- Member Since 19th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Jul 16th, 2023
Fallowsthorn
Voracious reader and writer but living with severe depression. Please treat unexpected hiatuses gently.
Fallowsthorn
Joined 19th Sep, 2015 ·
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put it in my tracking. I don't like to read stories that aren't finished yet. so keep going!
8146818
Don't worry, everything's written out! :D
8146818 I can attest to the fact that this story is complete at six chapters long.
Also, the non-cropped versions of the cover art and really lewd nude variants are now up on derpibooru.
Mmnnyes, please.
This is wonderful! I'm excited to see where this story goes!
8146827
8146846
*claps hooves*
Now I've got a reason to watch the Equestria Girls stuff so I can catch up on the context used in this
*sits greatly anticipating more*
Did you know clicking the " I " on the chapter list takes some time to click cuz its so small.
First, the info Tavi gives out is good.
Second, Sunlight is best ship.
Third, dammit, i love clocktower society!!! Epic damn universe to be into :3
8147676
Good point. Fixed.
What's the number for the image on derpibooru.org ?
Release the rest sooner rather than later. I need my new Sunlight story fix!
It's ok to be an enabler in this case.
8148005
Not sure if you mean the cover art or another one, but all are art from Manifest Harmony and can be found with an "artist:manifest harmony" search on derpibooru.
8147944 LOL, glad you fixed it.
8148223 both
Twilight the Kept
Sunset the Keeper
So beautiful.
Like this comment if you want to start a real life clocktower.
8149100
My friend, have you heard of FetLife.
8149105 Not until just now. Part of it is that I like the thematic style of clocktower, not just the sexy stuff.
nice work
very nice, lots of potential here, keep it up!
Hmmm, not a bad start. Bit quick, bit "Oh look they are already horny for each other"-ish, but works for getting to the point and getting things set up. They were rather sweet together. Be interesting to see if they ever find out how this thing ended up here, and how they go about making Clocktower [Whatever they call this place]] Nice setting it up with showing people just casually trying out, or at least learning this stuff, and gets in the requisite safety lecture. Though "We'll take a break now" after showing one knot seemed way to fast.
Still, set up feels a bit on the 'blatantly just trying to get these character to have sex" side, yet still sweet, good, and if trying to make this a shorter story, not the type of thing you can really build up to. Not the greatest this could have been done, but decent.
Again, good ideas, story feels rushed though, just, trying to get things set up for the kinky fun times as easily as possible. Plus some bits didn't make a lot of sense. "Come two days from now" then she goes that day? Even the way it was phrased, Two days, but if it was 7 AM it would be two days, not the next day, and Luna said it was Sunday, but Sunset said she'd be over tomorrow, because no school on Sunday, and then goes that day? And.. I need the Austin Powers "Oh bugger I've gone crosseyed" The timing just, wha?
Also there being a research lab given this was established prior to Luna's Fall, which was when Clocktower gained it's research wing. Just them coming over was odd enough..
It's a lot of stuff that isn't impossible, but simply feels to pat, to perfectly set JUST to be a set up for the kinky fun times. Which yeah clop is going to require a lot of that. But when it's taking so long building it up, and clearly trying to be more then just mindless clop, the feeling creates a bit of a...ehhhhhh.. feeling and makes it not quite feel right.
That said, loving the idea, and eager to see them get this thing up and running, but the set up seems a bit to blatantly just there to get it all working to feel like all this effort is worth it versus just jump to it working. While having almost no character interactions, which is what makes these work. it's more a focus on handwaving why this is like it is, and just "Oh we all messed around already" to explain everyone just instantly being all for this, and not really have any character interaction or use these ideas to explore the characters and get that part set up.
Again, I do like the ideas, and do want to see where this goes, but it's a bit to direct and clearly just trying to get where it wants to go to truly suck me in.
"Sunset chuckled a little and walked over to stand by Twilight and put a hand on the girl’s head. Twilight hummed and leaned into Sunset’s leg, while Rarity had what looked like a minor stroke in the background, muttering something about a cuteness overdose."
