Zecora Does Ponyville
Rarity's workroom was a disaster area of colors and shapes, bolts of fabric balanced against dress forms covered in four different styles of dress.
"Must finish... this ensemble..." The fashionista muttered, her horn glowing as she passed a needle back and forth rapidly, all but attacking the material before her. "Just... one more... fez..."
The distant jingle of her front door caught Rarity's attention and she lifted her head. "Sweetie Belle," she yelled, "please do not come back here! I will be out in just a few minutes!" She bent back over the work in progress and said to herself, "The play is in just a few hours and I will not be held responsible for a fashion disaster!"
The door swung open almost silently, and the luxurious carpeting was more than enough to mask the sound of hoofbeats from an exceptionally busy pony.
Rarity squeaked and stiffened, her tail pointing straight out, as a hoof traced along her spine from the base of her tail to her neck. An exotically accented voice rhymed, "My oh my, Miss Rarity, so much stress in you I see!" Zecora stepped alongside Rarity, rubbing against her at shoulders and flank, grinning as their eyes met in a sidelong glance. "Perhaps if you would take a rest, the time we'd share would be the best."
Rarity's face lit up with a blush and she shuffled back and away, mouth half-open. "I... you... Zecora!?"
Zecora stuck her bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout, following Rarity. Neither of them noticed another jingle from the front door. "You must think me rather hasty? Yet helping you would be so tasty..." The zebra licked her lips.
"Oh my heavens, Zecora, what has gotten into you?!" Rarity asked in a sharp, rapid stage-whisper, as if the situation was just too scandalous to discuss in a civilized tone of voice. Her backpedaling stopped abruptly as she bumped into the wall behind her.
The zebra continued to close in, slow and sultry, hips sashaying. "Is it a mare's approach that causes you shock? There's still much fun to be had, even without a--"
"Hi Rarity!" Sweetie Belle said, hopping through the workroom door. Her chipper smile dropped away and she tilted her head. "Zecora?" She didn't seem to notice how close the two mares were standing, with a flush all the way across Rarity's face.
Zecora smiled cheerily and waved a hoof to the filly. "Oh, Sweetie Belle, perhaps you should go home! With Rarity, here, I am in the zone."
"Huh?" Sweetie Belle asked.
Rarity took the opportunity to flee from the room. Sweetie looked at Zecora and opened her mouth to ask something, but Rarity's head re-appeared through the door and grabbed the little pony by her tail, yanking her away. The front door slammed shut a moment later.
Zecora heaved a big sigh, but with a smile on her face. "Perhaps it's not help that Rarity needs." She glanced out the window at the mid-morning Sun. "But there is still time for many good deeds!"
Applejack wiped a hoof across her sweaty brow and grinned at the overflowing apple cart beside her. "Third one today! We're on a roll, big bro!"
"Eeeyup!" Big Mac agreed, getting into the cart's harness. Applejack walked alongside him as they made their way through the orchard.
The mare said, "You drop this here cart off near the apple cellar and I'll whip us up some cider to get us by 'til lunchtime. Sound good to you?"
"Eeyup."
They split up as the barn and house came into view, but the front door opened before AJ was halfway across the yard. Zecora stepped out with a frothy bucket of water in her snout, a sponge floating in it.
"Well howdy, Zecora! What're you doin' here?" Applejack asked as she approached.
The zebra set the bucket down and looked into the pony's eyes, smiling wide. "Oh, Applejack, you've gotten quite sweaty. I've prepared a sponge bath, if you are ready."
Applejack stopped mid-step, eyes widening. "Uh. Beggin' yer pardon, but... what?"
Zecora stepped over the bucket, shortening the gap between the two, keeping their eye contact locked. "And after the bath? I have plenty of time. A zebra's tongue can do more than rhyme."
The orange mare blushed and glanced side to side, taking a few steps back. She chuckled weakly and fidgeted with her hat. "Now, Zecora, I'm not sure what--"
"What's all that racket?" asked a cantankerous voice, Granny Smith's head popping out from the second story window of the Apple family homestead.
