• Member Since 17th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

ajvasquezbrony28


I'm am an autistic brony, looking to write fantasy and everyday life novels for my kind. I became a brony when I related well with applejack and twlight, and I love the show.

T
Source

A mare who rarely speaks, a mare who never had a voice. This is the story, of how they found each other's voices...

Octavia had once lived the life of a a noble. Under the reign of her tyrannical mother to be shaped into a ‘perfect’ mare, Octavia’s only comfort came from music. When that only joy is about to be taken away from her at her arranged wedding, she runs away to the first train leaving Trottingham. From there, she ends up in Ponyville, where she meets a rather mute, and irritable DJ named Vinyl Scratch…
Most of the time. She speaks, but not often. More so than when Octavia was able to speak her mind. Will the two be able to heal from the wounds that made them this way, or will Octavia’s mother be able to track her down and ruin everything that has formed between the two musicians?

Not sure if you want to read it? Then check out this video trailer!

Specail thanks to: Zephyr, Henkie Pie, and new writers, tails AcS and Cosmic Dancer
They put up a lot with me with some of the choice I made jut in the first chapter, so be sure to show them some love ^^'

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 51 )

Notes from the pre-readers

me
I need a title, anyone got any suggestions?

Cosmic dancer
I'll just mention 'Con Sordina' one last time, since everyone liked it. Anyway, I'll assume since you mentioned posting chapter one today that you have everything arranged as you prefer it, but just PM me if you want me to do another once-over of the spelling and grammar now that everyone's made their edits.

V
Yes, make it Con Sordina, this should be the title!

now you know, here we go!


why Octavia doesn't have a cello

z
You mean cello. Octavia plays the cello, not the violin.

AJ
it will come around for that

V
do not understand.

me
could you se someone running with a cello case?

V
Yes, actually. Strapped on the back, like a backpack.
Since we are talking about ponies, it is more than possible, just put it on one side as a saddlebag, and the other stuff on the right for balance.

me
hey, relax, octavai will get a cello in the story

V
-_-


Tails
I think I understand where he's going with this...

If I had a nickel every time V brought up the cello vs. vilion:

Dude. Dude no.
She plays the cello.
It takes literally years to play on the level she plays in the canon show.

I think I counted 17. Was a hard call between cannon, and story flow, and I do have an idea to make up for it.

Henki
The Viloin

V
Eyyy, hello again! :D

Henki
Hello

V
Well, that wasn't too enthusiastic of you. Have fun, dammit! >: (

Henrik
Alright, I´ll try to be a little more clever next time.
Anyway, it is really nice to see you again. I have a feeling we are going to have just as many interesting things to say as last time. =)

V
Oh yes, we will! :D

Together again, boy I wish this cold be a musical

On Octavia dyeing her mane:

Henkie
She had time to dye her mane into a new color. How? I dyed my hair once and it took about 30 minutes. Surly someone must have begun to be a bit suspicious after all that time. And even if they where´t it still feels like a bad use of precious time right now. Wouldn´t it be smarter to dye it later?

me:
... eh, I'll just have to take that risk for story flow ^^'

V
No you are not.
A pony would not only need to dye their mane, but also the tail. Try doing that. Not only double the time but even less access to it. So no, no many dying. Besides, Octavia is perfect as she is, we don't need to change that her natural mane color is that beautiful dark grey with lighter tint.

Tails
Might want to cut that out....

V
Yes, cut it out. My girlfriend, when she dyed her hair the last time, told me it took her 40 minutes.
Her hair is about shoulder length. Octavia's would reach the middle of her back or even lower. And she has a tail too, which means double time and more difficulty in reach, as I explained it. I calculate about 1.5 hours at the LEAST that would be needed to dye her mane and tail.
AJ, seriously, cut this crap.

