• Published 7th Dec 2015
  • 6,527 Views, 85 Comments

In the Dark of the Night - dragonjek



Twilight heads off to negotiate the return of the bat pony tribes to Equestria, escorted by Indigo Zap. Lust at first sight rears its pretty head, and Zap does her best to make the oblivious Twilight want her in turn.

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She'll Be Mine

In the Dark of the Night

She’ll be Mine

“Bad news, Captain. Dawn approaches, but we won’t be able to set up a camp anytime soon.”

Indigo Zap frowned, her breath coming heavily from the exertion of the long night’s flight. “What do you mean, Sunny Flare? ‘Cause I don’t think anypony is going to be up for a longer flight.”

Especially not the ponies pulling the chariots. They were tough as Tartarus, but damn if dragging a vehicle around all night wouldn’t be exhausting.

The bizarrely named bat pony shook her head. “Just… just look. There’s no way we can touch down anywhere near here.”

The captain of the Shadowbolts sighed. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. She folded her wings, letting herself drop below cloud cover—

Then opened them up and scrambled back up as fast as she possibly could. As soon as she was out of sight from below, she dashed up to her cousin at the front of the group. “Shitty news, Lieutenant! There’s a hatchery of dragons below us!”

Waft Draft blanched. “Buck.”

“Sorry, but we’re related. I have to pass.”

“Would you shut up? This is serious!”

“I know that!” Indigo Zap shouted, glaring at him. “I was giving you an opportunity to come up with something! Do I seriously need to do everything myself?”

“You’re the captain.”

“And you want a recommendation for that promotion of yours! Ugh, nevermind, I already figured out what to do. I need to speak to the Princess.”

Not waiting for her cousin’s response, she slipped to the middle of the formation, where the Princess was trying work on some manner of paperwork without falling asleep. She alighted upon the back of the chariot.

The shifting weight caught Princess Twilight’s attention, and she turned around in response. Zap’s face must have been easy to read, because the Princess was frowning. Indigo Zap found that she didn’t like the look, and wanted Twilight to stop. “Is something wrong, Captain?”

Somewhat belatedly, Indigo Zap snapped out a salute. “I’m afraid so, Your Highness. We need to set up camp soon, but it looks like we’ve flown over an uncharted dragon hatchery.”

It took a moment for that to sink through, but her response was even more striking than Waft’s. “Oh, Celestia. If they see us, we’re all going to die.”

Zap swallowed. “Isn’t that a little… extreme?”

“Dragons don’t want anything that isn’t a dragon to know where they lay their eggs! If it weren’t for these clouds, every adult present would have already taken to the air.”

The idea of an entire swarm of dragons was already a frightening one, but Zap had no idea how much danger she’d just put everypony in by ducking beneath the clouds. Even she couldn’t hide the quaver that snuck into her voice after that. “I-I see. We can’t land, then.”

“No, definitely not,” Twilight said. “Just letting them see us would be too great a risk.”

That voice… that was entirely unlike what Indigo Zap had heard of her so far. The fear she had heard so clearly in Twilight’s voice had vanished—no, that wasn’t the right word. It had transformed. What had been shock and terror had become determination, and the intensity of the gaze on her face sent delicious chills down Indigo’s spine.

She could almost see the thoughts in the Princess’s head—not what they were, but the shape and focus of them. Watching the mental machine of Twilight’s mind was like watching crystal technomancy at work; she had no idea what was happening, but even without knowing what she was looking at the sense of activity was vibrant and alive and captivating.

Purple eyes met gold as Twilight stared at her. “Captain, you’re proficient at umbral magic, yes?”

Well duh. “I’m the most talented bat pony from the Canterlot Caverns, bar none.” Particularly when it came to sex, Princess. “But umbral magic is part of my special talent.”

“Excellent! I’m sorry, but I’ll need you to push yourself to your limits for me.”

Ooh, she liked the sound of that. “I was an athlete before I became a Shadowbolt, Your Highness! You don’t need to worry on that account.”

Twilight smiled at her. Her cute little fangs made Indigo Zap’s heart skip a beat. Why did it feel like the Princess suddenly felt closer to her? “That’s great! But please, just call me Twilight. I’ll need you to gather everypony together first; I need everypony close together so I can capture as many of them in the spell as possible.”

“A spell? What are you casting?”

