After saying yes when he definitely shouldn't have, Shade Mystic is transported to a new world, with a new body, and something is wrong with his mind. But it can't get much worse... right?
The concept isn't original, and there's minor errors here and there (Prolude/Ch1) but it was interesting to read. I don't understand faygoDrive's motive for the "list" but whatever, I'll read Ch2 soon.
7305950 Thank you for the feedback! I know the whole human in equestrian thing isn't original, but its my plan to take it into a new route. If you could point out any errors you see so I can correct them that would be awesome. I've reread each chapter 4 times so far, but I'm sure i missed a few. Yep just went back through the prelude and chapter 1, a few lower case letters and the wrong which used. Thanks for the heads up.
Well, hello there nobody at all. Welcome to my journal(not a fucking diary screw you).
I think you mean: Well, hello there nobody at all. Welcome to my journal (not a fucking diary screw you).
Im going to haunt your ass for the rest of eternity.
I think you mean: I'm going to haunt your ass for the rest of eternity.
conversation skills and analysis non existent.
I think you mean: conversation skills and analysis non-existent.
I don't know what bearwhatsit
I think you mean: I don't know what bear-whats-it
(Hmm, how should I do this. I can try telling the truth, or as much as I know. I might even find a way back home. I'd say theres a good 50/50 chance of me being killed or paid off to stay silent about the whole teleportation thing if it was the governments doing. She's asking if I have a medical condition, so I might be able to use that to my advantage. Though that might be more trouble than it's worth. I'm no doctor. I think i'll go with the whole bearwhatsit thing. They would probably consider me insane if I go with the whole not from this world shtick. But I don't know anything about here. There's no passing as a normal person... being. Since I'm an unidentified creature I could do the whole primitive wild thing. But that seems degrading. Any other tropes I can think of... AMNESIA! That's it. I'll say I can't remember and use that as an excuse. This is the perfect plan.)
I think you mean: Hmm, how should I do this. I can try telling the truth, or as much as I know. I might even find a way back home. I'd say there's a good 50/50 chance of me being killed or paid off to stay silent about the whole teleportation thing if it was the government's doing. She's asking if I have a medical condition, so I might be able to use that to my advantage. Though that might be more trouble than it's worth. I'm no doctor. I think I'll go with the whole bear-whats-it thing. They would probably consider me insane if I go with the whole, not from this world shtick. But I don't know anything about here. There's no passing as a normal person... being. Since I'm an unidentified creature I could do the whole primitive wild thing. But that seems degrading. Any other tropes I can think of... AMNESIA! That's it. I'll say I can't remember and use that as an excuse. This is the perfect plan.
(Oh god why, you didn't have to copy the trope exactly. Not only is that suspicious, but now I'm talking to her differently. It's so obvious somethings up now, I'm screwed.)
Oh god why, you didn't have to copy the trope exactly. Not only is that suspicious, but now I'm talking to her differently. It's so obvious somethings up now, I'm screwed.
(Ok what is that name, and why isn't she questioning my story. I even put in a tiny British accent there! How can she be so oblivious? You know what. Not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Heh... horse.)
Ok what is that name, and why isn't she questioning my story. I even put in a tiny British accent there! How can she be so oblivious? You know what. Not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Heh... horse. Whenever he's having an internal monolog, instead of using these ( ), use these
(... I really wish she would talk normal. I must seem like an idiot during the extra 3 seconds it takes for me to decipher what language she's speaking. Ok, I can use my actual boring name, or make up an awesome one. I'm in another world so of course I'm going with the latter, I mean cmon.) "My name is Shade Mystic I think." (Nice.)
... I really wish she would talk normal. I must seem like an idiot during the extra 3 seconds it takes for me to decipher what language she's speaking. Ok, I can use my actual boring name, or make up an awesome one. I'm in another world so of course, I'm going with the latter, I mean cmon. "My name is Shade Mystic... I think." Nice.
With a roll of her eyes(quite uncouth if I say so myself tallyho)
With a roll of her eyes (quite uncouth if I say so myself, tallyho!)
If you can use magic, you will be required to server within the military for at least 5 years." (I'm liking this less, and less.) With a lick of dry lips and a swallow for my suddenly parched throat, I nervously responded. "5 years you say? I mean, I don't think I'm even a citizen, so surely I'd be excused from such a thing?"
