- Member Since 20th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen January 17th
JaydexTheShadowKnight
I'm an avid writer that enjoys creating human x pony romance stories. If you like what you've read, then perhaps you'd Buy Me A Coffee?
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dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applejack_lolface.png
SQUEEEEEEE!!!! my expressions were as followed from start to finish
Me Gusta
You really put a lot of detail into the set up and building up the character and his job but... well the whole pee thing was a little odd, not really into that so it felt a weird for me. More preference than an actual flaw, I figure someone likes that stuff so I won't fault the story for it. I do have a slight issue with Applejack's story, how did she get to "that" point with her accent if he was really that offended by it? I also believe that while the moment it provokes is ok, it really isn't all that necessary. They had just started getting ready to go at it and then the story takes a sudden turn into emotionally sad territory. It wasn't even the transition the was an issue, you wrote that well but the scene wasn't needed. I think you were going for a quick boost to the closeness between them but the kind you did (dramatic reveal of sad story and consoling) is more keyed for darker circumstances in my opinion which the fic just wasn't set to. Perhaps try a happy recollection with some comparison of similarities next time (like something she observed about him or herself a while back that marked a time when she really started liking him or maybe a life lesson that would apply to their relationship if you can pull it off right). The clop was good and strait to the point (I keep seeing a lot of side fetishes added in so some "normal" sex is actually refreshing).
Overall, you did well for a clop one-shot in various ways.
A nice piece of writing my friend. A good length and very disruptive. Excellent job.
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Do you have a piss fetish?
Other than that the story was pretty good
I always find piss stories strangely hilarious, so have a thumbs up just for that
I. I?!?!!?
No. It's Ah. Like "Ah am most pleased with this here story pardner. Cept for that ya just caint get mah accent right in the text"
Good fic. It just really makes me want to apple buck a foal when people do that.img.ponibooru.org/_images/83beaaa1f4d48da52c07885e20d934f6/47482%20-%20computer%20denied%20do_not_want%20hardware_abuse%20no%20punch%20twilight_sparkle.png
my heart exploded... TWICE!!!
Best thing here is that you managed to write a sex scene without explicitly referring to genitalia.
Not many can.
This story is FANTASTIC and cloptastic. Oh, and Applejack.................
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101109221426/assassinscreed/images/7/7a/Char_ezio.png
Give a description of the jerk that called you dumb, I'll take care of him.
I liked the story but couldn't you have done something besides peeing. Why not have him stumble on applejack like pleasing hereself . Anyway great story, loved it.
“Gee, to think this all started when I caught you peeing,”
Exactly was I was thinking.
I think the little pissing thing was a little ... odd ... but the rest of it was excellent. It was a little sappy for AJ though, but still, it was great.
hmmmm a tender loving clop fic without a lot of clop
........like a bowl of ice cream with just a drizzle of hot fudge, enough to completely satisfy you leaving you thinking of the next dish, but lacking in just the right way to keep you dreaming of just a little more 
well to my ever growing collect of good stories 
FUCK YES. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING THIS (But the pee fetish? Seriously?) I LOVE YOU AND I'M GONNA HUG YOU WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!!
But anyways,type Jackie's accent,and check for mistakes and typos.
Can't speak at the moment.... To awesome. Jealously kicking in...... Rate: 11/10
Not a big fan of the whole pee thing.
Personally, I would've changed that scene to where Bucky comes across AJ having a private little clopping session about him. 
823886
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“Well yes and no. It’s just…do you want to risk getting pregnant?” you ask her.
I wish things turned out that nicely when you caught someone peeing
Who was that jerk!!! I'll kill him!!
Oh and epicness acheved!! 20% Cooler!
i got mind cancer from this story, not brain cancer, just mind cancer
823577
Thanks! My reaction to your reactions:
823712
Hey thanks a bunch! I've always wanted to earn one of those seals of approval on a fic!
823774 & 824093
While I love her accent, I find it distracting when it's written out. As a fan of hers, I can still hear it over normally typed dialogue. I do apologize to those who are disappointed - this was just a matter of personal preference for me. Plus one other reason I chose not to go overboard with her accent and mannerisms, was actually due to observations of her character in the show. Specifically the episode "Applebuck Season". In that episode I noticed for example: AJ doesn't always pronounce "I" as "Ah" and "You" as "Ya". Only at certain times. 
I thought some might notice that I didn't include Applejack's accent much in the dialogue.
823766
Hey thanks for the thumbs up!
823884
That is a thrilling challenge I always try to meet in my clopfics. And it's not easy, but when it works out, it's worth the effort.
823886
826151
825861
Glad you three enjoyed it! And I'll contact you three once I track down that stallion who had the audacity to insult Applejack!
824110
Thanks for the rating! *bro hoof*
823906
825048
The "catching someone while they pleasing themselves" scene has been done (possibly to death) by plenty of others, I took a gamble and opted for a different approach. Yeah the pee thing might not be for everyone, but I did add plenty of other features to the story, so there would hopefully be a little something in there for everyone. But I will keep the finding somepony pleasuring themselves in mind for a future clopfic. While it might be a little overdone at times, it is a classic concept.
826986
You better. And to the Jag-off that insulted Applejack:
lh5.googleusercontent.com/-28I2xi8VQ8s/T5WP3Q_myiI/AAAAAAAAdSM/48LwiBqiMMo/falcon-punch%255B1%255D.gif
That was beautifully written, you taught me to love again.
827072
That displays my feelings toward that insulting stallion perfectly! BTW DBZ clip FTW!
