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Human Sunset Shimmer156 stories ·73 members
Due to some very strange events, Sunset Shimmer ends up in a relationship with the human versions of the entire mane six, all at the same time. And then she somehow gets a seventh girlfriend, who is actually her version from the human world. Twilight really wants to hear the story about how that happened, so the narration of a tale filled with shenanigans begins...
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Well, this should be interesting!
I feel a little bit bad because I started reading it to see how bad it was and I actually think it's pretty well written and starts the story in a pretty good way. So I'll give it a follow and see where it goes.
It's polite to ask first about this sort of thing, you know.
Of course I would have said yes pretty much no matter what. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.
I'm just going to leave this here. Okay? Okay!
This is not especially well-written. Also, it seems as though perhaps this is meant to be a sequel to something else, given it references something that the characters take as an established event which already happened, yet no effort is made to show the reader said event? If this is a sequel, please tag it as a sequel.
As to the problems with your writing...
- Too much missing punctuation.
- You're doing a lot of telling and virtually no showing. The golden rule of writing is "Show, don't tell."
- The dialogue between the characters has no soul. It feels lifeless. I'm reading it, and I don't really see any of the characters speaking. I just see empty words without a voice or a soul. You could plug any name into the attribution and it would change nothing. If you can't write characters in-voice and in-character, you've already failed as a storyteller.
This just isn't interesting enough, or well-written enough, to bother with.
8222780
Sounds like the sequel to For the Love of Sunset, which in and of itself is the sequel to a series of one shots shipping Sunset with one of each of the Main 6's human counterparts.
8222780
8222836
Indeed, this is an alternate continuation of the story with only the original Sunset being in the middle of all of those relationships. Hope to see more about it.
8222717
Oh, shit. Sorry man. I was planning to do it. But I was so tired yesterday when I finished the first chapter that I completely forgot about it.
8222768
Oops... Now it's fixed.
8222710
Hahaha. I know how it is man, stories like this that are actually good are rarer than alicorns. I just hope I can make this work well.
Lol firaga and zio.
Final fantasy and shin megami right.
Sunset Shimmer uses Fire!
It's super effective!
This seems like a logical out come as the movies show a steady increase of Magik so it makes Sense. if it's just part of the world so be it but till otherwise stated I'd like to think that the college has a new course titled arcane-sciences headed by Trixie (what thought I'd say sci-twi?)
Nice little curb-stomp chapter
I Like... But is really short
...This is an awesome school.
Avengers Assemble!
sunset when you fire (heh) attack from your finger like that you need to say SPIRIT GUN
why has this story not updated in so long its great
8998532
You're in luck. I actually got back to this recently, and the next chapter should come soon.
8998650
YAY
Wow, its been awhile since the last update, great work!
I had practically forgotten about this story. But now that she's back in action I want to give you my trust because I was enjoying it a lot: I'll give you a big thumb up and put it among the favorites.
p.s: it is true that Sunset has a relationship with all of them, but I can tell you that this chapter will surely be the one I like most of all because I'm a huge fan of Sci-Set. Good job, I hope to see the new chapters as soon as possible.
8999704
Thanks. I actually got motivated to work on this story when someone commented on all the chapters on the FF.net version, so they get some credit as well.
8999730
Well... There will be other chapters focusing on Sci-Twi, so maybe you will like one of them even more.
good chapter thoe question did they come up with a nick name for human sunset
8999790
You'll see next chapter.
This is getting fun!
Yay, more of this!
Yep, things just got officially weird.
Nah, summoning a lot of ninjas means individual ninjas are weak. Conservation of Ninjutsu, and all that. One really good Ninja per portal would have been better.
Good thing this villain doesn't read TV Tropes.
reminds me of 'Negima'
Wait, is this based of off the story 'For the Love of Sunset'?
So this is due to the others having their memories scrambled?
What was the truth?
That is surprisingly good.
What’s with the quotes around ready?
She can do that?
How do they have magic?
10846705
Your questions about magic are answered a few chapters after this.
10846727
Oh ok.
They have that?
Didn’t know magic could do that.
She has that?
Pendants?
What does that mean?
Not better than having actual magic, but can’t complain.
What does that mean?
Like what?
That’s actually interesting.
Can confirm that it is.
Keystones?
Story-magic?
What kind of questions did twilight need answers to?
Yes more please!
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