Manifest Harmony
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This is well written, although I'm not a great fan of subTwilight. I'm surprised at the relative lack of views. Have you considered adding it to a few groups? Might up the viewership.
This is so good. I wanted to put it down and get back to work but I needed to finish this chapter. In just a few thousand words you've built this whole looming chasm of a world with possibilities and promise. I think that's what I like most about this: it's given me high expectations. I sincerely hope that some sort of story weaves through and with the clop itself, and that it isn't just Twilight Explored a Bunch of rooms. Will she interact with her friends? Will she be in disguise? How deep into the dungeons will she go?
This is now my new favorite story. Just............Wow. XD
personally, I find the idea of secret societies, kind of not-sane, so I don't think this story could ever meet your criteria to me
7421217 That's a great idea, thanks! Don't worry, Twilight is eventually going to become a trainer for her master and mistress ;)
7421250 Thanks for the comment. That's exactly what I wanted to try and achieve. The first three clop scenes will be Twilight exploring three of the societ's many rooms as she investigates, but things will develop from there, promise.
7421258 Thanks for the comment! :D
7421310 Well, the lifestyle in real life kinda does feel like a secret society in so far as you don't really talk about going to meet-ups, the people you meet or the fact that you're involved at all with the rest of the world. Personal life privacy's kinda a big thing in the community.
7421340 As a Submissive myself, I approve.
7421310 You'd be surprised. My and my wife used to a BDSM club that was exclusively for ladies. One of the many rules of the club were that we weren't supposed to talk about it. Of course, that was about four years ago, and we've long since gone for monogamy.
Is it wrong that the optional reading more interesting to me as it gives insight into the normally impenatrable society of organized BDSM. It might also be that the particular roleplay the organized slave training facility is just not particulary interesting to me as I find training to be boring even though I am a dom I would rather be am alpha over a master.
wow, even the really hot world buidling is hawt. the clop's nice, but you're creating tons of fuel for even more fantasies. the posibillities are endless!
I also like all the posters, really delicious art you made, can't wait to see the dungeon research laboratories and their test sujects
Whoa. Okay, you definitely have my attention. You're next on my read list; it's so nice to get more fics that focus on consenuality in the kink; I find it one of the hotter elements of play, period. The exchange of power, real exchange, not just surrender, but each side giving of themselves to the other. Nom
Are there going to be Diamond Dogs? Forgive me for being so impertinent but a consensual, well-built, logically considered, actually tender BDSM story is like Christmas, my birthday
and Strong Sad's funeralall at the same time! Damn, so far as I can remember, only Troublesome Beast has done that.You get a watch, a favorite and all my feels!
7421370 That's the highest praise I could possibly hope for. Thank you.
7421425 If the optional stuff interests you then I have accomplished what I came to achieve.
7421515 Likewise, I've been wishing for one myself. I often find ones that come close but fall short because of one detail or another. I decided to stop looking and write my own ideal consensual kink fic. And here it is. I agree with you, consensual submission is beautiful because the couple engages in genuine, complete offering and acceptance. Not to say that doesn't happen in regular romance, because you do get a sense of belonging and acceptance in true love. But it just feels all the more powerful in willing power exchange.
7421537 Ooops, I forgot about them. I've added them to the predators I listed in the 'predator/prey fetishist' group in the collar guide. I'm glad the story meets your approval.
7421458 Thanks. I quite enjoyed doing those posters actually. I got inspired by the 1950s style of in-game Bioshock posters and decided that'd probably be the kind of style that'd be trending at Clocktower Society at the time. I particularly enjoyed doing the poster for Clocktower Equestria West, especially with what it implied.
7421582 I think that it depends a lot on the personality as to whether or not the BDSM elements will bring out more power, but I think one of the strengths of BDSM is that you put it into explicit terms. As a community, we've had to hash out (and, to be honest, still are-- there are some problems) exactly what consent means, how to communicate in awkward situations; how to learn about each other and what we _give_ to each other. That level of understanding is a powerful tool even in the non-scene part of your life.
As well as making for some excellent giggling jokes about not touching youuuu while being an adult still, really.
On the "make your kink story," I think I understand; my kink is fairly rare itself in the form I manifested it as-- male dominant of very dominant but also very enthusiastic sub switch females & futa who maintain active top relationships with female, male, & futa subs, specifically on the muscle growth/hyper range where the ladies/futas are big but the guy is bigger. In the few places where it showed up (I search fairly frequently and found something in my line maybe once or twice a year), it was often uncomfortably cruel, short, or with a lack of understanding of consent. So I wrote!
I'm glad to see your stuff here, and I'm finding myself reading it even when I told myself I'd wait until I finished editing and pushing my wordcount out further. ;)
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Na this is great keep it up.
Who is Doctor Horse?
Came for porn, stayed for the lore.
to the author
*picks up glasses*
"emm kinky"
"yes thats good"
10/10 for world building
to be continued for more rating b/c of not enough chapters
Is this the official documentation of the Clocktower Society, or an unfinished version still being edited in-universe?
