Lyra's Cozy
Bon Bon hit the snooze alarm on her clock. It was Tuesday, and the candy shop was always slow that day. She could afford a few more minutes of sleep. A sound plan, but it was ruined when her roommate bounded into the room.
“IT’S HERE! IT’S HERE! OH MY GOSH! IT’S HERE!!” Lyra jumped on the bed.
“What?! What’s here?!”
“My crate! My great crate! It just arrived from overseas!” Lyra grabbed her cream-colored roommate by the ear and led her downstairs. There a large wooden crate took up the whole living room. With a forceful ramming of her horn, Lyra pried the top of the box off and hurled it into the corner.
Bon Bon stepped forward slowly, as there could be anything in that box. Anything. She peared up and into the box to reveal hundreds of small, plush reproductions of Lyra, complete with her mint colored coat and cutie mark.
“You made stuffed plushies of yourself?!”
“What? No! That would be just plain silly!” She grabbed on of the little Lyras and revealed that there was a hole in the back, below the tail. “They are oven mitts!”
At that moment, Bon Bon didn’t want to press the fake Lyras against scalding hot iron. She wanted to press the REAL Lyra against the scalding hot iron.
“You spent the rent money on this?!” Bon Bon tried desperately to calm herself.
There was a procedure for dealing with Lyra bombs. She had been through this before, just the previous week. And the week before that; and the week before that. The solution was a long walk to clear one’s head, then a strong cup of coffee and a little distance between her and the problem. Later, with her blood pressure closer to normal levels, she would attack the problem with a fresh perspective.
“I’m leaving! You can open the store today!” With that, the earth pony slammed the door.
Bon Bon’s bad mood could not deflate Lyra’s good one. “She’ll see! These things will be the toast of the town.”
* * *
Lyra had set up a display for her Lyra Mitts next to the cash register. She had lovingly stacked them into a small pyramid. “Ou! This is going to be so awesome!”
Hours passed.
It’s true that Tuesday was slow, but today was an extreme example. Eventually a customer came in. It was Big Mcintosh. At first it appeared he was just here for a supply of lemon drops, as per usual, but something happened. When Big Mac saw the Lyra Cozy, he started drifting towards it. He was intrigued at first, but when he saw the hole in the back, he bought it instantly.
* * *
Bon Bon stepped into the store. She had been gone the whole day. It had taken that long to calm herself down. She trusted Lyra to at least mind the counter for a full day. When she got back it would be time to close up.
She entered the door to her candy shop. Lyra was there, smiling.
“That’s odd. I thought it would be raining.” said Lyra.
“Why would you think that?”
“Well, it’s just that a lot of the stallions that have coming in her wearing trenchcoats. Come to think of it, it’s a lot warmer than I would have thought. They all had scarfs to, pulled up over their faces.”
“That’s odd indeed. I was just at the community bulletin board and I didn’t see any posts about rain today.”
Bon Bon stepped inside her candy store. “Wow, you actually sold some of those ridiculous dolls!”
Lyra was smug. “Of course! They are the toast of the town.”
“Well, it’s getting to be sunset. No reason to keep the store open. I’ll close up shop.” But she could not. No sooner had she gotten to the door did she see a line around the block, all of adult stallions wearing trenchcoats.
* * *
It continued on like this for several weeks. A few would sell along with the candy, but every night a line of stallions would line up like clockwork to buy them. They all seemed very unskilled at making eye contact.
Lyra could not be happier. This was the first one of her ideas in a long time that had landed and she beamed with pride every time she made a sale.
One day, Snipps the schoolpony came in, looking as red as an apple.
“I know I’m just a small schoolpony, but could I please buy one of your magnificent Lyra Cozies?”
“Of course. All are welcome!” cheered Lyra.
“Oh, thank Celestia! Finally a cure for all those lonely, cold nights.”
“Yay! I’m helping!” Lyra gave snips his Lyra Cozy.
“Um, pardon me, but could you put that in a nondescript paper bag for me to carry?”
Lyra was puzzled. “Alright, if you want.”
* *
Bon Bon looked on in puzzlement. What was the secret? Why were those oven mitts so popular? And with stallions? Many of whom were bachelors and Bon Bon knew for a fact that they didn’t cook.
She would have pondered this further, but the eggtimer rang. “Time to stuff the puffs!” Bon Bon took the tray out of the oven. A dozen cream puffs were done puffing, and now were ready to be stuffed with cream. She filled her cream bag and opened the nozzle. She shoved the nozzle into the first puff, then squeezed the bag, injecting the pastry with a load of hot sweet cream. She then moved on to the next.
After repeating this process a few times, a thought occurred to her. She looked up to the Lyra Cozies on the counter. She looked intently at the hole in the back.
She looked at the puff.
Then at the hole in the back of the Lyra Cozy.
Then at the puff.
Then the Cozy.
An epiphany hit Bon Bon like a bolt of lightning. Waves of horrifying images entered her pure little mind. She stood there, frozen. She had dropped her cream bag.
What was there to do? How could she break Lyra’s heart? How could she go on like this keeping such a secret? It was clear the truth had to be told. She walked over to Lyra.
