• Member Since 6th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen May 15th

Angelgrace


There will probably be mind control.

Comments ( 126 )

Colour me intrigued. An adventure with your signature self-insert too! I hope it updates :twilightsmile:

Now this looks nice!

I wonder just how many of the characters you were offered make it into the story, and as what ^_^

5844558

I'd say a little under ten. I had basically the same idea in mind as Twilight did for what I wanted. Golden Luck is actually my OC as well.
A part of the problem was finding characters that fit what I wanted to do with them...and weren't just "Oh, Shining Star is like, a super heroic pony but they're also nice and a little shy and easy to control"

5844643
Welp, we readers will eagerly await the results ;) It's going to be fun to see who made it.

Why is this in the clopfics folder for hypnosis/mind control when the rating is E? Are you just planning on bumping it up later?

Also this is a nice story.

5845273
Could have sworn I changed the rating.
Honestly, I'm torn about which folder to use. There are going to both clop moments and dark moments in this fic.

5845333

Well it is entirely possible to use both, so long as the moments are equal.

Woot. Great to see your doing well with the characterization of Greymane and Cloud Prism.

There's never enough hypnofics, especially ones with an actual story. Hope there's more of this; it could really go anywhere from here.

Are you planning arcs where they face a particular theme like robots/changelings/etc? Or is it shorter encounters with smaller scale villains?

5846897
They will not defeat a particular...challenge in any single chapter. In addition to that, there's going to be an overarching story arc; I have at least two main antagonists, and
I'm seriously considering adding Starlight Glimmer as a long-term character. She will show up.

5846955
Ah, that being said, I am taking suggestions for themes

This sounds interesting! Excited to see where this goes (and I see Spiral Dream in there, fun!).

5846965
Well, off the top of my head, here are some general methods of mind-control:

Mindless Drone / Hivemind: Changelings have powers that allow them to control other ponies, subjugate them and turn them into slaves to the Hive. Or perhaps not even Changelings, but something else (like tentacle plants in the Everfree).

Possession: ghosts, demons, The Smooze/Slime, shadow beasts, etc. taking over bodies and using their powers for their own nefarious ends!

Illusions: making ponies think/see things that aren't real.

'Normality': Reality-warpers with powers similar to Discord can change fundamental truths of the world (or just in a localized area) and make the ponies there think that everything is the way it's always been/should be. Perhaps they don't actually change anything, but just make ponies THINK things are a certain way, similar to Illusions but deeper.

Hypnosis with trigger words: self-explanatory!

Artifacts of Attraction: potions, amulets, rings, magic staves, etc. physical objects that allow the user to mess with the minds of others.

Also, maybe for one of the later arcs you could do something like having the mane six / Princesses taken over by a powerful mind controller, and then Project Starburst is the only ones left to defeat/avoid Puppet Twilight and take down the bad guy.

Those are just some random ideas, dunno if any of that is useful but I figured I'd toss it out there.

5845333
If you're planning on mature themes later on, I definitely suggest having the rating at least be teen until then, the current E rating could be a bit misleading to readers.

5846965

If you've got villains in mind then surely their general style should be something you plan for them.

If you're not settled on it yet, then how about a robot theme for one villain. Not actually turning them into machines, but hypnotizing them to think they are. So they appear normal but when they hear the trigger they remember they're robots that must obey their programming.

5860999 someone already did that, if you're interested, i could send you the link

5865187

Can't think of a story like that. Send me the link.

5865295 its not exactly that, but itis pretty close
Imperium

5868407

Oh yes. Not quite what I had in mind, but I already read that.

Rather nice chapter, although I find it kinda funny how blunt Angel was to the potential mind controller. However that isn't a flaw at all, just character, so keep up the good work. ^^

6210997

That is absolutely Angel Grace. She has no social grace, whatsoever, and there's a reason for that, as you'll find out. There's a reason she's the one carrying the files, and it's not just because it's my character.

great chapter. I always love mind-control stories that involves puppet strings. It's a sham that there aren't more of these.

That was rather direct. I had expected we'd see more intrigue, but they just march straight into the evil lair.

I would have used something more along the lines of a self-sustaining puppeting, potentially seen as the strings being tied to the unicorn's horn or hooves. Even if it could only work for unicorns, there's nothing stopping him from tiring multiple ponies to the unicorn in question (so to speak).