I ask because all the stricken text, while amusing, does seem slightly unprofessional.
On an unrelated note, have a like!
Came for clop, got enjoyable lore.
Keep it up!
Okay, read through, and I'm definitely liking what I read in here. I'm sort of wondering why there's no male subs (edit on reread-- looks like that's another site?), even though that's not my kink except through derivation; I imagine we'll see that later, though since there's an expectation/religious component, especially one that apparently flows through the princesses, it's a little bit concerning. You've definitely got a very interesting set-up and I'm looking forward to reading more.
The biggest suggestion I have is I would recommend going back and taking out strike through from a minimum of the narrative sections and possibly the textual sections as well (which might work better as blog posts anyway). Strike through is an editing tool that makes for some funny chat to chat discussions, but as a textual medium, it breaks the reader out of the story and reduces immersion. It also makes the pages look messy. There's some place for it in describing documents, especially those done with old style quills for personal communication, but since Equestria does have a press, and it seems like the Society would both have access to the presses and require a certain level of professional standards in a scribe in the first place, it seems odd that Lyra would be able to get away with inserting her commentary, then adding an ugly line through and going "Welp, job done!" rather than be told to go back and do it again.
So for story moments like:
I would suggest taking advantage of the third person license for description and add in emotional markers and actions:
I also recommend dropping the 'pun' part unless Twilight reflexively knows what they're called and would think of it as a pun here, since you're using her for the narrator perspective.
Similarly, on things like Lyra's notes, I would call them the For Submissives Commented version or Annotated version, and then include her comments as non-strike through at the bottom of each section, with asterisks or numbers to indicate what you're looking at. A certain amount of tongue-in-cheek seems to be present, and the implication at least seems to be that-- whatever the "scene" rules enforced in the club-equivalent, that there's heavy protection for submissives, and having their guidebook be a bit more snarky would fit there. :)
Taking bets on if this is evil or not. I give it a 60/40 chance.
Y'know, considering that some cult called the COIL tried this a couple years back, and ended up summoning a fucking LAKE OF CUM POSSESSED BY A SUCCUBUS... Yeah, I'm gonna say this won't end well.
And, yes, I'm making reference to a very old fic.
7421217 Madness. Sub!Twilight is best Twilight.
(YMMV 
)
Are submissive androids actually going to be a thing? Ied like that.
I don't know about this. I very much like the consentual angle of this fic, but how consentual is it? Sure the sexual consent is covered pretty well, but from this first chapter it seems that Twilight has been dating two ponies without realising it, and Cadance 'assigned' them to her. This suggests that although sexual consent is fine, Twilight's romantic consent has been taken from her, which in some respects is even worse.
7422966 Oh, I'm sorry I didn't make that clear. That was just the Maitre'D being sarcastic about Twilight being her usual excitable adorkable self. She knows the couple are dating her and Doctor Horse made a point of mentioning he and Rarity are letting Twilight take things at her own adorkable pace. As for the Princess of Love thing, we'll go more into that later, but rest assured everyone has a choice. Consent is my fetish after all.
7422851 Yes indeedy, complete with their grab bag of philosophical free will and consent conundrums and kinky hot robotic clop.
7422795 A man after my own heart.
7422638 C'mon, that's ridiculous. That much cum being dumped in a lake is a waste. Clocktower Society has better places to store it all.
7422618 You're on.
7422347 Yep, as implied, the male subs are all in a separate site, Clocktower Equestria West at San Franciscolt (there's a poster advertising them in the lobby in chapter 1).
Oh, that is much better than the strikethroughs. I'll try and do that, though as you can see I'm not all that good with narrative beyond describing things plainly (and, I think, vividly). Someone used to help me with both storytelling and narrative but I don't have the luxury of that at the moment. But I'll try and do what you suggested for upcoming chapters.
As for the manuals, I intend for each of them to have different flavours based on their author's personalities, so Lyra's is probably the only one blunt enough to require that many strikethroughs. I guess I should make it clear that it was the twentieth submitted draft or something.
Thanks for the useful pointers, o sensei!
7422286 Thank you! The lore thanks you too!
7422239 That's a good point. I should make it clear that it was the twentieth or so submitted draft or something.
7422075 Thank you! I really enjoyed writing all that world-building, I'm glad you enjoyed it too. God, I'm starting to sound like Pen Mightier, except his catch phrase sounds wrong when applied to clop.
7421999 Thank you! The lore certainly enjoyed your stay. You should stay more often.
7421770 Doctor Horse, MD
7421696 It's difficult to get it down, bro!
....sorry, that was bad of me.
The lore is clearly very well thought out and thoroughly detailed, but I can't help but feel that Clocktower is far, far too specialised for how insanely popular the story makes it out to be. Fair enough if everypony in this setting is secretly into kinky sex, but so far it feels like everypony in the entire world is secretly into a very specific and extreme form of kinky sex which kind of throws the immersion for me.
