Too Much Time on Her Hooves
A Few Days Later
A room above Sugarcube Corner was, in many ways, the perfect place for Pinkie Pie to live. For one thing, it was convenient to live under the same roof she worked under. She didn't mind commuting, but it was handy to be able to just trot down the stairs and throw on an apron some days.
For another thing, it was a bakery. Smells of cinnamon and sugar and fresh pastries drifted up to her room at all hours of the day. Some ponies had remarked on Pinkie's appetite for sweets, but really anypony would develop a sweet-tooth living in that kind of environment. Pinkie probably spent about half of every paycheck to take advantage of her employee discount on the baked goods she sold, and to her mind, it was bits well-spent.
The Corner's central location in Ponyville also meant that Pinkie was never more than a hop, skip and a short canter from all of her friends. Given that her list of friends included everypony in town, that kind of proximity was not so much a convenience as a necessity.
There were some disadvantages, of course. Living with one's employers meant she had to keep it down at times. Her more impromptu parties were always held somewhere other than the bakery; she had promised to always get permission from the Cakes several days ahead of time if a party was to be held at Sugarcube Corner, so that they had the time to properly reinforce the sound-proofing in the place.
But today, even that was an advantage, as the sound-proofing secured against eavesdroppers as she conspired with her friends up in her room.
“She needs to be stopped!” Rainbow Dash pounded a hoof on Pinkie's bed, which, being soft and springy, made her hoof bounce and thus made the gesture less effective than it was intended to be. “Twilight's pranks are getting way out of hoof!”
Pinkie Pie held Gummy in her forelegs and giggled. “I don't know, I thought it was pretty funny. Berries turning her into a princess... hehe!”
“Yeah, okay, it was funny,” Rainbow conceded, “but that's not the point! The point is that we're supposed to be Ponyville's big pranksters! We can't have some egghead constantly showing us up! It's humiliating!”
The third occupant of the room spoke up. “I agree with Rainbow Dash, darling. Twilight is growing too bold. She needs a taste of her own medicine.” Rarity tossed a lock of her mane aside.
Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes. “Why are you here, anyway? You helped her pull off the last one!”
“And I have been the victim of her jokes twice as many times as you two have,” Rarity shot back. “Once on a bet she made with you, as I understand.”
Pinkie rubbed her hoof absently over Gummy's head. The little alligator stared vacantly. “So what are the three of us gonna do?” she asked. “I'm all for playing a funny joke on a friend, but Twilight's really smart. Ever since she learned that time-travel spell, all she's had to do if somepony tries to pull something on her is go back in time and make it so that the joke's on them!”
A sly grin spread across Rarity's face. “I think I have an idea, but we're going to need to call in some help. I need the two of you to head for Canterlot...”
*-*-*
Twilight Sparkle rested comfortably in her bed, engaging in her most favorite of activities, reading. There was still enough evening light to read by, but she had already lit her firefly lamp preemptively—she planned to keep reading well after dark. A copy of Moral Code's The Ethics of Time-Travel lay between her hooves.
...and so, while the primary concern among many scholars is that use of time spells has the potential to cause some kind of universe-swallowing logical paradox, I would point out that if it were possible for time-travel to cause the universe to implode, the universe would have already imploded. Since the universe remains fully ploded, the natural conclusion is that it is actually impossible to create universe-ending paradoxes.
Allowing, of course, for some minor iterative noise, any use of time spells invariably will result in a stable time-loop, even if for some reason the caster actively attempts to break the chain of cause and effect. In fact, in recorded cases of time-travel, attempts to change the past have been, at a disturbing frequency, met with such dramatic failure that they ironically create the very conditions they were trying to change.
Uncomfortable questions about fate and free will aside, this means that time spells are significantly less useful for any practical purposes than you would initially think. You cannot, for example, go back to stop the Great Pasture War, nor can you in any useful capacity smuggle advanced technology from the future to reverse-engineer it.
But the upside is that there really isn't such a thing as reckless use of time-travel. No permanent harm can ever come from it, at least not that wasn't already going to happen anyway. This makes time spells—and I am certain my colleagues will balk to read this—the perfect thing with which to impress friends at parties.
Some recommended tricks to use for this purpose may include...
Twilight lost her place as a sudden gust of wind blew the page over. She reached to shut her window, but found that it was already closed.