Hehe, Twilight's gonna be someone's widdle doggy later.
8149576
Man, where were you when I was looking for editing help? Like, first off, just thanks for the feedback, cause this is awesome.
Yeah, in real life, but as far as the story goes, it's already a long infodump and I needed to get Sunset out of the scene without it being strange that she hadn't noticed the kink magic floating off to wherever else. In universe, the break is mostly so people can come up to get a better look and/or practice the knot for themselves.
...Pretty much. Wasn't super interested in the 50k slow-burn romance arc here. Sometime after publishing is finished and I've spent time away from the story, I might come back and do minor rewrites to keep the tone more consistent. A good portion of this was written by the seat of my pants.
This is a good point. Luna (and I) were counting days by sunrises, where the next day doesn't start until the sun comes up (so "two days from now" means the whole of Sunday and then part of Monday), but Sunset should be counting by midnights and this wouldn't make any sense to her either. Will add in a bit to clarify.
media.tenor.co/images/fb3f2d1e814190100a4ae401b1660d5b/tenor.gif
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
That's fair. This story was written for the prompt "is there a Clocktower in the EQG universe" and to me, it didn't make a lot of sense that CTS would be up and running smoothly already, since Equestrian magic is supposed to be relatively new and/or rare (hence Luna not being able to appear in dreams prior to Camp Everfree, since now there's a crack in the portal statue base thing). Having there be an abandoned site seemed like a nice compromise between "yup we're all good, who cares why" and "you must start this thing from scratch."
I hear you, but man, I got so sick of the apparently-obligatory "X is introduced to the Clocktower Society and discovers their ~inner kinkster~" subplot. Like, people are kinky in real life. Many people (including me) find this out when they are in their early teens. Specifically for the five of them in the original friend group, it's not surprising that they would share this with each other, especially when trying to figure out if it's normal or not.
As for all of them being conveniently kinky - I refer you to the original story, where they are all, in fact, conveniently kinky.
There will be much character interaction upcoming, I promise. And "interaction," for that matter.
8152063 M
Going by the timing.. just starting to check out CTS stuff.
Ah, but you should always try to have characters as realistically as possible and doing things that make logical sense. Those reasons are valid, but the idea of 'break time' that fast not so much, so, you answered your own issue, just have her invite them up to have a look and try it themselves as part of the workshop, and Sunset notice the magic and ditch while everyone was milling around.
It definitely shows. Discovery Writing can be quite good, but can also be tricky to get things working just right for it. Still given first story and all, baby steps/growing pains etc...
Not only that, but even then that would mean she shows up Tuesday. If 'two days hence' Yet she went over that day and.... This is the one point that while I explain potential issues with other bits, I get what they are trying for and they do have their own charm, but here? I'll just flat out say is really badly done. It makes no logical or mathematical, or calenderlogical sense. Be simpler just for Luna to tell her "Stop by later today." Since that's what she does.
Then you have the whole, how are they going to disguise the ones that go with? Plus they have to get used to being Ponies, and, raises so many questions.
Likely would have worked a bit simpler for it just be, Sunset finds out about Clocktower and tries to start one there. Though yeah.. then have to deal with finding a spot etc.... or, ancient cult of the same kind made the place.... yeah no real easy answer.
Again it's not bad (barring that mess of a temporal knot even The Doctor would throw his hands up and give up trying to figure out) The idea is sound, and what I think the main ehhhhhhh point is for me, that makes it come off so awkward, is it's kind of in the mid point between Clop for the Sake of Clop writing, and Clop With Plot writing. The amount of effort and time it's putting into the set up, what it's trying to do, clearly show it is TRYING to be the latter, but the overall way everything just goes perfectly, everyone is into it, everything just goes along for the sake of getting to sexy time, makes it feel like the former. It leads to a bit of a disconnect that makes it kind of stick in that limbo between the two.
That said, CTS has a lot of issues as well story wise. But pulls it out through the simply AMAZING way it treats the subject, so that will be what really matters.