“Just some magic to let everypony walk on clouds—and as importantly, to let us set solid objects like the chariots down on top of the clouds. We can’t afford to go to the ground.”

That was brilliant. Indigo Zap was so thankful that she was traveling with Twilight and not anypony else; how many ponies could just throw out cloud-walking spells out of nowhere? Although there was an issue, there. “But… Your Highness—”

Twilight smirked. Oh, Celestia! She should smirk more often! “Now I know how Celestia feels. Seriously though, Captain, just call me Twilight.”

Zap was blushing. Blushing. Her! Blushing! Since when did Indigo Zap blush? Thank Luna that her uniform covered her face. “Th-then you should call me by name too, Twilight. I’m Indigo Zap.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Zap!”

“L-likewise—but back to the point! If you’re casting the spell, what am I supposed to be doing with shadows?”

Forced smiles didn’t look pleasant on Twilight’s face. “Your squadron has twelve ponies, and the flight of the Night Guard adds another six. It’s taken a total of twenty ponies to pull all the chariots, and I have six aides. And that’s just the ponies—I have to support all the chariots, too.”

Indigo Zap tried to imagine using that much magic. Umbral magic didn’t involve spells, but just trying to pick up half of that—her eyes shrank to pinpricks. Nopony could do that.

“If I cast the spell on everypony individually, I’ll collapse near the end. I’ll need to apply it in groups so that nopony will get left out.”

“B-but Twilight, if you do that then you’ll…”

Twilight smiled. This one was decidedly more pleasant. “That’s why I have you here. My pegasus magic would normally support me, but if I run through my magic reserves devoting it to everypony else then I’ll fall through the clouds. I’m trusting you to support me if I can’t stay conscious, alright?”

“Of course! I won’t let anything happen to you, Twilight. And that’s a promise.”

“I’m glad. Just don’t wear yourself out, alright? We still have to travel tomorrow night.”

₪₪₪

Indigo Zap was stunned. Absolutely stunned. She had no idea how Twilight could possibly manage that much magic. She managed to layer the spell over all the dozens of ponies there and their equipment before she fell.

Of course, this ‘fall’ lasted a grand total of four inches before she was wrapped in shadow. Zap held her Princess close to her as she quietly shouted orders to the rest of the company, ordering them to roll up the corners of the cloud so as to keep a wayward flying dragon from coming across them and to ensure that nopony rolled over the side in their sleep.

Having had a history with sleepwalking, this was a legitimate worry.

But as the day fell upon them, Zap found herself unable to sleep. There was a crack in her confidence, an unthinkable flaw in a perfect pony. She knew she could maintain a shadow construct in her sleep, such as the one with which she now embraced Twilight’s body. But what if she made a mistake?

What if today was the day that she failed?

The idea terrified her like nothing ever had before. Sleep didn’t come to her that day, and frankly Zap didn’t try all that hard to find it.

They almost didn’t travel when night finally came ‘round. Twilight was barely able to drag herself to consciousness, and Indigo Zap didn’t trust her to stay on board the chariot if they tried to go flying again. But staying above a dragon hatchery was such an insane risk that they couldn’t possibly afford to stay.

Indigo Zap volunteered to remain on the chariot with her, and so in the early hours of the night she remained by her Princess’s side, propping her against Zap’s body so that she neither lay on the chariot floor nor was at risk of falling off. And maybe she ran her hooves through the Princess’s magical mane, but that was because Twilight Sparkle hadn’t really had time for brushing her hair. That’s all.

Really.

So, Indigo Zap wondered, if that’s how the night had progressed, then what the buck happened to turn that around?

Somehow, Twilight was now awake, and they were now in her tent. When had it turned to day? When had Zap shed her uniform? When did they leave the chariot?

When had her head ended up on Twilight’s lap?

No, seriously. Indigo Zap wanted to know. That was a memory she really wanted to have.

But when she asked Twilight—not so blatantly, of course—she was met with a giggle. “I’m just returning the favor!” Twilight said. She was laying down across the pillows they had set up as her bed, with Zap’s head resting against her flank. Was Twilight aware what this could be interpreted as? Zap had heard that she was pretty innocent, and she could certainly believe it.

“You must have worn yourself out yesterday, because by the time I woke up you had fallen asleep right beside me!”

