• Member Since 30th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

RetiredAccount


Never satisfied with his own work, but hopes to bring satisfaction to others.

Sequels1

Comments ( 152 )

This is the only logical explanation for Flurry Heart. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

Very interesting, and...very plausible, if MLP were a more mature show. :twilightsmile:

7867062
Hey, if they show is going to hint at infidelity, like with the baby cakes, I'm gonna run with it so far off the rails the story will come full circle and become realistic. Wtf have I just said I don't even.

Glad you enjoyed it in any case!

Your work is always the best.

This looks amazing so far honestly oh my god :rainbowlaugh:

And then cadence gets stabbed for raping a princess: THE END

7867115
Happy to serve! Had fun with this one, I think it's pretty clear from that silly ending. As for sequels, I'll see, I'll see. One of my new years resolution is to write a loooot more this year, so hold on to your butts.

7867120
Well, she's probably going to be speared soon enough, but, you know, not necessarily in the way you meant. Spitroasted

7867117
Well hopefully you keep liking it!

This story suffers quite a bit from comma splices.

“Don’t worry, I went through the whole catalog[,] anything with sensitive information has been moved to my private reserves.

And missing commas where there should be one.

“You seem quite eager[,] sister.”

But that hardly dampened my enjoyment. While it's not a terribly original idea, surprisingly little has been written about it, so it was nice to see it actually being executed well—which I feel matters much more. And seeing you left the door wide open for Luna x Cadance, or perhaps Luna x Celestia (x Cadance) (well, not really, but that's me seeing things that aren't there through princest-coloured glasses), I'm curious if you'll be doing something with that in the future.

Well done.

The only way this could have been better is if it had been a threesome with Shinning involved. Infidelity doesn't really do anything for me but swinging gives me turbo boners. Maybe if there is a sequel? A man can hope.:heart:

7867197
Hmm, I'll be sure to take another read to try and work on the sentence structure a bit more, gotta admit I'm a tad rusty. And I do like to leave endings open ended for give readers some room for imagination. But, I'm not saying a sequel/bonus chapter won't happen.

7867211

a bit more, gotta admit

That's a comma splice too! I'm sorry, I'll stop now. :)

Like I said, it didn't matter all that much to me, as it's perfectly readable the way it is. It's just something minor I noticed in The White Dove a lot too.

7867220
Article on comma splices:

Although acceptable in some languages and compulsory in others (e.g. Bulgarian or French), comma splices are usually considered style errors in English

... Ooooooh...

Welp, guess what nationality I am. Hint, not Bulgarian. Erf, gonna have to work on that.

7867229
Hehe. Well, that explains. English isn't my native language either, so I also tend to make a lot of mistakes which would be fine in my language. Just different ones.

7867208
Eh, I really felt bad for Shining at times while writing this, but that's the direction the story took, poor sod. I mean, everything is possible, but if there is a threesome, Shining will have to be careful where he sticks his donger: the fertility powers work both way.

7867272

Wouldn't mind some Shining on Luna action while Celestia and Cadence do their business next to 'em... with a well-restrained and mewling Cadence, of course. Also the mental image of Shining finding out, taking a moment to think about it, and getting back to them with a "... That's kinda hot." response is somehow hilarious.

That said, I was greatly annoyed when this started... almost no one writes Celestia as the dominant partner. She's always got to be raped or a broken, eager submissive. At least Cadence wound up with some regret.

7867293
That does sound like fun actually, Shining has to be at least as kinky as Cadance to keep up with her after all.

As for Celestia, she's known for being really powerful in the show, she's the top dog. I think the "Celestia gets dominated" trope is pretty common because having her be on top would be expected... But if it's at the point where it's expected she isn't, I guess we've come full circle. What's funny is that this story started with Cadance being the one getting dominated, but I ended up changing it since I wanted to write some femdom, my last stories being male/futadom. Poor Celestia got the short straw on both counts I guess.

7867272

the fertility powers work both ways

Honestly, that just sounds even better.

7867316
7867293

I do think we've come full circle a long time ago. Usually it's chalked up to Celestia always being in control and wanting something different for a change, or something along those lines. But submissive Celestia is being written way more than a dominating Celestia. I don't mind though, as I can enjoy both. And, this is real headcanon territory, but I feel that she'd kinda suck as a "dominatrix" because she's simply too nice and caring; too afraid to see anypony get hurt by her hooves. I already thought she was being a bit uncharacteristically rough with Cadance at the end there (but then, Cadance pretty much asked for it by working Celestia up with her teasing).

More domineering Celestia would be nice, but I also think it's much harder to write without going completely OOC.

7867344
I think a dominatrix Celestia would work with Celestia being the mom/teacher kind of dom, not mean and humiliating, just babying the sub. She has that vibe after all. Her kindness is a big reason for her being the one being "used" after all, you can spin that around.

7867272 That sounds only fair. Cadance does want Shining to have children of his own descent after all.

Couldn't agree more with NeonEclipse, nothing makes me more excited than seeing new stories from you!

Well-written, but I'm not a fan of Shining getting cucked like he was. Cadance talks all this game about being his alone, but the bitch still cheated on him, and she seemed to have had fun doing it. Why couldn't they...

Wait, why am I looking for logic in a clopfic?