Lyra was sitting behind the counter bopping back and forth, singing to herself. Before Bon Bon could muster the courage to say anything, Lyra lunged forward and gave the earth pony a big hug. “Oh, Bon Bon, I’m so happy! One of my ideas finally worked! Are you happy?”
Caught off guard, the earth pony didn’t know what to say. “Uh, sure. Sure I’m happy. You worked really hard on those.”
“Oh, thank you!” Lyra danced about the room. “Oh, I’m sorry. Was there something you wanted to say?”
Bon Bon looked up at those happy unicorn eyes and just couldn’t bring herself to say what she had intended. “Um, well, it’s just that the Cozies are distracting from the candy. And we really have sold about all we can in this small town. I think it’s time to give up selling them.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve already ordered a crate of my next big idea!”
Bon Bon shuddered. “And what might that be?”
She pulled out a prototype. It was long and thick and about the size of a stirring spoon. It was made of silicone, molded to look like Bon Bon. “It’s my official Bon Bon stirring stick!”
Lyra flipped a switch on the end of the device. “See? They vibrate so the mixing goes faster!”
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this is both freaking retarded and amazingly brilliant at th' same time.
What's up with all the "Wet dream" Fics popping up recently? Jesum crow, It's enough we had one wierd 63 fic up in the feature box, but really? more?
Nothing on you, mr. Author, but really, this is literally the fifth one today. I feel like once one person gets a fic out, someone else has to copy the style.
ive seen the plush you are talking about, dont jizz in it, cuz it may damage the felt
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I don't know what else to say.
678157 It's a fad that was started a day or two ago.
678173 Well, it's getting old. Real quick.
It's like those Dashie fics, or whatever else you wanna call popular. I mean, come ON, cant people stop trying to "Put a spin" on something, and try their hands on something original?
I dont know, but it seems to be the same thing with random fics too, each one posted get immediate thumbs up like nobody's business. Off topic, sure, but seriously, things like spin-offs and random fics getting the feature box, man. Fucked up.
Also, yes I know most "random" fics are "Original" But most of the material, I've seen before, and the one in featured Are way to overated. I guess this is what emotions one harbors when you see talent like this fall between the ass crack of fiction society.
And I guess, if you're about to ask if I'm jealous or something about the featured box. Just seems like I put my heart into my own fic to have nobody flip a fuck on it. I'm just not getting enough views, I swear.
Is it me, or are both these fads getting annoying?
678202 Most fads are annoying.
678210 Well, one can only hope it ceases. Something tells me "No."
Oh well, might as well write some more and update my fic for what little a audience I accumulated.
I approve of this.
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678202
Most writers vouch for the 'unoriginal' notion to grab some quick fame.
First of all; I don't want to know about your private life and kinks. That's gross. Ew.
Second of all; Reel down on the pace. You're going by faster than the dialogue on a Speed Racer cartoon.
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Yeah. Like that.
678239 eeyup. Well, it's getting old. As stated.
Seriously, why cant people just slow down, take their time, and not make a mess.
678243 Amen brotha.
There's even fics about this plushie....why?
And I didn't need to know about the wet dreams you had....really I didn't.
Waaaaaaaaaaaat
That was... unigue.
"...series of wet dreams (everyday for five months in a row)..."
By Luna's mane, if this is a FimFic group that keeps doing these stories I'm going to rip out my own trachea.
*Sigh*
The first fic like this was fine. The second one was WTF and now there's a third one. But you know what, after having read it, this really is freaking funny, and I am going to fav this.
-
I've seen the plush you're talking about, and I've also seen several funny edited pics of it. That plushie has become a meme. I first saw it two days ago. It's like how the Sonic vs Mario fad was.
Let the parodies...
BEGIN!
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Seriously though, I cried with laughter when I first saw that Lyra plushie, and I'm crying with laughter again. That last part.
Okay immature me, stop it!
Poor Lyra...
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Oh my!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_OMG_LOVE.png
Oh Lyra dear... let me use your latest creation on you and I'll show what mares will do with it.
FYI, stallions are doing the exact same thing to your your cozy as I'll be doing to you...
I don't know what I think. I for one saw the plushies on the purchase website. They kind of need a little more work and without the 'special feature' at the back.
But what I do know is I want this awesome story to have a continuation with the BonBon stirring stick.
HAHAHAHA! DAT ENDING!
She has no clue 
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Lol the Lyra has no idea!
this is one of the most amazing things that i have ever read
Nise. Verra nise.
1468552
That is an awesome mitt, dude!
It's funny, this whole story starts out innocent and even when it gets to the dirty part of the chapter, Lyra still makes it rather innocent since she can't quite connect all the dots, which does make it funny.
Granted I didn't find it bust a gut laughing since I saw where the story was heading, but it is amusing and the idea of Lyra making a bunch of Lyra oven mitts is actually pretty cute to visualize.
Though I think you might have been pushing it with the spoon at the end. I mean the mits were kind of subtle in the sex implications, but a vibrating spoon, that's a little too obvious even for Lyra to be oblivious to.
But that's just me.
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Not Bad