A flash of fear widened Zap’s eyes. How could she have fallen asleep? She was staying up to protect Twilight! She wasn’t that irresponsible, was she?

Another giggle. “Don’t worry,” came her Princess’s low, reassuring voice. It was warm and comforting in her ear. “You kept me perfectly safe. So rest now, Zap. Let me take care of you for a bit.”

Oh. Well, when she put it that way, that sounded like a… pretty… good… i…dea…

₪₪₪

It was the following night that they arrived at the capital of Nightlorn Vale.

The ponies of the Vale were… odd. Tattoos weren’t common amongst ponies, but the dye the bat ponies of the Nightlorn tribes used actually glowed in the dark. Sure, bat ponies survived on fruit, but what was the point of flying at night when absolutely everything with eyes could see you? And almost everypony was absolutely covered in them.

Weird though they were, Twilight Sparkle didn’t seem to notice. Or perhaps it would be better to say that she had already accepted it—she answered what looked like a local, traditional greeting (some bizarre bowing and crossing of the wings) in the same manner as the bat pony oligarchs.

Unfortunately, that was when she disappeared into the conference room, with only a couple of those paperwork dummies and a grunt from the Night Guard as accompaniment.

Zap spent the next few hours being incredibly bored. The locals were nice, offered absolutely delicious food, and she was certain that only a few days ago she would have been happy to be there. But as it was, she could only mope about in Twilight-less agony.

After an eternity of waiting, her Princess emerged, visibly weary after spending all night conversing with the leaders of Nightlorn Vale. Zap was quick to return to her side, signaling to the rest of her Shadowbolts on duty to fall into formation around Twilight. “How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted. They act nice, but they have to be some of the stubbornest ponies I’ve ever met.”

Zap put a consoling hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “No progress, then?”

“Well, that depends on what you mean by progress. We haven’t even brought up the terms by which the tribes might rejoin Equestria, but we have determined that I am, indeed, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and am here to engage in diplomatic talks with them.”

Ouch. “That took six hours?”

Twilight groaned and trudged forwards. “Yes! Six hours, just for that! I see why Celestia suggested I not bring any of my friends from Ponyville. I hate to think about how long their lives would have been put on hold trying to get through this mess. If today’s anything to go by, I’m going to be here for weeks.”

Weeks! Indigo Zap couldn’t keep a smile off her face at the thought that she’d be spending weeks with Twilight.

“W-well, since you’re so tired, do you want to get some refreshments? There’s this stand with deep fried pomegranates and yogurt, and my squad says it’s absolutely delicious.”

Twilight gave a soft, tired smile and shook her head. “Sorry, but I don’t think I’m going to be good company right now. Maybe I’ll take you up on that tomorrow night, but for now I think I’ll just retire to the hotel, if that’s alright with you.”

She felt a pang of sadness that her offer was turned down, but the branch Twilight had extended for the next night soothed that away.

₪₪₪

“Now that you have a good grip on it, try to pull it down. No, don’t actually move it! Try to… hm… try to imagine that a direction exists that only you know about, and pull it that way.”

Twilight made a cute little grunt as she moved her hooves through the air. The motion wasn’t necessary, but at this early stage of her attempts at using umbral magic, they served as a good way to focus her attention.

A chair, suspended in darkness, floated in the air before them. But slowly, inch by inch, the chair began to drop into the shadows enveloping it, until at long last the furniture had disappeared entirely into the Princess’s shadow.

“I-I did it,” Twilight Sparkle breathed out. She sounded incredulous, and with good cause; she had been trying and failing to swallow an item into the umbra for two days already.

“Y-you did it,” Indigo Zap echoed quietly. She, too, sounded incredulous, and with good cause; Twilight had only been practicing swallowing an item into the umbra for two days!

Zap repeated herself in a shout, leaping onto Twilight to wrap her hooves around her. “That was amazing! I can’t believe you managed to do it so quickly!”

“Ahaha… you’re just saying that,” Twilight replied with a blush.

“No, I’m being serious! You’re a natural.” Her eyes narrowed as she poked her royal friend. “Especially if you compare this to your flying practice.”

Twilight blushed, her hoof scuffing the floor as she looked away. “I’ll have you know that I’ve gotten pretty good at flying by now!”

“Yeah, but not as a bat pony.”

Zap hadn’t let go, and Twilight hadn’t said anything. As far as she was concerned, that was a good sign, and meant that she could stay there. She adjusted her arms around her friend, settling in as best she could.

