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UmbrellaCorps
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UmbrellaCorps
Joined 22nd Oct, 2012 ·
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That start fills me with such hope for at least a bittersweet ending.
Though the fact that Cadence was expecting foals just 3 months after it, and now its been 3 years...
I can only imagine how that must feel for Shining.
*edit* I've changed my mind upon rereading the original story and starting to get into the scenario more, even if it is quite dark. Sometimes, dark is good, and this story shows promise getting being a lot darker before it gets better, for certain definitions of better.
I do wish that this story has a proper non-horrific ending. And as the opening shows, some stuff will get resolved, though how it will 'resolve' and the lasting consequences are left fully open. Will Shining Armor ever really recover...? Or will Lowly Servant live on in some way, even after Cadance knows?
That said, the idea that there may be (some) light at the end of the tunnel makes for the clop scenario to be quite enjoyable once again. I do look forward to how this resolves.
6725877 Trust me, the ending wont be horrific, but certainly not pleasant either.
6725919
*edit* After rereading the original story a few times and the other sequel, I've changed my mind.
I look forward to seeing where you take it, as it really does deserve some continuation. I felt you summarized the mechanics of what happened as well as summarized Lowly Servant's life very well so far.
Good start so far! I look forward to seeing where you take it.
I am happy that someone decided to make this a sequel.
For what I can see, in the psychologist or therapist room, it seem that Candance seem to be aware of what happen to Shining Armor and that she seem to be gilt ridden by what happen to him during these three and a haft years of being Lowly Servant. It also seem that this is happening after that the truth was revealed to her, but it is clear that the authorities known the truth and that she has been estranged by the royal family for her actions. For what I may understand from Remedy words, Cadance is force to go to those sessions. I wander if she got the same treatment as her husband?
Shining Armor, or rather Lowly Servant, if practically less than a shadow of what he/she once was and has more or less has accepted her new identity as a mare after being grinded by the compulsion spell so long. It must be soul crushing for him to see his Foals being raised right in front of him by an imposter. I wander if he can use this to his advantage somehow? I can see him ever completely recovering from this ordeal even with his iron will of a royal guard.
For Lord Shining Armor, who was originally a lowly maid of the castle, he may have all the knowledge and experience of Shining Armor but he sternly doesn’t have his sense of morals or integrity. I have been told in the past that people from very modest background, how found themselves suddenly rich or in a position in an organization, without having worked hard to get it, often become drunk with this new fond power and more often than not flaunt their it, indulges in theirs vices without restraint because they are not limited by their and love to abused others for what they see as form of vindication of their life toil, and their believe that everything they do justified by that. Lord Shining Armor loves his position and will not give it up for anything and is as cunning as the original.
For what I can see on the tag it seem that Flash Sentry is going to be involved in the story. I wander if he discovers the truth is plays alonge, or that he take pity on Lowly Servant and try to help her and fall in love with her (that would be messed-up if that happens, I love it). I wander if he will also be privy to the same treatment as her, to keep him quiet or to expand on Lord Armor her power trip.
Personally I like the bad ending of the original, but I am certainly intrigue on the prospect of expanding on the concept and I hope that things will get worse before it get any better. So far it pretty good if some what not exactly refine as the original, but as you said you don't have an editor for this so it's still pretty good. The recap of what happen is pretty well done but it forgot to tel that Lowly can get pregnant by the vibrator spell.
6726033 I didn't really write that the therapy sessions were necessary, or that her family and friends are keeping their distance, but they 're definitely on strict terms when it comes to this. The therapy sessions are more for herself, but she's still apprehensive about talking about what shes done to Armor.
Lowly and Flash will be hanging around each other, but not so much as to go as far into a relationship, though he does play an important part in the following chapters to come.
I'm still unclear as to how I'll write out the rest of the chapters, but I already have the ending summarized, and I'm already starting on the second chapter, so maybe pieces will start to come together and make the rest of the story play out smoothly.
6726076 I found this to be really fucked up. I just have a bit of a personal problem when it comes to mind control, but I'm not gonna hold it against you. At least tell me that Shining Armor (the real one), now know as Lowly Servant, doesn't have to be this way forever
6727483 Don't worry my friend, all will be answered in time.
I'd like to apologize, I've been leaving a good deal of comments over on videomaster's fic and I haven't really been giving this one the attention it deserves! I really, really hope you continue it. I actually feel a bit bad — I knew someone else was working on a sequel, and I mentioned as much to you in the comments back over on Maid to Please, but I never expected both stories to hit the site within hours of each other on the exact same day. That sucks, and it really isn't fair to either one of you, because you've both done a heck of a job, and you both deserve your time in the sun. What's more, I know this is the first fic you've written... I just hope it doesn't discourage you, because in spite of the awkward circumstances, your sequel is super good! I can't wait to see where it goes, and a lot of other people are excited for it as well.
