- Member Since 13th Apr, 2015
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Typist Gray
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Typist Gray
Joined 13th Apr, 2015 ·
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Typist Gray · 10k words · 160 45 · 5.7k views
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No... just no
Interesting concept, though I do think you could've done this without the foal-con, say in the castle or barracks, or even a public bath house
7789256 Yeah. Might have been better to start there and work my way up.
7789262
Why not try rewriting it then? I mean it's not a bad start, just too far down the rabbit hole for most to begin with
'Dominance'? This might align with my headcanon on alicorns...
7789266 *Sigh* Maybe.
7789343 also- the more I read of this the more of a darker story comes to mind, maybe try writing a story about Order and Dominance and leave the sexual nature of it out, you could do really well with the idea
7789422 I'm uncertain. I've never really done that kind of massive rewrite before. Besides, this was always intended as a dark clop, showing Twilight's corruption into the alicorn way of thinking. A sequel story was planned where things just get worse.
I always loved mind corruption stories, this was a rather enjoyable read and hope you will come up with more stories like this.
7789548 Nice to have at least one person feel that way.
7789485 I'll follow and see where it goes, anyways still an interesting idea
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/128/623/kill-it-with-fire-demotivational-poster-1235695993.jpg
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My thoughts? More!
Okay, what about Discord and Sunset, in all ways Discord is Living Magic himself and Sunset is in a world where only Music Magic (AKA Heart Songs Magic) works, how would anything work in that world, not to mention that if Sunset ever found out about what really happens with Alicorns then she would try and destroy the portal for good.
7789660 I am not sure anymore if it was specifically stated, or it was just in the subtext but it sounds like Twilight was also sex toy for Princess Celestia while she her personal student. I think the foalcon and vore is a great way to show how the princesses are corrupted and callous to the ponies are just tools to be used and perpetuate a system to the next generation of alicorn with the mind tempering.
I loved the idea that Sombra might actually wasn't actually "Evil" but was just trying to keep his Empire, and gives an interesting spin on the idea that "it is the victors how write the history books".
I wander what was Luna's corruption all about then, or could Cutie Marks be part of the control they exert on the ponies. Was Discord really reformed by Fluttershy or was he already altered his mind when Celestia's brought him to her?
7789946 Discord will be addressed in the sequel story. As an alternate universe, I'me free to say EG doesn't exist.
7790279 That's mighty kind of you to say. I had a lot of fun playing with the idea of rewriting history and Sombra's potential motives. In this world, Discord was never reformed, and Twilight and friends still have control over the Elements. Luna's 'corruption', as I tried to imply, was more an awakening of morality. In any case, I'm very glad at least one person seems to get what I was going for here.
7790287 Well then is Sunset real in your story or did she run away and never went through the portal?
7790303 what disturbed me more was the fact that good ponies like Shining Armor and Twilight where stilted into Celestia's mold and that Twilight will just perpetuate the same treatment to the other ponies only with the Nazi' roughness administrative efficiency in manipulating the live of ponies and to use selective breading as they have; I think that is what made the Nazi's so horrifying to me they didn't care for the needs or lives of the people.
For the other comment about other potential victims, I don't think the impact of showing the callousness of the princesses are then with foals as the homeless or criminals would just be shrubbed off as as saying "they deserved it anyway", but foals can't they as "innocent", they have their whole lives ahead of them, they are vulnerable, impressionable, and are the future of the culture.
Twilight and Cadence are as much victims as the other ponies but are now part of and will only enforce the will of the princesses. Do the Elements actually purify other being or is it just a stronger form of reform spell?
7790349 Not a thing I ever thought worth mentioning. This story has other focuses.
7790351 That's a pretty good analogy.
In this case, the Elements never reformed anyone. They just brought threats under control. They imprisoned Discord and Nightmare Moon, then later brought Luna back under their control.
So, I've only read the first chapter yet, but I still wanted to share my thoughts on this fic.
The concept of the alicorns actually being evil mind-bending tyrants and using their absolute power for sexy times is really great. I also like the undertones of corruption indicating that the Dominance spell itself has been playing a part in turning the alicorns down this dark path.
It's just such a shame that the story immediately ruins it's fantastic premise with foalcon. Even if I wasn't repulsed by the fetish itself, with this sort of story I was expecting a more gradual decent into depravity as Twilight was corrupted by this power. Instead the story kicks things off with her already jumping off the deep end. Where do you go from here? Unless this fic is going full HeadlessRainbow with the sex acts...
