• Member Since 4th May, 2013
  • online


On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


This story is a sequel to The Waiting Doom

It was just a bad cold. But the Cakes are first-time parents, they panicked, and... well, the twins fully recovered in the Canterlot hospital. Pinkie just didn’t know about any of it until now, because she was on a mission. So to make up for her absence, she’s sending the Cakes home. Pinkie can bring the foals home after they’re discharged. Which should be any minute now.

...or hour...

Well, it’s a big hospital. Maybe she can find something to do.

(While this story is tagged as a sequel, the only thing it shares with the previous one is theme. It can be read as a stand-alone, and no reader knowledge of previous events is required.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 78 )

Wow, I had no idea how nice my hospital was compared to normal ones. Always nice to see Pinkie breaking down the laws of reality, even fundamental concepts like "hospitals are miserable." I'd love to see her cheer up a law firm...

It was a hospital. There had to be something interesting around.

Doom. Doooooom. Most certainly, doom.

Ultrashort story: My girls had to make an emergency trip to KU Med for treatment of spherocytosis and an overnight shortly after they were born. Words cannot describe the discomfort of the hospital bench/chair/thing in their room that parents sleep on. The staff were absolutely awesome. My girl who needed the overnight now has a baby of her own.

For those of you new to Estee's work, it's much like labor: intensely painful with an end result that's well worth it. (also frequently includes medicine). For example, this is the blog post that goes with this story. Welcome to the herd.

Amen to that!

I loved this one. Pinkie being Pinkie at deserving targets (in both senses!) is a treat, and her logic in deciding she works at the hospital was perfectly in character. :pinkiehappy:

Beware, fiends of despair, for the Pinkening comes for you all.

Wonderful! Reading this gives me a new appreciation for the NHS.

“Outside,” the intern dismally answered. “Let me know if you ever find them. They owe me seven bits.” He wearily sighed. “Sometimes I try to catch them with my corona as they come out. And sometimes I’m tired. Either way, I miss. And with the doors...” He nodded towards the trail mix. “Legends say that a pony with the world’s narrow (narrowest) tongue tip can jiggle open a stuck one. So if you ever go into the Emergency department and they ask you to stick out your tongue, that’s what they’re looking for.”


Yesterday, I spent twelve hours in the hospital. This is because I was waiting to speak with my mother’s assigned doctor, as no one else could or would tell me what was going on. (Unavailable details included exactly when that physician might actually appear during the day.) I did not manage a face-to-face meeting, because the ward was supposed to call me when the doctor came in. My phone never rang. People claimed to have called, but I had no missed call logged on the dumbphone. It’s possible that my network flaked out at exactly the wrong second, but it’s certain that I had to spend another hour trying to get anyone to call me (again?) because that’s what happened.

Today, I arrived at the hospital at about 11:00 a.m. and was told the decision had been made to discharge my mother to a short-term physical rehabilitation facility. (She has not been fully cured, nor has a source for the most recent problem been diagnosed.) I have to go with her when she’s transferred, both to explain the situation and run down her medication list because the hospital doesn’t do that. Discharge was scheduled for 3:00 p.m.

At 3:30 p.m, the discharge was rescheduled for 5:30.

I went into the ward at 5:20 and asked if the discharge was still on schedule. The nurse’s station attendant told me it had been reset to 7:30. This meant going into my mother’s room so I could tell her that and while I was in the middle of doing so, the attendant signaled me to come back out so she could correct herself. She’d said 7:30. She now meant 9:00. I am now vaguely looking forward to 8:50 so she can tell me that the true interpretation should have been a.m.

So the question is not why this story exists.

The question is why it doesn’t end with Pinkie killing everypony involved.

It’s a mystery to me...

Candystripes. The uncomfortable chairs. The way discharge paperwork can so definitely take longer than even the wait to be seen. Wheelchair discharge (walk out? Noooo).

I read this with my soul, I did. I hope you get out of Hospital Hell soon.

“No. It’s a contract. It says the whole family gets free medical care for the rest of their lives, as long as I never go back there again.”