I think that Clocktower would be better served as a much more diverse and varied organisation that deals in all kinds of sex from the relatively tame all the way through to the extreme BDSM/slavery stuff that goes on at Clocktower Ponyville. But of course this is a BDSM story so it is natural and understandable that everything would be set up to accommodate as much BDSM sex as possible. Perhaps Clocktower Ponyville could be a BDSM site, and it includes a transit hub where ponies from Ponyville get teleported to other Clocktower sites that don't do BDSM?
It is a very minor complaint anyway, since everything else is exceptionally well written.
7423284
Well with how this story is going getting it up is no problem...
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7423284 I see, also I suppose this means that in this universe polyamory is fine with everyone, that's cool. I still don't get this whole assignment thing, that sounds suspect. Also, if they've been dating for three months, why haven't those two told her about this yet? Pretty big secret to keep from someone you're suppose to trust. Also, they knew she was going to get in there that night, and said nothing even then? If I were Twilight I would feel very left out, and patronized. Sorry I know I'm rambling I just think that Twilight is in a positoin where she doesn't know whether to be excited or scared out of her mind because her lovers have been treating her, well, a bit like a child really. Trying to protect her innocence or something. I'm just saying that if I were Twilight I'd feel a little betrayed, you know once I'd learned everything that's going on.
Haha. Okay, now I'm curious about the Test Subjects and their laboratories.
Come for the expected cringe, get sucked into a highly detailed and surprisingly intricate fictional BDSM group.
One up.
I seriously cannot stop thinking about this story. It's so provocative!
7423284 Excellent work deserves excellent assistance whenever possible. Until you find some help that qualifies as excellent though, if you want some editorial help or something going forward or whatever, send me a PM. :)
I'm guessing you either play in the community, or have friends that do.
Ten points for successfully hanging that lampshade.
Well, now that I've recovered from a migraine yesterday, and actually read this chapter, all I can say is; I'm not too much of a fan of the Clocktower (the club, not the story. The story's great). It's more on the fact that they're based on a cult in universe; the fetishes are a little weird, but hey, aren't we all?
Lyra's narration is hilarious too, so that helps bridge the gap. Though, one small thing.
I'll just pretend those two are completely unrelated to the Clocktower, and that they do no rash things with either item.
Oh, and one last thing.
I'm listening.
Now that I'm done incoherently rambling, I'll give this a watch and a like
for the MILFsout of curiosity, and the fact that you made me laugh.Good stuff, my friend.
i'm wondering if anyone else knows the Steins;Gate reference in the naming of Lyra's chapter and the fact that it's in reference to the way Daru names inventions
7422618 To quote TFS "Oh, ominous!"
Gr8 M8 I R8 8/8
7423284 aw yis. I'm definitely following if femdroids are involved. Hopefully there are some masochistic ones who like getting taken apart. Bdsm play could get pretty intense if you can safely remove a sub's limbs, and a delimbed, masochistic robot is definently my fettish
I know you mentioned submissive mares, but where are all the submissive stallions?
7424511 i64.tinypic.com/spcjk8.jpg
So I have to ask, what's with the goofy safewords? No scene I've ever been in or seen has used anything like that beyond RED as a hardline stop.
Just curiosity from an older guy in the kink community. Will read the story later tonight, just thought that was an odd thing on your cover art.
On the one hand, I love the premise of the setting.
On the other hand, what series of idiots is letting the neurotic ticking time bomb that is Twilight Sparkle walk around uninformed? If she sees something she decides she doesn't like (like, say, Princess Celestia trussed up like a turkey) she's going to explode the place.
God, I stayed up just to clean up the mess that GDocs formatting created on importing that chapter. I would have uploaded the next lore chapter with it, but I'm too tired now. I'll reply to the kind comments tomorrow when I upload the next chapter.
I hope you all enjoy that chapter.
Here's a line from the lore chapter meant to accompany chapter 2, just in case you're interested.
Very interesting. :) And it's definitely playing up ambiguity. Looking forward to more, guidebook and chapter alike!
Consider me interested.
You had my interest. Now you have my full attention.
that was the hottest bit of clop I ever read.
now I remember, you were the one who wrote the clop chapter for Do Humans Hibernate. You were the one who gave me a hoof fetish lol
but the hottest part is still the little bits of clocktower lore you're tossing around. So the labs invented lube made from milked marecum?
daaayuuuuum
please, for the love of Celestia, hurry up and get us to the lab, I need to see more of their weird inventions
Ok, so, this story is epic. So far anyway. And I don't mean because of the clop... I mean because poor vanilla Twilight is so far in over her head that it's cute and adorkable. And the world building you've done makes it seem like you've either got experience or have done your research extensively, so props there.
I'm totally looking forward to how Twilight's relationship with Doc and Rarity plays out :3
This is fucking awesome. A whole underground city? And of course that's Dr Horse's cutie mark. And I love the side-chapters too. I couldn't stop thinking about this story at work today. Really distracting.