Tails:
Also, in order to dye it in a way so none of her natural hair color was left, she would have to bleach it as well before applying the dye. There's NO WAY she could have done it. It's time to stop. Please. Cut. It. Also, in order to dye it in a way so none of her natural hair color was left, she would have to bleach it as well before applying the dye. There's NO WAY she could have done it. It's time to stop. Please. Cut. It. Also, how does she dye it AFTER climbing out of the window. The sequence of events doesn't make sense.

v
As I said above, this shouldn't be present. Replace it with bribing the conductor and whatever.

Tail
I think cutting out the dying mane part can open many plot devices.... such as not having enough money to bribe an officer that recognized, her mother spotting her immediately, etc. But hey, you do you Aj.... Even though she dyed her hair VERY quickly.... Which really isn't plausible...

me
There, added stuff to explain, happy? >.<

The things you do for story flow -_- It's like log powers all over again, only with my pre-readers. Well, I added a bit to hopefully please them where she said she cut it close with her time. Now let's just see what the comments say...

...as a high born bole would be.
Henkie
Change to could be
Well, that is pretty narrow minded of her.

Me
Could be, worse

She smirked, then presented her ticket. As the conductor glanced it over, Octavia held her breath. What if she got the wrong ticket? What if they had to send her back? She couldn’t, she wouldn’t! She’d rather—

Tails
This is a perfect line. I love it when characters completely panic when nothing's wrong.

Manehatten, wherever that was.
Henkie
She does not know the cities in Equestria? Should´t that be common knowledge.

Me
trottinghem is across the sea... which I'll write in 'took a train overseas and just hope most fans accept it

Tails
It's a pretty big city.... I would expect someone raised from a wealthy family to have pretty good geographical knowledge of the kingdom they live in

V
You don't honestly expect this to work? The readers will be really upset about this.
Also, even if she didn't live in Equestria, she should know where one of the biggest cities is. Common knowledge. -_-

me
sheltered pony. and tell ya what, if half the comments complain about it, i'll give you both brownies

V
YOU WILL GIVE ME POT BROWNIES! >:(

...and tensed.

Henkie
take away

v
Rather, switch to ', tensing up.'

Tails
or 'a tense feeling starting to crawl up her spine.' All other suggested options are also fine.

V
Bon Bon should speak properly. I know that writing this Boston Slang type leaving out every other word kind of talking is really appealing to you, AJ, but you make about every character speak like that.
No.
Just no.

Me:
Will work on it. Sorry, having enough trouble making Octavia sound British >.<

Should be fun to figure out

A starving one, she thought
Tails
'A starving one,' She thought to herself. ("A starving one" should be in italic, in which the setting to italicize is next to bold. The reason for that is to portray her actually thinking the phrase. But if you don't want to italicize that's fine, but the sentences should be together. I think it flows better, but it's your choice.)

On a rather big forshaowding plot point that was removed to be saved for later:

v
Do you mean to tell me *******************?
SHAME ON YOU, AJ!!!

me
hey, at least it will get readers talkin ^^. Got to take some risks sometimes

V
Yeah, and those risks will bite you in the ass so hard, you will use 'lmao' all the time, since you will have no ass!

me
hey, I made Elsa having log powers to keep my first chapter of Elsa's Snowdrop under 3000 words ;)

tails
No, no, no, no. It's time to stop. This can NOT happen... trust me it will not end well.... the plot will start to get so confusing that it will come back to bite you. Or maybe Bon Bon ******. Either way, it's time for you to stop!

me
still have a plan for this later, but won't give any hint at it 'now' in the first chapter

Tails
Oh boy....

me
relax, guys, it's all in the cutie mark....

This should be fun once I let this twist be know to the audience

v
I will continue from here, I have a lot of distracting elements around me right now -_-

Aj
hey, it's alright, buddy. I'm just glad you found the time for me :)
And don't worry, you'll get your cello and mane dye soon (yn)

Once again, I have to thank my pre-readers for putting up with what I do ^^'

Let's see where this goes to. Have a fav.