Zecora waved, smiling. "Why if it isn't Granny Smith up there!" She pointed to Applejack. "I've come to ravish this fine young mare."
Granny Smith gasped and shook a hoof. "How dare you, you... you harlot! This here is a family establishment, and I-- Oof!" She cringed and pulled her leg back part of the way, rubbing at her elbow.
Zecora winced in sympathy pain. "Oh, my dear, your joints are so stiff. If you'd like to loosen up I could be up in a jiff?" The zebra waggled her eyebrows.
Granny Smith's eyes widened, then sharpened, and then she smirked. "My room. Ten minutes." She slammed the window shut.
"Granny Smith!" Applejack gasped, then jumped in front of Zecora before the zebra could reach the front door. "I don't know what's gotten into you, Zecora, but--"
Big Mac came around the corner of the house and stepped up to the pair. He stood completely still as Zecora sauntered up to him, putting a hoof under his chin.
"Ah, Big Mac, you always work so hard!" Zecora pressed her nose to the big stallion's. "Perhaps later I'll give you your just reward?"
Big Mac said, "Eee--"
"Nope." Applejack grabbed her brother by the work collar and dragged him through the front door. She stuck her head back out the door and repeated, "Nope!" before slamming it shut and locking it audibly.
Twilight Sparkle crested a hill and and looked down over Ponyville with a smile, a record player and three small red spheres floating along beside her. She turned away and walked down the other side of the hill to a tree beside a small creek. After magically setting down her belongings in the shade, she carefully maneuvered the record player's needle into place.
The sound of hoofsteps drew her attention to Zecora trotting down the hill. "Twilight Sparkle, what have we here? Why so far from Ponyville, my dear?"
"Hello Zecora!" Twilight smiled and gestured at the record player. "It's to help me practice magical concentration. Princess Celestia's always wanted me to 'tame my abilities through focused study.' So I juggle these three rubber balls while..." The unicorn's horn glowed and the record player kicked on, blasting out a sound that could only be a particularly raucous marching band. Twilight cringed and chuckled, turning the volume far down. "See? Distracting."
Zecora stepped over to turn the record player completely off. "That music is certainly quite the distraction, but perhaps a zebra could get in on this action?"
"Huh?" Twilight asked, smiling but with her head tilted slightly to the side. "What do you mean?"
Zecora stepped closer still, grinning. "Surely the attention of a very close friend, could give you distractions that never end!"
"Oh!" Twilight's face lit up with understanding, then turned into an apologetic smile. "It's very kind of you to offer, but if my attention slips too much you might get hit."
The zebra chuckled and stepped closer to give Twilight a little nuzzle. "Of all possible dangers, the great and the small, the least of my worries is a faceful of balls."
Twilight shrugged. "Well... if you're sure?"
Zecora just winked.
Twilight beamed. "All right then! Thank you so much! Stand back for a moment, please."
Zecora did as she was asked and the purple unicorn closed her eyes, horn glowing. The three red balls rose, forming a triangle parallel to the ground. That triangle began to sketch out a circle in the air as the balls spun around the central point between them, first lazily but faster and faster. Soon they were a blur of motion.
"Okay, Zecora, do your worst!"
The zebra grinned and stepped toward Twilight.
-Ten seconds later-
Zecora shook her head to clear it, picking herself up off the ground. Around her hooves were the charred remains of the record player; where it had once sat was now a head-sized crater with a splotch of red rubber burning at the bottom.
The zebra shook her head one more time and chuckled. "Even with some interruption, her teleportation still seems to function!"
Pinkie Pie's front half jutted out from under her bed. "Oh no, Gummy, have you seen my lucky glow-in-the-dark snorkel? I can't find it anywhere!" She zipped out from under her bed and around the room, bending and twisting to look everywhere she could think. "I checked under the bed, and behind the cabinet, and inside the oven, and under my closet, and--"
Zecora stuck her head over the railing of the stairs that lead up into the party pony's room. "Pinkie Pie, it's not like you to frown! Now hop on the bed and let's screw around."
Pinkie blinked at the zebra and stared, then shrugged and grinned. "Sounds good to me!"
