.

Final fantasy and shin megami right.

Sunset Shimmer uses Fire!

It's super effective!

This seems like a logical out come as the movies show a steady increase of Magik so it makes Sense. if it's just part of the world so be it but till otherwise stated I'd like to think that the college has a new course titled arcane-sciences headed by Trixie (what thought I'd say sci-twi?)

Nice little curb-stomp chapter

I Like... But is really short

Ri2

...This is an awesome school.

As soon as we were all together, I could feel the locket filling me with extra power drawn from the connection. Now, things had changed.

Avengers Assemble!

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