Never change, Pinkie. :heart:

Despite this not being labeled as part of the Continuum, I was nervous whenever the unnamed Doctor was mentioned. Gentle's shadow looms large. Regardless, good on Pinkie for bringing some cheer to the clinical.

Laughter is the best medicine after all.

I'm thankful for being Canadian and not having to worry as much about the monetary side of things, but I've have my fair share of long hospital waits with my grandparents. I credit my great deal of patience to that. I'm grateful that I've never had need to be within the system myself though.

I was expecting Pinkie to go up.against Doctor Cox.

9963531 She's the Element of Laughter. Admittedly, she'd probably get better service if she were the Element of Holding People Out of the Window By The Throat Until They Agree, but we can't all be Batman, so it's either laugh or cry.

(Sad as it seems, by pushing the release time later, the hospital can often bill for an additional day.)

The worst part? The Doctor who run the hospital only to rake in the money and cause more suffering than they cure?

They exist.

And sadly we don't have Pinkie's in our lives to make things change.

Great one-shot, it was very entertaining. Good luck with the discharge.

Oof, feels bad for all the ponies taken there. All hospitals should have a Pinkie on staff.

the last clock I got angry with me was in Town Hall and that one’s too mean to have any friends, so it hasn’t gone lying about what really happened to its mainspring. Which wouldn’t have done anything for the bouncy castle anyway, so I still don’t know what it was so angry about.

I have several questions.

She’s got whooping cough.

Oh, Equestria. Pun-based ecology extends to microbiology.

Swaddling newborns who can walk seems like it could be downright harmful. Sure, that doesn't matter at this hospital, but in Ponyville General...

“No, you don’t,” was the second hiss. “I know every incompetent working here. You don’t.”

:pinkiehappy: "Therefore, I must be competent!"

They made her look as if she’d been striped with candy.


Here's hoping you get out soon. Thanks as always for the stories.

Or, the Element of Amazingly Interesting Reasons To Run Away...

"Oh, hi there! I'm just waiting for the Dean of Medicine to talk with me! Who am I? Oh, I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle...and they just hung up. Weird, isn't it?"


I have more sympathy than usual; my grandmother had to go into hospital yesterday, largely because the GP wouldn't come to see her, so it was hours of arsing about, which involved at least one instance of police officiers showing up at my door, because Mum, who suffers from fibromyagia and is not very well herself at the moment, phoned 911 instead of 111 and hung up before apologising, so they sent a nice lady and gentleman around to make sure I hadn't like, kidnapped anyone or anything.

(Boy, am I relieved I keep all the prisoners on the station...)

So Mum spent long hours at the hospital waiting for Nanny to be seen and sorted, before my sister (both of whm work at the hospiral finally sent her home about four) - I'd stayed up until shortly before then before meditiating to regain my mana, to allow Dad to snatch some sleep.

The news from my other sister (whose ward Nanny ended up on this morning - so you can bet Nanny was given, like, treatment that the Sisters would think might be a bit excessive...!) is... Not the worst case, by a long margin, but it appears that she was not, in fact suffering from a chest infection, and her wracking cough is likely due to her failing heart, which means best they can do is keep her in for a few days (normally, we take Nanny out to dinner every Thursday) while they try and clear some of the fluid before sending her home.) So, yay for the GP not turning up and assuming it was just and infection...?

So, yah.

While I have not had anything like the issues you have Estee, I have something of a the merest fraction of an idea, if only by osmosis.

Dang, I can't believe we got all the way through this without asking the ultimate question...

C'mon, somepony had to do it...

“The volunteer,” Pinkie stated. “Now where’s her papers? This was supposed to be done hours ago!”

Pinkie, you are the best. Never stop being you.

Contrary to popular belief, Doctor Cox but a lot of effort into his rants. He never worked out what he was going to say in advance, but he was always considering what to emphasize and where to strike.

"Now listen here Fairy Charmer, I know your used to small town life where the most exciting thing is whose going to the next hoe-down with whose second cousin, but here in the city we have these thing called actual lives, and as much as this might hurt to hear they do nooooooooooot revolve around random mares who has moregrams of sugar in her blood than actual blood."

