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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is well written, although I'm not a great fan of subTwilight. I'm surprised at the relative lack of views. Have you considered adding it to a few groups? Might up the viewership.
This is so good. I wanted to put it down and get back to work but I needed to finish this chapter. In just a few thousand words you've built this whole looming chasm of a world with possibilities and promise. I think that's what I like most about this: it's given me high expectations. I sincerely hope that some sort of story weaves through and with the clop itself, and that it isn't just Twilight Explored a Bunch of rooms. Will she interact with her friends? Will she be in disguise? How deep into the dungeons will she go?
This is now my new favorite story. Just............Wow. XD
personally, I find the idea of secret societies, kind of not-sane, so I don't think this story could ever meet your criteria to me
Came for porn, stayed for the lore.
Ten points for successfully hanging that lampshade.
I know you mentioned submissive mares, but where are all the submissive stallions?
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I want to know as well.
Braeburn holds title as best sub in my mind7421999
same.
I um... *cough* wow. I think I need to bill you for a new pair of glasses, reading this cracked mine.
Oh, I'm enjoying this.
There's a lot of cool stuff here. There's lore, d/s dynamics, generally good prose...
But damn the cross-outs are just ugly. There are more elegant and waaaay less distracting ways to do what you are going for here, ways that don't yank one right out of the story and shatter immersion. It made this really hard to read in places, which was a shame.
Aren't there any submissive stallions?
Well, that's nothing like her. On the other hoof it's probably the atmosphere in this place.
I hope it doesn't cloud her mind too much. She must still safe her friends!
7532953 If you didn't find out yourself by now, the stallions are in San Franciscolts Clocktower.
It was at this moment she knew she f#?! Up
I cant fap to this... Too brutal for me. BUT, I shall continue reading cuz what the FUCK just happened!? Story + Clop I tell you what
Eh, I like the world and stuff, but it's really hard for me to get over it when people have a subby Twilight, it's kinda like extremely OOC to me. Twilight is a Dom or a switch.
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"Now that we got the gay jokes out of the way, let's get to business."
----Peter Griffin
Still great, and yet... ehhhhh....
The sex parts were amazing, the Dom/Sub, slave market, the whole atmosphere is intense and really sells just utter submission and enslaving, nothing but sex toys for use, the whole mindset, to the point it felt a bit TO real, it was going a bit to hardcore, it didn't feel like all a roleplay with just how hard it was going.. right up till the safety Bell test and all the little signs that showed this really was all consenting fun. First the test itself, but also Tree Huggers look changing, and how every pony in ear shot paused to pay attention. That is some really great set up and really good way to not mess with the flow, while making clear this really is all just playing, while being so damn into it it hardly feels that way.
Twilight on the other hoof..... yeah she just, does not feel right.. at all. The crossed out stuff is kind of a mess, and the fact she is this flighty, this... she is not thinking any of those out at all and acting way to impulsively, and way to just, totally lacking in the intelligence we know she has to calmly and rationally piece together the puzzle. It just.. it's to obvious she acting the way the story needs her to, and it's not well thought out feeling. Story does such a great job of setting up the Society, yet Twilight just.. kind of..... bleh.. does not feel like Twilight.
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Twilight can be very impulsive when she feels something important is going on. Impulsive and reckless. And if she thinks she's the only one who is free to act, that would only amplify the attitude. She'd be panicking and acting out of a fear that she might get caught by the evil before she has a chance to act, building a plan on the fly based on everything she does know and everything she learns.
In other words, sounds a lot like the Twilight I'm used to ;)
8171558 To an extent yes.... but here? it's pushing her to far to fast and.. by the author's own admission it's more to get Twilight where she needs to be and to use her as an allegory for things to set up the tropes the story is going to subvert more then as the character she is.
That said she does get a LOT better after this trip is done.
Because Sub can be fun?
that "Cerberus leash version 1.20 compatible with standard Clocktower collars" reminds me of several things i've seen while playing "Second LIfe"...
i actually made TWO characters for that game-so i can have one Dominate the other!
in some ways this makes me think of that evil sex society in the "classic" book "the story of O".
i read the first chapter of that book, then gave up in disgust. suffice it to say that group never HEARD of Safewords, couldn't care less about consent, and had ZERO regard for the mental health of their slaves.
they also told their victims that they had total control of the police and government of the entire country!
repeated, remove.
The writing style, word choice, grammar, spelling, formatting, etc. here is a little bit subpar, but the story itself is quite fun.
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I agree, yet I still enjoy the story once I get used to it.
Speaking from chapter 1 here, you know, the first available clop.
I'm liking the story so far and I've given it a like, but should I concerned that my like made the like counter turn 666?
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RLV is fun...
My expectations were exceeded on the sex parts. This isn't really my wheelhouse and I'm American so "cunny" isn't a term I'm used to and I personally would have gone with fillyhole instead of foalhole but setting that aside, goddamn! Take my upcummies and faves!
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I think you've got the wrong impression about the term 'foalhole'. It's the hole the penis goes into and the foal comes out of as part of procreation. Fillyhole wouldn't work for that, and for a mare's pussy as an equivalent to a stallion's dick; which is what I think you were thinking of, the most often used term would be marehood. Fillyhole, or even worse fillyhood carries with it some very unfortunate implications in this context, so it's really not the best choice for either. After all a filly is a juvenile female equine.