Read It Now Reviews #64 – Why Can’t I Be Your Rara?, In the Dark of the Night, The Trial of Fluttershy Flutters, I Was Nothing, For the Birds · 10:11pm Dec 10th, 2015
I’ve been remiss in doing reviews (and reading ponyfics, for that matter), and I figured I’d change that today. I actually have two sets of these ready – both this, and a Read It Later set that I’ll be posting tomorrow. Hopefully, all of this reading will encourage me to get some more writing done of my own.
Today’s stories:
Why Can’t I Be Your Rara? by Oroboro
In the Dark of the Night by Dragonjek
The Trial of Fluttershy Flutters by Masterweaver
I Was Nothing by ROBCakeran53
For the Birds by Pascoite
Why Can’t I Be Your Rara?
by Oroboro
Drama, Slice of Life
2,734 wordsRarity can see it clearly.
The way Applejack laughs around Coloratura, the way she smiles. The way Coloratura hangs on Applejack's every word, the way her eyes light up whenever they glance at each other.
Friends since fillyhood, Applejack and Coloratura share a relationship deeper and more special than most ponies will ever know.
But Rarity and Applejack were fillyhood friends too. Shouldn't that be just as special?
Why I added it: Rarity being jealous over Applejack’s attention? Sign me up!
Review
Rarity is jealous of Coloratura. But it isn’t because Coloratura is a famous, glamourous superstar – no, it is because Applejack is so close to Rara. But Rarity was her childhood friend as well! They both grew up in Ponyville! Why wasn’t she AJ’s Rara?
On the one hand, the idea of Rarity being jealous over Applejack and Coloratura’s closeness is an interesting one – Rara managed to be a rich, famous, glamorous pony, and yet Applejack still feels close to her, while Rarity had to struggle to overcome a lot of barriers between her and Applejack before they really became friends. It is an interesting contrast, though it is also possible that Rarity is discounting the fact that Applejack, having become acclimated to Rarity, didn’t have the same barriers in place as she used to. And it is an interesting axis of character exploration.
That being said, this story, while it set up an interesting premise, didn’t really end up selling itself too well to me at the end – it all felt like it got wrapped up too neatly by the final scene, without really addressing the core problem, which was that Rarity felt like Applejack was closer to Coloratura than she was to herself, despite them having spent much more time together.
Still, I thought it was an interesting piece on the whole, even if the ending was a little trite.
Recommendation: Worth Reading, but don’t expect a terribly satisfying conclusion.
In the Dark of the Night
by dragonjek
Sex, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Romance
8,358 wordsOnly a small number of bat ponies remained in Equestria after the disaster of Nightmare Moon. The majority fled, not trusting the nation after being betrayed by their own Princess. But with Luna's thousand year exile having come to a close, it is time for them to rejoin the fold, and no pony is better suited for negotiating that task than the Princess of Friendship herself.
However, when the captain of your escort is Indigo Zap, who suffers from a severe case of Lust At First Sight, and has an ego to put Rainbow Dash's to shame, things get a little more complicated than merely healing millennium-long tensions.
Why I added it: The Royal Guard queue.
Review
Twilight is off to do diplomacy with a tribe of bat ponies who long ago broke off from Equestria after Luna TWISTED THEM INTO HORRIBLE MONST-er, I mean, gave them bat wings. And so, for the purposes of the expedition, Celestia and Luna turn Twilight into a bat pony.
Who then promptly gets crushed on by Indigo Zap, a Shadowbolt who seems to have nothing but sex and ego on her mind. Indigo Zap wants to get Twilight’s attention, but how?
Unfortunately, this story suffered from a few major issues which made it really hard for me to get into it.
First off, the premise of the story is that Twilight is turned into a batpony alicorn, but this is only made use of in a single scene. Given how much is put into her transformation up front, this feels pretty pointless – it doesn’t really feel like it adds a whole lot to the story, or was really all that necessary of an inclusion, as the scene of Indigo Zap bonding with Twilight by teaching her batpony magic would have worked just as well regardless.
The second problem is that Indigo Zap herself is a non-entity. Her character traits consist of being a sexy tease, having a crush on Twilight, and having a big ego. And… that’s it. There is nothing else to her as a person, so I have little reason to actually care that she succeeds in her quest to bang date Twilight. Indeed, there is little else to the story but Indigo Zap’s crush on Twilight, with the entire story bent around that, making it feel a bit unnatural simply because it felt like there was a void around things. Nothing else really mattered other than their interactions, and consequently, the entire world felt warped around the ship, making me hard to take it seriously. While romance stories frequently focus on two characters, here it felt too much like Indigo Zap didn’t really exist outside of the context of the story being presented, and even Twilight’s own actions felt kind of superficial in many regards.
I was also rather put off by this bit of dialogue at the start of the second chapter, which pulled me out of the story just as it was trying to settle in for me:
Then opened them up and scrambled back up as fast as she possibly could. As soon as she was out of sight from below, she dashed up to her cousin at the front of the group. “Shitty news, Lieutenant! There’s a hatchery of dragons below us!”
Waft Draft blanched. “Buck.”
All in all, I was just left feeling like I’d spent over 8,000 words reading something that didn’t really connect with me, about a character I never really came to care about, or even really know as a person.