I've mentioned as much to you in the PMs already, but I really, really like how the story begins in media res with the psychologist scene. It hints that Cadance has discovered what happened to Shining, but it doesn't give anything away about where Shining is or what his situation is, whether he's been rescued or not... Is he still Lowly Servant? Is he back to his true and rightful self? If so, does he have all his marbles, or is he completely broken — a shell of the stallion he used to be? It's sooooo tantalizing, I want to read more right this instant just to find out!
I also really enjoyed the clop, and in particular how hopeless Shining Armor's situation still is! As you might have guessed reading my own story, I'm not at all put off by the dark possibilities of TF/TG and identity loss, and the latter scenes in this chapter really ticked those boxes for me. Three YEARS is such a devastating amount of time, and the effects on Lowly so potentially shattering, I just find it enormously appealing. I don't know, maybe I'm messed up, but I'm really into the idea of somebody being caught in a mind control situation like this for so long that they start to forget who they used to be, and they become naturally slutty, submissive, and convinced of their lower station... to the point where even if the mind control spell were taken off them, they would still be so thoroughly mentally conditioned that they might not slip out of their role, and they would find it hard or impossible to go back to being who they used to be. I'm not sure where you're taking this or if you plan to give Shining/Lowly a happy ending, but this chapter definitely hit those notes for me, and it was a joy to read it.
Since the first time I checked this story, I think you edited it to give Cadance a more stern reaction towards Lowly... Makes me wonder if she's on to her "husband's" infidelity, and if she's going to inflict further punishment or torment on Lowly for "seducing" Shining Armor away from her. If so, then JESUS CHRIST... That's such a brilliant idea to make this shit even darker than it already was.
Not only does Lowly have to watch Cadance kiss and screw and raise foals with the enemy, but then to have Cadance hate her and antagonize her and think she's a worthless whore on top of it... I don't know, maybe I'm making things up and that's not where you're going with this, but that's where my mind went, and wow, what an angle.
Anyway, I've written way too much. I ought to cut it here. If you're still looking for an editor, I'd be happy to do it for you in my free time, at least for a few chapters. It would let me get to read them faster, at any rate.
I sincerely hope you continue this, and I can't wait for the next chapter. 
6737426 It's alright, neither of us knew we were going to post at the same time.
Yeah I did edit Cadance's reaction in the scene a bit, and honestly I haven't really considered Cadance and Lowly to be on bad terms, but now that you mention it I do feel like there should be something that makes Cadance dislike Lowly. I didn't intent for her to think that Lord Armor and Lowly are going at it, but I think I have something that is just as convincing enough to make Cadance drift towards the possibility. Fortunately, this next chapter will be a bit of an eye-opener for Cadance when it comes to Lowly and the maids.
Also, sorry for not responding right away. I am continuing this, been trying to write more down - I have about 2600 words written already, mostly dialogue - but my ADHD has been a bit of a bother trying to focus on writing, Fallout 4 and GTA playing a part in my distractions.
Don't worry, I have a clear idea how to progress the story. I already have the ending mapped out, but I have no idea if videomaster will write a similar ending - I don't want our stories to have the same ending. It's going to get really dark further on, something that I think will pull many peoples' strings, but will get better after.
Oh, and I would love it if you did pre-read some chapters. God forbid it's made me a bit nervous not having someone improve on my skills.
6743005
Yeah, kind of in the same boat myself with Fallout 4, though I've sort of given up on GTA5. The online has too many loading screens.
But yeah, feel free to send any chapters my way, and I can give them an edit.
6743005
Having read the original a few times, I've changed my mind on how I had imagined I wanted this story to go. I've edited my original comments to reflect that.
