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Mr and Mrs Cake have decided to allow Twilight to turn them into foals for a day to be the first parents to ever get to know their children as foals. However, with four foals running around Sugar cube corner it will be up to Twilight, and Pinkie Pie to keep everything under control.
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Alright! Thanks for bringing me on board with this, can't wait to see more!
This is a really good start to the story, the passing of the beginning was a bit awkward in the first haft of the story, but the behavior or the cake was surprisingly consistent and mature as being parents they always take into account their responsibility as parents and business owners before agreeing to indulge into any fantasy or desires they want to live. I think that the idea of having the cakes sign legal papers with Twilight Sparkle was a great idea and tels us that the use of such drastic and powerful magic is in fact regulated in some way and that Twilight is actually covering her bases and to make sure that it is consensual from the cakes. Having extra help the Pinky into to take care of them and their business while they would turned int foals was a very good idea, which also gives a good set up for good interactions between the characters and show that nothing was left to change, not that I think that any problems will happen during that time.
On one last note I think your writing has improved a lot from you beginning but I think that you should add more description in the action and tone of the characters how talk because I get a better feeling of what the characters think when you add that little detail in in their actions.
I am looking forward to see more of this story soon
love it want more!
This was a good chapter, I liked all the casual talk between the character, it really flowed naturally and we get to learn a lot about their character as well and maybe a little foreshadow of things to come.
I liked learning that Carrot was also a hell rasere when he was a foal and I can't wait to see what will happen when the transformation happens.
During the conversation early part of the conversation I had a little trouble understanding who was talking at time but I had the feeing that Rarity saying that she is using this as a learning experience to be a mother in the more or less near future, I wander what brought her about in having an interest away from fashion.
I thought that the idea of Shy taking piles to induce lactation with on her was a little much, as I had not idea what would make her want ot go that far in parenting experiment for her I wander if she is all ready pining someone to marry or indulging in a secret fantasy; I hope to learn more about this soon.
At the end of the chapter I have a little trouble understanding what was said about each morning, did it mean that the transformation will last more then one day?
Looks good so far, and I like the idea of Mr. Cake having a stuffed animal from his foalhood that kept him under control.
Only complaint, since this is supposed to only last for 24 hours, Fluttershy wouldn't be able to breastfeed them more than once if she only agreed to do it in the morning.
7389738
you forgot one key detail....Twilight was a bit tired.
More plz!
How do you breastfeed by taking pills?
7398817
There are pills that help with breastfeeding for mothers. On how they do it not exactly sure.
Aw, so cute. Glad it didn't take long for Mr. and Mrs. Cake to meet their children and start talking.
Maybe Mr. and Mrs. Cake should show Pound and Pumpkin Cake what a toilet looks like, even if they can't exactly use it in their current state.
there isn't much to comment on the chapter, but it was still good constituency wise, I was wandering why they didn't immediately started the day with their foals but then again they had to get adjusted to the new body before seeing them. I wander if Sugarcube Corner is closed for the day or Pinky is taking care of it for the day for them. I t was interesting to see that Rarity would see herself as a mother now with seeing the cake's, we have never really seen a maternal side to her so for so it is a but of a stretch to imagine her saying that especially seeing how she has trouble dealing with her sisters antics in her shop. Then again Sweetly Bell is a force of chaos on to herself so it doesn't count. I would wander what sort of partners Shy and Ra's would like to have to help raze foals with maybe they could be a couple together or maybe they could could start looking for potential life partners while they take care of the cakes.
Can't wait to see more soon.
Ha! Pattycakes Reference.
7400558 I wasn't aware I was creating one when I put that line in.
7400820 I'm the first then.
Cool chapter and is Rarity's line: "As long as your not forcing ponies to act like foals", an allusion to your book Foal Island? :3 I love all your stories by the way! :)
I suppose Sugarcube Corner will have to be closed for the day if The Cakes are going to be this much of a hoofful.
And Mr. and Mrs. Cake better be careful, now that their foals know about the toilet they're bound to be curious enough to try and explore it some more.
Flush the babies!
7412689 All four of them?!
Definitely liking the story so far. The way you have been sneaking in additional content to go beyond the story itself has been quite enjoyable. :)
It was kind of fun to think on how Spike and Starlight would have helped Twilight in perfecting the 24 Hour Spell. Spike is always all for helping and Starlight is one amazing spell caster. I'm sure the time taken to perfect the spell would've been an experience all its own. Letting the reader be able to do this is certainly a wonderful addition to the story. :)
What you have going on with Fluttershy has me very curious, too. It's like another story is building itself up within this one.
