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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A slow start, but I am intrigued...
quickmeme.com/img/29/29db411914f980415f23fad69311c356278a6ab55117f4e7d939da2a934d4c4a.jpg
5591483 As much as I want to, I can't just rush into the mind control because one of my biggest problems as a writer is writing too rushed and not having any build up.
5591513
Fair enough. The subject matter also doesn't entirely lend itself to rushing, either.
Leaving Blueblood in charge instead of Luna? Chances are Equestria will fall after five minutes of Tia being gone. Perhaps Luna could have him assassinated and make the world a better place.
I'm just disliking for the free hammer hitting.
also this sentence is so awkward as to spur me into pedantic correction mode;
Her last date; which was several years ago, ended in utter humiliation. The royal guards interrupting her every attempt at physical contact.
5591528
Or she can work secretly in the background.
5591529 I don't have an editor, and I've been trying to get one to no avail. I will happily correct my mistake.
5591528 That was only used for Comedy and whatnot, to be honest. And a bridge to the argument about corruption
5591534
Hey no problem I'll leave you alone, I've learnt a while ago not to sperg out and try and correct whole chapters; but with no editor you should relish anyone who points out the mistakes.
There could be a neat story here ; but i'll never read it because i'm far too distracted by all the errors.
5591544 I NEED AN EDITOR, please continue to edit this for me.
5591551
I'm not an editor, but I could do some looking through and finding glaring mistakes when I don't have work.
5591534
Give me a moment; i'll send you a message going over the first few paragraphs; fair warning It's easier to be a critic than a competent writer
Question. Is this a troll fic? Yes I'm serious.
5591676 No... this is legitimate.
EDIT: Would it get more likes if it was?
5591701
Kay, just asking you can't add it to OSF if it is.
It depends.
5591551 I would be glad to edit this for you full time, I have a ton of free time.
5591529
I see your incorrect correction and raise you one correct correction.
Her last date - which was several years ago - ended in utter humiliation. The royal guards interrupted her every attempt at physical contact.
A semicolon separates two independant clauses. "Which was several years ago, ended in utter humiliation" requires context and is therefore not independant.
The royal guards interrupting her every attempt at physical contact is not a complete thought, while changing interrupting to interrupted makes it one.
That is all.
5592002 Sweet! ^ Could you please edit this for me. I'll give you credit in the description. It would mean a lot.
5592004
I welcome corrections to my crappy corrections ; we can just ignore my comment and pretend you're giving the original bit a better correction.
A mere 3 people to write one sentence correctly.
5592071 LOL my stories often have that effect.
5592006 do you want me to review it on here or do u have a google doc?
5592164 I don't have google doc, could you just send me a PM?
You might want to consider adding the comedy tag. It would fit well in a world with 'Totalitarianism Monthly' and Blueblood being put in charge.
5592659 Already done. Although I will say that 14 dislikes is unsettling... WHERE'S MY HAMMER?
5592783 Hammer?
5592797 It's in the description:
LeBron James
5592939 Why?
5592951
5592963 The hypnosis will all be in the next chapter... please be patient.
5592981
who in the ungodly existence of Ray Comfort is down voting my extremely profound and concise comments
5592995 Noone
Prince Bluesnob's in charge?! Equestria is going to fall!
Best line ever.
Can't wait for the hypnosis to kick in.
hmmmm...Interesting...
5600779 Thank you.
5600783 I want to see a Luna version of this...hay I wanna do an RP where I'm the guy in the position of Obadiah.
5600799 Sure^^
5600802 Wait, sure to what? the RP? or what? if the RP, then send me a PM, and we can perhaps talk about alterations, such as of course, my OC taking Obediah's place as the hypnotist...and rather than Celestia...perhaps it's Luna, or another sexy mare...
Well, that was...anticlimactic.
5600907 What do you mean?
5600909
I mean Celestia is the most powerful force in Equestria, and he made her his in moments. Her resistance was minor, and dispelled with "You want this."
5600917 Well, it wasn't with a flick of the hoof. She expected it, she just failed to react. Still, it didn't happen all at once.
A bit fast on the induction, though I'm still intrigued as to where this will go.
5591483 1k words is slow? since when?....
5600789 if that's the case that's a shame then cause that's part of the comedy tag for this fic lol.....
5601225 you serious? celestia's being hypnotized in fics all the dang time.....
5605384
Huh. I mostly see her as the one doing it. What's another fic where Celestia's hypnotized?
5605511 you aren't the only one , check out my group it has many such fics , in fact op here added his story to it when he made it before i even knew about it.....
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/204480/celestia-gets-dominated
That was pretty interesting :) Keep up the great work and I'm looking forward to the next chapter
Aaaaah! I wish you could continue this!
5926405 Might give it a shot tonight. Since in a few weeks I won't be able to continue any of my stories at all.