Also, what color Octavia dyed her hair?

7329612 check the notes from the pre-readers below, and fom what it was to grey

starting chapter was good, now let's see you keep it up.

AJ, you are intentionally trying to disrupt the story and enrage your pre-readers, huh?
Also, my name is Zephyr, which can be shortened to Zeph, and made into a minimalistic 'Z'. But not 'V'! What the heck?

7329606
'Con Sordina', a musical term that means "with a mute". 'Sordina' is the feminine form of the noun, while 'Sordino' is the masculine form.

7330834 opps ^^'
Um... LOOK! Aquaponys in the movie!

Great start, still Octavia can't run away from her problems, she's gonna have to confront her parent's.

notes from the pre-readers:

from Tails on their travel time:

Question, how long were they on the train? Near the end of the chapter Bon Bon says she'll deal with the kids being let out. From an estimate, I'd say they got on the train to Ponyville at about.... 8-8:30 PM. (Since they arrived at Manehatten around 7 and had to wait an hour) I'm guessing school in Ponyville let's out at around 2-4 PM the next day. Walking to the shop would be around 15-25 minutes IF they were VERY slow. (Ponyville doesn't seem to be that big of a place.) So I'm going to calculate the minimum amount of time they'd need to be on the train. Let's say they got on the train at 8:30 PM, and school lets out at 2 PM the next day. The longer it takes them to get to the shop the shorter the train ride would have been, so I'll take my high estimate of 25 minutes to calculate arrival. So they'd need to arrive at Ponyville at 1:35 PM at least, to make it to the shop. So they would be on the train for 17 hours and 5 minutes, AT LEAST! (From estimation) That's a terribly long train ride from my estimations. (Correct my Math if I messed up at some point) The ride from Trottingham to Manhatten was shorter! And that was going over a body of water apparently.

eh... I short of just left it to interoperation ^^'

on lybon:

Z
Am I sensing something here?...
AJ, please tell me you are not shipping them.
...
Dude, no. Just no.

me
It's an Octavia X Scrath fic, what do you think :P

Lyra gasphed. "What?! You weren't going to sleep on the street, are you?"
Z
For some reasons I can only imagine Pinkie Pie saying all these. :/

Octavia jumped and shrieked.

Tails
That should've caught WAY more attention then just the attention Lyra and Bon Bon. Why does no one else hear a shriek while they're walking around town? Is that just a normal occurrence?

Z
Considering it's Ponyville, yes. It is normal.

Tails
Touché

few more, just have to o now. check back in this weekened if you read these

long opening chapter, moderate second chapter? hmm. good chapter, keep it up.

in case of quests

I'm not quite sure that a bard and a baker are going to embark on many epics so this might be a typo.

me-pre-reaers, think attack on titan when Octavia is playing for the crowd
Tails- no, I was thinking something else
Henkie
So was I.
Though I´m one-hundred procent with Bon Bon on that that song is good.
z
Why would she play something like that?...
Jeez, AJ, where is your head?... O_o
tails
<--- I thought of that (The violin part of course.).... I've been listening to it WAY too much Also, I really couldn't care less what song is played, as long as it originally has a violin for most of the piece and she might still be able to play it on a Cello when she gets one.

notes from the pre-readers

tails
Oh boy, here we go...

Z
By the number of edits you suggested so far, I can see that this won't be an easy thing to do. :|

me
So you guys having fun? ^^

Z
Yes, FUN.

tails
That's not a word I'd use to describe it.

Z
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/012/132/thatsthejoke.jpg

Tails
I KNOW! I WAS TALKING TO AJ!

Z
Jeez, calm down, what the heck? O_o

Tails
Just trying to get my point across.

Z
No need to yell for that, look at what you were commenting on!

Tails
Sorry, I sometimes over-exaggerate when I try to clarify things.
So the chapter begins...

"Please, come again..."

