• Member Since 17th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

TheOneAJ


I'm am an autistic brony, looking to write fantasy and everyday life novels for my kind. I became a brony when I related well with applejack and twlight, and I love the show.

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After being blasted by the element of Harmony, Sunset Shimmer is left a wreck as she is left to reflect on her life, and how it came to being all alone with no powers, the only ones who are willing to comfort her are the ones who destroyed her. And while she just wants to be left alone... another part of her feels something that, while she doesn't want, she desperately craves.

Written for the Legend of Equestria, I got the deadline date wrong xp. So, just enjoy as it is, and I'll see for the heck of it if it's good enough for Twilight's Library. Don't worry, the next ch. of Elsa's Snowdrop is coming soon

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

Touching story. Despite some errors.

5202390 bah, always the errors

5202442
Sorry. But I like your story.

I agree that it could use a good proofread, but the ideas you wanted to get across were still there. And I'll say one thing - I'm usually not a big fan of Rainbow Dash, but I really liked the idea you had for her at the end here.

In the description, you misspelled "Girls." However, it gave me a delightful idea for satire: "My Little BBQ: Equestria Grills."
...Although you only used one "L", the thought still occurred.

I love how rainbow dash:rainbowlaugh: beat the crap out of those guys, haha ,love it.

Ugh, you really, really, really need an editor. Your grammar was all over the place and could use some reining in.

And unfortunately, the grammar really detracted from the story. I had a hard time following the story simply because I had a hard time working my way through misplaced commas, misspelled words, etc.

It's a shame, too, because the story could have been pretty enjoyable.

5210368 I know, I know I...gah! I don't know what I keep doing wrong... Okay, *sigh... Just so hard some days, you know. Would you mind terriblen if, not the whole thing, but you point out one or two of the most common problems and examples?

5211826
I'm convinced I'm not the best when it comes to explaining things like this. I usually have trouble properly explaining what went wrong and how exactly to fix it. Or, at least, I'm never satisfied with my explanations.

That said, I know of a place or two where you can find help.

If you look here, you'll be able to get yourself a good reviewer who can help explain where and why you went wrong.
If you go here, I assume you can find a decent editor to go through your fic and ideally help you fix it. I have zero experience with them, though, so I have no idea what you can expect to get from them.

In terms of reviewer vs editor, a reviewer generally won't fix everything for you. Rather, they explain why things were wrong so that you can fix them yourself, which is especially relevant for future stories. Meanwhile, editors tend to fix things without giving a thorough explanation why the thing was wrong. So I'd recommend grabbing both. That'll probably help you the most.

5211882 alright, I'll find the time. However, as for you, while I do encourage you to do Thai for any writter, I'd advise you do two other things. One, point out at least particular errors, even if it's just removing a comma or spelling there, their. Explaining why is best, but just pointing out can help. Second, try to say something you liked in the story. You had the right idea in your first comment, but, it might have been done a little better, maybe more detail if you had the time. since you just went on to tell an author why his story sucked, saying good job can help to rise his sprits and encourage them to keep writting

5211899

One, point out at least particular errors

Sure, I could do that, but that requires a lot of time and effort on my part. I'm only going to spend that time and effort if I know the author will appreciate the help and advice. You'd be surprised at how many people get upset over criticism.

Second, try to say something you liked in the story

I told you what I liked in the comment. I'm not gonna lie and say, "Good job" when it really wasn't. Like I said in the comment, the story has potential to be good, but right now, it isn't.

You had the right idea in your first comment, but, it might have been done a little better

No, it really couldn't have been done better.The purpose of me leaving a comment is so you know exactly how I felt about the story. I'm not gonna sugarcoat my thoughts on your story just to save your feelings.

This calls for a sequel.

...And Rainbow Dash is in character! I approve! This story could use an editor though.

*cough* sequel *cough*

10625264
Thanks 😊
Think it was written for a contest even I’ve forgotten about :derpyderp2: glad it can still be enjoyed by someone :twilightsmile:

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