The wind grew stronger, whipping through her bedroom like a tornado. Books and parchment whirled through the air as magical energy filled the library with blinding light.
Zwip!
Twilight knew this drill well enough by now to shield her eyes. The brightness eventually faded, leaving the bedroom dark by comparison as her pupils struggled to readjust. As she expected, when her eyes cleared she faced herself—presumably her future self, since she did not remember traveling to today at any point in the past.
The Twilight of the present greeted her future self with a smile. “Hey. What've we got this time? Are Pinkie and Rainbow Dash up to something again?”
Future Twilight shook her head. “Not this time,” she said. “Listen, next Monday, you need to—whoa.” Her eyes widened as they passed over her past self's haunches. “Wow, I am really glad I decided to go on that diet after this!”
“What?!” Twilight's ears folded back. Did she just call herself fat?
Future Twilight waved her hoof. “Don't worry about that. That's not what I'm here about. Look, whatever you do, don't—” She was cut off as the room once again filled with wind and light.
Zwip!
“Don't listen to her, Twilight!” A third Twilight Sparkle stepped forward, magical energy still crackling in her mane. “Or... don't listen to me, uh, me?” She put a hoof on her chin as she debated the semantics.
The first future Twilight turned to the second. “But I was just going to tell her—”
“I know exactly what you were going to tell her,” said Future Twilight Number Two—or would it be more appropriate to call her Twilight Number Three? “It won't work. I know because I tried it.”
Present-day Twilight sat dumbfounded on her bed. “Um, girls? Or, me, I guess? What's going on?”
“But you already know that I'm going to tell her anyway,” argued Future Twilight Number One, “because if I didn't, then you would never have tried it! So what's the point in coming here to stop me?”
More wind. More light. Zwip!
A third Future Twilight appeared and put her hoof on Present Twilight's withers. “Good,” she said, leaning into Present Twilight conspiratorially. “Those two are arguing already. Listen to me carefully, me. Future you is going to tell you to do something. You need to nod and tell her you'll do it, and you'll need to fully intend to do it, too. But tomorrow, before you actually do do it, and this is the tricky part...”
Zwip!
“Aha!” Future Twilight Number... Twilight had lost count at this point, but some future version of her tackled the version that had taken her aside. “I thought I could be sneaky, but there's no way I could get something like this past me!”
Present Twilight chewed her lip nervously as her room continued to fill with more and more future instances of herself.
Zwip!
“Twilight! I... wait, which one of you is past-past me?”
“I actually came here from the past, but I think my memory gets erased after this, so that's why none of you remember me!”
Zwip!
“Twilight! Help me get this chocolate stain out! In the future, there is no stain-remover left!”
Zwip! Zwip!
“Oh, shoot, I forgot that was this night! Hey, past me, you're really gonna save yourself some time if you start filling a mop-bucket now. Not that I'll listen, of course.”
“Look, Twilight, wings! We get wings!”
It was uncharitable and mostly untrue to say that Twilight Sparkle's hold on sanity was only tentative at best. Considering the fact that a day in her life might include a deadly showdown against a mad god as easily as it might include a picnic, she could really be considered nearly unflappable. She prided herself on her ability to take new information and assimilate it into her worldview in a neat and orderly fashion, eventually. If there happened to be screaming and flailing and burning of villages in the meantime, well that happened, but eventually it would all fit.
But it would take a great deal of time for her to process this, and Twilight imagined a considerable amount of screaming and flailing would occur before she was done. It was best, she concluded, if she got started on it now.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuughhhh!” Twilight Sparkle—presumably the one that had not arrived in the room by means of time-travel, galloped out of her room, out of the library, and ran about in the streets of Ponyville, wailing like a madmare.
The remaining purple unicorns, still overcrowding the small bedroom, ceased their chatter and glanced at one another. For a few minutes, they remained silent, apart from an occasional snicker or giggle, and waited.
Finally, a set of golden-shod white hooves appeared on the balcony of the library. Dozens of Twilight Sparkles bowed low as Princess Celestia landed and entered the room. Her ever-serene smile rested comfortably on her lips.
“You may change back now,” the princess said.
One by one, each of the Twilights flashed in a bright green light, revealing insectoid creatures with compound eyes and black carapaces. The library filled with the sound of gossamer wings buzzing as they stretched their legs and began quietly chatting amongst themselves.