Most certainly a lot of depth that goes beyond Mr. and Mrs. Cake wanting to know what it is like to see life as their foals do. Great job and I look forward to reading more as you get to it. :)
This was an other great chapter, can't wait to see the next chapter. I wander what the cakes will think of the photos that were taken of them that day.
Good thing The Cakes had pictures taken of them in their foal clothes, so they can remember what it was like to be foals.
I wonder how Pinkie and the rest of the group will react to The Cakes getting flushed?
What if Sweetie Belle becomes a foal?
7426473
Just wait and see
7426473 That's probably an idea for a sequel.
7426473
Sweerie Belle is a foal already! Duhh!!
7431454 No, she's a filly. Big difference.
7431463
Dont pretend you are a little dummy, you got what I mean.
7431534 But she hasn't regressed yet, or expressed interest in being a little one yet. Being a foal and acting like one are two different things.
7431541
No, what I mean, is that Sweetie Belle really act like a foal sometimes in the show
Foals are disgusting. They were playing in shit!
Do I smell some FlutterMac shipping?
You've really improved in your writing with this story compared to your earlier stories; congratulation for that.The only problem that I have with the chapter is that I feel that the M6 don't sound to be as panicky as they should be. I like the Mac/Shy shipping I wander if your are going to do a sequel with this story.
Ah, that was so sweet of Mr. Cake to give his foalhood friend to his son. I think Mr. Snuggles is going to become a staple in the Cake family household, with Pound Cake passing it on to his child when he gets older.
Glad I was able to help out with this fic, I had a lot of fun working on it.
Good luck trying to break the curse of Crusaders foalsitters, Apple Bloom. Considering Scootaloo went through a ton of diapers, and Sweetie Belle was outsmarted by four foals that then got flushed, you've got your work cut out for you.
Also, do I smell a sequel with somepony other than Big Mac?
7440892
The sequel is going to have a few more foals....
7440912 Well, at least Pound and Pumpkin will have some new playmates.
Looks Mr. Cake is sick with something. I just hope it's nothing serious
7441027
They will have six new playmates to hang with in the next adventures. Also the CMC are going to play a bigger role so Apple Bloom is going to have her work cut out for her.
A sneeze that turns ponies into foals? I sense a sequel!
7441077 Don't tell me Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle get affected as well?
7441104 It's like the flu, except instead of making you sick it turns you into a foal.
7441854
No the ponies I'm planning to regress are all adults. The CMC though are going to try to "help" Fluttershy.
Uh oh...
Thanks for linking me to this story. It was very enjoyable with a lot of fun elements in it that I've noticed others have hypothesized about regarding characters like Flutters and Big Mac.
Something I thought was very fun was the scene in the sewers. The way they got there had a genuine, cartoon feel about it. The story certainly earned points with me as you definitely wrote a most playful, foolish adventure.
It also appears you are foreshadowing to either a future story with Flutters, or are looking to align your tale here with other stories in relation to Flutter Mom and/or Little Mac. In either case, or if there are other ideas you're working with, I know they will all turn out as fun to read as this one.
Lastly, I like how you incorporated Twilight's studies on magic in this story. The opportunity for her to grow with far more advanced magic, like age spells, definitely shows growth since the episode "Magic Duel". You also did well with the CMC. In particular, in my opinion, Sweetie Belle who, to me, has always been the most caring and sensitive of the trio. :)
Alright. It's a good setup chapter, but there are a few little complaints.
1. You say Pumpkin is "memorized" instead of "mesmerized" in the beginning.
2. You end a sentence abruptly.
3. Mrs. Cake blames her husband for waking the kids but all they were doing was talking. I guess his laugh might have done it, but it didn't seem like he was being that noisy.
7957608
Thank you for the advice but you do realise i made this 7 months ago.
Wouldn't Twilight feel scared that? She still wants Celestia's approval and is very fearful of displeasing her.
This entire paragraph isn't him thinking to himself.
8324820
Oops
8324839
There are also a lot of spelling and punctuation errors, too many for me to try and write them all in here.
BTW any idea on a timeframe when we can expect the sequel to this? Like say sometime at the end of the year, sometime next year, or what?