Manifest Harmony
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Blossomforth bending over backwards to suck Rocky's balls between her own legs?
U-unf
Thanks for the contortionist fic! I am reading it whilst I stretch. I added it to my group: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/202748/reach-and-flexibility
Have some ideas!
http://wandererstraining.com/tchb/lovemaking.htm
Well, I am more than a little interested in this story. Cover art with Spitfire and Blossomforth instantly draws me in, and then I'm promised sexy as all heck clop. I look forward to reading this as it comes out. Keep it up!
~SolidFire
Okay, full disclosure: I have not yet read the story. And I probably wouldn't if it were not for Pen Mightier's promotional blog, despite this being a type of story that I normally enjoy.
The reason for this is the bloated description. The three part intro is nice. It's a bit long and could use some trimming, but it shows the three perspectives intended in the story and serves the story well.
But everything after the break really needs to go.
First and worst: The backstory of the writing. The description is NOT the place for this. Why you write, the history of what you wrote, your inspirations, the story behind the cover art... all these things are for AFTER your readers decide they like you. In short: they belong in your personal blog.
Second: Your story intentions. You should never tell the reader what you want to tell them. Let your story speak for itself! Trying to pre set up the narrative makes it sound like you have not expectations that your story will be able to do it on it's own.
Third: Kudos and Thanks: This is an excellent place for a quick "Thank you" to people that have helped you. BUT KEEP IT BRIEF! Put a short, one line, thank you here and give them their due paragraph in the author's notes or a blog.
Fourth: Warnings. If the readers were scared of graphic content they should have their mature filter on. If they didn't want to read about humans or sex or romance they wouldn't even read the description. They would be turned away by the tags. If you ABSOLUTELY feel the need to warn readers, keep it to something not typically seen by the tags, like "Warning: Graphic Content". Just remember, that like everything else in the description: keep it to the bare minimum!
6588466 Thanks for the feedback. Taken onboard and fixed as best as I could (well, more chopping stuff out than anything, but yeah). I'll work on trimming the decription down a tad too.
Wow, that was hot. As hell.
I love how you abused science and biology to write this fantastic piece. You know, I was never into the whole deepthroating thing because it always struck me as being a one-sided thing. But your ideas with ponies being ruminants making blowjobs and deepthroating very pleasurable for them, pegasi flight lungs allowing them to deepthroat for ages, really sold it to me that Blossomforth actually genuinely enjoys this to the point that she can orgasm from it. You turned a turn-off into a really hot turn-on for me. And if that's not good clop, I don't know what is.
I really liked it and was very unf for me. You can have my upvote, and I'll be watching this.
Oh gods, the puns...
The puns are gonna be a thing with him, aren't they? *le sigh*
So is his time in Equestria gonna be revealed as the story goes on, or will it be left vague?
R.E.A.L.F.U.C.K!
What was that bottle at the beggining?
There are a lot of questions unanswered in this chapter
The pegasi are so playful. Makes me wonder what quirks the other races have
You've got a nice style, but it's been a little difficult to keep up with what's going on. Things jump about a bit too much.
Still desperately waiting for Spitfire. ;)
Fun chapter, though a bit jumpy. Had to go back and reread some segments to make sure I got it.
"Ponies, being ruminants"
I hate to pick nits but ...
Monogastric herbivores, such as horses, are not ruminants, as they have a simple single-chambered stomach.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruminant
Other than that, awesome fic!
You monster! You said it twice, so you are clearly holding it for ransom!
But, just a touch more seriously, I am enjoying this fic, despite some confusion. It feels like I missed out on a prequel.
The main human, from what I can piece together, was accidently trapped in Equestria for around two years or so. During that time, he helped Equestria out on several occasions, and met Blossom.
At some point, Twilight figured out a way to open a portal between the worlds, and that portal was located in New York. The human used his favors in Equestria to make it so Equestria would allow pegasi to come over and work the clouds for America. Then, when it was all said and done, he retired peacefully as a top handler from all of this adventuring in Equestria, and moved to New York to help oversee the pegasi there, along with his love, Blossom.
How the other human, Crazy Jack, and the others are involved in any of it besides being his friend, I don't completely know. It sounds like Crazy Jack went to Equestria after the portal was opened and stayed there for a few years? Which implies that the main human *Not using his name due to it being awkward, as his name is kinda mine ^^;;* didn't immediately start the weather factory in New York, else the bar wouldn't be open. Pending on how long it took for the deals to go off and what not between America and Equestria. Could have been a few years.
Oh, and the main character had a girlfriend in America who didn't wait for him while he was lost in Equestria, so she's kinda out of the picture.
I think I got all of that right? Like I said, the background is in little snippets here and there, so compiling and thinking it over can lead to some errors.
Aside from that, its an amusing read, The Ranch kinda confuses me, only because, with her personality, I don't see Twilight allowing it to exist. If she is the main one involved in these interactions. The Ranch being the other main thing that comes over from Equestria kinda implies alot of negatives about Equestrians. "We know how to work weather and really like to fuck" is not exactly the best slogan for acceptance in most of America, especially with prostitution being illegal and all *Aside from Las Vegas, I believe*. But, I tend to read into fics a little too much. I just don't think Twi would risk conveying that message, considering how awkward she is on friendships, let alone anything to do with relationships. By show standards anyhoo. Again, reading into it.
Asides from the ranch and a bit of confusion on the background, I am enjoying it. The interactions are amusing, the pegasi are acting cute, and its always interesting to see relationship dynamics and problems in action when done well. And these are done well.
Looking forward to more.
Yummy
I like the story so far. Keep going! Echoing that the playful flirty pegasi are adorable!
Are you going to write a chapter from 'Meepy's' point of view?
Oh, god. Buddha riding Celestia through a balloon party, this is the most hilarious, sexy, hilarious story I've read in ages! You've got a favorite and a thumbs up!
Jack and the alligator? A line of sheer beauty.
Your expansion on pony culture and social habits? Fan-freaking-tastic! Can I borrow some of those tidbits? I'm working on a kind of FiE/Xenophilia alternate universe, and would love to add this kind of depth to it.
Thank you for writing this!
Real quick, only JUST got a few paragraphs in and by god you nailed the shit outta cute with Blossom. Jesus christ I don't think I dawwed so much in a few short sentences. Love it already. Back to reading.
Seriously... I'd love to read the back story in whole about what happened in the past. This is actually a good little short story even if it's cloppy cloppy centric. You did a good job.
one word.............MOAR
Need more!
Update plz
LOL, in true Pen Mightier style this remains uncompleted.
Well done. Your training is complete.
Heh! Damn shame I was really liking this, too.
cool story. are you still writhing this story.
Dude, please continue this story! The world building is interesting and I find it all fun to read.
Rip
*Digs grave* now we’re is that Canceled button .
Surprised this hasn’t been moved to Hiatus at least lol
Are you for real?
Why much it always be the good stories that be incomplete?
Is there ANY chance of this getting an update at any time?