After reading videomaster's ending to the scenario, I'm not happy with it. It wasn't a bad ending in that it tried to wrap everything up, but it feels... not appropriate, especially Cadance's reactions and her attempt to make right what was wrong (there was no attempt, she tried to take the 'easy' way out at first in her grief, despite Shining Armor suffering right there). True though, videomaster's fake!ShiningArmor was shown to be quite mad, and I'm not getting that impression here, three years later. Sure, he takes advantage of Lowly Servant, but so does everypony else, apparently. And I haven't gotten the vibe he is a bad husband to Cadance or his foals, though that may be happening behind the scenes. As such, seeing that unwind would be all the more glorious, when it does. As will the long term consequences to Lowly Servant, as well. I highly doubt that she will just disappear, and in fact would be quite disappointed if she did.
I think what would tickle me silly would be the idea that Lowly Servant might never actually blame Cadance for what happened. All she has been able to hold onto these years, after all, has been her love for Cadance. The only thing keeping her from slipping entirely away, and not even resentment might remain. That unconditional affection would just be twisting the knife more, when Cadance does set out to try and undo everything.
6737426
I like the way you think. I didn't catch has the stuff you did (or the implications for the future), and while I had originally wanted a better ending to the story, I'd rather see many of your points expanded in this story, for no other reason than it's a continuation of the dark fetishy themes, while the other sequel was a wrapping up of everything and was most definitely not trying to continue them.
6747912
This is the great thing about having two stories. This one can delve deeper into the 'dark' territory that I avoided. ^_^
However, I'd like to issue one thing in defense of Cadance and her grief. It seems like you had an issue with her trying to 'take the easy way out' but you mention "While Shining was suffering right there"
The way she 'tries to do that' is by leaping out a window. In her mind she just wanted to escape the room. Seeing that after she had promised nothing bad would come to Shiny, only for her to realize that she actually condemned him to a horrible prison broke her for a few moments. She was frantic, panicked. She thought only to escape, to run. It just happens that she tried to go out a window, and Evening realized she probably wouldn't survive the fall, as she was too out of it to likely catch herself from the fall.
While she did try to hurt herself later, it could be implied that she may have tried to cut off her horn or wings. Thinking her magic only brought harm to Shiny, or that she didn't deserve her wings and princess status.
As for seeing Shining still suffer before her. It was her fault he was like that. It's stated that she's afraid she'll only hurt him more if she tries to help. To make it short: I feel that if the Princess of Love did a mistake like this to the one she loves. It'd be the worst possible thing to her.
6760107
It's very selfish, is what it is. It's all about Cadence. How much she is suffering. How much she blames herself. How much she thinks that she shouldn't even talk to Shining Armor, let alone harm him further.
What it wasn't about was Shining Armor, and it just strikes me as out of character for her, to be so self focused.
She bucked up, bad, but she has to put her own pain aside for the moment to focus on the one who really needs help. That's the Princess thing to do. That is the impression I got with the opening with this story.
It's also, if you think about it, what Lonely Servant was forced to do everyday. Unable to display any sadness and continue her work until she was caught up and alone.
6760161
I think you are forgetting that Cadance is a pony too. She also hasn't lived as long as Celestia or Luna, much like we'll see Twilight in the show still do things that aren't very princess like. Cadance is no different. She knows that both Evening and Twilight are helping Shining, while she fears she'll just make things worse. That's kinda what happens to some people in this situation.
She WAS thinking about Shining. About how much she hurt him. About how she was suppose to keep him from harm, and instead she did so much worse. In the end, she isn't sure what to do. Remember Twilight in Rainbow Rocks? She was a princess but didn't have all the answers. Neither does Cadance. She wants to help, but doesn't know what to do.
Regardless, I didn't meant to hijack this story and it's comments. If that's how you feel about the story, well then I'm sorry I didn't get what I intended across, but honestly that's not how I see it.
Looks like there will be recompense. Possibly because of that damn vibration spell. Neat.
6760161 I agree with this. The ending in videomaster's version seemed to take a very rash turn that sort of ruined the immersion. The build up to the resolution was enjoyable but the resolution itself was kind of awkward to read.
ok finished maid to please 2 yesterday , yours will be next (not sure why i want to continue to read continuations of that fic but whatever i guess....) and i'll see what i think , though since this one seems like it's going to be more fetishy like the original im probably gonna wait a bit on it......
6775484 first off ive seen you before! somewhere on this sight lol.
anyway to the auther. will a update come soon?
6775484 first off ive seen you before! somewhere on this sight lol.
anyway to the author. will a update come soon?
6862692 k....
6862723 omg i came across as creepy stalker! so srry i just loved that profile pic so sticks out in my memory.
6863000 oh , i thought you came across as a weird guy that points out to people when he's seen them before , like i do sometimes....