As a first try, I'm not going to say it's good, but, it's not bad either. You are clearly trying, which gets you a LOT of credit, the underlying ideas are fine, just the execution that needs work, and that's the type of thing you mostly learn from practice. So, yeah eager to see more story, and it does seem to come off this way, but just to be sure, this is 100% meant as constructive Criticism, if this wasn't,.. there would be a whole lot more swearing involved. Finish getting this story out, learn from it, and keep on getting better.
8152841
Um, this is... exactly what happened? *goes to reread* Ah, I see. Meh. I'll fix it later; for now I have a bunch of stuff on my plate and don't want to bog down the publishing schedule with endless fixes.
Wow it sure does man it's almost like I'm revealing information at a gradual pace through the story and you will probably get an answer to this if you keep reading. Weird, right?
That is pretty much what we started with, and eventually abandoned for the same reasons you give here. Having it already exist solves a lot of the "but space and money" concerns. There was also a subplot with Wendigos that got cut, by and large because I couldn't figure out a way to keep it dramatically tense while also having everyone believably consent. I mean "we gotta fuck to save the world" is very different from "well, the world's ending, might as well fuck," you get me?
I don't think you're wrong; I think you have different tastes than I do. There are plenty of stories, even CTS stories, where the main focus is the character's (or characters') misgivings regarding kink and their place in the Society. Dominant Creed is a rather good one. That's not the story I wanted to write, 'cause, fucking hell, it was boring enough when I did it in real life. The entirety of the main cast is kinky because a) the Mane 6 are in the original Clocktower Society (Twilight looks around and sees all her friends and some minor characters on the way to CEE), and b) if I left someone out I would inevitably get people with the opposite of your opinion.
The nuts and bolts of getting CTN up and running is intentionally in soft focus here, and maybe I shouldn't have let the Discord server push me into doing that so much, but at this point I would have to rewrite the entire thing from scratch. I'm aware that CTN isn't perfect and is in fact pretty mediocre at best (side note: how hard would it be to tempt you into betareading for me, oh god, you have no idea how much this helps), but since you seem to want a different kind of story than the people I was talking to at the time, there's not a lot I can do.
Forgot to add: the other reason a lot of this is intentionally vague is so that other people can use the setting without contradicting this story too much, if they want to add their own details and flourishes. This is a minor concern but it is still something I took into consideration when planning.
This is the first Clock Tower story I've tried to read that actually got my interest. The other two didn't work for me for some reason.
8152996 Yeah, just worry about getting it fully posted, mid-posting rewrites never end up going well and tend to signal the death knell for stories as the author gets so wrapped up in trying to fix things, they burn out and never finish the story.
On the whole Mane 6 all being kinky thing, I am not knocking the idea at all, the idea works fine, it's more an issue of presentation and how it's brought up and handled that is giving me a 'ehhhh this really could have been done better' vibe.
Wow who does that?
Ehhh I wouldn't necessarily say that, I'm fine with taking stories as they are, as I said the main thing throwing me off is the whole, feeling like a story trying to be Clop with Plot, but using a lot of the shortcuts and general 'just go with it' way things usually go in a 'clop for the sake of clop' story. And again it's by no means outright bad, and as a quick, just get this place set up with as little fuss as possible for future fun times, it's serving it's purpose.
Not very hard
8153407
You know, I keep thinking, and I think you're right. I'm also pretty sure I know why it's weird and doesn't flow well, but I don't want to spoil the story for other people reading these comments, so we should talk more in PM if you want.
Shouldn't this be "hooves"... or did I miss a spot where they transformed back?
8154298
Applejack and co. didn't turn into ponies. She and Fluttershy and RD stayed in the human world to poke around.
8154333
Ahh. I missed that.
Serves me right for letting an update notification distract me from preparing for bed when I'm already hours overdue.
Well this was definitely a fun chapter, we definitely have to see SciTwi all bridled up now
Nice to see CTRL for the [i think] first time.
*reads part about the vines*
...................we need those.
8154298 We're back in Terra Nova, EQG Rarity, Twi and Sunset are in Equestria, RD, AJ and Flutter are still back on earth, that's why they have hands.
nice work.
