- Member Since 31st Aug, 2015
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Arcanum -Phantasy
Greetings, I do fanfiction reviews on my YouTube channel. Here's the link. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNK9gN2LzWpCek5pPHcV24w Check it out if you want.
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vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/legomessageboards/images/2/21/Ow_the_edge.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140812001940
Ill track this
Man, this character is so edgy! I bet he snorts razor blades and eats buzzsaws for breakfast! He's so edgy, I bet you got cut every time you wrote his name! It's so edgy that he's not even a pony! He's just the living embodiment of edge! If you took a chainsaw and replaced every single individual tooth with a sword, it wouldn't be NEARLY as edgy as this guy!
Edge/10
Would get cut again. Ow.
7013833 um.....thanks?
Sorry we are out of sole try the flounder? .
this story has my interest!!
Eyyyyy finally chapter
Oooo that's pretty good!
Really lik'n the story too!
okay, I know I'm probably setting myself up here, but what's the deal? I see that this fic's got more down than up votes and this really concerns me, What's the problem. If its the plot than don't worry to much cuz ch3 gets it started people. Is it the premise? Look, this thing hasn't even gotten its feet off of the ground yet so at least wait until the fic can get moving before hating on it. In fact, why not give me an idea of what's wrong with it before down voting so I can fix it. Otherwise, it looks like you guys'r just beating on this thing before it can really show its skills. This fic is a Magicarp; let it evolve. Ciou!
7065504 thx
7065929 Artificial and forced edginess won't help you here, new friend. This isn't Deviantart or Wattpad.
7066601 fair enough. What would you recommend. And keep in mind my OC is still not fully developed and the story's antagonist hasn't shown up yet.
7066612 plus I'm not trying to make him edgy I'm trying to tell a story.
7065929 I really like this story and am also surprised too about the down votes. The reasons I can think of are that not many people like to read stories where the first thing we read about the character is there suicide. Then the oc is black... That sounded better in my head, but ocs with black coats have a bad reputation for being... Well... Bad and in bad writing.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea, I like the story and isn't written bad. It's just that you have 2 stereotypically bad features to a badly written story in the first chapter. And the first chapter is like a first impresions and until a little ago the only chapter. So please don't feel bad, I think it is just because of stereotypes.
These were just guesses on how others think. I'm no psychiatrist, so don't take it too seriously!
7066761 thanks man and to be honest the bad reputation coat color was actually intentional because my oc comittied suicide. This story is basically ment to be a kind of rise from the ashes under dog story. To be honest, his original design was an even BIGGER dead concept: onyx unicorn with red mane and tail with red cat eyes. Yep, Noon was going to be a sombra clone. Anyway, thanks for the theories and support. I'm just gonna write this out and keep in mind that for every one critic I've got at least two fans.
ciao!
7065929 OH! And I just found this a few minutes ago (link at the bottom) about a certain type of character he dislikes... Very strongly. This was probably written in some rage as it seems excessive and he says.
But among the rave and cursing there is a semi-well explained reason why he so strongly dislikes "dense characters".
And again I'm just trying to give advice you don't need to change the story based on what others say. Just please consider them at the very least.
(Here is link)
7066827 I take for ever to type and most of the time that I write an add on,
the person has already responded.
And the underdog thing is quite a good idea.
Um, wow?
7070520 yeah not my favorite chapter but a needed one all the same for the sake of foreshadowing.
Thats what they get for accusing someone of stuff they didn't do
7068748 I didn't come up with that one. I think the original was posted in one of Windlife's fics.
The next chapter will be a little less depressing. Also this fic takes place before season 6 so no Flurry Heart.
I like this story more please
Hey what with's all the thumbs down this is a good story so far.
7115467 I know right? Someone thought it was because a have an ebony OC and used suicide in my first chapter which I can somewhat understand being a bit of a red button for some. But hey, we can't please everyone.
I'm with him/her. Not sure where all the hate's coming from. I've read much worse that had much better ratings.
7115550 ditto
Nice chapter
7116425 Thx.
static3.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Reasons+why+10+is+better+than+11+11+would+have+_36660995421ca4f7cbdd9ee3af26dbee.gif
7118447 thx
I just read the chapter again to familiarise myself with the story, and realised that Karkadanns sounds a lot like Kardashian.
7120308 no relation what's so ever.
ITS ALLIVE!!!!!! thank you for the update
MORE MORE MORE!!!!!
to be honest, I'm not too sure how I feel about this story's like/dislike ratio.
I mean, yeah, I know I'm not going to please everypony but I still find it a little dare I say depressing when my work gets such mixed reviews. 
Typo:
Lack.
Lac is a resinous substance produced by insects.
Alright, so before I started reading this, I noticed the comments about why the story had such a low upvote rating. Here's my two cents:
First and foremost, you have no sense of pace. Individual chapters jump all over the place, with too many scenes per chapter and too little transition between them. In an earlier chapter, Noon is at a party, but within a handful of paragraphs is trying to beat Rainbow Dash to a pulp. I had to reread the chapter just to figure out what the fuck was going on. Then, your chapters skip lots of time and detail that might have been interesting to know.
There are some other things as well. You have an occasional typo or grammatical error. You have a weak plot structure and framework. You tend to meander through plot threads. You have inconsistent characterization. You tend to tell, not show, and spend your time telling about things that really don't have much of an impact on the story (the types of magic, for instance).
All of those are symptoms of you being a novice writer — and I can tell you are. Those will fade with time so long as you keep writing and pay more attention. Put more care into your work and think about it more in advance. Reread what you have, make some tweaks here and there, and think more on the future of the story, and that will all fix itself with time.
Lastly, however, are the problems that are fimfiction and fanfiction specific issues that have permeated deep into this story already, and won't be so easy to fix without a total rewrite.
You have a dull, motive-less protagonist. He doesn't even have the will to live. You have him being a brony, which bumps him way up on the Gary Stu scale just by virtue of his knowledge. You have him as a "special" type of pony, which has him look bad in other people's eyes until he suddenly wins them over and everything is good (faux-drama). You have him being good at magic really fast. You gave him some sort of magical destiny from a higher being.
Done in moderation or with great skill, none of those are terrible or even all that bad, but all together and with as much of a novice as you are, they make the story seem like a dry, overly-edgy, wish-fulfillment story.
The story isn't unpalatable (which is why you at least have more upvotes than downvotes), but it isn't good either.
4.3/10
Noon is a bit too willing to just forgive and forget. A good rage keeps burning long after it's started.
Aside from that, interesting. A new/unknown breed of unicorns, bred for war is... hmmmm.
Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.
7761701 thanks for the input. I'll see what I can do.
7985106
Thanks
instating go on
next button
8161645 ?
when's next chapter? i love it! XD
Is the story dead?
9542913
Unfortunately.
9543018
Damn really like this story.
9543019
Most of my older works didn't take off so well. As it stands, the Savior 7 series, Winter Aria, Tinker Toy, and Clockwork Kingdom are my main focus.
9543033
Yeah, moving on with better things. Sill would’ve loved to more done with this story. Good luck with the writing.