Hunkered down in the shadows behind Ponyville's library, Twilight and Rarity stood with their heads close together, whispering.
"Hey guys!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she swooped in from above, the two unicorns squealing and stepping away from each other with very red faces. Dash stopped in midair and looked between the pair. "Woah, what did I interrupt?" When neither answered the pegasus grinned and repeated in a much more sultry tone, "Woah. What did I... interrupt?" She waggled her eyebrows on the last word.
"Rainbow Dash!" both the unicorns chided in a shouted whisper, their combined magic dragging Dash hard to the ground. She was still lying there, eyes pointing in opposite directions, when Fluttershy stepped into view.
"Oh, hello girls. I thought I heard..." Her voice trailed off as she saw who was lying on the ground, spurring her to step forward quickly. "Oh my goodness, Rainbow Dash, are you all right?"
"She's fine," Twilight snarked, using her magic to lift Dash back to her hooves.
"Yeah. Super." Rainbow wavered a bit but managed to stay upright.
"Oh, good," Fluttershy said, smiling. "But what are you all doing behind the library?"
"Yeah!" Dash asked, "What are you guys doing behind the library?"
Twilight and Rarity glanced at each other, then beckoned the other two ponies closer in. Once they had formed a proper huddle, heads close, Rarity motioned at Twilight. "Well, go on then."
A small blush came to Twilight's face. "Me? Why me?"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "You can't expect a refined pony like myself to just prattle on in public about... that." The white unicorn gained her own light blush.
Dash looked back and forth between the two and grinned. "Whatever this is, it's gonna be good," she whispered to Fluttershy.
"We heard that," Twilight muttered.
Dash gulped.
"Zecora's gone mad!" Applejack shouted, trotting up to her friends. "She tried to... to seduce Big Mac! And Granny Smith!"
Fluttershy gasped and took a step back, while Rainbow Dash automatically lifted a few feet from the ground, mouth wide. Twilight and Rarity just glanced at each other, before Twilight quietly asked, "And... you?"
Applejack looked to the side and coughed. "Erm. Well, maybe."
Rainbow Dash looked between all three, blinking. "So, she tried to..." Then she looked at Twilight. "And you?"
Twilight gulped and looked down, nodding.
"And... you?" Dash asked Rarity, who huffed and just turned her head away. Even Fluttershy seemed to have a bad case of sympathy embarrassment, which meant all four of Dash's friends were suddenly blushing.
The pegasus dropped to the ground, laughing and stomping one hoof repeatedly. "Oh! Oh man! You guys!"
"This isn't funny!" Twilight insisted, stomping her own hoof.
"Twilight's right!" Applejack said. "Something's happened to Zecora and we gotta do something!"
"You're right!" Pinkie Pie declared as she stepped up to her friends, eyes closed and nose tipped upward. She took on a rather well-to-do tone of voice. "We must do something, and with all due haste!"
"And what do you propose we do?" Rarity asked.
Pinkie stood on her hind legs and threw confetti into the air, screaming straight upward, "We throw an absolutely humongously super-stupendous party!!"
All of her friends stared.
The pink pony bounced in a circle around them, grinning. "That was the most amazingest fun I've ever-ever-ever had! I didn't even know you could do that with cake frosting! And Zecora, she--"
Rarity gasped and shoved a hoof into Pinkie's mouth, stuttering before she spat out, "Please, Pinkie Pie, a lady should never kiss and tell!"
Pinkie took a step back, out of mouth-plugging range, and giggled. "Oh, I wasn't going to talk about the kissing..."
Applejack glanced over at Rainbow Dash and noticed the pegasus wasn't laughing anymore, listening to Pinkie with wide eyes and an idle flap of her wings. AJ gently nudged Dash, who let out the tiniest of squeaks and quickly looked away to hide her own blush. The farm pony smirked.
The other ponies didn't see the exchange, and as AJ and Dash caught up with the conversation Twilight was saying, "Pinkie, no matter how much... 'fun' you may have had, you have to admit that Zecora's not in her right mind."