It had been three weeks since the talks had begun. Twilight had been quick to ask to learn umbral magic, although it had taken some quick talk on Zap’s part to convince Twilight that she should learn from Zap, instead of trying to go find a teacher from the locals.

Truthfully, she was sure that Twilight would try to go out and learn from one of the Nightlorn bat ponies anyways, to see if there were any special techniques unique to the area, but Zap had managed to convince her that she would have the best understanding if she started off learning the standard Equestrian bat pony approach to manipulating shadow.

She knew that Twilight would be a quick study, but she hadn’t been prepared for the voraciousness her dear Princess showed whenever presented with the opportunity to learn something. Zap had taken to working in other lessons in bat pony-hood into their meetings, just to be sure that she could draw out the lessons through the entire visit.

Every night she learned more about Twilight, and every day she wished she could know even more.

Diplomacy was a slow process, but her friend managed to make some progress each day, even if she complained about it to Zap as the nights drew to a close. Indigo Zap was proud that Twilight considered her close enough of a friend to be such a confidante, but…

But ‘friend’ just wasn’t enough. Zap wanted more. She held out, waiting for an opportunity to push their relationship beyond that, but the time never showed itself.

Of course it didn’t. The world didn’t arrange itself for her, she knew that. She knew there wasn’t such a thing as a ‘right time’ to confess, the same way she knew there wasn’t such a thing as love at first sight or a ‘one true love’.

But even knowing that, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything as the weeks passed, fooling herself into thinking that their gradually increasing closeness was enough for her.

It wasn’t! She didn’t want to become one of Twilight’s best friends, as wonderful though the position was. She wanted to be more.

But every once in a while the world gives a pony a break. The last day of their visit provided her with an opportunity, so long as she was willing to take it.

₪₪₪

Indigo Zap couldn’t pull her eyes away from Twilight’s mouth. The mango the fruit stand had sold was just too huge to get an easy grasp on, and the sweet liquid trailed down Twilight’s face to drip from the soft curve of her chin.

The soft suckling sounds she made as she tried to drain the fruit dry were just so damn erotic, it wasn’t fair. Zap was pretty sure she would have been arrested for public indecency if she had made the same noises.

Actually, that might have actually happened. Was that why she woke up in jail last Nightmare Night?

“Oh, Celestia, this is so good!” Twilight moaned. “What did you say these were again?”

“Mangos. You’ve seriously never had a mango before?”

“No, and I regret it so much.”

Zap put a wing about Twilight’s shoulders. “Don’t forget that we’ve still got more to do tonight! Their Midsummer Night’s Festival is supposed to be loaded with stuff.”

The bat ponies had already agreed to rejoin Equestria, but Twilight had elected to remain in Nightlorn Vale just a few nights longer to experience their supposedly renowned Midsummer Night’s Festival. Indigo Zap had never heard of it, but maybe Canterlot was just too far away.

Twilight made agreeing sounds as she ripped the now-shriveled fruit in half. “Want some? I think it’s too big for me to eat the whole thing.”

She accepted, shoving half of it into her mouth so she could pull her friend away from the table. Zap started explaining where they were going next (although the food in her mouth reduced it to incoherent mumbles, which Zap didn’t really care about).

“Where to now? The food was wonderful, and I just loved the opportunity to see the Nightlorn Vale’s traditional masked operetta!”

“That’s a secret~!”

Twilight groaned, but Indigo Zap had learned how to pick out the good-natured feeling behind it. “Fine then. Do with me as you will,” she replied, unaware of just how much danger that phrase put her virginity in.

Fortunately, Indigo Zap had more self-control than that.

She instead drew the unknowingly beautiful pony to the air, pushing and needling at Twilight until she had settled her Princess in at the top of one of the cliffs overlooking the vale.

“Will you tell me what this’s about, already? We’re going to miss the festival up here!”

“Do you ever stop asking questions?”

“No.”

Zap’s lips twitched up into a smile. “Well, ask them quietly, because you won’t enjoy this if you spend all your time talking.”

“Enjoy what?! Come on, just… tell… oh my…”

Her small smile burst into proud beaming as Twilight’s mouth snapped audibly shut. She had only seen some of the practice the week before, but she had known that if anything would really get to Twilight, it would be this.