6216379

Like Spiral Dream said, the spell requires a lot of focus from the caster to keep working. Basically, it's like the unicorn is attaching another body to their motor cortex, and even a unicorn only has so much brain to go around. Dancing Strings is using a workaround, and he's still having to cheat.

6217651 Perhaps, but it doesn't really make too much sense that a puppeteer can have a pony say "I am now your obedient slave" or something and it sticks.

I hope you explain how it works a little bit more in the next several chapters. Perhaps he's simply misleading them while he could, in reality, move her to to somewhere he can instill a more permanent means of control.
Perhaps with control-ception. (For example, "puppeting" could be a fast-acting but inefficient mind control while some form of enthrallment and/or mind alteration would be slow-acting, but more effective, and he simply kept one of those types of ponies under his puppeting).

A mind control-fic based on a puppeteer? That's awesome, I really wonder why noone thought about that before. Really looking forward to seeing where this is going :twilightsmile:

I just realized that the rating is still E... You gonna fix that since it's in the clopfic folder, or are you waiting till the actual acts appear?

6263610

To be honest, I'm not 100% sure I'm going to include straight clop. There might be some sexual scenes in certain chapters because of the nature of the chapter, but I learned a few things from Lilith, and one of them is not to write something I'm not comfortable with just because people want it.

I'm not a huge fan of sexual scenes, and there's a good reason why a lot of authors skip them that has nothing to do with censorship: They're fucking hard to write, and I'm not skilled enough to force myself to write something that hard that I don't want to anyway.

5860999

And I should have answered this before: I have the main villains planned out, and I think I've found an excellent Big Bad for the story. I have a few bad guys planned out as well (I actually have another issue all ready after this one, and then there's going to be a very serious enemy for Starburst to face, possibly after a second threat depending on how I feel about the story at that point). What I'm basically looking for are some themes for 'filler' villains, one-off threats that while they contribute to the story, basically won't be seen again.

Bah, if you're into the fetish then sex isn't necessary anyway.

Very interesting to see that his mind control involves a bit of deception.

6331235

That's a very good point of view, and to be honest I accept. It can be really taxing having so many people tell you to write something when you have your own plans.

Also Dancing Strings is a very crafty stallion, I have to applaud him.

6331235

I'm not a huge fan of sexual scenes, and there's a good reason why a lot of authors skip them that has nothing to do with censorship: They're fucking hard to write, and I'm not skilled enough to force myself to write something that hard that I don't want to anyway.

Yay, someone who agrees! I'm terrible at clop; my two sex scenes are basically one done by itself, then copy-pasted and names changed for the second time because I didn't know what else to do. And besides, this story is good enough without clop, so continue as you see fit and it seems it'll get along fine without it. :pinkiehappy:

6331235 WHen it comes to sexual or graphically depicted scenes, it's usually best to do them when you feel they are most necessary and when you feel comfortable, not when the readers tell you it's best. That path leads to head aches and much drinking.

adding to that, you did a good job on Lilith, the story just felt drawn out beyond what it really needed. The story would have held up beautifully especially if it had cut off at the first chapter, the rest of it felt forced, and unpleasant.

I prefer seeing chapters that are written comfortably by the writer, than chapters that contain all of the content I like but feel like a jumble of forced situations and poses.

A good one off villain, I could probably think of would be a Minotaur mind slave and a Siren slave trader. Guarding a path.

Windigo Ice sculptors that can only be tamed by a skilled hypnotist

A group of misguided changelings that can be freed from their enslaved queen, and her corrupted connection.

Maybe have twilight or one of the princesses fall to a powerful sorcerers mind tricks, and be puppeted in the back ground while the group is on mission and has to return and help release the princess from the sorcerers grasp.

The only think I'd like to see is some of the longer processed forms of hypnosis in future chapters.

6331235 I would suggest rating it as teen (both due to the content— implied mind break, objectification of females, debatable quasi-slavery, etc — and because it's possible it will contain clop or something implying it, which is often rated as teen) and removing it from any clop folders until there's at least something sexual.

On a related note, it's nice to learn that this is well planned out. If you're interested in mini bosses, consider a buffalo/zebra shaman, corrupt guards with MC powers, a possession (ghost, demon, or artifact), or some sort of magical infection (perhaps infecting a non-pony species that lacks magical resistance). Additionally, you could play with a darker soul-stealing method (either the whole soulf or portions relayed to free-thinking/originality) that leaves the bodies of the captured souls obedient or otherwise controlled. The last one is a bit beyond a mini boss, though.