Pinkie put a hoof to her chin and pursed her lips. "Welllllllll... I guess. But maybe she's in her right-er mind?" she asked, ending with a lilt of her voice and slightly pleading eyes.
"No," Twilight said, voice firm. Rarity and Applejack shook their heads when Pinkie glanced at them. Fluttershy was hiding her head under her hooves.
Pinkie sighed. "Oh, all right. Party poopers." She stuck her tongue out.
Twilight caught everypony's attention by telekinetically picking up a nearby stick and starting to draw in the dirt. "All right, girls, here's the plan..."
Rainbow Dash zipped down to her friends, on the outskirts of the fairly busy town square. "I found her!" she said, gesturing them along until they peeked through a hole in the mass of ponies. There was Zecora, sauntering through town square with a smile on her face. The smile brightened further as she spotted a flower cart, trotting toward it with her hips swaying.
Twilight pointed. "Oh no, we have to act fast!"
Pinkie gigglesnorted. "We better, 'cause there are some iiiinteresting words that rhyme with 'Roseluck.'"
Twilight gasped and teleported directly in front of Zecora. The zebra's eyes widened, and then she smiled wide.
"Uh, heh heh, hi Zecora. I..." Twilight trailed off, glancing past Zecora to see her friends waving her on. All except Fluttershy, who was hiding under her hooves again. The purple mare gulped, then put on what she hoped was a sultry smile. "I... changed my mind. About earlier? I could really use a... distraction."
Zecora grinned and stepped closer, nearly touching their noses together. "I'm glad to hear that, Twilight dear, but surely you do not mean here."
Twilight gasped again, unable to fight a blush from coming to her face. "Er, nonono, definitely not!" She suddenly glanced around, but nopony was paying them any mind. The purple unicorn cleared her throat and slipped back into character. "I... reserved us a private bath at the spa."
"Mmmh, yes, what an excellent choice." Zecora leaned closer and whispered. "With you, Twilight Sparkle, I would be glad to get moist."
The bookish unicorn felt lightheaded from how hard she was blushing. "Um. R-right. This way..." She started to walk, but her friends frantically waving their hooves and shaking their heads and pointing made her turn around. "Or. Uh. This way."
As soon as the pair cleared the crowds and turned a corner they came across Applejack, leaning up against a white picket fence and trying to look saucy. Instead she just looked uncomfortable, and couldn't seem to get herself to look Zecora in the eye. "Uh, hi there, Zecora. Are you two off to... clean up? I could use a little sponge bath, m'self. Heh. Heh heh." Applejack gulped. On a nearby rooftop Rainbow Dash slid out of sight and put her hoof to her face, groaning.
Zecora just grinned and beckoned AJ forward. "Walk with us, my apple snack. You won't regret that you came back."
Twilight and Applejack shared a glance, then looked far away from each other as they walked on.
Rarity was next, stepping out of her front door as the trio walked by. "Oh! Is this what I think it is?" she asked, voice dripping with scandal.
Zecora tilted her head to point in the direction they were walking. "I'm afraid things are just as they seem, but coming with us could be quite a scream."
The white unicorn made a show of looking around to make sure nopony was watching, then joined them. "As long as we keep this just between--"
Pinkie Pie came out of nowhere and bounced into the center of the group, hopping along and grinning. "Me too, me tooooo!"
Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack simultaneously said, "Shhh!" with beet-red faces.
Rainbow Dash snickered from the roof of Carousel Boutique.
Finally they arrived at the spa, Rarity's wink and nod getting them past the front desk and straight to the private room. As the door opened there was a squeak and a splash, but there was nothing to be seen out of the ordinary once they entered and closed the door behind them. The large wooden bath was filled with lightly steaming water, filling the whole room with warm, damp air.
"A pleasant little walk it's been, but I am eager to begin!" Zecora declared, trotting up the stairs to the platform alongside the bath.
Twilight got up onto her back hooves on the floor beside the tub, leaning on the edge. "Oh, but first, there's one little problem. See?" Twilight pointed at a yellow shape floating in the water. It was the tip of a pony's snout poking out of the water, just two nostrils visible. "Fluttershy really wants to join in, but she's much too bashful. Perhaps you could loosen her up a bit?" A quiet squeak could be heard from beneath the water's surface.