The sky lit up with color, but it wasn’t magical in the least. Dozens upon dozens of the ponies of the Nightlorn Vale took to the air, all glowing in different colors as their tattoos shone in the moonless night. But this wasn’t the everynight mob of roving colors that populated the paths of the city.

Vast numbers of ponies swirled through the air in a great aerial dance, each pony a tracery of color painting the sky with their movement. Zap couldn’t tell whether the sky ballet looked more like an artist painting a canvas or a many-branched parade moving in three dimensions, but the explosion of color that filled the night sky put any static artwork or mundane dance to shame.

If her gasps were anything to go by, Twilight and her greater experience with the fine arts agreed.

Indigo Zap swallowed. “Hey, Twilight?”

This was a bad time. She should wait until the display was done. That would make the biggest impression, right? And then they could go have fun with the games down in town. Lovey-dovey couple stuff.

But like a silly filly, she hadn’t been able to contain herself. Considering her timing, she was frankly astonished when Twilight turned her attention away from the twirling fresco of ponies.

“Is something wrong, Zap? You sound nervous.” And as easily as that, her Princess turned away from one of the most beautiful things Zap had ever seen, just to ensure that she was alright.

“Not wrong, per say. Right is a better word… I hope.”

Twilight’s eyebrows could express sarcasm with remarkable clarity. “How descriptive.”

Zap laughed, rubbing at her mane as she tried to find the words that she had spent so long practicing. “Look, I… I just wanted to say that these last couple of months have been some of the most amazing of my life. Meeting you has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me.”

Her Princess flushed. Zap loved how easily embarrassment came to her cheeks. “O-oh. Well, thank you. I’ve enjoyed coming to know you, too.”

“But now that I’m faced with the fact that our trip is coming to a close—that you’ll go back to your castle and I’ll return to Canterlot…”

Twilight rested her hoof on Indigo Zap’s shoulder. “That doesn’t matter, Zap. As long as we keep caring about each other, distance is nothing more than an inconvenience.”

“You’re wrong!”

Twilight stumbled away from Zap’s shout, her eyes wide. She should be surprised—Zap certainly was. She thought this was the first time she had shouted at Twilight since they’d met.

“I have friends who live in other cities, and I have pegasi cousins in Cloudsdale. I know about keeping bonds up over long distances, but… but… hate the thought of actually living somewhere you don’t. I don’t want to wake up and not know if it’ll be hours or days or months until I can see your face again. I don’t want to bring home dinner and not wonder if you’re going to like it. I don’t want to have an entire life that doesn’t even intersect with yours!”

“W-what are you trying to say, Zap? You aren’t making much sense…”

Ugh! Why couldn’t she see what Zap was trying to say? “I want to live my life with you!”

“O-oh! Well, I’ll have to talk with Spike, but our castle is big enough that I’m certain we have enough space for a roommate—”

Nope nope nope. “For such a smart pony, you can be so stupid, Twilight!”

“Then what do you mean? I don’t get it!”

“I mean this, you beautiful idiot!”

And so Zap kissed her.

Twilight stiffened in her arms, not responding as Indigo Zap desperately tried to show her feelings with action, rather than words. But the other mare’s lack of response made Zap’s ears drop…

Until her Princess relaxed, and let her lips slip open.

₪₪₪

Luna beamed. “We are most pleased to hear of thy success! The representatives of Our wayward bat ponies arrived but a day before—ah, I apologize, my speech has once again regressed. The ponies of Nightlorn Vale arrived last night. You have done an admirable job, and if Celestia were awake I can assure you that she would agree.”

“Thank you, Luna,” Twilight murmured in response, her gaze slipping away from her fellow royal to follow a certain Shadowbolt as she disappeared down the hall. “Did you hear about the troubles we ran into on our way there?”

“The dragons? Certainly. It was most distressing, and I have already mandated that all maps be updated to include the new no-travel zone.”

“Well, as a result, I feel that I’ve… had my eyes opened for me. You, Celestia, and Cadance all have guards of your own; I think it would be prudent for me to have a bodyguard, at the very least.”

“Oh? This is most pleasing news! To speak in truth, we—by which I mean, myself and my sister—have begun to worry that your protections may not be sufficient. Not all dangers are best resolved via force, and not all forms of force may be equally applied. I shall draft up a list of suitable guardians at once!”