One final note: despite its tags, this story was not a comedy. While Indigo Zap’s introduction is comedic, there is little comedy otherwise, only the sort of incidental kind found in other stories.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
The Trial of Fluttershy Flutters
by Masterweaver
Comedy, Thriller
2,757 wordsThe law exists to protect Equestrian citizens, and must be enacted in a fair and even manner. Prince Blueblood knows this; he's accepted punishment for his numerous minor disturbances of the Equestrian legal system, without ever trying to slip out of it.
Fluttershy is in violation the law. Ergo, she must be brought to justice. That's just logic.
Now if only he can get the captain of the guard and his annoyingly lackidasial aunt to cooperate...
Why I added it: I’m an admin of the “X becomes a changeling” group.
Review
Fluttershy Flutters, changeling, is on trial for:
"...unlicensed usage of mental magic, using mental magic on subjects without their awareness, magical unbalancing of subjects via forced extraction of emotional essence, unlawful impersonation of a pony, falsification of medical records, falsification of civilian records, unregistered immigration, collaboration with an armed enemy force, utilization of Equestrian governmental property for own purposes, and... housing dangerous species without obtaining a permit, apparently."
Prince Blueblood WILL get a conviction. There is no way she can weasel out of all of those charges.
Well, unless Princess Celestia and Shining Armor bring up a lot of technicalities…
While this was theoretically funny, to be honest, it never actually made me laugh. It made me smile a bit at a couple points, but it felt like it was just the same thing over and over again – charge brought up, something brought up to point out that what she did was either not technically illegal or is more complicated than it seems, blah blah blah – but it wore thin after a while, and some of the excuses (particularly the Pink Pony defense) were pretty thin on the ground, and not nearly funny enough to make up for it.
On the whole, I wanted to like this, but I never actually ended up doing so.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
I Was Nothing
by ROBCakeran53
Alternate Universe, Slice of Life, Tragedy
2,057 wordsI am the greatest and most powerful unicorn that ever lived.
Why I added it: Season 5 finale reaction story.
Review
Trixie contemplates how she turned the world to nothing but ash, and how there is nothing left – and what that means for her, personally.
I never really got into this; I liked the idea, but I just never emotionally connected with it. In the end, you might say I was left feeling nothing.
More seriously, while Trixie has a lot of pathos here, I feel like I’ve seen similar stories before, and this didn’t really seem to add a whole lot to the pathos of the villain who won and destroyed everything and realized that it was all stupid and pointless. It didn’t really feel like it added a whole lot to the genre, so it was hard for me to really end up caring all that much for someone who didn’t even care about themselves.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
For the Birds
by Pascoite
Slice of Life
1,400 wordsMusic has a language all its own, but apparently not a universal one. Especially not to those birds outside.
Why I added it: Pascoite is a good writer.
Review
Octavia tries to play birdsong back to the birds on her cello, with unintended consequences.
This is a slightly silly slice-of-life piece, and it is one of those slice of life pieces which has a very loose plot and is about a very mundane, everyday sort of thing that might happen. It is very low stakes and mildly amusing, but while it was alright, it wasn’t really something that I’d go out of my way to read – while the ending made me chuckle a little, the rest of the story ended up feeling kind of dull to me, as I didn’t really care much about what Octavia was doing, and didn’t really feel like I had any real reason to do so.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Summary
Why Can’t I Be Your Rara? by Oroboro
Worth Reading
In the Dark of the Night by Dragonjek
Not Recommended
The Trial of Fluttershy Flutters by Masterweaver
Not Recommended
I Was Nothing by ROBCakeran53
Not Recommended
For the Birds by Pascoite
Not Recommended
Now to throw myself at a story. Until next time, folks.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 97
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 388
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 1741
Another example of the dangers of the Feature Box, I suppose.
3609057
TD reading your story is a small price for fame!
3609057
Incidentally, was that your first story that got featured? If so, congrats!
You do know what The Album is, right? Criticizing an entry from that for being low-stakes is like criticizing a musical because it has all that singing. You may not like it, but it is exactly what it's supposed to be. One of the rules is that if the story has an arc to it, makes a point, or has a message, it will be rejected. They're supposed to be pleasant little snapshots of daily life, nothing but a momentary glimpse of the character.
3609074
Yep! I've been in the Popular Box before, but this was my first time crossing that sacred boundary into the Feature Box.
3609340
I have absolutely no idea what the Album is, so, no.
That said, I wasn't terribly engrossed by the story, regardless of its purpose/intent. I figured it was supposed to be low-stakes as it was a pure slice-of-life piece, and many of them are. As I believe I have noted previously, I generally am fairly ambivalent about a lot of "true" slice of life pieces.
Having only read The Trial of Fluttershy Flutters and I Was Nothing I can only share my opinion of them...
I thought the first was fun for what it was: a little fun story about BB getting his antagonistic (within the limits of the legal system) butt owned over something he seemed to be doing mostly out of boredom.
And the second... well, I'll be honest, I thought the very beginning was a bit tedious, but the moments where Trixie starts to realize what she's really become are fairly intense imo. I think I would have liked to read a more involved slice of that life, so to speak. I would have liked some interaction w/Twilight, but I think that would have ruined the purpose of the story.
3609340
Count me as someone else who doesn't know what "The Album" is. I actually enjoyed the story, but if there was supposed to be an indication that it was anything other than a completely ordinary story, I missed it.
Another bad bunch? Got to give you credit for putting up with these, knowing most of them won't be worth it.
I'd say the Trial of Fluttershy Flutters one is pretty good, actually.
3610315
TD's tastes are a lot more stringent than most for what qualifies as good.