It was a little like fencing. He had a turn, and he used it to thrust his point forward. Provided he aimed it correctly, his target would be speared through the heart and storm off in a huff--

He frowned. The mares eyes were focused on a point just over his shoulder, and her smile looked a touch more vacant than he'd expect. "I'm sorry barbie doll, but can you even here a word I'm saying?"

"Huh?" Pinkie asked. "Oh! I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, but is it my turn to talk now because I wanted to say--"

Pinkie Pie didn't stop talking for another three hours. Her words were less like fencing and more like a truck, in that when she was upset she could just run over whatever angered her.

Doctor Cox did not anger her again.

Written entirely while waiting in a hospital to speak with a doctor, and then while waiting for patient discharge, over the course of two days.

I'm pretty sure most of us guessed that before the first section break.

Great story.

All this makes me think of where my mother works.
She works for a hospital which is now owned by a corporation (Northern Light Health).
The company has been buying up all the medical centers in the state (and apparently considering spreading farther throughout New England).
They have awful policies that hinder doctors and add difficulties to patients. They had doctors quitting because the policies made it so they couldn't actually see their patients. They were just supposed to try and asses as many people as possible, as quickly as possible, and send them out the door with their bill.
No room for Patient Care when you only Care about the 'bottom line'.

“Legends say that a pony with the world’s narrowest tongue tip can jiggle open a stuck one. So if you ever go into the Emergency department and they ask you to stick out your tongue, that’s what they’re looking for.”

Oh, I know who they can ask for help!

One of the advantages of being in his natural form was he got to use his natural tongue. One quick twitch later, the sugar cube vanished, and he crunched happily along while putting on the most innocent face he could manage.

“That’s… vaguely creepy,” said the vet, still holding onto the forgotten tongue depressor.


I can tell stories from the patient end. I no longer go to the ER at all, unless an ambulance drags me there. I haven’t been able to get in to a PCP in over 6 months. I’m out of 3 medications. My case manager has gotten me an appointment with a different system for the end of next month, finally.

If my pain doctor wasn’t so damn good, I’d be able to break away completely. One did leave, because of NLH, so one of the few treatments that works (cortisone shots) is no longer available. You can’t see two practices of the same modality at once, you know!

In these horribly backwards Socialist countries, we have these things called "standards of quality for hospital care". Hospitals even get fined if you have to wait too long. Can you imagine?!? How on earth will our oligarchs ever survive???

Pinkie is a legend. Ten foals made some real friends that day, I'd like to think the parents did too. That scene in the Deuglism (?) clinic was so cute. Pinkie would go around and encourage the poor mares in there. It'd be funny if that curly-furred mare did come to live in Ponyville: between her, Rachette, Joyous, and Fluttershy, the town would have a serious claim on the beauty capital of the country. Anyway, quite a cute and enjoyable tale, thank you for the ride as always. :twilightsmile:

This raises an interesting thought, that Laughter shares quite a bit of territory with Kindness and Generosity. After all, you're not very likely to inspire meaningful cheer if you have no care for others nor a willingness to labor on another's behalf.

It's also worth noting that Laughter may not always have all that much to do with Honesty, strictly speaking. There's a certain element of the fish story, which doesn't entirely align with the scruples of certain behatted ponies.

All in all, thank you for writing a remarkably vibrant Pinkie, this was a real treat to read.

The best part is the end. He put all three of his children to bed. All three.

You know, I heard things about the quality of services and great price you can get if you go to Cuba for some medical stuff. Could Equestria have an equivalent?

The only flaw I see in your scenario is the moment he figured out what was going on, Doctor Cox would have leapt at the chance to screw with Kelso by subverting hospital policy in the patients' favour.

She didn’t gallop into the pediatrics ward at full speed, because it was a hospital and for some reason, everypony who’d stopped her in the hallways felt that meant galloping required eight years of specialized schooling. Pinkie had also gotten the impression that student loans were involved, although she wasn’t entirely certain as to just what was being loaned out. Judging by the universal weariness she’d seen in the overnight shift’s interns, she was fairly sure it wasn't anything caffeinated.