“No, no need for that, Luna! I’ve already got somepony in mind. You don’t mind if I take one of your Shadowbolts, do you?”

“… huh?”

₪₪₪

Author's Note:

This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I felt that splitting it into two parts felt... smoother, I suppose would be the best word.

Comments ( 71 )

Hell and silence, I can fight it, I can fight it

A good story. Thanks for the read, and break. :twilightsmile:

6709711
Innocence and sentiment,
Is owned by hope, it's where you're at,


6709838
I'm glad you enjoyed it! It was fun to write, too.

Sequel please:fluttercry: if not, u make more fluttercry

“Just some magic to let everypony walk on clouds...

Can't Bat-ponies walk on clouds ?

And here I thought I was the only one to think of the IndigoxTwilight thing, my friend and me call it Twizap for short XD

Cute story, very funny, at some point, Zap reminds me to Dash... Maybe the fact that those two tend to have a big mouth lol
Is there a chance this get another chapter? Or maybe a sequel? Another story with these two would be nice too :twilightsmile:

6710151
I might return to it someday, but at the moment I've got other stories in the works that I need to finish.

6710340
The bat ponies don't have weather magic like pegasi do; they've got shadow magic instead.

6710429 A.. ok, what other differents between the pegasus and bat-pony ?

6710419
I've got a love for obscure, unlikely pairings.
I'm afraid this won't be getting another chapter, and a sequel is only a distant possibility. However, I do have a story planned that features another TwiZap, but it isn't very high on my priority list.

6710442
Bat ponies can't fly as fast as pegasi, but they can be more maneuverable.

Because of the phalanges in their wings, bat ponies are capable of finer manipulation. The show shows us pegasi using their wings nearly like a pair of clumsy hands, but bat wings are supported with hand bones and are capable of very small adjustments that feathers can't do. This lets them catch more air with each wingbeat and is why, despite looking like they're flailing at the air, bats use less energy to fly than birds do.

Of course, both pegasi and bat ponies rely on magic to fly at all. Bat pones can also stand on ceilings. Although they're called "bat ponies", they don't actually have echolocation; their hearing is sharper than that of other ponies, however.

Bat ponies are nocturnal while pegasi are diurnal (although pegasi of the Night Guard adopt a different sleep cycle).

6710474 Woohoo! I'll give you a watch, s when you write it, I'll know then :3

And I am around the same line, most of my pairings, not just from MLP, are pairings that not so much people know, or like :)

Their fangs are going to get caught when they smooch... :rainbowlaugh:

*reads title*
*song gets stuck in head*
You bastard. :pinkiehappy:

Moar please

Welp, guess I ship this now.

Amusing and yet still very pleasant read. Great job :twilightsmile:

Interesting. Nice and fluffy without any nonsense reasons for drama.

Have an upwards pointing thumb.

Solid writing. The story was pretty good too. I actually liked that idea of Twilight taking on some draconic characteristics. I think you could build something epic from that if you're so inclined. The only thing that prevented me from enjoying the story fully was Indigo Zap. Really bad first impression. She just set somepony up just so she can tear her down in the bitchiest way possible. Ugh. :facehoof: I disliked her immensely. Too bad there wasn't enough time to redeem this character.

Other than that I'd give this a 7/10.

You know, I don't think I've yet read a single fic on this site where the same-gender advances are ever rejected. *shrugs*
-
Nice idea for the purpose behind the tattoos.

Ri2

6712152 No, just Alicorns since they embody all ponies.

I think the lack of redemption on the part of Indigo Zap, and the lack of consequences, really makes this story feel limp. I kept expecting Twilight to learn of how much of a bitch Indigo has been to the other ponies, for the whole thing to come back and bite her, but it never does.

6712263

Are you implying.... straight shipping?

OH.
MY.
LUNA.

*triggered*

*Migraine ends, turns on computer*
Before I check my notifications, let's see what's new on the--
*In the Dark of the Night in the Feature Box, 130 notifications left for me*

Oh. Oh, wow.
If I were any less dignified, I'd respond like a giddy, excited child. But I'm a reasonable adult, so you won't see that from me.

_________________________________________________________________________________________
6710749
Love that song so much.

6710801
?

6710916
Especially since poor Twilight isn't used to hers.
Ah, well. I'm sure that Indigo Zap is good at adapting to that sort of thing.