“Congratulations,” Princess Celestia said, beaming at them. “You have all graduated from my Reform Course for Changelings.”
A wave of cheers rose from the changelings. Many exchanged hoof-bumps, or what passed for hoof-bumps among their kind.
“You are free to move about Equestria and seek love,” Celestia continued, “provided of course that you stay within the law and do not harm anypony. I would also appreciate it if you all kept in touch with me; a letter every month won't hurt, letting me know how well you are adjusting, and what you look like so that I will know one of my friends when I see you.”
The changelings cheered again. Many of them gave the Princess a proud salute, and a few came forward offering hugs, which Celestia accepted without hesitation.
Rarity crawled out of her hiding place among the branches of the library. Typically, she wouldn't have risked her mane against the leaves and tangled sticks, but she had to see the solar princess's infamous pranking streak for herself.
She stood on the balcony, blinking. “My goodness, your highness, I've heard the stories, but they truly do not do you justice!”
Celestia shook hooves with one of the changelings. “I have had a good deal of time to practice, that's all.”
Rarity nodded, and glanced nervously at the chitinous creatures celebrating their freedom. A few of them gathered in a corner, applauding excitedly as one of them cycled rapidly through the appearances of dozens of ponies. Rarity cleared her throat. “Not that I can argue with the results, but...” she lowered her voice, “changelings, your highness? Is it really safe to set them loose, just in exchange for their help with a prank?”
Princess Celestia smiled warmly. “These changelings have completed a course, which I have personally overseen, on how to find the love they need without hurting anyone. I have grown close with each of them over the last few months, and I trust them enough to... well, I trust them enough to put them all in a room with my most faithful student.” She bowed her head as another changeling came up to her and saluted. “They had all passed already before this, this little outing was more like one final hurrah before they set off. You needn't be concerned, Rarity.”
“Oh. Okay.” Rarity did not sound entirely convinced. “It's just, that one over there doesn't seem to be having such a great time.” She pointed her hoof to a purple unicorn sitting wide-eyed on the edge of the bed, her mouth hanging open as she looked around at the insectoid creatures milling about the room. “She still hasn't even changed back out of her disguise yet.”
The one that still looked like Twilight Sparkle worked her jaw. “Ch-changelings?” she finally said at length. “They were all changelings this whole time?? I was about to cast this spell twenty times in a row to preserve the space-time continuum!” Magic arced through her mane, and in a sudden poof she was whisked away back into the future.
Celestia grinned sheepishly. “Oh dear,” she said. “I imagine I will be receiving a letter from a rather upset faithful student at some point in the future.”
Rarity covered a giggle with her hoof. “Something to look forward to, I suppose.”
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An excellent and well thought out end. Rarity... you conniving, duplicitious mare!
Bravo with this.
Trump Card Trollestia will ALWAYS be a trump to anyone.
~Skeeter The Lurker
An excellent cap to the prank war. I thought for a sec each friend had just disguised themselves as Twilight, but then suddenly changelings! Awesome!
I want to see this little prank war expand! Maybe Luna hears about how they went to Celestia for help, gets jealous, and sets out to prove that she's better at pranking then Celestia?
Well, Twi got trolled. By changelings. In an epic scale
"That's something else to look forward too!"
a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/146/57a1902944b942cd8bb986d5e5e87c17/l.jpg
Bravo bravo!
Trollestia and an army of reformed changelings, oh my. I gotta admit though, the Big Mac prank was the funniest one by far.
Yay changelings!
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/365/c/a/clapping_pony_icon___changeling_by_taritoons-d5ps0kg.gif
2521866
Such flattery, darling!
2522002 She's the ruler of Equestria for more reasons than just looking good in a crown, after all.
2522705 ...And now, I've seen a clapping changeling. Every day brings new wonders before my eyes.
Praise Celestia, goddess of trolls. It was fun as hell to see this wrap up with a prank that was epic and twisted enough to rival the one it opened with. Twilight's punchline at the end was a good touch. The image of dozens of Twilight Sparkles packed into a room and arguing gave me a pretty serious case of giggles, and the idea of using Changelings for this was inspired: simple, yet very clever.
My hope that Spike was finally going to be involved was crushed pretty quickly. Celestia didn't even invite him to witness her prank! It appears as though he is seen here as a minor character whose involvement with his six closest friends (and his family) doesn't matter. Hate to say it, but I'm gonna hafta downvote and unfavorite; I just can't bring myself to like a story that excuses him from the action as if he isn't important.