I haven't even read the story yet..................
read the first sentence. I KNOW this is going to be awesome.


She’s got whooping cough.

Oh, Equestria. Pun-based ecology extends to microbiology.

Actually, whooping cough is a real-world disease. It's also known as pertussis.

And yes, the loud "whoop" is characteristic of the disease, and what it's named after.


"Which Doctor?"

"No, Doctor is fully qualified."

I LOVE your Pinkie Pie and the way you portrayed her genius response to being an un-patient. (As you pointed out more than once, she wasn’t impatient, just not a patient!) as far as I’m concerned, the only thing missing from this story to be a proper episode is a musical number: Welcome to Pinkamena’s Genial Horsepital!

Funny. Pinkie's interactions with the patients was heartwarming.

Laughter is the best medicine after all.

"there was also certain problems"
"there were also certain problems"?

Very nice. :)

...Oh, author's note not so much, though; I'm sorry about that. Good luck.

Because Pinkie Pie is Pinkie Pie, and amazing.

Read entirely while staying with my hospitalized mother overnight. My sister takes over during the day. At least one of us is sleeping.:ajsleepy: It's day seven, thanks for the Laughter.

I'm familiar with the disease; I just imagined this "WHOOP!" as something closer to a car alarm.

That simplicity meant they’d been around for centuries, although Pinkie was thankful to see that the food mostly dated back to the last decade.

Ah, so there's still the possibility of something pre-abeyance… just definitely not most of it.

Perhaps a couple samples of Worthy's chocolates.

Very few people can pull off a well-written Pinkie Pie, and you're definitely one of them. Good work.

And I hope you find/have found some respite from Hospital Hell.

Yes, but in UK that “too long” is defined by the government and can feature the word “year” in it. In the UK the A&E 4 hour waiting time is being scrapped due to being almost impossible to fulfil, you can wait 6 months to see an NHS dentist, having a bed in the corridor can be the norm, the doctors can work around the clock and have their holidays cancelled at short notice, and are paid less than a new train driver until they’re a decade into their career. And all of this is despite over 30% of the public services budget being ploughed directly into the NHS. Over £156 billion last year, an increase of £8 billion from the year before that. That’s 20% or so of all government spending. When it comes to money, socialised health is a bottomless pit; No matter how much you put in, it’s never enough. We couldn’t do without it though.

Well yes. Opinions may vary, but I myself struggle to categorize the UK as having a social government.

Given there are parts of the UK where almost (and occasionally over) half of the population are employed by the public sector, I would disagree. Thankfully we aren’t as bad as France in that respect with their obscenely massive state pensions bill, but then who is? Personally I dislike having to rely on my government in any way whatsoever beyond road maintenance and the police force. I view the ideal government to be Singapore, where they have created a wonderful system where you have no excuse for not being able to look after yourself.

No comment on looking after yourself, you have different ideals than I, but their healthcare system does seem nice and social.

A system of compulsory savings which you get back in points to spend on healthcare, housing, or pensions, and which means that most citizens at least partially own their own home, make pension contributions, get 1st class healthcare, and as a side-effect actively incentives participants to stay healthy so they can put more points into the other two fields? It’s magnificent.

You can't disincentivize genetical factors. You can't disincentivize influenza and other infectious diseases that are easily spread due to cramped living conditions. While a big part of personal health is down to personal choice, that system impacts unfairly on those who cannot pay for cleaner air and less immediate neighbors, those who due to a bad roll of the genetic dice are more sickly, and those who suffer unforeseen accidents. Thanks, but I'll take the less efficient, more equalizing systems.

This is probably my favorite Pinkie Pie story from you, with the possible exception of the changeling one. You show a lot of bad situations, but you don't often show anyone working to make things better, and I loved getting to see that.

That’s a system which produces the 4th best average life expectancy in the world, and the highest average quality of living of any city in Asia. That sounds pretty equal to me. It could also be considered that by encouraging citizens to be healthy in such a way, they free up medical staff to work on cases that can’t be avoided by financial incentives.

Login or register to comment