Tails
You're not Fluttershy, Octavia.

Z
Lel

tails
where

Z
why? the whole word is wrong in this context.

tails
I guess. I'm not entirely sure.

Z
Oh hey, hello!

Tails
Hey...

Z
Oh, this enthusiasm, mhhm, beautiful!

bounding!

Bon Bon looked *to the floow
Z- Wouldn't 'at' be more appropriate here?

yes it would

“Don’t *backsass me, young lady!”
Z
backsass” with “back sass”
Tails
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=backsass
Z
I don't believe that it is the correct grammatical form.
Tails
Maybe add a hyphen instead?
Z
Hyphen will do

The Duke of York
Henkie
Isn´t it a little weird to use real cities in Equestria?
Z
Yepp.
Making a horse pun out of it isnt that much of a trouble.

"I'll take that blasted vilion away and feed you tulips for a week!"
Tails
I seriously think her mother is a sadist.
Henkie
so do it
Z
This is actually a mental disorder

oh boy. wait for it, guys -_-

"Yes, madam..."
Henkie
Seriously, she is not even allowed to call her own mother "mom".
Okay, I starting to get the feeling that we are going to see some rather dark thing in this story.
Me
yeah, was thinking of changing the tory to teen and dark
Henkie
It really isn't that dark, I think an E rating would still be more appropriate. -CD

"Would you... like some candy?"
Tails
Smooth
Z
Like the butt of a baby.

Pointed at Octavia's violin
Z- replace to with at... Cello!

Octavia blinked. “I’m terribly sorry, I’m afraid it’s not for sale.” She chuckled.
Tails
confusion at it's finest
Z
Took me a grand total of 0.8 seconds to realize what she wants, Octavia really is sheltered.

The blue stallion...
Z- Is this Noteworthy?Yes, yes it is. He has musical notes for a cutie mark, I see the connection clearly.
lel

on derpy;

Z- derpy hooves you mean?
Tails
I prefer to call her Ditzy. But it's a personal preference, I couldn't care less what they call her.
Z
Yeah, sure, why not call her Bubbles or Muffin then?
Bloody hell...
Tails
was that sarcasm?
Z
yes it was
tails
I believe her original name was supposed to be Ditzy Doo. But because of the amount of popularity in the Derpy Hooves name, Derpy has been accepted as her name by almost all fans now.
Tails
Oh, okay. Thankd for the clarrifcation

Octavia picked up her *violin and began to play.
Z
Cello, goddamit!!!
Cello
Cello...
CELLO!
cello
Cello!
CELLO!
Henkie-Cello
Me_ Not you too -_-
Z-
This is what I have been TRYING to tell AJ. Yet he keeps using violins. Because fuck logic. *-_-
Tails-
Violin
Me-
YA! Someone appreciated my creative choises ^^ You get cookie!
Z
That was not a support, but an editing detail, which was missing from the context.
It won't make the fact that Octavia has nothing to do with the violins any smaller.
CHANGE IT TO CELLO, GODDAMIT!!!
Tails
This is going to keep going until she gets a cello, isn't it?
Z
I will not stop with it. Never! It would be easier for everyone if it was fixed to what it supposed to be: cello!
Cello
cello
cello!
CELLO!

"No, that's one playing the music, silly"
Henkie
Is this really Derpy and not Pinkie in disguise.
Z
Now that you are mentioning, I can't make a difference either. AJ, FIX THIS!!
tails
yes, please fix this!

what can I do when they'e all against me? ^^'

"MPH#@^!&!"
tails
I like to think she was about to cuss and Vinyl stopped her.
Z
Let me decipher it to you.
'Modafucka!'
tails
I thought as much

Going so far as to stand on the counter
Tails
What a preformence
Z
I'm thinking of the 2Cellos, specifically the Thunderstuck. Here is the link:

