• Member Since 28th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

LordAlastrayus


I got an idea for a story stuck in my head. Now I'm writing it.

Sequels1

Comments ( 115 )

The concept isn't original, and there's minor errors here and there (Prolude/Ch1) but it was interesting to read. I don't understand faygoDrive's motive for the "list" but whatever, I'll read Ch2 soon.

7305950
Thank you for the feedback! I know the whole human in equestrian thing isn't original, but its my plan to take it into a new route. If you could point out any errors you see so I can correct them that would be awesome. I've reread each chapter 4 times so far, but I'm sure i missed a few. Yep just went back through the prelude and chapter 1, a few lower case letters and the wrong which used. Thanks for the heads up.

7306761
If you need an editor (or wanna collab at some time ^^) just PM me.
Though there may be delay. No computer at the moment.

wellllll looks like equestrias gone to shit.

or maybe its all just in the past?

7359121 Storys happening around season 1.

Why is this rated m?

7364378 there will be gore in the future. Like hearts being ripped out and and devoured kinda gore. Limbs being pulled off, that kinda stuff. I'm just waiting to get to that before I add the tag.

time magic time magic time magic time magic. make him have time magic.

7364939 Sorry lol but he won't get time magic. Maybe someone with time magic will help him fix it, or maybe he'll fix the present and the world will need to find a way to heal. Maybe he will just fail... or maybe he won't try at all? Either way he's stuck with his magic. What would be your favorite ending so far? (Won't actually change how I'm going to end it, but would be fun to know.)

7365065 well i like the idea he can fix it butttt, i think it would be interesting if he failed but he did somthing that sparks a rebellion or kills all demons.

this is getting really good can't wait till next chapter.

7367668 Thanks! I'm excited to :P

7367675 I'll be honest with you. I hate stories that are generally like this, as in change the timeline so much that it is almost unrecognizable, and luna why luna, um ignore that. but I'm still reading this one and I like it it is really good, hope we get to see some of the elements of harmony or perhaps a resistance. GJ somehow you snag me and got me to like this story anyway keep the good work up

also, heat is energy and cold Is the absence of energy, if he can freeze water vapor in the air could he supposedly use limited control over water, if so he needs to blood bend

7367772 He may or may not freeze somethings blood and rip said blood out of its body in the future. But yeah you have the right idea with how he can branch off his magic. Though full on manipulation like that would require intimate knowledge of their body and how it moves, plus a ton of mana. He could probably do it to ponies, but a demons body is to unique for him to efficiently manipulate. Also thanks for the compliment and glad you've enjoyed the story so far.

7367865 I wear a heart on my sleeve so that the whole world can see I have a heart on for you.
(always wanted to quote that)

Now that was a good fight.

7370459 Thanks! Though I don't think shade was happy with the ending... I think I might have traumatized him.

Finally back to the grind stone, and chapters will be once again coming out daily! Probably... as long as nothing happens. I don't wanna tempt fate.

Ponies kidnap a demon...:rainbowhuh: I don't think that's the correct order. The demon steals the ponies. Then take their body/freedom/soul.
Still great chapter can't wait for more.:pinkiehappy:

7470204 The demons think so to, thats what makes it such an easy thing to accomplish.

and then he woke up and realized it had all been a dream...........

I'm not sure how but its starting to get even better.

Hmm, the ending kinda feels rushed. Frost is close to omnipotent with all those souls, and I was going for him being so weak without them, that he just instantly fell to shade. I would love some feedback on what you guys thing of the ending, and what you think would have been an improvement. I think it might just feel rushed to me cause I'm finally done with the story, and I want it to be perfect.

i am just pissed at luna.

damn just how often does it take to just think about things

7476461 Yeah lol, luna not thinking things through is cannon to. Just think about, all it took is no one going to night court for a while,(probably because equestria is a paradise and there weren't any problems), and she goes off the deep end and tries to kill everyone.

7477375 huh... i think she needs to see those nice young men in their clean white suits.

I can't believe I read the whole thing. In less then a day too.

Good work, a like and a fav.

7484510 Thanks glad you liked it

Ah such an end to a story, or rather such an end to a Prologue.
It DOES seem weird that Frost was defeated so Handily, but i assume this was Before he absorbed SO MANY souls.
Maybe there should have been a small scuffle with him begging the sisters for help or some such, but what's done hath been done :eeyup:.
AND it is weird that EVERYTHING was re-written...I can't really blame you.
In order for the Universe to be as it has the timeline needed to be re-wound.
Well let's see how our star handles being trapped in stone for...who knows? :heart:

I thought I had a great imagination, but reading what is happening in the present from the point of view of the book you are reading.

All I can say is Bravo. That made my day.

Can you change the title to 'Falling Into A New Life?' Normally, all the words of a title of a book should be capitalized.

wow this is surprisingly good! Its so hard to find good ones anymore

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Agreed. This story is geting better over time.

Original. Have a fav.

Would you please space your story into paragraphs more often, it is pretty painful to read a solid block of text.

Dude needs to stop passing out.

Interesting, i'm still intrigued for him to find some sort of resistance to frost phoenix reign, perhaps some ponies who managed to keep their souls?

Feltrix is illusion and nature? interesting i can't stop portraying him as a morrigi
orig15.deviantart.net/0087/f/2011/250/2/7/morrigi_by_cicakkia-d495czp.jpg

And that's how shade met the resistance i bet

I'm not sure how the mane six were even born considering the regime the ponies had to go through.

I honestly didn't understand her threat. I mean, isn't it illegal to simply kill him outside of the arena? I mean, it sounded like she would do that. :rainbowhuh:

7639506 they are demons, you only get in trouble if you're caught. No one actually cares if a few weaklings disappear

I don't understand it. Discord just said he will die if he does it, so why does he expect him to go with this plan? :rainbowhuh:

Well, I like the journal! :rainbowlaugh:

I'm also happy there was a happy ending. It certainly was an interesting read! I better take a look at the sequel! :yay:

Also a pity for his minion. I mean, the minion will probably never exist now. :ajsleepy:

2nd line spelling error, no capitals start of lines.

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