827085
Thank you!
Wow!
826986
Brohoof indeed /)
826986 Good! We'll kill him!!! /)]-
827268
Yeah, I just wish Instead of Android 18 it was Android 17.
I honestly found this clopfic adorable and cute. x3 Also kinda weird at the point they watched each other pee. But I can't help but laugh at it.
I love how it developed. x3 though 'Bucky' could sure use some background. Then again, he would represent us right? :P
Lovely work you did there. Keep it up.
Good story, now if you excuse me I need to find my Assasin suit and kill that stallion that called you dumb. I'll need a description and his address. Slow painful death or fast painless slash to the neck kind-of-thing?
this is my favorite kind of story you know a bit tamed
827924
If you are an assassin, then you know the rules. Quick, Quiet, Merciless. Quiet is optional, though. After all, we do need to keep up our badass image.
Loved it. the part with the peeing isnt weird at all if your as perverted as me! =)
:pinkiecra
zy:
827801
Glad you enjoyed it! And you answered your own question about Bucky's background. That's the beauty of a 2nd-person story. I'm glad I took a chance and wrote one. I noticed they seem quite popular here on FIMfiction.
827924
But don't worry, I won't robe any of you four of the joy of dispatching the fiend.
Welcome to the group. It consists of me and three others, just check some of the prior comments to meet your cohorts. That stallion better be on the other side of Equestria, if he values his life.
828628
Glad you liked it. I actually challenged myself to make this story a clopfic, but also to keep it somewhat tasteful.
829442
It's nice to know some people didn't mind that part. Like I said in a previous comment, I decided to take a gambit, it was something different. Plus I've found an audience for fics with scenes like that (courtesy of some other writers on here). And I'll admit it, my mind is a bit on the perverted side at times. But wouldn't it have to be, in order to write a good clopfic?
well i like it the way it is and how you put us in the story so were living it out and plus the fic was just as funny as it was good
Awesome story yet again. You're a great writer, everything is detailed perfectly, and easy to picture. You're definitely becoming my favorite writer, I look forward to future fics (especially with urine references like this one had xD).
Well that was certaintly nice.
Not so sure about the pee thing though.
My reaction was as follows:
Good one shot, and a pleasant read. Well done.
827072 Agreed
Awesome story it was one of the best Aj storys i've read Aj ftw
832248
Glad you enjoyed it! I'll do my best to continue to deliver enjoyable fics! And I want to thank you again for starting the movement that showed me there is an audience for fics involving this fetish. Not to mention that helpful advice you gave me a few weeks back as well!
835117
Thank you for sharing your reaction and the comment! I'm glad you found it to be enjoyable. And don't worry too much about the pee thing. I don't plan to put scenes like that in all of my clopfics. I just did some like that for those who do enjoy the fetish. And I must admit I find it intriguing and rather fun to write about - even if that may sound odd to some of you. Let's face it...a writer shouldn't limit themselves to writing within their comfort zone alone.
843618
Before I started work on this fic, Applejack managed to work her way into my top 5 fav ponies. They have a way of sneaking up on you! 
I love comments like yours. It makes me happy when readers like you comment. I always try to do my best. And you are certainly right - AJ ftw!
Pissing fetish? Eh, okay. Lol. Never understood it, never had anything against it. *shrug* whatever revs you up.
The story, however, was decent, even if the situation was highly unlikely, though, mind you, not impossible, in my somewhat similar experience... No more details for you!
Anyway, the pacing was decent and the events felt plausible, though this is a fanfic about cartoon ponies getting it on, so plausibility is allowed to be thrown out the window and over the cliff.
Oh, and I've always agreed with people who believe AJ would be one of those girls whose eyes could stare right through any bullshit you tried to pull over them. Also I like green eyes. A lot. *shrug* But that's just me.
And on to the "d'aww" moment. Which was beyond sweet, but I have somewhat mixed feelings on it because of the previous scene. I mean, if you're going to do the d'aww thing, then do it first, find her crying in a bush, etc. And then do the pissing thing maybe a few days afterwards. It feels more natural. As it is, it's just kinda confusing. Mind you, I've followed MUCH worse. Not going to name names, but trust me on this.
And again, I really have to emphasize on this: SO MUC D'AWW. Really, it was just so damn sweet. Once I got over the initial mood twist from perverted fetishism to a soft, sweet moment, I really was able to follow it well. Honestly, Fluttershy is my favorite clop, or any kind of character really... What can I say, I like the shy girls... But you raised my opinion of AJ a bit today. So instead of being just above the background ponies and Rarity (really don't like high class women), she's now above Twilight as well. Really well done. Anyway, I have to sleep now so I can get enough sleep to be conscious in 6 hours... Keep writing, man, even if you don't hear from me again. (I don't often read from the same writer more than once unless specifically asked (which I have been by Dark0592) or I happen upon their work and I take an interest.) It's a dice roll, basically. So though it's not likely you'll get another review from me, or even another read, I want you to know that, from reading this, I see that you're a great writer. Keep on going, my man!
844073
Thank you for the detailed comment/review. Of all the detailed one's I've received, I've enjoyed yours the most. And not just because you enjoyed the story. Because there were some parts you did offer criticism to. But you also pointed out positive aspects as well. And I enjoyed your little personal blurbs within the review. I don't know if you will read any of my fics again, but part of me would enjoy it if you did. Oh and FYI, not sure when it'll be up, but I have been mulling around ideas and periodically working on a clop/romance story starring Fluttershy.