Rara's name

Tails
If that's a name and title it should be 'Countess Colotoura' (I don't even know if you meant to spell it that way or not...)
Z
Countess Coloratura.
tails
SO he did spell it wrong? Also, I haven't really watched season 5 at all.
Z
Me neither, but I visit derpiboo.ru for... uh.. research. So I happened to stumble upon her.
Either case, AJ has a bad habit of spelling everything wrong. If Gdocs wasn't highlighting the misspelled words, suggesting a solution, he would be in deeeeeeeeeeeep shit.
tails
"Research".... riiiiight. Anyway, good to know I wasn't wrong in suggesting it was misspelled.
Z
What can I say, I am a Man of Science! And I'm not just trying to find a way to weasel myself out from things and stuff, naaah...
tails
A bit off-topic, but I think most booru pages are half safe for work and half NSFW. At least they put mature content warnings on most images though. Also, what "things and stuff" do you mean? (I have an idea, but it's probably wrong)
Z
Well what could I mean when I act all shady while talking about a site with more of half of its content being NSFW?
tails
I thought as much, just didn't want to jump to conclusions.

may need to change this fic to teen just because of my pre-readers -_-

"No, Princess Celsita."

Octavia blinked. "But I haven't' met the princess."

Tails
Sigh
Z
Jesus!
Me
But poines don't have a Jesus
henkie
Well someone can´t understand sarcasm.
Z
H.
Cosmic
met
-CD
Z
CHRIST!!
Me
Don't you mean Celestia?

Bon Bon Laughed along.
Tails
But it wasn't even that funny
Z
Apparently it was, for AJ.
My appendix is laughing. -_-

"Maybe next time you can take that white mare out on a date," Bon Bon smirked.
Tails
Stop. Don't do that, Bon Bon.
Z
NO! No, nnoo, NO, NO!
Tails
ITS TIME TO STOP!

Bon Bon started to worry about what she just implied
Z
Well you better do start to worry, I keep an orbital strike unit prepped for cases just like this! >: (

"Lyra... What happened??"
Tails
She seems to care.
Z
I wouldn't necessarily say that, something new happened and she reacted to it like any other living person would.
Tails
She didn't seem worried at all. The way this is said is like "What the hell happened to you?" levels of not really caring a lot.
Z
I do not understand this terminology
Tails
The sentence had more of an awkward tone than a worried one

End of chapter:

Z
Bloody hell, this was more annoying than it should be!
FFFffffff...... AJ, you are really testing my patience!
Tails
I thought it was pretty okay. Not amazing. But pretty good. Only problems are some implications and weird plot devices.
Z
Some implications? Weird plot devices? Dude, where are you living?
Tails
What's that supposed to mean? The main implication I had a problem with is Bon Bon implying Octavia dating a mare, which is too early for that. And one weird plot device is using Derpy as a means to give information..... which shouldn't happen. But yeah, I was pretty vague and I apologize.
Z
We understood this differently.
I thought of.. other things.
Let us forget about it, in the name of peace and sanity.
Tails
agreed. I think I may have misunderstood and thought you were talking about the whole chapter...... Maybe you were, but still I jumped to
conclusions. Sorry about that.

I better hurry up with that next chapter before Z goes off on another-

Z
CELLO!

“I knew I shouldn’t have left the shop alone to a…”

Lyra titled her head. “A what?”

:rainbowhuh:What was Bon Bon going to call Octy? It couldn't have been a derogatory term for an Earth Pony, seeing as Bonnie's one too.

Smiling boldly, Octavia held her stick. “Might as well go out with a smile.” The music returned to the store. More radiant than she ever thought possible.

It's not a stick its called a bow....

yay! been waiting on a new chapter for this. lol has a great start and can't wait for the development stages.

I'm excited for a new chapter. Plz post one soon.

Also, switching to teen theme just to be safe, maybe add somewhat a dark tag? Not sure yet, but things are about to get crazy with Octavia's mother.

Wait their not teens?

