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[img]http://s23.postimg.org/rvyiqwe5n/2keq2p_1.png[/img]
A non-so-typical HIE story focused around the Wonderbolts.
The story follows a Human turned pony in Equestria. He knows nothing of the MLP universe and must learn to adapt to this new life. The Wonderbolts are main characters in this.
Comments are appreciated!
Art by Swaetshrit (No longer drawing) commissioned by Derpytwizzle | Full Image
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Good so far a few spelling errors but nothing major the only one that bothered me was 'along' it should be 'a long' but other then that nothing really worth mentioning.
Good story. Again a few spelling errors here and there. But good story never-less.
Interrrrrreeessssstttiiiinnnggggggg
I want moar
I really like this story so far :D I don't why its only three stars. I hope that you find some talent for him that's similar to system engineering (or whatever the verb for being a system engineer is xP) because I find it hard to believe that you would be satisfied with working as an errand for the rest of you life if you have spent that long studying xD
I see that sad Shy and know exactly why; this gem is being ignored for some reason. I really liked the new concept of being with the wonderbolts rather than the more oddly cliche mane six. Doh well, keep this up and I'll keep reading.
Okay so I liked this chapter but it got me a bit worried. Please don't make the protagonist go through that "Is it okay for me to love a pony" thing. I am so sick of it and it seems as if every human in equestria story does it. It would be a lot more interesting if you just made him question forming a relationship with someone he just met and then have spitfire having to work a bit to really gain his attention.
Hey I like this so far, original idea and concept.
I think Spitfire accepts Lucid's alien explanation a bit too easily, is she a big sci-fi buff or something?
196302 "Anything not explained, is not explained for a reason." :)
This is a good story so far! Even though the pacing is a bit fast, your writing style kinda reminds me of my own, so how could I not like this story?
Tracking.
Will be posting a new chapter tonight. Was ill yesterday,sorry.
I liked it, but isent it a little fast for him to be getting into bed with her? Eh, still fun none the less.
This was a good chapter altough I would rather like to have these thoughts discussed between lucid and some other pony than just having him thinking them. But maybe that comes up in later chapters :)
206297 Well while writing as Lucid I like to think of his actual situation. All these thoughts are emotionally crushing on him, as pointed out when he asked Spitfire that final question at this point he assumes she understands what he is going through, so in a way he believes he is actually talking about these feelings but failing to see that he's relying far too much on Spitfire to understand him, and not take into account Spitfire's own thoughts and possible interpitations.
GOOD STUFF!!! This will be a superb story when it develops! M O A R !!!
206331 well I'm excited to see how it turns out :D
I think I found two spelling errors but I'm not certain on one of them.
Fount. Also great story this is actually how I'd imagine someone would think under a situation like this.
207053 Thank you I am glad that so many people have took a liking to it. :)
206880 Next Chapter should be up soon :)
207126
I would of fixed it for you but I had a few stories to read sorry about that.
Longer = better.
No exceptions.
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/gif/files/132816098818.gif
i like it
spitfire is best pony
An oddly (especially for you) large amount of grammatical and spelling mistakes aside, this was pretty decent. Waiting for he explanation of 'No, really, we orbit the sun and it switches slowly between day and night because (epic science shit here).'
I'm liking this so far. A few standard HiE cliches, but those are not always bad. Especially since this time we get to see the Wonderbolts. Tracking!!
215886 Sorry I was running late with this chapter and did not really get alot of time to go over it before release time. I will go over it a few more times and fix errors. [Edit] Oh think I got most of them.
215932 You need to have some cliches aka codes and conventions else you just avoiding the genre :)
This is the Google Document for the latest chapter. Comments are enabled.
Good chapter but I want MOAR :)
Nice! I'm liking this story a lot so far
216897Ok :)
217671 - MOAR, MOAR, I say!!! :)
217685 I will try my best
Excellent as always. :D
The only thing I can say now is MOAR!!!
Weird how interest has seemed to have fallen in this story as it only seemed to have gotten better...
Good so far, but a ton of spelling errors. Plus a bit of redundant phrasing. Strategic strategy?
223283 Thank you I am glad you are enjoying it and I hope that I can keep you interested
223291 I try and do regular updates. Daily if possible. Though it's hard working it around other things, as well as getting it check before uploading.
223546 Well considering I came back when it was 223 views and I though maybe it would have gone up by one or two and now it's well over 300 that was a really nice surprise
223670 I know it's not the readers place to do so, but I put a link to each chapter at the bottom so if a reader does want to help me out by pointing out mistakes I am always grateful :)
224259 If you'd like I could preread for you.
225054 Sure
Awesome Chap! Awesome Fic!
Got a new fav pony now.
227706 Glad your enjoying it
First chapter... I like... Spitfire makes it even better.
C'mon - MOAR!!! This waiting is killing me.... MOAR!!!!!
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235034 Sorry Will try and get one up today.
Took Saturday off.
Keep the chapters coming dude! I am so enjoying this!
Still, I'm dumbfounded at how unpopular this is getting. This was featured at one point, wasn't it?
Tracking this, but no thumbs up until it goes somewhere. There are hints that Spitfire had something to do with his arrival. At the very least she's very eager to take advantage of him. Xenophile?
240042 No it was never featured. I don't think the score for it was very high when I released it nor do I think the first chapter got a lot of views very fast took at least a day to get 300 alone.
240249 Don't worry just setting the foundations of the story first. Though I apologize if I am going to slow, I was told before that I was going too fast So I tried to slow down the pace of the story.
240653 Thank you. I have gone through each comment and fixed the things you pointed out. In addition to your time I can't really repay you, but I have added your name + link to your profile at the bottom.
243867 - the story is a tiny bit on the slow side but I really do prefer it this way. MOAR!!!!
246910 I am struggling to find a good tempo, trying to find a good speed while not going too slow or fast is proving harder then I hoped.
Each chapter is planned out roughly, the only thing I have to do is add detail to them, but adding too much, too little detail effects the pace of the story.
246971 - yes? What did you want to say? :)