Since the show over, I'm gone, no more stories from me
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After the Friendship Games with Twilight just having trouble being in Canterlot High and what happen in the Friendship Games.
Even if everyone has forgotten or just doesn't care about it anymore, the nightmare on what she could have done haunts her, with Sunset being the only one to help since she been there before.
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What FlashLight is funnier than the ever so classic Twinkie?
Nice to see a little bit of PinkieDash though I wish it was developed a bit more.
Take care with your proofreading as you have a bunch of small errors that really affect the flow of your story.
It was a cute story, but you definitely need an editor or a proof reader of some sort
Is english your first language?
Misplaced words and incorrect tenses disrupt the flow of the story, as Crimson Dawn said before me.
It progressed pretty well, though - I never felt it was going too fast (although that may be because I had to keep stopping to glare at an error).
However...with the first Pinkie/Dash scene I can see why it was neccessary to the story as it left Sunset and Twilight alone. The second Pinkie/Dash scene...kinda wasn't? I mean, the story says there is SunLight, and that's what I came to read. It's fine if you sprinkle hints in between the lines, but giving them their own second scene there when it doesn't really relate to the rest of the story kinda seems a little out of place, in my opinion. And they weren't wrapped up very well.
For example, you could've had them sitting further down the beach at the end, already a couple or something? Or playing together with the ball - I don't know, that's why I'm not a writer. But you just kinda half-wrote them, and then abandoned them halfway through the story, I feel xD;
I hope my comment doesn't discourage you - what was there was a good read! I'd just like to see you improve and make your stories even better
Man, this story is reaaaally rough in terms of editing. I wasn't able to get much further than a few lines in and it looks like it doesn't improve. I won't thumb-down it but you really super duper need to get an editor. Like one line had 5 mistakes in it and the last sentence in that line made absolutely no sense at all. A mistake here and there is fine but when a sentence reads like a bunch of random words pulled out of a hat and strung together you have a problem.
6994693 There's a few reasons this story was meant to come out next Wednesday I just had it finished sooner then thought and I put it through Google Doc's I thought that I got all the errors that's was my bad. English is my first language it just I have dyslexia so that's why that there maybe words missing or just not making any sense.
For Pinkie x Rainbow that was more of a after- thought, I thought it on the spot and well yeah, I do have a Rainbowpie story in the works with a co-writer called Rainbow Coloured Balloons. But yeah, I also edit this late at night so that maybe the other reason.
I do have a editor, nice person but he's already helping me with my chapter story called Scootaloo & Sweetie Belle: The Thousand Year Door and he can only edit my work on the weekends so I don't want to trouble him. My work isn't that important to take his time of the weekend just for me. So yeah that's why that this story is weird.
Uhhh... You do realize the group Past Sins is a group for stories relating to Pen Stroke's story of the same name... right?
7184124 No because the group is called Past Sins meaning that the first thing would come to mind would be past sins
my mind was thinking too straight here.
7184145
...
Okay then.
SciSet.
Nice touch with making Pinkie comb the halls literally
You just had to ruin the moment rainbow
I think she's overthinking it.
I guess I know just how she figured it out.
Nevermind
I can tell that's a spaceballs reference.
Ok now we've gotten to the spaceball reference and I'm just lmao now.
Hope they don't get in trouble.
I don't even know what to say about this or how pinkie got there in the first place.
Well looks like twilight got her wish in the end