This was an amazing end to an amazing set of hilarious pranks. Couldn't stop snickering.
2522772 I am sorry if the absence of a character you want to be in the story keeps you from fully enjoying it, but I won't apologize for leaving Spike out. If I had had a use for him, I would have used him, but I didn't, and I won't go adding unnecessary scenes to satisfy some quota of major character appearances.
I'm glad you found funny what you did find funny, and I wish you luck in finding stories about Spike elsewhere.
Trollestia: the ultimate trump card!
2522841 That's fair an' all, but Spike isn't a minor character. He's Twilight's closest friend, and every reason I've ever heard for excluding him from his only close friends has been a poor one. It's the idea that he's a minor character, and the absurd number of people who think so, that kills my enjoyment.
2522894 Actually, that comment specifically calls Spike a MAJOR character, just one that wasn't a necessary part of this story. It's still within your rights to believe that any story which does not at least mention Spike is bad (or at least downvote it), and the fact that he said otherwise in a comment doesn't necessarily excuse the fact that Spike isn't treated differently from a minor character, but I don't think it's fair to penalize a fic for not including a major character, unless you also penalize fics which FOCUS on a minor character.
But again, opinions are opinions and if something in the story kept you from enjoying it, regardless of your ability to express or logically argue for the objective issues that caused such a thing, it is your right (or even your obligation) to share that opinion in comments and voting.
*applauds*
Bravo. Bravo! Bravo!!!
2523009 I already took up too much space under another story arguing the matter, but I'll list some few reasons his exclusion bugs me if you wish.
In favor of Spike's inclusion:
- The show has established that the mane six are his surrogate family in addition to being the only characters he frequently spends time with.
- Season 3 had Spike sticking with his friends in at least three episodes without a strong plot-driven purpose besides the fact that he's part of the group.
- Two of Spike's friends in "Just for Sidekicks" mentioned that his exclusion was unfortunate, making it clear that the writers/producers finally understand that it is a big enough issue to address.
Against pony-exclusivity:
- The show is about friendship, not ponies.
- Demographics to not determine friendships.
- The Elements of Hamony are never viewed as an exclusive clique, and the mane six never allow their status to affect their personal lives.
Obviously not everything applies here, but it's still a little harder to enjoy than it could've been if the author had managed to produce a role for him, especially since she could do so for the mane six plus other characters. If the show writers knew then what they know now, he would have have a stronger presence in the pilot, and would not be so alienated from the bond the ponies share. Now, I really don't want this to become another lengthy debate, so let's leave it at that: the author included the mane six, left Spike out, and by doing so condoned the trend of treating him like a minor character. Something I would prefer to see less of.
Well if Dash and Pinkie's goal was to reclaim the Ponyville pranKing crown, that's not really how to go about it...
I'd be willing to help with an editing pass. Though it seems pretty solid to me already.
2523162
You need help.
Brilliant. Would upvote again. Can't think of anything that needs improvement, shocked it's not on EQD already, talking like Mordin from Mass Effect. :B
You sir... you really get pranking.
This is the best use of changelings in a narrative I have ever seen.
May I give you my moustache, sir?
2523968 If you're sure you won't miss, it, I suppose...
2523512 There's no call to attack anybody. While I may disagree with Swashbucklist's opinion on the necessity of including Spike in this story, he/she has every right to voice that opinion and back it up with reasoning.
That was awesome !
Thank you for this fanfic.
2522127
Overdone.
2525120
I agree with the poster. It's not an attack, it's an observation. This guy needs to sit and re-think, possibly re-imagine himself. That's not offensive, that's pretty much factual. He's arguing about why your story apparently sucks because it's a story that does not involve his favorite character. You didn't involve Luna for god's sakes, and the Spike fanclub is barely a flea's spit in comparison to the brain-numb legions of her zealotry's fanbase (let alone the massive amount of her sane fans). Don't see them up in here pitching a fit and acting high and mighty, and they're usually the ones who do just that.
It would be much more intelligent for him to simply say, "Aw man, I wish Spike had gotten in on this." and to have left it at that. Instead he's causing issues with random people and talking about friendship while being the instigator. Ergo, he needs help since he apparently failed to see what he's doing wrong by himself. You don't judge a story to be poor simply because it doesn't involve a particular character. This is a good story and accomplishes what it sets out to do, with the characters meant to do it. If anything, he is the one attacking people who like your work with his foolishness.
