• Member Since 2nd May, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 14th, 2020

Mister Phoenix


Since the show over, I'm gone, no more stories from me

E

Go check out the sequel: After The Mistletoe


With Hearth's Warming Eve just around the corner and ponies out buying gifts for those held dear to their hearts Ponyville is abuzz with activity. As Pinkie holds a small party with a secret Santa Hooves

And a certain draconian resident of Ponyville found the wait for the holiday that before now had seemed out of reach.

Yep, Spike could tell that it was going to be a good day.

Edited by TwilightSparkleBestPony


With my lovely friend who help me write this Jade Crossroads

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

Okay, I'm gonna be the first to say this...

This story needs an editor. Within the first two paragraphs I found at least seven mistakes grammatically. Sadly I won't really be able to help you much since I have no internet at my house. All you really need to do though is ask for help through the description and somebody's bound to help sooner or later.

I won't dislike the story because of the errors. Those are easily fixed. In fact I want to like it; the concept seems nice and the writing would have been great. All this story needs is a little TLC.

This story has potential. I mean, it's an interesting concept, however the pacing and grammar seriously needs some work. If those were fixed, it would probably be a good read.

If I didn't know any better, I think you made a Spaceballs by Mel Brooks reference.

Am I correct?

6698862 Yes it is i just love that movie so much it one of my favorites and I hate that I can remember all the jokes it makes it harder to re-watch the movie!

6698862 the countdown yes it is I remember that scene as well

6699641

What's YOUR favorite scene?

6699753 dark helmet surrounded by a holes! XD

"How in the wide world of Equestria did you find a first edition copy of Daring Do?!"

I think you mean Daring Do and the Sapphire Statue, because she has First Edition autographed copies of all the others. Great story, though.

I was expecting a kiss on the lips.

"Wait! Six? What happen to seven?." Sweetie Belle asked.

'Just kidding, seven'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Loved the Spaceballs reference!

:twilightsmile: sitting down to read a nice new story

The white snow covered the ground as ponies wore scarves around their necks to protect them from the cold wind.

:twilightsheepish:phrased a bit odd I suppose but not terribly so

Second sentence

As ponies walks in the cold, wet snow

:twilightoops: wow first typo already okay it's an easy mistake to make I'll just ignore it and go on

they leave their craven hoof prints against the mentioned surface.

:facehoof: craven? D-doesn't the author mean cloven? W-which is it supposed to be here? And that odd phrasing is coming back in full.

Later on

As the three fillies entered the sweet shop to hear a explode coming from the kitchen as the three looked at each other in confusion.

:twilightangry2: Okay who edited this?!

:moustache: I'll get the scotch

Good idea, horrible typos. Not the worst I've seen mind you , but being better than a French speaker without an editor using Google Translate is a low bar that I'm glad to say most people are high above.

So grab spike throw him out the window. And replace him with button mash.

Login or register to comment