6863087 "birds of a feather" lol
6863121 ....does that even mean anything?...
6862697 I'm trying to get some work done on it. Unfortunately, I've been incredibly busy the past few weeks and so far I have half the chapter written. I'll post an update on the status of the chapter in a few days. Right now we've got a blizzard that's burying us in 7 inches of snow and there's more to come in the next 24 hours and I'm trying to keep us from getting snowed in.
6863439 ah well good luck with that i lvein the south so its nice here.
More please
I fucking hate Cadence so much in this story. She plays with her husband's life like it's nothing all throughout, risking her entire Empire and putting it in the hooves of a rapist and sadist with a spell she obviously didn't research all that well. All for what? To get her rocks off? Disgusting. There was so much she should have noticed, so much she could have done to avoid this, and she did none of it in a quick burst to get her rocks off.
So is there more news the progresses of this story? I am so much looking forward to see more of it.
7123134 incredibly busy these days, but I am working on it. I can't say a whole lot at this moment since I'm in DC on my phone. I will say I do have another story I'm interested in writing, so chances are I'll finish the 2nd chapter before starting on my second story.
7123342 that great to hear, hope things will ease up for you.
I want to see the ending of this fiction. Just make 3 more chapters and finish it pls. I would like to see an happy or at least a good ending only for shining armor. 3 years are a lot of time and can change a man, Cadence have foals now so he must have move on with his grief. I don't think is possible that his love have survived the abuse, I don't think he would like to call himself shining armor either, not after watching his own face over and over again.
(I hope for gleaming shield return
)
7383363 it's going to have more than 3 chapters, I'm almost done with the second chapter.
ever going to finish?
7465139 Sorry, I'm just busy. I have 2 jobs now and it sucks, so I'm pretty much exhausted everyday. I'm almost done with the 2nd chapter though.
7466201
I can relate. I was just wondering
I was just wondering if you were going to finish this story, or are you just taking a break for the time being.
7716083 Taking a break, been far too occupied by my jobs and I have very little time in between, and On top of that I can't seem to get what I want writen down. I apologize.
7716488 Its ok I was just worried another story I like was dead is all. I'm just glad it isn't. Thanks for replying.
Not yet I have put my comment, since I have kept the desires of seeing where goes and that to happen, cadance like you depict it leaves the possibility that I have erroneous idea of that that lowly this seizing, as beginning marking their regret. at the beginning I thought that it was lowly the one that was with the doctor, it is rawwer what passes to lowly in their history and the goods are seen that they will be harder in her, as what you leave one in wait to be able to give my opinion since although you have given particulars and something is even a lot that it can leave her, so I wait the following one.
Aun no he puesto mi comentario , ya que me he quedado con las ganas de ver donde va y que pasar , cadance como la retratas deja la posibilidad que tengo idea errónea de lo que lowly esta asiendo, como iniciando marcando su arrepentimiento . al principio pensé que era lowly la que estaba con el médico, es más cruda lo que pasa a lowly en su historia y los efectos se ve que serán más duros en ella , como lo que dejas uno en espera para poder dar mi opinión ya que aunque has dado detalles y algo queda aún mucho que puede salir de ella , así que espero el siguiente .
7800123 The therapy session was probably a stroke of genius for me because I wanted to capture the reader's attention and draw them in, rather than going straight to the sex(which probably would have ruined the story in general had I just focused on that instead.) I'm glad you liked it and I hope that you stick around for the coming updates.
La sesión de terapia fue probablemente un golpe de genio para mí porque quería capturar la atención del lector y atraerlos, en lugar de ir directamente al sexo (lo que probablemente habría arruinado la historia en general si me hubiera centrado en eso en su lugar). Me alegra que te haya gustado y espero que te quedes para las próximas actualizaciones.
HALLELUJAH!!!
Such an amazing christmas present update :D
Opps! Sorry everyone. There was a bit of a problem transferring the story from Google Docs, which might have chopped the chapter up a bit. Don't worry, I fixed it now.
Sweet Jesus I've been waiting for this.
great to see the new chapter finally out and about. I can't say that I had made it easy for you in the editing processes with all of my nitpicking that I made you suffer through.
Huzzah!
It doesn't say tragedy, I'm only hoping that's accurate. Otherwise, awesome followup so far. Given how her conditioning is only kept secret by her routine and subsequent lack of excitement, I am just hoping Twily figures it out and Cadence winds up suitably disgusted with herself.