I knew this chapter was coming, but somehow I wanted Twilight to continue on as a mistress of pranking
. She's so often the ever-suffering straight mare to the other ponies' antics (and when she's getting her time as the comedic half of the duo it's always mocking her distress) that this story felt like a breath of fresh air in ways. Epilogue? 
Very funny chapter again. Twilight didn't counterprank this time. But who says she won't get her revenge?
2525120 Thank-you for being reasonable, and whoopsie-daisy. I re-read those comments and it looks like you actually did refer to Spike as a major character. My bad.
2525437
Try reading his reply to that comment. ^^^
Aww, it's done? Well, it was a good story while it lasted, and hey, you even said it, you might have a few more chapters for this thing. But yeah, one of the funniest fanfics I've seen. Nice job dude.
2528834
Point still stands. He does have every right to voice his opinion with reasoning. So I voiced mine, with reasoning behind it. Otherwise it might have been a more simple post with about the same pointlessness to it as it already has - an opinion along the lines of "Wow, that guy's pretty whack" in lieu of its current wording, O Grand Pink One With the Lovely Feathers and Especially Long Horn.
I will say I was somewhat offended he came in here and started ragging on a good story for such an inane reason. A right to an opinion does not offer a right to the final word, after all. I admire the author's steadfast and neutral view, but I also sometimes wish they didn't have to hold their tongues and deal with people of that nature. So pardon if I come off a bit testy towards that sort, it's not meant to be offensive to anyone BUT the person I have a problem with once they read it.
2530110 Chill out man. You're seeing hostility where there is none. Never did I say it sucked; in fact, in a previous comment I stated it was awesome. Nor was there any “attack” on the story (except for that one little mistake), just criticism. Thing is, it's bothersome to see six friends all included in something while the seventh part of their group falls by the wayside just because he doesn't fit demographically or lacks the right station. There's something very wrong with representing friendship in that way. That's where my downvote came from: a desire to see less “mane six” and more “mane seven”, not from any dislike of the story. This is one of the most entertaining and well-executed fics I've read in the last week, but I feel that giving all seven friends equal treatment is more important than the status of one good fanfic.
And for the record, Spike isn't my favorite character. Pinkie Pie is.
2533589
Shhh. Gone on long enough. You gave your negative opinion, I gave mine on yours. Regardless of not saying the words 'it sucked' you very, very clearly gave that impression and seemed to insult the story because it did not contain one character. Anything further than an opinion met by an opinion becomes an argument. If you want to tango, PM me.
Otherwise, try and accept that you may have been just a bit unnecessarily vociferous over the issue and let it rest so we stop mucking up the comments.
2533962 No, I've said all I need to.
It's over? Nooooooo
(Also, the correct plural is 'Twilights Sparkle'
)
Say...what if Twilight decides, instead of an angry letter, that she needs to prank Celestia back? And enlists Luna to help her do it?
This was sweet and clever but it also feels a little diminished by the lack of an ending. We kind of come in medias res this prank war, which is fine, everything is framed nicely to start and we aren't missing any important information. But it just ends like every other chapter. Even if you just have somepony going, "I'll get you next time Gadget, NEXT TIME!" it helps enforce the continuity of the slice of life you've painted.
I kinda want to see more of the Reform Course for Changelings. (The RCC?)
2552132 I sort of do, too. One of these days, I may write a separate story about it. "Diary of a Recovering Philovore" or something like that.
2552113
I see my comment catch your eye
24.media.tumblr.com/335fd1085f136438b0ca6c6a35d5e9f5/tumblr_mm3lw8xYlW1r3gomwo1_1280.gif
Excellent fic!! Well executed and hilarious! Greenthumbed!
This was a fun collection to read through, and I felt that the ending was excellent. How else are you going to out-prank a pony who can travel trough time, except to set her against one who has at least a thousand more years of pranking experience?
2627226 Haven't had a chance to get my hands on the comics.
Besides that, it's just Fluttershy bluffing there, so it's not unreasonable to assume that neither she nor RD and Pinkie know that Cadance was a pegasus.
MOAR
well.... time travel... that is all I can say.
Except for I can't find the comics either.