6711297
And here I thought that would be something to thank me for...

6711304
Sorry, but I'm not looking at continuing this any time soon. I do have another TwiZap (IndigoLight? What is the name of this ship?) planned out, but other works have higher priority.

6711396 6711451
I'm glad you enjoyed it!

6711422
:ajsmug:

6711444
Then I shall now bake my victory cake.

6711509
I had worried that I had kept it too simple, but this is reassuring. Thank you.
______________________________________________________________________________________

Like I said, completely dignified.
:trixieshiftleft:
:trixieshiftright:
i284.photobucket.com/albums/ll40/JazzEx022/131483703449.gif
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/433/124/7fa.png
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/2f/54/f8/2f54f81a5b233eba4214b44a04f55d6d.jpg
i.imgur.com/OykLe.gif

6710749

This is what popped into my head first

6711765
Now that you mention it, I may have gone a bit far in trying to keep her a jerk. Although I don't have any immediate plans for continuing this story, a dragon-influenced Twilight is an idea that's been on the backburners for a while.
Thanks for the rating

6711801
I've found it difficult to balance between not being descriptive enough, or being overly so to the point of being pedantic. Good to know I hit the mark this time!

6711941

wings changing in bone and composition

They changed into bat pony wings, flutterpony wings, changeling wings, and a few rare varieties of birds wings only seen in certain subraces of pegasi. Not penguin wings, though, although I desperately wanted to include them. I just can't find a reason for penguin pegasi other than to be as ridiculous as possible.

her horn twisting

I went ahead and decided that changelings were a type of pony; it also grew smooth and curved, as those who follow the same path of magic as Sombra end up transforming themselves into a whole new type of pony. It's actually a corruption of crystal pony magic--it's a chunk of living, symbiotic crystal imbedded into his skull. In my headcanon, at least.

gills sprouted along her neck

Seaponies, hippocampi, sirens, and merponies

her tail took new form

Most of the above have different tails. They also get the "classic" unicorn tail, which has evolved out of modern unicorns.

claws grew where hooves once were

Hrulgin from David Eddings Belgariad are a type of fanged, clawed, carnivorous mostly-horse; Hippogriffs also have claws/talons, as do hippalectryons.

these and other changes danced across her body

Her body turned crystalline (Cadance, despite only being at the first stage of alicornhood, can also do this), she grew taller from the influence of the desert ponies of Saddle Arabia, grew a carapace, grew scales, lost all her teeth, grew a beak, grew her teeth back as fangs, grew antennae, and so on.

silence to cover sensitive ears that shouldn’t be exposed to a bustling city so soon

Bat pony

more water to put out her flaming mane

That's actually just Twilight.

an apple as her tail grew a mouth and tried to bite the floor

A race of ponies partially inspired by the futakuchi-onna of Japanese mythology. These ponies eat via their mane and tail, don't have face-mouths, and have psychic powers. They freak other ponies out, so they mostly stick to themselves in tiny villages in hidden places. I imagine them being the accidental origin of the slenderpony stories.

Those are just the ones I thought of, though. I could pull more pony races from Ponyfinder if I took a moment for it, or just imagine some of the top of my head.

6712152
Nope. Just alicorns. Being the embodiments of ponykind keeps them "up to date", as it were. And they don't manifest all the traits at once (seriously, they'd look like horrifying monsters!), so stick to the most widely accepted earth pony/pegasus/unicorn combo.

6712263
I have, but no more than three. When a game's/show's/book's main characters are almost entirely one gender, you get a massive amount of homosexual fanwork even if the ones making it don't normally go for that. Harry Potter? I don't want to read about Hermione and Ginny. Naruto? Hinata and Sakura stories aren't my cup of tea. But go to Puella Magi Madoka Magica fansites, and I'll just sit there reading about Sayaka and Kyoko for hours.

6712660
I see your point. I could have extended the story to cover that confrontation.

6712898
Then you have more class than I do.
Thanks for the song, btw.

6712900
But... but then she'd live through the fire. And that'd be awful. I mean, then she'd be stuck with Fruit Fluff.

6713062
The cost of treatment for broken nuzzles from facehoofs adds up. By the time Twilight figured out something was going on, she'd paid a few times over.

Not bad, not bad.

You made a nice little gem here, really.