Now, regarding the chapter specifically, I would suggest going more into the emotions behind breaking the residents' wills, such as the feeling of none of their friends noticing as he acts out their day (don't know if that'd actually work due to the strings, but it could also work in private, being forced to watch your body act as if it's normal to obey another), or the fear of the power held over you. I would like to say that completely breaking a pony would be harder if they knew about the situation and had hope for a rescue (though Angel could be playing along to a degree).

Also;

him walk alongside him

in the last paragraph should be "her walk alongside", and I would suggest saying "...strings, forcing her to walk alongside him as they left".


Sorry if this seems a bit ad-hoc; it's brought to you by my iPhone and an inability to sleep.

Great job, I'm really liking this. I've read a lot of hypno/mind control stories, but this is something completely original. And it's just the first villain. I'll be eagerly awaiting each new chapter; and don't worry about not having any clop. Personally, I prefer it clop-less anyways, having forced clop in there just for the sake of having it can really take away from a good story.

6331595 I like the idea of a zebra shaman, that would be a perfect opportunity to put in some vodoo MC-magic ;-)

Aha, so he doesn't actually have as deep of control as it looked at first, but rather (quite appropriately for a puppeteer, them being a sort of actor) he took direct control of Angel to create the illusion of perfect dominance. That's actually very clever of him!

I like the fact that this first villain is using sleight of hand to mislead his opponents and appear strong, when resistance is still clearly possible.

I-is that....? Is that who I think it is at the end?

Is the main villain Dream Searcher? Cause if so... This is gonna be fun.

Dang, it's over already? I was really hoping for more fun with Dancing Strings. Well, maybe he will get his chance later.
Btw, have you thought about writing some Bonus-chapters? You could make one for each arc that focuses not on story-progression, but instead solely on the mind-control.

Very interesting premise focusing on a specific re-occurring problem throughout the series. I wonder how the Elements will be viewed here, since their also one of these dangerous devices.

great chapter again, I hope Dancing Strings will come back soon.

6345868

That is probably who you think.

Without going into too much detail, Dream Searcher is going to feature heavily in this fic, but no. She's not the big bad. I assure you when the Big Bad does show up, you will know, even if they don't.


6345984

I've considered that; while all of the issues technically tie into the big plan, they're not all directly linked, Issue 2 is for my own amusement. I've also considered Side Stories that would throw Project Starburst against some familiar threats to the group.

6345991

The Elements of Harmony and the events of Magical Mystery Cure will be peripherally related to an issue.

6346533
Big Bad is Princess Twilight Sparkle! Almost certain. Almost

And so the first baddie is defeated! But he's just the first boss, I have no doubt that there are plenty more dangers lying ahead!

It's fun watching the main characters interact with each other. Very refreshing to see mind-controllers who don't use their powers to immediately subjugate everyone they can get their hooves on. Not my normal fare, but a nice change of pace.
:trollestia:

Dancing Strings has reminded me of this song:

See them dance to my tune,
hear them speak the words I say,
when I bid them to be happy,
they are happy to obey.
...
He is the Master of the Strings,
we serve the Master of the Strings,
LONG LIVE the Master of the Strings :pinkiecrazy:

Starlight Glimmer, "Why does no pony see that cutie marks are the ultimate brainwashing of all?"

6449811
:twilightsheepish: Starlight Glimmer, you used real brainwashing techniques. Cutie Marks aren't brainwashing.

A bit short, but very intriguing. Mass plant growth and possible hypnotic/sleep inducing flowers? Me thinks that there's a powerful earth pony behind this, or something even worse.

Confronting the villain in what appears to be favorable ground for them with no information? Not exactly a tactical genius, is she?

This fix is very entertaining, every chapter brings something new to the table, and while nothing is super fleshed out, rarely do you care because you're looking forward to the next adventure.

>Finds home base of plant dryad
>Attacks without plan or anything
>Plant dryad has enthralled ponies and can control plants

Wow. Absolutely brilliant. Five stars. Tactical mastermind right here.

(Although, to be fair, with Golden's bit of magic resistance it could help. Problem is she has Spiral with her)

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