Also, I think you wanted the title of the last halter to be "oops", unless you want Luna to tactically fuck Cadance according to an operations order.

7867601
Well shit, glad I can provide people with some fun material, cheers!

7867641
Aye, poor Shining... but at least he gets laid, not like Celestia at the end there. Not saying it makes things alright, just that everyone gets their fair share in life (karma for Cadance comes in the form of a certain super aggressive Lunar princess). Also thanks for the correction, fixed, fucking choked on my drink when I read that last part.

7867177 maybe its just me, but lack of consent is a huge turnoff for me

Given how long it took to get to the actual breeding, I was half expecting a joke ending where Cadance's fertility issues turned out to be something much more mundane.

JBL

Poor Shining Armor gets cucked again. It's almost a cliche at this point.

If that all dries while they're sleeping, the castle staff is gonna need the Jaws of Life to unstick them from the floor...

7867902
Hey, I understand, everyone has their own fetish pet peeve. I guess it was really straddling the line on this one.

7868102
The blowjob part kinda got out of hand, yé. I blame DraceDomino, he's done some great oral fics lately next to his impreg fics.

7868249
It's a trope yeah, I mean there are only so many married couples in MLP, and one of them is a pair of donkeys, so when you set out to write infidelity, there ain't much choice. Also Cadance is a sexy pink pony princess of Love, it's really just the natural course of things.

7868476
... Dunno if that hot or disgusting... I'll go with both. Celestia did have to throw the carpet out though.

That was fun. Cadance has absolutely no idea what she has just unleashed, does she? :rainbowlaugh:

How about a train made of candy, hauling candy?

O,o I want to read the LunaxCandance :) while Celestial watches. Luna is best pony

wouldn't this be considered incest?

I'm not normally a big fan of futa-stories, but I must admit that I liked this one. And that I'd like to see a sequel.
I wonder...are all alicorns now hermaphrodites? I wonder if Cady gets to return the favor? If so, then Twily is in for yet another surprise...:rainbowwild:

Noticed only one grammar-goof: twin's -> twins' (as in: belongs to both twins rather than just one of them).

7869204
Well who knows how alicorn biology works? Maybe after a few centuries they grow extra parts, besides wings and horns that is. And fixed, thanks for the heads up!

7869143
Ya know, I started this story with a premise of Cadance and Celestia really being family, with Caddy calling her "Aunty" (I think that's how they speak to each other in one of the books), but since it's not been established in the show I changed it. But, I stated that Celestia raised Cadance, maybe it's incest?

7869105
I usually cave when people ask for sequels so much... Fine. I do have some ideas, but I don't want it to be boring. This already suffers from some repetition.

This is twisted, and has very little if any realism on Cadence's response to Shining Armor wanting a foal being pretty much raping her aunt...I love it!!:heart::heart:

“After all.” Luna devoured Cadance's frozen form with a predatory gaze, eyes lingering on her rear, her fangs glinting in warning. “Sisters should always share.”

new1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/4617952+_c39090acffd975f7b696be1ea704de0d.gif

7867902 No I can relate somewhat. In this particular instance the story was sufficiently ridiculous and over the top that it didn't bother me. But there are plenty of other fics I can't read because the questionable consent is too close to reality.

For example DraceDomino's Principal Celestia stories have everyone just enough in character that the relationships feel kind of Stockholm Syndrome-ish to me and I can't enjoy it.

Fucking label your rape shit.

7869398

I usually cave when people ask for sequels so much... Fine.

I don't suppose Shinning Armor could get in on that, eh? Man, that would be the fucking best.:raritystarry:

7867117
Nice username.


And to the author, nice story. Definitely one of my favorites.

So... when are we going to get to see Cadance being spitroasted by Luna and Celestia? The next foal will have an uncharacteristic dark color palette. This can result be explained away since Twilight is dark and so is Nightlight.

If only this was first person from Cadance's perspective... :pinkiehappy:

This is legitness!

A good story for what it is. I'd come to this expecting some erotic fiction, so I was a bit dissapointed at it just being cheap clop fiction. That said, unlike far too much clop fiction, this one was fun to read, much of the stuff out there is just a painful excuse to put to character together. So, kudos on writing something fun to read for what it was.

7868249

Now what's wrong with him getting cuckolded? Maybe he likes it. I picture a sequel where he finds out the truth, and instead of being angry, he admits to Cadance just how hot it gets him knowing that she had to go elsewhere for what she needs. Maybe she'll put him in chastity at least for her next breeding session, maybe even have him work as a fluffer for the Princesses. And maybe Cadance'll find out that little sister merely refers to Luna's age.

7870001 7870912
Already started on the sequel, but I don't think I'll change the point of view so drastically. First person view has its merits, but it does have a tendency to limit what you can "show", especially for a sex scene. I'm not saying I won't do first person in the future though.

7871194
Thanks... I guess? I think the most "erotic" story I've done so far is the "Twilight²" story, if only because I didn't go so completely overboard with the sex scene. I do like to go a little crazy when it comes to the action. As for Shining, we'll see. We'll see.

7871284

My definition of the difference between erotic fiction and porn:

Erotic fiction is a story that happens to have sex in it
Porn is a sex scene or scenes that happen to have a story in it

Some how I think this qualifies as the second one. :pinkiehappy:

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