Zecora laughed and winked. "She needs some help to follow through? I'll happily show her a thing or two!" The zebra took a deep breath and hopped into the bath.
"Now, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight yelled, her magic tipping a bucket of various objects into the tub.
Rainbow rushed through one of the spa's windows and started to fly a tight circle just above the water's surface. Soon she had it spinning, everything hidden by the simulated tornado and the whirling waters.
Twilight stood tall and grinned. "There we go, problem solved! The only possible reason for all this was that an overdose of Poison Joke perverted Zecora's helpful nature and made her think the solution to everypony's problems s... you-know-what." She coughed. "But now with the cure thoroughly mixed into the bath she'll emerge rehabilitated and ready to rejoin society!"
"Phew," Applejack said, tilting back her hat to wipe her brow. "Good work, everypony."
Dash stopped spinning and joined her friends to watch the wind dissipate and the water smooth back out. Zecora was sitting still in the center of the bath, staring blankly ahead, while Fluttershy had ended up with her back against the bathtub's rim. The pegasus opened her eyes.
Zecora grinned as her eyes met with Fluttershy's. "Oh, yes, this water is quite cozy. Now come to me, my little posey." Fluttershy eyes grew huge as the zebra stepped closer, then even bigger as their lips pressed hard together.
"Or, maybe it's just her time of the month," Pinkie Pie chimed in.
Everypony stared. Fluttershy's hooves flailed at the air through the long kiss, then slowed, then moved to the back of Zecora's head and pulled them closer together. Rarity's mouth dropped open.
Rainbow Dash shook her head without breaking eye contact with the spectacle. "Wow, Fluttershy... I didn't know she had it in her." She glanced to her side, watching Pinkie bounce a few inches up and down in place with a big smile. Dash gulped and licked her lips. "So. Uh, Pinkie... cake frosting?"
Pinkie looked into Rainbow's eyes and leaned to squish their noses together. "My room. Ten minutes."
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I can see this being featured...
Niceeeee, lol...
Between Pinkie's completely ditz agreement, and the reference to Granny smith's line and fronting, it's just.. Dear Celestia
When I started reading, I was in a bad mood. Now? Can't stop smiling.
752865 One can hope.
Really glad you guys enjoyed it!
752875>>752879>>752897>>752940 It's a relief to know that this actually IS funny. Phew.
Heh, this made me smile.
Because of that, you've earned a thumbs up from me
I read the description and all I could think is "I am either a massive pervert or this is gonna get sexual." It did, and it was hilarious.
752988 Smiles!
I caught the reference to Fluttershy's original name. Extraordinary story.
This made me smile, smile, smile.
Also, I didn't even [i[know you could do that with cake frosting! And Zecora, she--"
*EPIC GENTLMAN LAFFTER*
753072 Ha, good on ya! I was wondering who might mention that.
753084 Thank you for the fix!! Oh, and I thought of you when I PinkieDash'd
753085 Oh-hohoho!
Exemplary!
753090
My Little PinkieDash: Frosting is Magic
Did you read that story? With the frosting gun? It was a bit bleh except for the frosting gun part. With was actually also bleh, but fun imagery.
cuppacafe.com/images/blogimages/image5/George-Takei-oh-my-150x150.jpg
"Is it a mare's approach that causes you shock? There's still much fun to be had, even without a--"
And that´s where I hit the "Like" Button.
753128 Excelsior!
753178 Never heard of it. I'm mildly scared.
L.O.V.E. Machine - W.A.S.P.
For some reason I was expecting Beavis and Butthead, but that was funny enough.
This is now Zecora´s official theme in my headcanon.
Zecora Does Ponyville
Like...all of them?
Maybe I should actually read this.
753199 Takei is best pony.
753251>>753266 Gonna have to listen to these later!