If you can use magic, you will be required to serve in the military for at least five years." I'm liking this less, and less. With a lick of dry lips and a swallow for my suddenly parched throat, I nervously responded. "five years you say? I mean, I don't think I'm even a citizen, so surely I'd be excused from such a thing?"
Bit disturbed by the concept of forced service. Hey there! Wlecome to this nation! If you can use magic you're enslaved to the military for at least 5 years. Oh, and don't try running. You arrived here and here is where you're going to stay.
Yeah, fuck that shit. I'll die before anybody forces me into slavery. Done and Downvoted.
Wait wait wait... So an unknown creature showed up and they go "well let's see if you have magic. If you have magic you are required to serve in our army. Oh you aren't a citizen? Oh that's fine we will force you to do that and then force you to fight for us! Sounds fun right, creature that I don't even know the species of! "?!
The concept isn't original, and there's minor errors here and there (Prolude/Ch1) but it was interesting to read. I don't understand faygoDrive's motive for the "list" but whatever, I'll read Ch2 soon.
7305950
Thank you for the feedback! I know the whole human in equestrian thing isn't original, but its my plan to take it into a new route. If you could point out any errors you see so I can correct them that would be awesome. I've reread each chapter 4 times so far, but I'm sure i missed a few. Yep just went back through the prelude and chapter 1, a few lower case letters and the wrong which used. Thanks for the heads up.
7306761
If you need an editor (or wanna collab at some time ^^) just PM me.
Though there may be delay. No computer at the moment.
I think you mean:
Well, hello there nobody at all. Welcome to my journal (not a fucking diary screw you).
I think you mean:
I'm going to haunt your ass for the rest of eternity.
I think you mean:
conversation skills and analysis non-existent.
I think you mean:
I don't know what bear-whats-it
I think you mean:
Hmm, how should I do this. I can try telling the truth, or as much as I know. I might even find a way back home. I'd say there's a good 50/50 chance of me being killed or paid off to stay silent about the whole teleportation thing if it was the government's doing. She's asking if I have a medical condition, so I might be able to use that to my advantage. Though that might be more trouble than it's worth. I'm no doctor. I think I'll go with the whole bear-whats-it thing. They would probably consider me insane if I go with the whole, not from this world shtick. But I don't know anything about here. There's no passing as a normal person... being. Since I'm an unidentified creature I could do the whole primitive wild thing. But that seems degrading. Any other tropes I can think of... AMNESIA! That's it. I'll say I can't remember and use that as an excuse. This is the perfect plan.
Oh god why, you didn't have to copy the trope exactly. Not only is that suspicious, but now I'm talking to her differently. It's so obvious somethings up now, I'm screwed.
Ok what is that name, and why isn't she questioning my story. I even put in a tiny British accent there! How can she be so oblivious? You know what. Not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Heh... horse.
Whenever he's having an internal monolog, instead of using these ( ), use these
... I really wish she would talk normal. I must seem like an idiot during the extra 3 seconds it takes for me to decipher what language she's speaking. Ok, I can use my actual boring name, or make up an awesome one. I'm in another world so of course, I'm going with the latter, I mean cmon. "My name is Shade Mystic... I think." Nice.
With a roll of her eyes (quite uncouth if I say so myself, tallyho!)
If you can use magic, you will be required to serve in the military for at least five years."
I'm liking this less, and less. With a lick of dry lips and a swallow for my suddenly parched throat, I nervously responded. "five years you say? I mean, I don't think I'm even a citizen, so surely I'd be excused from such a thing?"
Bit disturbed by the concept of forced service. Hey there! Wlecome to this nation! If you can use magic you're enslaved to the military for at least 5 years. Oh, and don't try running. You arrived here and here is where you're going to stay.
Yeah, fuck that shit. I'll die before anybody forces me into slavery. Done and Downvoted.
Exposition ho! Seriously, this was as engaging as any school assignment in the history of forever.
Those aren't ponies.
Seriously, though, WTFIGO!?
7717052
Bit of a late response, but many countrys do that I think. Switzerland for example
Wait wait wait... So an unknown creature showed up and they go "well let's see if you have magic. If you have magic you are required to serve in our army. Oh you aren't a citizen? Oh that's fine we will force you to do that and then force you to fight for us! Sounds fun right, creature that I don't even know the species of! "?!
8502776
I suspect indocternation since youth and mindcontrolling contracts.