~Skeeter The Lurker

6712867 I was thanking you. Surely you noticed the ":pinkiehappy:"?

Evil will find her~
In the dark of the night just before dawn~

It crash ended a bit, but was still enjoyable.

Comment posted by TheStoryMaker deleted Dec 9th, 2015

6712660
No, I'm not implying anything. I'm stating. To re-iterate: to my recollection, I've never read a fic where one character is gay (of either gender) for another, and after going through the effort of befriending them, confesses their feelings, and is shot down when the object of their affections is in fact, NOT interested in pursuing that kind of relationship with another of their own sex. It'd make a good tragedy fic.

6715260 thats not tragedy. Its a statistic.

6713217 6713236
I'm glad you enjoyed it!

6713246
I did, but misinterpreted the meaning of the smile. I thought it was a "no, it's fine" smile, not a "whoo, I've got that song in my head again!" smile.

6713881
'Revenge will be sweet,
When the curse is complete!
In the dark of the night,
She'll be gone!"

6714220
I had some difficulties with the confession scene, yeah.

6714899
Thanks! I always wished that the Shadowbolts would show up again as an actually group--it was nice to slip them in as a sports team in the movie, but just not enough, I felt. And Indigo Zap needs more love. As for the various pony types influencing here, I describe a lot in this 6713075 post. I completely forgot about the longma, though--I think Spike being the origin of them is a good idea, though.

6714953
Thanks.

6715260 6715707
Oh? While simple rejection isn't tragedy, what this does to the friendship between the characters and the possible fallout of this failed confession would certainly make for an excellent basis for a tragic story. Tragedies aren't formed of sad things happening, of but character flaws; while being gay certainly doesn't count, the reactions of each side afterwards would be an opportunity for their flaws to be exploited to devastating effect.

6715746
Well, when you have a shared reverence for Day and Night, and happen to be squarely in the middle of the two, it's kind of hard to be appreciative of both at once without coming off as sort of egotistical. She'd be horribly embarrassed if you brought that up.
Completely intentional on my part, though.

6715802
Thank you! World-building is one of my favorite parts of writing.

Really nice story, the world building certanly gave a sense of grandeur,like this was just a small story within the world, really looking forward to some Luna and the night watch fighting the terrors of the night :pinkiehappy:

Congrats on getting this featured here have a Fluttershy :yay:

BRD

6710749 I Was thinking the same thing.

I swear to Raptor Jesus that if you don't have more of this on my desk upon the morrow, I shall have him smite you down and eat your succulent babies, ensuring your rejection from the Velocirapture.

6716804
I might have to include that in a future story. You're right, that is too good an opportunity to pass up.

6716909
Thanks!

6717272
:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:

6717788
It just goes to show that you both have great taste in music.
That is to say, the same tastes as me.

6718157
:fluttershysad:
I... I can't work that fast...
Take them. Just... do it fast, ok? Don't drag it out.
ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/91Ie8VpxvJL._SY550_.jpg

Please, keep writing.
I'm a fan.

6718950
I intend to. Glad to have you!

A very strong, cute story with great worldbulding. :twilightsmile:
I'm a little concerned about Zap's cruelty at the beginning going totally unaddressed, though.
How would Twilight feel if she found out her new marefriend got off on brutally hurting other ponies? :twilightangry2:

I reviewed this story!

My review can be found here.

Cute as hell, and all around a lovely story.

But a liiiiitle part of me was expecting Twilight to answer the "I want to live my life with you" with an "I'd Rather die in a fire" and a smile...

6719043
Have a long, guilt-inducing talk about it?


6719482
Pretty much. Keeping the eyelids was a conscious decision, though--she found them when she was trying to "fine tune" herself in the process of coming into her full power again after her return.

6719582
I find it immensely amusing that my most well-received story is also the one with the worst reviews.
Thank you for pointing out the flaws in it. Hopefully I can avoid them in my future attempts at the genre.

6719664
More horse words? Alright. More of these horse words? Sorry, but I'm not planning on continuing this anytime soon.

6719885
derpicdn.net/img/2013/2/19/248401/full.gif
33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0pp4owsDd1qjlunc.gif
orig05.deviantart.net/810d/f/2012/112/6/6/tastes_like_science_animated_by_keanno-d4x5qjp.gif
I'm not certain how they combine, but that mix of images was intended to convey the message that you just produced the best idea ever.

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