As they start their own weather company & their new life on Earth, Blossomforth & her coltfriend couldn't be happier.But she feels there's more she can do for him.A chance meeting with an old friend might give her the answer.BlossomxSpitfirexhuman.
Well, I am more than a little interested in this story. Cover art with Spitfire and Blossomforth instantly draws me in, and then I'm promised sexy as all heck clop. I look forward to reading this as it comes out. Keep it up!
Okay, full disclosure: I have not yet read the story. And I probably wouldn't if it were not for Pen Mightier's promotional blog, despite this being a type of story that I normally enjoy.
The reason for this is the bloated description. The three part intro is nice. It's a bit long and could use some trimming, but it shows the three perspectives intended in the story and serves the story well.
But everything after the break really needs to go.
First and worst: The backstory of the writing. The description is NOT the place for this. Why you write, the history of what you wrote, your inspirations, the story behind the cover art... all these things are for AFTER your readers decide they like you. In short: they belong in your personal blog.
Second: Your story intentions. You should never tell the reader what you want to tell them. Let your story speak for itself! Trying to pre set up the narrative makes it sound like you have not expectations that your story will be able to do it on it's own.
Third: Kudos and Thanks: This is an excellent place for a quick "Thank you" to people that have helped you. BUT KEEP IT BRIEF! Put a short, one line, thank you here and give them their due paragraph in the author's notes or a blog.
Fourth: Warnings. If the readers were scared of graphic content they should have their mature filter on. If they didn't want to read about humans or sex or romance they wouldn't even read the description. They would be turned away by the tags. If you ABSOLUTELY feel the need to warn readers, keep it to something not typically seen by the tags, like "Warning: Graphic Content". Just remember, that like everything else in the description: keep it to the bare minimum!
6588466 Thanks for the feedback. Taken onboard and fixed as best as I could (well, more chopping stuff out than anything, but yeah). I'll work on trimming the decription down a tad too.
I love how you abused science and biology to write this fantastic piece. You know, I was never into the whole deepthroating thing because it always struck me as being a one-sided thing. But your ideas with ponies being ruminants making blowjobs and deepthroating very pleasurable for them, pegasi flight lungs allowing them to deepthroat for ages, really sold it to me that Blossomforth actually genuinely enjoys this to the point that she can orgasm from it. You turned a turn-off into a really hot turn-on for me. And if that's not good clop, I don't know what is.
Seriously... I'd love to read the back story in whole about what happened in the past. This is actually a good little short story even if it's cloppy cloppy centric. You did a good job.
Blossomforth bending over backwards to suck Rocky's balls between her own legs?
U-unf
Thanks for the contortionist fic! I am reading it whilst I stretch. I added it to my group: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/202748/reach-and-flexibility
Have some ideas!
http://wandererstraining.com/tchb/lovemaking.htm
Well, I am more than a little interested in this story. Cover art with Spitfire and Blossomforth instantly draws me in, and then I'm promised sexy as all heck clop. I look forward to reading this as it comes out. Keep it up!
~SolidFire
Okay, full disclosure: I have not yet read the story. And I probably wouldn't if it were not for Pen Mightier's promotional blog, despite this being a type of story that I normally enjoy.
The reason for this is the bloated description. The three part intro is nice. It's a bit long and could use some trimming, but it shows the three perspectives intended in the story and serves the story well.
But everything after the break really needs to go.
First and worst: The backstory of the writing. The description is NOT the place for this. Why you write, the history of what you wrote, your inspirations, the story behind the cover art... all these things are for AFTER your readers decide they like you. In short: they belong in your personal blog.
Second: Your story intentions. You should never tell the reader what you want to tell them. Let your story speak for itself! Trying to pre set up the narrative makes it sound like you have not expectations that your story will be able to do it on it's own.
Third: Kudos and Thanks: This is an excellent place for a quick "Thank you" to people that have helped you. BUT KEEP IT BRIEF! Put a short, one line, thank you here and give them their due paragraph in the author's notes or a blog.
Fourth: Warnings. If the readers were scared of graphic content they should have their mature filter on. If they didn't want to read about humans or sex or romance they wouldn't even read the description. They would be turned away by the tags. If you ABSOLUTELY feel the need to warn readers, keep it to something not typically seen by the tags, like "Warning: Graphic Content". Just remember, that like everything else in the description: keep it to the bare minimum!
6588466 Thanks for the feedback. Taken onboard and fixed as best as I could (well, more chopping stuff out than anything, but yeah). I'll work on trimming the decription down a tad too.
Wow, that was hot. As hell.
I love how you abused science and biology to write this fantastic piece. You know, I was never into the whole deepthroating thing because it always struck me as being a one-sided thing. But your ideas with ponies being ruminants making blowjobs and deepthroating very pleasurable for them, pegasi flight lungs allowing them to deepthroat for ages, really sold it to me that Blossomforth actually genuinely enjoys this to the point that she can orgasm from it. You turned a turn-off into a really hot turn-on for me. And if that's not good clop, I don't know what is.
I really liked it and was very unf for me. You can have my upvote, and I'll be watching this.
The puns are gonna be a thing with him, aren't they? *le sigh*
So is his time in Equestria gonna be revealed as the story goes on, or will it be left vague?
There are a lot of questions unanswered in this chapter
Seriously... I'd love to read the back story in whole about what happened in the past. This is actually a good little short story even if it's cloppy cloppy centric. You did a good job.