Okay, first scene not bad, still rushed feeling but, that's mostly personal taste at work. It works well, few bits I would have preferred seeing expanded on, details, but again personal taste. It works well for what it is, can fully but them being let in this easily, after all Luna vouched for them.
Not a fan of making Sci-Twi an alicorn, she is not Twilight, has not done what she has, there is no reason she would be an Alicorn, it should not work that way. Yeah, the magic keeps implying she might be, but that could just be an echo o0f real Twilight, if she ever went to Equestria, it would be SO unfair for her to be an alicorn. I know it's a standard trope, and doesn't matter to the story, just small issue I have.
I do like flat out saying that yes, the change comes with implanted muscle memory and the basics of how to use the new body. Clears up a lot of issues, and is just the basic motor control and instincts on how to use it, still requires some work to get used to it. Good show there.
Feels odd, for how long they have been around they don't have a set tour to make sure new comers know everything and the important stuff? That said, could also buy they keep it free form and tailored to each no persons interests, but still feel there should be a basic package to hit all the important areas. They really would benefit from seeing as much as possible after all. I can buy that, just would like context.
The bit about how so much comes from CTRL Just going to assume that was a canned speech he was repeating by route, since "Do you brush your teeth, you used out product" doesn't work when they are from another world.
I did like the teasing between Sci-Twi and Sunset, that was cute. Good build up for them.
The Dragon scene, good overall very hot, felt a tad lacking, what with some stuff just kind of happening, mostly the dragon getting hard through seemingly nothing, didn't get what was turning him on so much. Felt could have used more direct teasing of the Dragon, something to keep his lust up beyond just the show, something teasing him. Still worked well and good getting into his thoughts, love the little nods to this all being fun, some of the best parts of CTS clop for me. Checking the safety bell (Though don't you need a diamond bell to access the lowest level where CTRL is? not 100% on that though Thought so however.) The bit where he returned the favor for the stallion noting he made sure they were safe, secure and able to be comfortable while 'claiming them'. Still a really great show they put on, just felt could have used some input from the dragon during it... yet it was HOT. Ending.. felt a bit of a let down with just how quickly the dragon came, break, grab, done. Great build up, climax could have been better.
Next scene.... good enough and it works. Really think they should have been given a bit more of a "How things work here" speech before being allowed to go of on their own. Told what areas are off limits to Visitors, make sure they know the rules etc.... They are here to see how a CTS runs, so starting with the basics would make sense before they go check out the details they want.
Final clop, very nice. loved the character stuff, story is doing much better, Dash's reaction to the tenta pit was AWESOME, as was AJ forgetting Dash can fly now, and
Aj's practicality. It's a tentacle pit, she knows they are going to end up getting fucked, so might as well just the clothes off now before they get ripped. Also can't help thinking the tentas pausing to fold Dash's shirt in front of AJ was a subtle " Huh, doubt me, see I wouldn't rip your clothes"
One bit that confused me, Fluttershy claims RD belong to her, fair enough works for this, let's not get into that. But then...
Feels like she should be saying "only I am allowed" would make more sense given the 'she belongs to me' could be saying only RD is allowed to get herself off but, that is just odd.
The actual tentacle sex, serviceable. It worked, was good, nothing wrong, just felt a bit low key and out of focus, which is not a huge deal given the focus was more on the characters just being themselves, and it did REALLY good with that.
So yeah this chapter was a marked improvement over the last one. Mostly cause the story is slowing down now and not trying to just rush to this point. Things mostly made sense, could certainly go off on specific lines, word choices, get into full on 'nitpicking editor' mode but... nahh just over view, and that... it's looking up and eager to see where this goes.
8154385
Winter Thorn already responded and I replied.