753209
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/30029/1/Fic-Unrelated/Where%27s-My-Rope%3F
Sorry, it was an icing gun :|
I don't even understand what happened, but I have the distinct feeling that you're so good at your craft that I never will, either.
Loved it. Envy you for being a clever pony.
I usually don't like this kind of thing, but... that was admittedly hilarious. I
out loud more times than I could count. Good on you! Very clever writing, and excellent rhymes for Miss Z.
753492 Well, that's one way to use an icing gun.
753819 Zecora did Ponyville, obviously!
753819>>754692 Really glad you liked it so much! Thank you, guys.
Congratulations! You are officially #10 on the featured list! Numbers 1, 2, and 3 being the top three featured right now.
I thought this couldn't possibly be, because man, too obvious! Then it turns out it is what it is!
I'm always impressed with Zecora fics, just because of the talent it takes to write all her lines.
This was very funny and amused me greatly.
755549 Woo! I'm Number Ten! I'm Number Ten!
757036 It is what it is! Truer words have never been spoken...
758720 I tend to pause while I'm writing to think about what I'm going to do next, but in this story the longest pauses were trying to decide what Zecora was going to say. Honestly, it was fun! But, I don't think I could write her as the main character of a longer, non-comedic story. It would probably start to get to me.
759942 Iambic pentameter looks really frickin' hard.
760226 I don't think I pulled off 100% Iambic pentameter but yeah, during editing I realized I needed to re-structure some of Zecora's sentences to get as close as possible. I think it turned out okay!
I had wayyy too much laugh right now
You get the "Best Use of Sweetie Belle Interruption" award!
753266WHAT THE BUCK IS CANNON ?!?!?!?!
762863
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/337/4/4/pinkie__s_party_cannon_by_furboz-d4i19y5.png
CANON on the other hoof =
1. An ecclesiastical law or code of laws established by a church council.
2. A secular law, rule, or code of law.
3.
a. An established principle: the canons of polite society.
b. A basis for judgment; a standard or criterion.
4. The books of the Bible officially accepted as Holy Scripture.
5.
a. A group of literary works that are generally accepted as representing a field: "the durable canon of American short fiction" (William Styron).
b. The works of a writer that have been accepted as authentic: the entire Shakespeare canon.
6. Canon The part of the Mass beginning after the Preface and Sanctus and ending just before the Lord's Prayer.
7. The calendar of saints accepted by the Roman Catholic Church.
8. Music A composition or passage in which a melody is imitated by one or more voices at fixed intervals of pitch and time.
Means what is official fact according to the series and merchandise etc.
Fanon = What the fans think is canon. For example Octavia x Vinyl Scratch
Headcanon = What goes inside my own head that I think should be canon. For example Zecora listening to George Michael while doing Ponyville.
T'was so hard not laughing at work
I'll read it again tonight so I can laugh my ass off. Really funwesome story !
753199 Exact same click at the exact same point !
I'm so glad my prompt resulted in something this glorious.
"Of all possible dangers, the great and the small, the least of my worries is a faceful of balls."
794485 I try not to be too amused by my own humor, but I did laugh when I came up with that one. I think it's probably my favorite part of the story. I'm glad you liked it, too!
"a shouted whisper" :D
I'll let you get away with it though, it's clearly used for laffs. And laff I did. Love it
CONGRATS ON EQD!!!
"Oh no, Gummy, have you seen my lucky glow-in-the-dark snorkel?"
Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets that reference.
Ehh, yet another "clop-tease" story?
If I may, BAHAHAHAHA
753199
What he said.
Pinkie gigglesnorted. "We better, 'cause there are some iiiinteresting words that rhyme with 'Roseluck.'"
'nuf said!
I loved it!
... Well now Zecora is sexy as hell. Damn.
I thumbed at "faceful of balls".
797124
Weird Al, Albuquerque
Granny Smith's line... I need some serious brain bleach.
"Of all possible dangers, the great and the small, the least of my worries is a faceful of balls."
Oh, man, that was hilarious. Wonderfully written, I had no problems visualizing everything you described. The comedy just kept coming. I loved the "glow-in-the-dark snorkel" reference.
Bravo.