Awesomeness can't wait for next chapter :pinkiecrazy:

her eyes couldn’t help but notice a carving on the side of the mirror, with the letters: V.S. & L. Z.

I'm guessing that the L.Z. sands for Lemon Zest. I wonder what happened between them.

“I’m now determined to get that G note right.

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/298/073/68e.png

I don't understand why the police are helping Octavia's "mother" find her if it's so obvious she ran away, she pretty much said that in this statement

“She is not intelligent enough to outsmart the entire Trottingham yard!”

. Especially with the way she's acting and the evil grin she showed at the end. I'm assuming Octavia's an adult, what with her "mother" marrying her off and all, so it's not an issue of a runaway minor. The only thing that makes sense to me for the police looking as intensely as they are, is that "mother" payed them a lot of money to find her.

7492371 meh, I guess would be 17-1 human world. and changed that on bit on note -_-

7492222 I think the author's talking about the rating of the story, not the age of the characters.

The best part was, she didn’t feel weirder out by it

weirded

there were couple of these in there, but only a couple. good chapter

I don't get it. Why did Octy suddenly cry?

Rather entertaining story so far with an overall well thought out and interesting plot as well. Looking forward to the upcoming chapters. :twilightsmile:

hmm... small errors here and there. simple things that you can find i'm sure. good chapter though :D

looking forward to that conversation that is desperately needed between bonny and tavi

7687942 feel free to point them out if you're free

There was some small errors like missing periods and quotes, but nothing major (that I remember).

And I really love it so far, keep up with the good work :pinkiesmile:

Well now that is a interesting plot twist. Excellent work!!!

7352823 I figure it has more to do with her rich girl heritage.

Interesting story. Lots of typos, but not so much that it pulls me out of the story.

Hey dude. I clicked on the story because i liked the picture, title, tags and premise. However, after reading the description, i decided not to read it, at least not as it is. I'm not writing this to be an ass, but because i'm not the only one who turns away from a story because of a bad description or introduction, and it's a shame that that's gonna be what prevents the story from getting read.

Your description is only eight lines long, but it is chock full of errors. Repeated words, wrong punctuation, incoherent sentences, and awkward phrasing.

A mare who rarely speaks, a mare who never had a voice. This is the story, of how they found each other's voices...
unnecessary comma.

Octavia had once lived the life of a a noble.
repeated word

Under the reign of her tyrannical mother to be shaped into a ‘perfect’ mare,
This sentence makes no sense. You could write "Under the reign of her tyrannical mother and her attempts to shape her into a ‘perfect’ mare

Octavia’s only comfort came from music. When that only joy is about to be taken away from her at her arranged wedding, she runs away to the first train leaving Trottingham. From there, she ends up in Ponyville, where she meets a rather mute, and irritable DJ named Vinyl Scratch…

You can't be "rather mute". You're either mute, or you're not. You can say "seemingly mute" or something like that, but really, the whole sentence should be redone.

where she meets a rather mute, and irritable DJ named Vinyl Scratch…
Most of the time. She speaks, but not often. More so than when Octavia was able to speak her mind.

This sentence doesn't make any sense either. I have no idea what you're trying to say.

Will the two be able to heal from the wounds that made them this way, or will Octavia’s mother be able to track her down and ruin everything that has formed between the two musicians?

Did I understand it right? Octavia was going to marry prince Blueblood? If so, that lil' piece o' sh#t totally deserved it

Another great chapter, keep it up!

moar~~:heart: // and simple corrections n grammar, but i wont be bitchy about it

Is this ever going to be finished?
(Just asking, please don't hate me!!!)

>I know who you really are, Princesses (name more associated to the cutie mark).

…really?

I'm loving it so far! I hope you update soon, but no pressure! After all, you can rush greatness, right?

Great story so far, please please update. It is so beautiful.

Also Octy's mom is still a bitch!

Will this ever be continued?

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