8154700
Hey, congrats, you win the "first person to justifiably complain about this" award! I do actually have a reason for making Sci Twi an alicorn, or rather a unicorn with wings and a couple inches of height on the general population. Earth doesn't have any native magic; it's all Equestrian, and Equestrian magic, as far as I can tell or remember, a) likes to be consistent and b) doesn't have a clue what to do with the duplicate people. Since Princess Twilight's an alicorn, and she (obviously) was exposed to Equestrian magic before Sci Twi, when she travelled to the human world, she left a sort of "imprint" on the Equestrian magic there. When Sci Twi comes along, the magic goes, hmm, I've seen this before, and dumps her in the same shape as the previous Twilight. (Ex she has wings in Legend of Everfree.) As far as this fic is concerned human!Twilight doesn't actually have anything other than (what would be) her native unicorn magic - she could fly in LoE because of her levitation stuff, not because she has pegasus magic. Likewise, she's the same height as pony!Twilight but doesn't have the earth pony strength, etc. I made them both earth ponies because it would be the reasonable choice for "we gotta turn these weird apes into horses." They wouldn't be expected to have experience with flying or casting, but earth ponies don't have such noticeable magical attributes.
Actually that's an excellent way to explain all this in a way that doesn't disrupt the flow. I'mma do that.
This is pretty much what I was going for. Every author seems to have a different set-up for the "welcoming tour," since we don't see it in canon, so it's a bit of a jokey reference to that, plus new ponies generally come in one or two at a time, since membership is mostly word-of-mouth. The people who already know them are the ones introducing them to the place, so they all go in a different order even if they do hit the same basic notes.
Yep. In my head he started with "Do you brush your teeth?" and then went "oh wait shit they're not from here" but at that point he'd already kinda committed so he just rolled with it. Tall Order's not the PoV character, though, so there's stuff we don't learn about him because it's not relevant or Sunset doesn't care.
So this fic is the reason I now know more about snake penises than I ever wanted to, and apparently you can get a snake or lizard hard by poking around at where the penis is inside the body. I think it's just a physiological reaction. Still, you have a point.
Iiiii... don't think so? But at any rate, any random person can volunteer to be a test subject, so presumably if this is true they're issued a pass or something along those lines.
As far as keeping them out of trouble goes, Twilight's staying in CTRL, Sunset's with him, and Rarity agrees to stay in the main hall, so Tall Order doesn't bother saying anything because the chances of them wandering off unaccompanied to somewhere they're not supposed to be are slim. Plus they're all reasonably responsible, so upon being told "visitors can't go in here" would probably not immediately decide "hey, I should try to get in there."
Ding ding ding we have a winner!
Nope!
8156934 So it just copies Pony!Twi's physical template, without any of the metaphysical aspects of Ascension...
Fair enough. Would still prefer her to just be a unicorn, but this is a really solid idea.
I laughed so hard here
I feel like that second half was the result of a dictation program left on while al that happened, and it was great!
Keep going! and let no one tell you otherwise!
Why do I see Cadance finding work with the Clocktower group to be far more up her ally? Let's see how this group gets it start!
True
Your end image markup is malformed and showing as raw bbcode.
8158775
Fixed, thanks.
Oh god, not again. Non-binary isn't a thing! It never was and never will be. That's why there aren't collars for that. The ponies got it right people, they've been doing this for hundreds of years, why are you trying to change their system?
8159833
Have you considered that this is magic horse/human land and kinky horse/human land at that? What I mean is that when you can change genders at the drop of a hat/potion/spell I'd say that non-binary could be something someone/pony could legitimately identify as.
8159833
Putting aside any other issues with your comment - if it's never been a thing, then why are you saying "again"?
8160613 I did actually. Gender is a property of the mind. If magic can affect that, it could lead to some unpleasant situations. Messing with someones mind, even your own, is a dangerous thing. I doubt they would allow such things (if at all possible.
8160910
My apologies, I encounter this non-binary stuff a fair bit on the internet. That's what I was referring to.
8161751
After all, by your own admission,
and the mind is infinitely malleable. Why should there, in this specific case, be only two modes?
(I would also argue that the mind is more resilient than you seem to think it is, and I take medication every day in order to mess with my mind, so honestly I don't see why CTS wouldn't allow it, given the existence of informed consent. There's a hypnosis fic floating around with that premise.)