Anyways, I think I'll keep reading just to see where Twilight goes from here. Since it's pretty clear that the spell can influence other alicorns too, I kinda want to see Twilight pull a reversal on the other Princesses. They deserve to be bent into submissive slaves for Twilight to do with as she pleases.
Holy shit, alot of people seem to be discusted by the idea of complete domination, haven't read it yet but i will after school. Either way, if you have foalcon in it, fucking sign me up.
7790648 Unfortunately, that does seem to be the consensus that I jumped in the deep end too quickly. There is less focus on the foals later on, as well as some interesting history about this world, so that's something to look forward to.
7789485
Could it have another tipes of vore?
You need to make a sequel to this.
7791544 Entirely possible.
7791656 Already in the works.
Meh. Coulda warned us about the futa. Thanks for the blue bean.
Hiya...
I wanted to really get into this, but I'm not sure starting off with Foalcon was the best idea, as quite a few others have said already, the main draw I had to this story was the prospect of Fatal Soft Vore, so I skipped chapters, 2 and 3, which I assumed were just more sexual stuff, and went on into Chapter 4. it started out promissing but the more I read, and realised what this story ACTUALLY was, about mind control propaganda, to make the Alicorns of this universe seem 'benevolent' but really are powrer hungry tyrants themsevles... Yeah, I quit after that, sorry. I guess I just prefer Straight up vore fics, as opposed to 'mind-trips'. =<
7792598 Bummer. The vore was the thing I was building up to as part of Twilight's corruption, but oh well.
7792250 Fair point. Guess I kind of forgot that part in light of the other big things.
7792250 I mean, there are groups to look through.
I like it! You get a like.
In response to the topic of starting off with foalcon, I think you made the right call. It shows that this is an AU and the mind warping powers of Domination clearly.
I'll admit, I only came here for the vore, but the rest was alright, too!
7793037 Appreciated.
7795182 Glad to hear.
7793022 You'll have to explain how groups are relevant to a comment about an absent content warning.
7796976 Groups are tags on this site.
Well, certainly an very interesting idea for a story and I can't say I didn't enjoy reading it
So thanks for that.
But for me the best thing about dark stories like this is imagining how the Alicorns could get their asses kicked, it also helps me feel good about myself after enjoing weird stuff like this
Curret favourite theory is way technological advanced Equinoids from across the sea fucking them over, cause insubordination is not as good for intelectual advancement as they think it is.
7805623 Much appreciated. When I get around to publishing the sequel, you might just enjoy that too, especially given your desire.
Before I subject myself to this, is there a 'bad-end'?
7812809 For our main characters? No. For Equestria? Arguably.
7814084
Welp. There goes that plan.
7814084 Ooooh, this is exciting... But I don't like incest. Hm... Shall I..?
Welp, read it later for now, will decide some other time.
7868973
Yes! READ IT! It is amazing!
The way you develop the magic system and provide explanations for historical events makes it so believable! It adds a lot of depth to the story, aside from just being focused so much on sex.
I also just love how unique the story is, at least to me. I have never read anything like this. Twilight is slowly, deliciously, getting more and more corrupted :D. And it’s all for the best interests of Equestria! There are so many potential storylines with it! You have done a wonderful job of creating a story with lots of future potential. Maybe Twilight could go on an adventure with her friends to a deserted location, and run out of magic, and have to fight against the urge to eat them!
One thing I think the story could improve by, however, is having is more normal interaction. Having normal interaction would allow a greater contrast between the level of adoration the ponies have when they are being dominated with how they normally act. And when Twilight is having normal interactions with everyday ponies, maybe she feels so guilty!?
I also think you could get away with less, but more detailed, sex scenes. Sometimes it just doesn’t make as much sense to have such constant sex, although the way you portray it, it almost does make sense. I guess it’s going to, since your taking it in the direction of ‘Alicorns have a constant desire for release’. But it might inhibit story progression if you keep it at the same level it has been at, and there IS so much story potential.
OMG the moment when she gets back to ponyville and greets her friends is going to be so much fun to read! The mental quandary when she decides whether or not to use dominance on ponies she has known and loved all her life. Of course she won't... at first! But then what if she has a conflict, it would be so convenient! right!? And then it would get easier and easier to solve problems that way... I have never written fan-fiction before, but reading this story makes me want to!
7883176 Thank you for the kind words. Here's hoping you enjoy the sequel.
Was this supposed to read like a Chick tract?
7891269 No idea what that is, so probably not. Thanks for the favorite, though.